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Reminds me of http://codeoffsets.com/

I truly regret every line of Perl I ever wrote

Have you at least purchased Bad Code Offsets? Sounds like you could use them.

And ask him what you can do to improve yourself? Do so in a way that gives him work to do in correcting you. But either way...offer to buy bad code offsets

You can always learn, and the world can always stand to benefit from more people offsetting their Bad Code.

The fine folks at CodeOffsets.com will donate to PostgreSQL if you so designate.

From the FAQ:

The Alliance for Code Excellence wants to help in its own small way. The $500 Good Code Grant could provide the one small spark that might ignite some bright idea gnawing at some developer somewhere. That idea, once enabled, could shine the light of code excellence around the worldwide code base.

Tell us about your current free and open source project or your idea for a new free and open source project. Be sure to describe how your idea or project decreases the propagation of bad code as it increases the excellence of the worldwide code base. Finally, let us know how you think that $500 grant will help your project blossom as it aligns with our vision for the future.

Well that won't do!

Bad lines of code are worth $0.50 each. If good lines of code are worth 5 times as much as bad lines of code, then good lines are worth $2.50 each.

From the "Bad Code FAQ":

Offsetting bad code also provides a salve to your conscience.

I wonder how that line would go over in a project plan? Nowhere in the FAQ does it ever mention actually removing or fixing the Bad Code for which they are willing to sell an Offset. Ironically, if they advocated, promoted, and actually assisted in that effort, their market for Bad Code Offsets would diminish. This smells like something that would have been pitched to the VC's back in the mid-90s as a means of generating revenue until a real product was ready.