Slashdot Mirror

Apple is reportedly close to launching its long-rumored ____. It could be Apple's latest billion-dollar jackpot.

Analyst speculation says the ___ will be launched in September and be in the shops by Christmas. A new mention of the ___ crops up on Twitter around every eight minutes.

The ___ is rumoured to be any size and scale between the iPod Shuffle and the Macintosh IIfx. Some have described the ___ as a "___-killer." Analyst speculation suggests the ___ will use a fantastic new interface. "It will be a whole new paradigm," said Apple blogger Leander Kahney.

Expectations flared when technology research analysts noted that Taiwanese suppliers had received orders from an unknown buyer for a particular obscure component to be filled by the end of the year. "The only possible conclusion is that Apple will launch a ___ by early next year," said Kahney. "They've been working on the ___ for the past six years. People expect it to be the ultimate Apple surprise. This thing will knock people's socks off."

Apple has refused to comment on the ___ speculation. But Tim Cook, its chief operating officer, recently hinted that the company was working on something "very innovative." Steve Jobs is thought to have been personally involved in the development of the ___ over the past two years.

Daniel Eran Dilger noted on roughlydrafted.com that the ___ would need to be fueled on pain, angst, the destruction of the ecology, the torture of kittens and the tears of widows and orphans, but put together a devastatingly convincing and very lengthy explanation as to why Apple's actions were the only humanly acceptable option for the consumer, the technology industry and the future of humanity, and that Jobs' Nobel Peace Prize was ridiculously overdue. And that all problems were clearly Microsoft's fault.

Following one of the biggest battles in the history of the UK Singles Chart, Sony BMG have beaten Sony BMG to achieve the UK's official Christmas number one.

Artists signed to the label have taken the festive top spot for four years in a row. A Facebook campaign backing the record company aimed to stop another song on the label reaching the Christmas number one spot once again.

Sony BMG-signed guitarist Tom Morello said the campaign had "tapped into the silent majority of the people in the UK who are tired of being spoon-fed one schmaltzy ballad after another" and who can now buy a vastly superior download of insubstantial computerised bits and bytes from the same company. "They're taking a stand against mindless music by buying it like they were told to."

He said their victory looked back to such great Sony BMG artists as the Clash, as opposed to those EMI sellouts the Sex Pistols. "It's like when Bill Clinton got to the White House and they played Fleetwood Mac. It said 'We've made it.' Man. The young people of today must be so excited!"

Meanwhile, free downloads continued to increase in line with Moore's Law and the growth of live music as opposed to canned. Sony BMG's victory remained news for almost three hours before this week's inexplicable second-string celebrity heart attack took over Twitter and everyone proclaimed how they'd always loved whoever it was. Simon Cowell has tipped Finland's Lordi as hot prospects for next year's X-Factor. Next year's Facebook campaign will be to get this year's Joe McElderry single to number one.