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Artifacts by Little Green Men?

dsoltesz writes "ASU Mars Odyssey Themis team has released a nice 19m resolution visible-band image of the Cydonia region -- including the infamous Face On Mars, the Pyramid Formation, and the City that many outside of NASA have speculated were built by an intelligent people (presumably Martians or maybe space-faring ancient Egyptians). The ASU Themis team states that finding familar shapes in landforms is a fun diversion, but not a sign that such landforms may be artificial in nature. To get alternate views on the origins of these "structures", check out Jason Martell's Research Network and the Cydonia Mars Pyramids and Sphinx Cherubim and the Stones of Fire pages."

36 comments

  1. fp by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    CmdrTaco sucks Jon Katz's little green cock.

  2. Slashdotters, here's some advice by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    Close your web browser, shut down your fucking linux "b0xen" and go outside for once in your life.

    I think the fact that a site like slashdot, which caters to you fucking nerds out there, can't even
    survive without having to charge you for reading it, says alot about how much you fucks are worth to the rest of the world: ZERO.

    This should serve as a wakeup call to all you nerds out there who think that working on your b0xen in your one bedroom apartment, posting useless shit to a useless web site like slashdot and reading about the newest version of OpenBSD that can run on your fucking Dreamcast console is a good way to go through life.

    So wake the fuck up and DO something productive, something that makes money. Stop wasting your time talking about open source fucking garbage that will never amount to anything useful.

    1. Re:Slashdotters, here's some advice by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      FUCKIN A!!!!!!!!!!

      Listen UP BIZNATCHES, the MAN has spoken!

    2. Re:Slashdotters, here's some advice by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      well put.

      I think the best thing would be to forget that most of '98-'02 ever happened.

    3. Re:Slashdotters, here's some advice by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      So wake the fuck up and DO something productive, something that makes money.

      one name... bill gates...

    4. Re:Slashdotters, here's some advice by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      yes

    5. Re:Slashdotters, here's some advice by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Wow.

      Bitter about something? I know a bunch of folks who write code at Microsoft. A good half of them read Slashdot regularly. They make quite a bit of money.

    6. Re:Slashdotters, here's some advice by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Wow, you have an apartment? That is so cool...

  3. HOW TO POOP AT WORK by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

    ESCAPEE.
    Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

    JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
    Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

    COURTESY FLUSH.
    Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

    WALK OF SHAME.
    Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
    Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

    THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
    Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

    SAFE HAVENS.
    Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

    TURD BURGLAR:
    Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

    CAMO-COUGH.
    Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

    ASTAIRE.
    Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

    WATERMELON.
    Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

    HAVANA OMELET.
    Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

    UNCLE TED.
    Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

    FLY BY.
    Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

    1. Re:HOW TO POOP AT WORK by Roto-Rooter+Man · · Score: -1

      Thanks for the useful information!

      --

      The goatse guy for president. Win one for the gaper!
  4. Linux: the hype is over by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    Linux: the hype is over

    According to the latest Gartner group research report, the Linux hype is finally over. Research shows that market share of linux-driven production servers on the internet has finally declined to a single-digit number. The reasons for this are clear:

    * Linux is very unstable
    * Linux has a very unreliable filesystem
    * Everybody uses Windows or BSD, nowadays


    Research has clearly pointed out, that although there are still hordes of pinguin-dressed geeks running around MIS departments, the management has grown wise and doesn't even allow Linux workstations anymore, since the costs in maintaining these machines turned out to be astronomically high. The reasons for this are clear as well.

    * Installation is a pain in the ass and it usually takes a whole support team to install a geeks' workstation
    * Installation and maintenance requires 4-5 times the bandwidth a 'normal' OS would require
    * Linux was deliberately made completely incompatible and inoperable with turnkey solutions like MS Exchange or MS SQL server. Investments in these products are therefore voided the minute you start rolling out Linux.

    * Web applications developed in Perl or C, the languages of the linux community have proven to be slow, unreliable and headaching complicated. Once developed and debugged, nobody is able to understand the code.


    Therefore, it has been statistically proven that most companies have already moved away from Linux. All the 'geeks' wearing tux t-shirts re actually MIS support guys who are still studying for their MCSE exam. 'The screaming fast linux machines at work' are actually refurbished workstations at a separated network segment, not allowed on the production net since every linux (l)user seems to need nmap to perform normal work-related computer operations. All the 'cool' apache web servers are actually IIS machines with forged host headers. (yes, you can do that in IIS without recompiling anything. Heck, I lived for years without a C compiler and still do. ) And, for the rare instance where a free unix is actually used in a production environment, management has smartened up and BSD is usually installed.

    1. Re:Linux: the hype is over by shadowbearer · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      >Linux is very unstable

      You obviously don't use it. Or you're a troll. I don't really give
      a snit.

      >Linux has a very unreliable filesystem

      As opposed to Scandisk, which can't even run at all if
      there is something else going on? Like...Norton AV?

      >Everybody uses Windows or BSD, nowadays

      Bah

      > Installation is a pain in the ass and it usually takes a whole support team to install a geeks' workstation

      And a stable, up to date windows installation doesn't? I do
      this for a living and it's usually a two to six hour job
      (mostly those fvcking security updates) plus installing the
      applications they want to use, and those updates, etc, etc,
      plus finding alternatives to the so-called "signed Microsoft
      drivers" which usually don't work right.......

      I can install Mandrake 8.2, KDE3, and the nvidia updates quicker
      on most of our new machines than I can install and update windows
      98 or winXtraPokey - because I CAN SCRIPT THE INSTALL without
      paying money ;-) AND MOST USERS HAVE ALL THE APPS THEY NEED CONTAINED
      IN THE INSTALL

      >Installation and maintenance requires 4-5 times the bandwidth a 'normal' OS would require

      ever hear of CD burners?

      >Linux was deliberately made completely incompatible with [ insert your problem here ]

      talk to the makers of [insert your product here ]

      >Therefore, it has been statistically proven that most companies have already moved away from Linux

      You are living in the mid nineties. Read the news. Companies are
      *moving* to Linux, not away.

      >Heck, I lived for years without a C compiler and still do

      What do you do for fun, download p0rn?

      Troll to End All Trolls: Shut the FVCK UP ALREADY: LINUX IS BETTER: DEAL WITH IT

      and don't forget to

      --
      It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
    2. Re:Linux: the hype is over by KosovoYankee · · Score: 1

      What the hell does this have to do with anything? You could have at least slid the word "Mars" in there somewhere.

      --
      - If This Peace Is Fictious, I Shall Destroy It
    3. Re:Linux: the hype is over by shadowbearer · · Score: 0, Offtopic



      If you'd been troubleshooting frivolous windows problems as long as I have, you would understand.

      SB

      --
      It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
  5. A Haiku by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    Salty donkey balls
    In CmdrTaco's mouth
    How he likes the taste.

  6. The Art of Cunnilingus by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there. And I'm not the only woman who says this. Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college try are not doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out. When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she's found a treasure she's not going to let go of him too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won't even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most guys can fuck, and those who can usually do it satisfactorily, but the guy who gives good head, he's got it made.

    Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you've got the world's most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she's going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her it's beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs. Now stop and look at what you see.
    Beautiful, isn't it?

    There is nothing that makes a woman more unique than her pussy.

    I know. I've seen plenty of them. They come in all different sizes, colors and shapes; some are tucked inside like a little girl's cunnie and some have thick luscious lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in brushes of fur and others are covered with transparent fuzz. Appreciate your woman's unique qualities and tell her what makes her special. Women are a good deal more verbal than men, especially during love-making. They also respond more to verbal love, which means, the more you talk to her, the easier it will be to get her off. So all the time you're petting and stroking her beautiful pussy, talk to her about it.

    Now look at it again.

    Gently pull the lips apart and look at her inner lips, even lick them if you want to. Now spread the tops of her pussy up until you can find her clit. Women have clits in all different sizes, just like you guys have different sized cocks. It doesn't mean a thing as far as her capacity for orgasm. All it means is more of her is hidden underneath her foreskin.

    Whenever you touch a woman's pussy, make sure your finger is wet. You can lick it or moisten it with juices from inside her. Be sure, by all means, to wet it before you touch her clit because it doesn't have any juices of its own and it's extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it's dry and that hurts. But you don't want to touch her clit anyway. You have to work up to that. Before she becomes aroused, her clit is too delicate to be handled.

    Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The inner part of her thigh is her most tender spot. Lick it, kiss it, make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her pussy, then float away. Make her anticipate it.

    Now lick the crease where her leg joins her pussy. Nuzzle your face into her bush. Brush your lips over her slit without pressing down on it to further excite her. After you've done this to the point where your lady is bucking up from her seat and she's straining to get more of you closer to her, then put your lips right on top of her slit.

    Kiss her, gently, then harder. Now use your tongue to separate her pussy lips and when she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers of pussy flesh. Gently spread her legs more with your hands. Everything you do with a woman you're about to eat must be done gently.

    Tongue-fuck her. This feels divine. It also teases the hell out of her because by now she wants some attention given to her clit. Check it out. See if her clit has gotten hard enough to peek out of its covering. If so, lick it. If you can't see it, it might still be waiting for you underneath. So bring your tongue up to the top of her slit and feel for her clit. You may barely experience its presence. But even if you can't feel the tiny pearl, you can make it rise by licking the skin that covers it. Lick hard now and press into her skin.

    Gently pull the pussy lips away and flick your tongue against the clit, hood covered or not. Do this quickly. This should cause her legs to shudder. When you sense she's getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips into an O and take the clit into your mouth. Start to suck gently and watch your lady's face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck harder. If she digs it, suck even harder. Go with her. If she lifts her pelvis into the air with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her, don't fight her. Hang on, and keep your hot mouth on her clit. Don't let go. That's what she'll be saying too: 'Don't stop. Don't ever stop!'

    There's a reason for that - most men stop too soon. Just like with cock sucking, this is something worth learning about and worth learning to do well. I know a man who's a lousy fuck, simply lousy, but he can eat pussy like nobody I know and he never has trouble getting a date. Girls are falling all over him.

    But back to your pussy eating session...There's another thing you can do to intensify your woman's pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she's enjoying your clit-licking talents. Before, during or after. She'll really like it. In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has another extremely sensitive area at the roof of her vagina. This is what you rub up against when you're fucking her. Well, since your cock is pretty far away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking.

    Take two fingers. One is too skinny and three is too wide and therefore can't get deep enough. Make sure they're wet so you don't irritate her skin. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Fuck her with them rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen to her breathing.

    She'll let you know what to do. If you're sucking her clit and finger-fucking her at the same time, you're giving her far more stimulation than you would be giving her with your cock alone. So you can count on it that she's getting high on this. If there's any doubt, check her out for symptoms. Each woman is unique. You may have one whose nipples get hard when she's excited or only when she's having an orgasm. Your girl might flush red or begin to tremble. Get to know her symptoms and you'll be a more sensitive lover.

    When she starts to have an orgasm, for heaven's sakes, don't let go of that clit. Hang in there for the duration. When she starts to come down from the first orgasm, press your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving your lips covering the top. Move your tongue in and out of her cunt. If your fingers are inside, move them a little too, gently though, things are extremely sensitive just now.

    If you play your cards right, you'll get some multiple orgasms this way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she's had an orgasm. Do you realize the full impact of that information? The potential? One woman was clocked at 56 orgasms at one sitting. Do you know what effect you would have on a woman you gave 56 orgasms to? She'd be yours as long as you wanted her.

    The last advice I have for you is this: After you've made her come, made her your slave by giving her the best head she's ever had, don't leave her alone just yet. Talk to her, stroke her body, caress her breasts. Keep making love to her quietly until she's come all the way down. A man can get off and go to sleep in the same breath and feel no remorse, no sense of loss. But a woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few moments after sex.

    Oral sex can be the most exciting sexual experiences you can have. But it's what you make it. Take your time, practice often, pay attention to your lover's signals, and most of all, enjoy yourself.

    The G-Spot

    This does exist. And in over half of the women out there, it works better than anything else you can do to cause a strong, prolonged orgasm. The original name is the Grafenberg spot, after a doctor, Earnest Grafenberg, who documented the area (which may have been known by people here and there throughout history) in the fifties.

    This "spot" is a small "mound" of tissue inside the vagina, between a penny and quarter in size, which responds to being pressed upon. It's almost certainly not the skenes glands, (which are located around the urethra, which is behind the G-spot area), as has been suggested by a few people. In fact, the G-Spot is the tissue in that raised area of the vagina, which has a higher concentration of sexual nerves, and produces hormones similar to those made by the male's prostate gland.

    A sort of map to the area -- Imagine your lover lying on her back, legs spread. Your position is between her legs. You would slide a finger inside her vagina, palm up. With your finger straight back, middle finger is best, you would curve it toward yourself, gently, as if you were gesturing to someone to "come here". In doing so, the area you press on should be pretty near her "G-Spot" area. If you know enough to follow the urethra (the tube that leads from the bladder to where the pee comes out), along the inside of her vagina, you may feel a slight swelling (if she's excited) at the point where the g-spot is.

    She must be excited, especially if either you or she is new to the g-spot, for the g-spot to have any real effect at all. It's not the ideal area for getting your lover aroused.

    But when she is excited, this area (more often than not) is the best way to bring her to orgasm. You work your way back to it gradually, teasing her (typically, this works best) with your fingers, slowly and gently. It's easier to hit the right area with two fingers, but this may not be comfortable for her, depending on how "tight" she is at that moment. When you have your fingers around the right area, try gently pressing, not too quickly. The movement should be fairly rhythmic. It's typically best if you're licking her clitoris (or near it, depending on the woman) at the same time...don't make a big deal out of the "quest", this will often make her feel self-conscious, or distracted. The licking should seem to be the primary activity.

    When you find the right area, she should respond by getting more excited. Most of the vagina's inside surface isn't really that sexually sensitive, believe it or not...most of the excitement of randomly inserting fingers is more psychological than from the actual stimulation.

    While more complicated techniques work with some women, some of the time, the best basic technique, upon finding the g-spot, is to continue to slowly, rhythmically press on it, while licking her clitoris (for a few women, the labia (lips) are sensitive to licking, too).

    This should cause her to build up to an orgasm.

    A G-Spot orgasm is different (always, when it works at all) than any other kind women have. It is possible, with some women, to have different qualities and kinds of orgasms from vaginal, clitoral, anal, and even breast stimulation...but with other women, those kinds of orgasms are all pretty much the same. But the G-Spot orgasm not only feels different; it also causes her body to react in a different way.

    First, it often causes a "push out" orgasm. The area around, or "above" (farther inside, that is) your fingers seems to swell up or to contract toward the opening of her vagina.

    If you find the right combination of pushing back when this happens, and slacking off to let it push out, you can cause (in perhaps half of the women) her orgasm to continue happening, long after normal ones would have subsided. In some women you can even keep her at a "plateau" (raised level) of sexual excitement, like a prolonged orgasm (or a little less than one) afterward, building up to an even bigger climax.

    That brings me to another important point; G-Spot orgasms sometimes causes a huge amount (relatively speaking) of lubrication (juices, wetness)...far more than even the most excited woman gets from "conventional" stimulation.

    When that extra wetness combines with the push-out orgasm, you get actual ejaculation...like a guy, but much better tasting. The built up juices can shoot out in such volume that you, or she, may be afraid that she lost control of her bladder. That is (almost always) not what happened. The fear that she peed can be enhanced by the fact that the urethra is behind the g-spot, so that in rare cases the woman can sometimes get the feeling that she needs to pee, even though she does not.

    In reality, in both men and women, enough sexual excitement prevents peeing, unless you try really hard. This is a built-in reflex, because urine is something of a spermicide. The "pee hard-on" that men get in the morning is partially his body taking advantage of this reflex, to keep him from accidentally wetting the bed with the urine that built up while he was sleeping.

    Taste

    Anyone who likes, say, coffee or beer should have no room to complain about the way most women taste. No, I don't mean it tastes like coffee or beer, genius...I mean that beer and coffee are, at best, acquired tastes...they are not naturally pleasant to a human being, no matter how much your addiction to one or both has convinced you otherwise. Most people, whether they remember it or not, had to learn to like the taste of beer/coffee, and had the desire to be Like the Adults to help them along. Well, I'd list taking pleasure in cunnilingus above drinking addictive beverages on the list of things that prove maturity. Aside from that, there's the fact that many people who give it an honest try genuinely enjoy the taste/smell.

    1. Re:The Art of Cunnilingus by PhuCknuT · · Score: 0, Troll

      +1 informative!

    2. Re:The Art of Cunnilingus by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      Very interesting, to say the least. I wish I could work my lady up to a rate of 56 orgasms/hour, but, alas, the smell simply turns me off. What you've failed to mention in all your enthusiasm for oral sex is that obnoxious odor of fish and honey combined.

      Fish! Of all things a womans crotch could smell of, it had to be fish! Maybe if womens' crotches were to smell like steak or chicken, I might eat out more. But noooo, it just had to be fish, hadn't it?

      God, would it have been so much to ask, to put another gland in the pussy, one that would put out an secretion that turns that awful reeking hell of decaying proteins called pussy into something I would gladly thrust my mouth on without having to gag and vomit?

    3. Re:The Art of Cunnilingus by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      the smell simply turns me off

      Drink another beer, have another shot, smoke some more crack
      and have a few cigarettes and you won't notice, trust me

      moron

      'tho something along the lines of the smell of steak would be nice

  7. yeah see this shit everywhere dudes by President+Chimp+Toe · · Score: 2

    Fortean times has a nice archive of such simulcra

    My particular favourite being "rasputin in the ear of a kitten". A definate sign of the lack of intelligence on this planet, at least.

  8. ALL PRAISES TO THE PROPHET by Roto-Rooter+Man · · Score: -1


    Chapter 2: HE WHO SEES A WOMAN, AND HIS HEART IS AFFECTED, SHOULD COME TO HIS
    WIFE, AND SHOULD HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH HER

    Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) saw a woman, and
    so he came to his wife, Zainab, as she was tanning a leather and had sexual
    intercourse with her. He then went to his Companions and told them: The woman
    advances and retires in the shape of a devil, so when one of you sees a woman,
    he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart.

    Jabir heard Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) say: When a woman fascinates
    any one of you and she captivates his heart, he should go to his wife and have
    an intercourse with her, for it would repel what he feels.

    Chapter 9: SEEKING CONSENT OF AL-THAYYIBIN MARRIAGE IN WORDS AND OF A VIRGIN IN
    (MEANINGFUL) SILENCE

    Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be
    upon him) as having said: A woman without a husband (or divorced or a widow)
    must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married
    until her permission is sought. They asked the Prophet of Allah (may peace be
    upon him): How her (virgin's) consent can be solicited? He (the Holy Prophet)
    said: That she keeps silence.

    Chapter 10: IT IS PERMISSIBLE FOR THE FATHER TO GIVE THE HAND OF HIS DAUGHTER IN
    MARRIAGE EVEN WHEN SHE IS NOT FULLY GROWN UP

    'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that Allah's Apostle (may peace be
    upon him) married her when she was seven years old, and he was taken to his
    house as a bride when she was nine, and her dolls were with her; and when he
    (the Holy Prophet) died she was eighteen years old.

    Chapter 14: EXCELLENCE OF EXMANCIPATING A SLAVE-GIRL AND THEN MARRYING HER

    Abu Musa reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said about one
    who emancipated a slave woman, and then married her, that for him there are two
    rewards.

    Chapter 17: IT IS NOT PERMISSIBLE TO MARRY A WOMAN WHO IS DIVORCED BY THREE
    PRONOUNCEMENTS UNTIL SHE IS MARRIED TO ANOTHER MAN AND HE HAS A SEXUAL
    INTERCOURSE WITH HER, AND THEN HE ABANDONS HER AND SHE COMPLETES HER 'IDDA

    'A'Asha (Allah be pleased with her) reported: A person divorced his wife by
    three pronouncements; then another person married her and he also divorced her
    without having sexual intercourse with her. Then the first husband of her
    intended to remarry her. It was about such a case that Allah's Messenger (may
    peace be upon him) was asked, whereupon he said: No, until the second one has
    tasted her sweetness as the first one had tasted.

    Chapter 19: PERMISSIBILITY OF HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH ONE'S WIFE FROM THE
    FRONT OR FROM BEHIND AVOIDING THE ANUS

    Jabir (b. Abdullah) (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Jews used to
    say that when one comes to one's wife through the vagina, but being on her back,
    and she becomes pregnant, the child has a squint. So the verse came down:" Your
    wives are your ti'Ith; go then unto your tilth, as you may desire."

    This hadith has been reported on the authority of Jabir through another chain of
    transmitters, but in the hadith transmitted on the authority of Zuhri there is
    an addition (of these words):" If he likes he may (have intercourse) being on
    the back or in front of her, but it should be through one opening (vagina)."

    Chapter 22: AL AZL (INCOMPLETE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE): COITUS INTERRUPTUS

    Abu Sirma said to Abu Sa'id al Khadri (Allah he pleased with him): 0 Abu Sa'id,
    did you hear Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) mentioning al-'azl? He
    said: Yes, and added: We went out with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him)
    on the expedition to the Bi'l-Mustaliq and took captive some excellent Arab
    women; and we desired them, for we were suffering from the absence of our wives,
    (but at the same time) we also desired ransom for them. So we decided to have
    sexual intercourse with them but by observing 'azl (Withdrawing the male sexual
    organ before emission of semen to avoid-conception). But we said: We are doing
    an act whereas Allah's Messenger is amongst us; why not ask him? So we asked
    Allah's Mes- senger (may peace be upon him), and he said: It does not matter if
    you do not do it, for every soul that is to be born up to the Day of
    Resurrection will be born.

    Chapter 23: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH A PREGNANT SLAVE-WOMAN

    Abu Darda' (Allah be pleased with him) related from the Prophet of Allah (may
    peace be upon him) that he came upon a woman who was in the advanced stage of
    pregnancy at the door of a tent. He (the Holy Prophet) said: Perhaps he (the man
    accompanying her) intends to cohabit with her. They said: Yes. Thereupon Allah's
    Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: I have decided to curse him with such a
    curse as may go along with him to his grave. How can he own him (the child to be
    born) and that is not lawful for him, and how can he take him as a servant for
    that is not lawful for him?

    Chapter 24: PERMISSIBILITY OF INTERCOURSE WITH A SUCKLING LADY AND DISAPPROVAL
    OF 'AZL

    Judama daughter of Wahb, sister of Ukkasha (Allah be pleased with her).
    reported: I went to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) along with some
    persons and he was saying: I intended to prohibit cohabitation with the suckling
    women, but I considered the Greeks and Persians, and saw that they suckle their
    children and this thing (cohabitation) does not do any harm to them (to the
    suckling women). Then they asked him about 'azl, whereupon he said. That is the
    secret (way of) burying alive, and Ubaidullah has made this addition in the
    hadith transmitted by al-Muqri and that is:" When the one buried alive is
    asked."

    Chapter 27: ONE SUCKLING OR TWO DO NOT MAKE MARRIAGE UNLAWFUL

    Umm al-Fadl reported: A bedouin came to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him)
    when he was in my house and said: Allah's Apostle, I have had a wife and I
    married another besides her, and my first wife claimed that she had suckled once
    or twice my newly married wife, thereupon Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon
    him) said: One suckling or two do not make the (marriage) unlawful.

    Chapter 28: SUCKLING OF A YOUNG (BOY)

    ' A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that Sahla bint Suhail came to
    Allah's Apostle (may peace be eupon him) and said: Messengerof Allah, I see on
    the face of Abu Hudhaifa (signs of disgust) on entering of Salim (who is an
    ally) into (our house), whereupon Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) said:
    Suckle him. She said: How can I suckle him as he is a grown-up man? Allah's
    Messenger (may peace be upon him) smiled and said: I already know that he is a
    young man 'Amr has made this addition in his narration that he participated in
    the Battle of Badr and in the narration of Ibn 'Umar (the words are): Allah's
    Messenger (may peace be upon him) laughed.

    Chapter 29: IT IS PERMISSIBLE TO HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH A CAPTIVE WOMAN
    AFTER SHE IS PURIFIED (OF MENSES OR DELIVERY) IN CASE SHE HAS A HUSBAND, HER
    MARRIAGE IS ABROGATED AFTER SHE BECOMES CAPTIVE

    --

    The goatse guy for president. Win one for the gaper!
    1. Re:ALL PRAISES TO THE PROPHET by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      UR A TURD

  9. Impotence by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    I'm suffering from limp dick. Anyone know a remedy?

    hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh _,-%/%|
    hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh _,-' \//%\
    hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh _,-'hhhhh \%/|%
    hhhhhhhhhh _,-'hhhhh __,-- /%\
    hhhhh _,-'hhhhh _,-'%(% ; %)%
    hhhhh_,-'hhhhh _,-' %\%, %\
    / / ) _,-'hhhhhhhhhh'--%'
    \__/_,-'

  10. Corporate Logo shows to the lower left of image by infonography · · Score: 3, Funny

    Forget Martians, It's the Cingular wireless logo. This could mean that the Marketing people of Madison Ave are from Mars!!! This would really explain a lot.

    --
    Sorry about the writing. Robot fingers, you know? Cliff Steele in DOOM PATROL #23
  11. It's a Nick Park Character! by Royster · · Score: 1, Redundant

    That's a definate sign of intelligence. Just not a highly developed one. ;^)

    --
    I have discovered a truly marvelous sig, unfortunately the sig limit is too small to contain i
  12. Very poor article by quantaman · · Score: 3, Insightful

    The article is unfortunatly clouded by a strong religous disposition. I feel this is very evident in this quote "The androgynous Cydonia face has a stylized leonine headdress, and computer enhanced photos of the face show that the darkened side seems to be that of a lion, according to Richard Hoagland. This points again to the message of Christ's first advent, Virgo, and second coming to establish the Millennial Kingdom, Leo." Would of been nice for them to put these computer enhanced photos in a place where I can find them. Unless of course these photos consists of the gif animation going in the top right hand corner of the page which transforms the face into what I assume is to be a cherub? I don't know exactly what kind of effects erosion would have but I don't believe it would include severely displacing facial features! Still it's is interesting that the "city", "pyramid", and "face" seem to form an equilateral triangle. Unfortunatly me thinks the "pryamid" is not qite as conclusivly a pyramid as they they to think and I couldn't find a close up pic of the "city". Overall I think it's just a very biased article trying to put give a religous justification to the Mars pics.

    --
    I stole this Sig
  13. Itsa Conspiracy by Tablizer · · Score: 3, Funny


    NASA intentionally smashed the "missing" Mars Polar Lander into the face so that it would no longer resemble the face as it appeared in the 1970's Viking Orbiter photos, but just a "regular mountain".

    You can even see cracks on it on the first post-Viking orbiter photo that seem to erode away in later photos, probably due to wind, in subsiquent photos. This implies that the cracks were fresh.

    (Well, at least that is one interpretation of the photo history.)

    1. Re:Itsa Conspiracy by Tycho · · Score: 2, Informative

      For the Mars Polar Lander to have destroyed a hypothetical face on Mars, NASA would have had to launched something with the size and the mass of the Sears Tower at it. If NASA could launch an object like that from the surface of the Earth with the technology we have today or for that matter, that we might have in fifty years, I'm almost totally certain that NASA would find something better to do with its time and money. It would have been even more stupid if NASA had built such an object in orbit and launched it at Mars. Seriously, there is no face, there never was a face and what you thought you saw was just the interaction of light and shadow off of an interestingly shaped mountain.

      --
      Impersonating Tycho from Penny Arcade since before there was a PA.
    2. Re:Itsa Conspiracy by Tablizer · · Score: 1

      (* NASA would have had to launched something with the size and the mass of the Sears Tower at it. *)

      Perhaps it had a nuke onboard :-)

      Didn't NASA also lose an orbiter due to alleged metric/English conversion problems?

      (* Seriously, there is no face, there never was a face... *)

      I think what you really mean to say is that "nobody *purposely* created a face". Whether it is/was a face shape or not is another matter.

      It is perfectly possible for a rock/mountain to *happen* to be shaped like a face.

      My favorite space-shape is the middle-finger near the Eta Corona (sp?) nebula. Whether it is purposeful or coincidence, I would love to put a big poster of it in my cubicle.

    3. Re:Itsa Conspiracy by jonerik · · Score: 2

      Seriously, there is no face, there never was a face and what you thought you saw was just the interaction of light and shadow off of an interestingly shaped mountain.

      Ah ha! That's exactly what you want us to believe, isn't it, Mr. Shadowy Government Official?
      My theory is that the Mars Observer probe, which mysteriously "vanished" in 1993, was actually armed with a nuclear device, which heavily damaged the face when it impacted on the planet's surface. By the time the Mars Global Surveyor had arrived in 1997, the dust stirred up by the explosion had long since settled. I think that the eventual show trial of the responsible NASA officials will be impressive, but mercifully short.

  14. The ASU/NASA release is the real story... by dsoltesz · · Score: 1
    ...and the city/fort is pretty clear in the new Odyssey image they released. The links to the "there is intelligent life on Mars" sites was simply to give an alternative point of view on the imagery as well as some history into the controversy/debate.

    Here's a couple links with other images of the city (also called the "fort" by some):

    Personally, I'm with ASU -- landforms that look like familiar objects are nothing more than that. Looking at the Themis image I can see all kinds of shapes -- for instance the mouthless skull below the face and above the pyramid, and to the left of the hill just below the pyramid appears to be three partially obliterated silos or water tanks in a row (running horizontally).

    1. Re:The ASU/NASA release is the real story... by shadowbearer · · Score: 1

      and we say it over and over and still there's this
      huge growing population of people who can't believe
      facts. Anything to do with the bullshit one finds in
      most of the mainstream press? Naaaaahhhhhh....

      [ insert your horoscope here ]

      Sagan/grave == 50k rpms

      --
      It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
  15. Don't forget Richard Hoaglands' website itself by EvilBastard · · Score: 3, Interesting

    http://www.enterprisemission.com

    It's a website that's just full of 100% Real artifacts.

    Shame the artifacts are what happens when you use Photoshop to magnify something 500%, then completly abuse the filters and levels until you arn't so much looking at the image as a blurred and messy bunch of pixels

    Then declare that you can detect "Regularity" and issue a press release / book / start a new talk show circuit.

    My favorite (was where he discovered that on the walls of an ancient Egyptian pyramid, there was a hyroglyph that looked like the Millenium Falcon and Luke's Landspeeded(He has since removed that image, as I can't see it in the archive, but http://www.enterprisemission.com/images/tankcomp.j pg shows that he is now comparing the same set of markings it to a M1-A1)

    Hoagland, he's not up there with the "Aircraft Contrails are spreading chemicals that destroy our precious bodily fluids" but worth a visit none the less

  16. OT: Re:yeah see this shit everywhere dudes by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    d00d, dood!

  17. Face: surely wrong. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    including the infamous Face On Mars

    Face, surely that should be faces!

    I'm no visionary, but I can see about half a dozen easily in that photo; just like when I peer at clouds or artex, and thats sober.

    When I'm stonked (read S#!+ F@(£d), I can see countless faces in everything from ice cream to donkey dung.

  18. Also by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    p.s. I can also see, at least two pair of boobs, a butt, a lizard face from 'V' and a Star-Fish.