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Burglar Bites Through Steel Bars

Posted by samzenpus on from the always-drank-his-milk dept.

Police were shocked when they discovered a number of robberies were being committed by someone who was biting through steel window bars. "Through our investigations, we found the grids had been cut but with deep tooth prints," a local police spokesman said. They were tipped off by a man who was sharing a hotel room with another man who could crack walnuts with his teeth. After questioning, 23-year-old Xiong, who grew up in a mountain town with abundant walnuts, confessed to the burglaries. Xiong claimed he could chew through any steel bar up to 1 cm in thickness by chewing on welding spots. "I only failed once in the past two years. Once I bit on a 2cm thick steel grid, and the first bite nearly dislocated my jaw. I never take other tools with me when breaking in. That's why I never got stopped by patrolling officers at night," he said. I'm sure he has a lucrative toothpaste spokesman career ahead of him when he gets out of jail.

12 comments

  1. Chinese junk with high lead-content by Profane+MuthaFucka · · Score: 3, Interesting

    I bet those steel bars were so contaminated with lead that it was a stretch to even call them steel.

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    1. Re:Chinese junk with high lead-content by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Ha ha, for sure.

    2. Re:Chinese junk with high lead-content by Joebert · · Score: 2, Funny

      That could help explain why he thought chewing through steel bars to burglarize places was a good idea.

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    3. Re:Chinese junk with high lead-content by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      troll?
      this isn't even close to a troll.
      trolling is when you try to piss people off by ignoring their points and emphasizing your own.
      trolling is not telling the truth.

    4. Re:Chinese junk with high lead-content by Profane+MuthaFucka · · Score: 1, Flamebait

      There's a right-winger who objects to my existence. They'd kill me if they could, but they have to settle for down-mods instead. Every time they get points, they blow their whole wad on my 5 day old posts. My karma is still excellent, and has been for years. Annoying, isn't it?

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      Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
  2. If you put this guy in jail... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Better make sure the cell railing is really thick!

    1. Re:If you put this guy in jail... by GreenTech11 · · Score: 1

      Too late, it made a nice snack though...

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      Laughter is the best medicine, except if you have a broken rib.
  3. In next week's news ... by janwedekind · · Score: 3, Funny

    Yesterday a Chinese prisoner broke free after masticating the steel bars of his prison. A local zoological expert confirmed that the site was not up to standard and he said that "any medium sized polar bear could have done this". The local police after being alerted chased the escapee to the border of the jungle only to discover that nearly all of their weapons where maimed and covered with toothmarks. One policeman who wants to stay anonymous claimed that he saw the 23 year old man stopping a bullet with his teeth. The prisoner escaped after forcing the police to seek cover by spitting nutshells at them.

  4. Hmmmm .... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Well, if he goes to jail, knowing that he can chew through steel might keep people at bay in the showers. ;-)

  5. Glass Cell by Ltap · · Score: 1

    Now that glass cell from X-Men 3 that they used to contain Magneto will have a use again!

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