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How To Protect Children From Zombie Attack

Posted by samzenpus on from the think-of-the-children dept.

cheezitmike writes "In today's world of roaming undead and random zombie attacks, you cannot be too prepared for the possibility that you will need to flee on foot with your children. That's why all of you should read this guide to protecting children from zombie attacks. From the article: 'The market abounds with hundreds of child transport variations — from sleek, European buggys to integrated backpacks and off-road joggers. Selection of a transport type often becomes more about public perception and personal status than actual functionality. When it comes to holding up in a world filled with the living dead, many of these devices fall sadly short.' Remember, even if you're not a parent now, you should be prepared to aid children belonging to your neighbors, family members, or fellow survivors barricaded in your local safehouse in the event of a zombie crisis."

6 comments

  1. Zombies don't eat children by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Their brains are too small

    1. Re:Zombies don't eat children by cbiltcliffe · · Score: 1

      By that logic, 80-90% of the adult population would be safe, too.....

      --
      "City hall" in German is "Rathaus" Kinda explains a few things......
    2. Re:Zombies don't eat children by ta+bu+shi+da+yu · · Score: 1

      Good to know that the U.S. President is safe.

      --
      XML is like violence. If it doesn't solve the problem, use more.
  2. My Plan by davidphogan74 · · Score: 2, Funny

    My plan has always been to throw any children nearby to the zombies to distract them while I run away. Of course, not having children of my own probably skews my opinion on the matter.

  3. A multi-purpose guide by redshirt · · Score: 1

    These same techniques can be applied to severe outbreaks of pinkeye.

  4. People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies by unlametheweak · · Score: 1

    Yet another think-of-the-children article. First off not all Zombies are bad. There has been a lot of negative and biased media regarding Zombies, most of which is complete fiction. The media always likes to sensationalize and dwell upon the negative.

    From the Canadian Society Counteracting The Unfair Treatment Of The Living Impaired (CSCTUTOTLI):

    Zombies are people too and should not be judged by the few of their kind that are actually bad or the stereotypes depicted by television and movies.

    - http://www.ifyouwereazombie.com/50-we-get-letters...-zombies-eh.-take-off-hoser.html

    If we could make an effort to live with them instead of demonizing them the world would be a far better place.

    One must first try to solve the problem instead of merely dealing with the consequences. If people don't like Zombies in the first place then "scientists" should stop experimenting with genetic engineering, human cloning etc. Stop trying to play god with life forms. Prevention is always better than a cure.

    One of the best methods for dealing with unruly Zombies is proper and professional training, make sure they are properly leashed and muzzled when in public, and make sure that children don't approach Zombies without proper parental supervision.

    Before posting such lame and biased topics on slashdot people should first do some research. While there is very little scientific research on the topic of Zombies, I have listed a couple of related articles:
    - http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/1441495520-41605750/content~content=a714022128~db=all
    - http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6W84-4D1MX3K-6&_user=10&_origUdi=B75JF-4DHWX0N-F&_fmt=high&_coverDate=07%2F31%2F2004&_rdoc=1&_orig=article&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=db53fa206b2c098c5c0ce2758901d679

    If you are really interested in helping the cause against Zombie discrimination then you should try to find a local chapter of PETZ (People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies).