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Druids Hired To Cut Road Accidents

Posted by samzenpus on from the road-resto-build dept.

You can't say Austrian highway authorities haven't tried everything to make travel safer. It has been revealed that they have had a team of druids on the payroll for the past two years working to drain "negative energy" from areas prone to accidents. Chief engineer Harald Dirnbacher from Austria's motorway authority says, "We were really skeptical at first and certainly didn't want people to know what we were doing, so we kept it secret." Apparently results so far have been so impressive that officials are hiring the druids nationwide. One area's fatal accident rate went from an average of six per year to zero after the druids worked their magic. I assume a few well-placed creeping doom spells can keep the motorway free of road-kill as well.

25 comments

  1. Traffic avoiding the scary robed guy . . . by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    I wouldn't want to have a car crash in front of the creepy, robed guy standing on the side of the road.

    1. Re:Traffic avoiding the scary robed guy . . . by natehoy · · Score: 1

      Yes, giving the monks black robes with larger hoods and having them carry scythes was an excellent move.

      --
      "This post contains words, known to the State of California to cause thought. Wash brain thoroughly after reading."
  2. Another Pro by Wiarumas · · Score: 1

    Plus, if you die, they can rez you.

    --
    I will bend like a reed in the wind.
    1. Re:Another Pro by Conchobair · · Score: 1

      Even when still in combat. I can certainly understand why they went with druids.

    2. Re:Another Pro by stonedcat · · Score: 1

      Unless they're in combat /w active cooldown or out of reagents.

      --
      You can't take the sky from me.
  3. As much as I hate pseudoscience by calmofthestorm · · Score: 2, Funny

    I do appreciate that they have the rudimentary form of an idea that results are an indicator of success. Sure, sure, I'd love it if they'd learn what variance and statistical tests do, but this is a baby step in the right direction.

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    93rd rule of Slashdot: No matter how obvious my sarcasm is, my comment will be taken seriously by someone.
    1. Re:As much as I hate pseudoscience by sznupi · · Score: 2, Funny

      Or it might finally set some things straight ;)

      See, at my place (not far from Austria), it is a standard practice for a priest of Abrahamic faith (never druids!) to "baptise" stretches of roads or cars (among many other things)...with demonstrably poor results (the dark orange of recent EU memberstates; where people also drive less...)

      So...who do they serve?! ;p

      --
      One that hath name thou can not otter
    2. Re:As much as I hate pseudoscience by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I do appreciate that they have the rudimentary form of an idea that results are an indicator of success. Sure, sure, I'd love it if they'd learn what variance and statistical tests do, but this is a baby step in the right direction.

      Great. Let me know when they realize that picking the places with the most accidents will result in a lower accident rate the next year simply by chance. If you randomly place dots on a map there will be a few places that have more dots than others. It is really easy to pick out the places with the most dots, randomly place dots on the map again, and proudly proclaim to the world how you repelled the new set of dots.

      Politicians around here do the same thing. They pick intersections with the highest accident rates, place red-light cameras at them, then tell the world how the accident rate went down after they installed the cameras.

      They could have done just as well by placing safety markings on a map and incanting a few Latin phrases.

    3. Re:As much as I hate pseudoscience by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      They're certainly a step ahead of the US's habit of letting fundamentalists teach "sex ed".

    4. Re:As much as I hate pseudoscience by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "This can't happen! My theory doesn't allow it!"

  4. Regression to the mean, cretins! by Rogerborg · · Score: 1

    Oh, speak in a language that we can all understand? I meant "draining negative energy"

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    If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
  5. I got it! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Accidents went to 0 because the Druids consumed all the strange fermented fluids.

  6. So...who do they serve? by krischik · · Score: 2, Insightful

    A god who could not save his own son from being crucified.

    1. Re:So...who do they serve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I think the point was that he had to be crucified

    2. Re:So...who do they serve? by operagost · · Score: 1

      Congratulations on missing the point, thief #1.

      --

      Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
    3. Re:So...who do they serve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Congratulations on ... worshiping a dead millennial old Mesopotamian shepherd ... ???

    4. Re:So...who do they serve? by i+ate+my+neighbour · · Score: 1

      Actually Islamic dogma says God indeed saved Jesus by clouding their minds and making them see the traitor as Jesus and killing him instead. So He was not resurrected because didn't die in the first place.

    5. Re:So...who do they serve? by sznupi · · Score: 1

      And one group is wrong and the other right (pick the order) because?...

      --
      One that hath name thou can not otter
    6. Re:So...who do they serve? by sznupi · · Score: 1

      ...a point which is...pointless.

      An all knowing deity, which supposedly gave us free will (ad hoc knowing the consequences), urges us to commit attrocities (just read Old Testament) and gives itself (Trinity and all that) for suffering (pretty small one, all things considered) to...get us rid from...what that deity supposedly brought upon us.

      Well, I can see how it made perfect sense for primitive people...

      But was just an imaginary point they accepted, to explain to themselves why yet another, not the first, of their saviours was killed; like many other rebels up to this point.
      How one can honestly reconcile enthusiastic welcome during (what has become) Palm Sunday and supposed "crucify him!" few days later? Maybe the latter part is made up? (hint: look up how Barabbas is written in earliest manuscripts) Maybe it's inconvenient to admit after so many centuries of lies that Jews were the ones who wanted him back, to honor their old (and infrequent) tradition? (especially for one (as far as Rome was concerned) rebel who was non-violent in their eyes) Accidentally, Pilate was part of the roman fraction quite hostile towards them behind the scenes. That also meant it was convenient for early Christians to put the blame on Jews - building new religious movement (not strictly "religion", being continuation of Mithraism and few other "pagan" ones) around the blame of Rome for killing "the true god" (while ceasar was one already) wouldn't end up good (and certainly did for those who said so, so only the views of more "moderate" cowards survived)

      Sure, it's needed even now ("social order", etc.). But it's frustrating how many people who probably don't need such thought police get caught in.

      --
      One that hath name thou can not otter
  7. Old News by CrazeeCracker · · Score: 1

    The summary links to a blog post, which links to an article in the Croatian Times (which, by the way, doesn't give me the impression of being a serious news source).
    I did a bit of digging and found an article (in German, but basically the same story, with a little bit more detail and more than a hint of cynicism toward the whole idea) from Der Standard (one of Austria's best newspapers).
    Dated: November 2007.

    Two and a half years old? C'mon, guys, you can do better than this!

    (Disclaimer: Austrian living abroad.)

    --
    Of course I didn't RTFA.
  8. how it works by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    FTA: How it works is they're trying to counter the effects of cel phones

  9. Nice work if you can get it I guess by Skuld-Chan · · Score: 1

    So should I put a druid for hire ad in the newspaper? How do you get a job like this?

  10. So? by ChiRaven · · Score: 1

    Any old miracle will do. Why be choosy? If it works, why not use it?

    It would be interesting to see a rigorous statistical study of this effort, comparing those locations to a comparable period picked from locations that, prior to the experiment, has similar characteristics, to see if there is a significant difference. Pseudoscience, or placebo effect? How do you tell? Let the numbers decide.

  11. Rebirth? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    They're not so much draining the magical energy as much as they are using revive or rebirth to bring the fatalities down.

  12. oblig. by WhiteDragon · · Score: 1

    "Funny, she doesn't look Druish"

    --
    Did you mount a military-grade, variable-focus MASER on an unlicensed artificial intelligence?