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MacHack 18 Just Weeks Away
We don't usually post announcements of this sort, but with
MacHack just weeks away, and me speaking at it again this year, I figured I'd remind readers of Slashdot's Apple section about it. It's in Dearborn, MI near Detroit, and I gotta say that
I've gone to many tech shows, but this is a good show. For those of you who saw my Keynote last year, my talk this year promises to be at least as incoherent, except that THIS year I might actually talk about the Mac! Other speakers are far more qualified. ;)
sucks cock compared to WWDC
If you pick one, pick WWDC
MacHack is for fatboys and transexuals like taco
get a life taco, no one gives a shit what you think of yourself
Rob Malda is a 26-year old white male with a stocky build and a beard. His head is shaved. He responded to my ad to be interviewed for this article wearing only leather pants, leather boots and a leather vest. I could see that both of his nipples were pierced with large-gauge silver rings.
Questioner: I hope you won't be offended if I ask you to prove to me that you're a nullo. Just so that our readers will know that this isn't a fake.
Rob: Sure, no problem. (stands and unbuckles pants and drops them to his ankles, revealing a smooth, shaven crotch with only a thin scar to show where his genitals once were).
Q: Thank you. That's a remarkable sight.
(laughs and pulls pants back up). Most people think so.
Q: What made you decide to become a nullo?
(pauses). Well, it really wasn't entirely my decision.
Q: Excuse me?
The idea wasn't mine. It was my lover's idea.
Q: Please explain what you mean.
Okay, it's a long story. You have to understand my relationship with Michael before you'll know what happened.
Q: We have plenty of time. Please go on.
Both of us were into the leather lifestyle when we met through a personal ad. Michael's ad was very specific: he was looking for someone to completely dominate and modify to his pleasure. In other word, a slave.
The ad intrigued me. I had been in a number of B&D scenes and also some S&M, but I found them unsatisfying because they were all temporary. After the fun was over, everybody went on with life as usual.
I was looking for a complete life change. I wanted to meet someone who would be part of my life forever. Someone who would control me and change me at his whim.
Q: In other words, you're a true masochist.
Oh yes, no doubt about that. I've always been totally passive in my sexual relationships.
Anyway, we met and there was instant chemistry. Michael is a few years older than me and very good looking. Our personalities meshed totally. He's very dominant.
I went back to his place after drinks and had the best sex of my life. That's when I knew I was going to be with Michael for a long, long time.
Q: What sort of things did you two do?
It was very heavy right away. He restrained me and whipped me for quite awhile. He put clamps on my nipples and a ball gag in my mouth. And he hung a ball bag on my sack with some very heavy weights. That bag really bounced around when Michael fucked me from behind.
Q: Ouch.
(laughs) Yeah, no kidding. At first I didn't think I could take the pain, but Michael worked me through it and after awhile I was flying. I was sorry when it was over.
Michael enjoyed it as much as I did. Afterwards he talked about what kind of a commitment I'd have to make if I wanted to stay with him.
Q: What did he say exactly?
Well, besides agreeing to be his slave in every way, I'd have to be ready to be modified. To have my body modified.
Q: Did he explain what he meant by that?
Not specifically, but I got the general idea. I guessed that something like castration might be part of it.
Q: How did that make you feel?
(laughs) I think it would make any guy a little hesitant.
Q: But it didn't stop you from agreeing to Michael's terms?
No it didn't. I was totally hooked on this man. I knew that I was willing to pay any price to be with him.
Anyway, a few days later I moved in with Michael. He gave me the rules right away: I'd have to be naked at all times while we were indoors, except for a leather dog collar that I could never take off. I had to keep my head shaved. And I had to wear a butt plug except when I needed to take a shit or when we were having sex.
I had to sleep on the floor next to his bed. I ate all my food on the floor, too.
The next day he took me to a piercing parlor where he had my nipples done, and a Prince Albert put into the head of my cock.
Q: Heavy stuff.
Yeah, and it
In case you are going to actually make a presentation (Powerpoint/Keynote/Impress), is it going to be available for download? I do not think I will want to fly all the way from west-coast to...Dear... born... a.c.
Unlike certain other conferences held in Dearborn.
Oh you mean Latte Parte...
Last year's was a landmark because it was so heavily OS X focused. However, I think this year's may be even more remarkable, since there has been such a huge influx of *nix users buying Macs lately.
I look forward to the diversity that the collaboration of two distinct groups of hackers has to offer.
I am a homosexual. I bought an Apple computer because of its well earned reputation for being "the" gay computer. Since I have become an Apple owner, I have been exposed to a whole new world of gay friends. It is really a pleasure to meet and compute with other homos such as myself. I plan on using my new Apple computer as a way to entice and recruit young schoolboys into the homosexual lifestyle; it would be so helpful if you could produce more software which would appeal to young boys. Thanks in advance.
with much gayness,
Father Randy "Pudge" O'Day, S.J.
Thanks for your letter. Being Catholic myself, I know exactly what you're talking about! It has always been our plan here at Apple Computer Inc to revolutionize personal computing with our high-quality and highly gay products.
I'm happy to answer your letter by letting you know that YES we will be releasing an entire hLife ("homo-life") software line. You'll be able to recognize it in stores by the small stylized logo depicting a large cock entering a tight anus with an Apple logo on it. ("Suddenly it all comes together" indeed!).
Anyway, I hope you and other members of our community will join us on our mission, and purchase the exciting new hLife boxed set. Only the boxed set comes with translucent cock rings!
Sincerely,
Harry Rodman
Vice-president
Homosexual Liaison Services
Apple Computer, Inc.
goes to the first person to give me a version of screen that works with OS X like it does with Linux (ctrl + alt + F* gives you a new virt term).
Are you secure enough in your masculinity to run 'man touch'?
Good to hear you'll be back, Rob. Developers need to understand more about the nuances of The Sims.
-- thinkyhead software and media
Anybody got a link to a transcript of speech mr. taco gave last year. I remember there was a story about it but by the time I click on the link it was no longer functional.
Thanks
Dear Apple:
I bought an Apple computer because of its native support for teledildonics. I bought a USB FUFME and MacOS immediately recognized it and installed drivers instantly! As a gay Catholic priest who often can't be at the altar all the time, you can understand how the ability to have sex with children whilst on the airplane with my Powerbook and wireless internet service is a lifesaver.
I just have a single question, will Apple be releasing a firewire version of the FUFME anytime soon?
With much gayness,
Father "Michael" Harris
Dear Father Harris:
Thank you for your kind letter! Being a former Catholic priest myself, I know exactly what you are talking about! It has been our dream at Apple
Computers ever since we began in the 80's to shape the homosexual experience with the ultimate computer.
I can answer your letter by saying that YES we will indeed be making a firewire version of the FUFME. With the additional bandwidth offered by the firewire bus, we will be able to more accurately record and deliver more minute and subtle movements that the USB FUFME simply couldnt support due to lack of bandwidth. You will be able to recognize our firewire FUFME in stores by the fancy holographic logo of a cock entering an Apple.
We are glad to help loyal customers such as yourself. If you ever have any more questions, feel free to drop a line (or connect to my teledildonic
FUFME server on fufme://cockman.apple.com).
Hugh G. Cockman
President
Homosexual Liaison Services
Apple Computer, Inc.
Someone needs to stream it. I hear Taco did a great little dance. Something about his girlfriend trying to get an Airport signal.
I had a sucky sig.