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AWS Terms of Service Offer a Break If Zombie Apocalypse Occurs (windowsitpro.com)

Posted by timothy on from the made-ya-look dept.

v3rgEz writes: Running at over 50 sections and hundreds of subsections, Amazon AWS's terms of service are somewhat exhaustive, but there's one paragraph that might catch your eye. As of yesterday's update, Amazon has added a section that nullifies restrictions on the use of their Lumberyard game platform in the event of a zombie outbreak. Pre-apocalypse, the terms of service prohibit the use of the engine to manage life-or-death situations, but being able to spin up a zombie firefight simulator at a moment's notice might come in handy. You do have to wonder, though: Does Jeff Bezos know something we don't? Lawyers typically don't approve of Easter Eggs in legal documents.

57 comments

  1. In a war setting the US GOV can take what it needs by Joe_Dragon · · Score: 1

    In a war setting the US GOV can take what it needs and they don't need no TOS rules.

  2. Is this potentially a "real" legal definition? by the_skywise · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Yeah yeah - Not like an actual zombie apocalypse is actually going to happen, but...

    Governments have been running scenarios and "wargames" on "zombie apocalypse" scenarios, disaster type settings and the like. Like "Acts of God" in the old vernacular where random catastrophic events weren't covered has "zombie apocalypse" become an actual quasi-legal term to replace it?

    1. Re:Is this potentially a "real" legal definition? by s1d3track3D · · Score: 1

      The department of defense has a zombie apocalypse plan http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2...

    2. Re:Is this potentially a "real" legal definition? by Darinbob · · Score: 2

      How does Zika fit into this? It doesn't affect behavior. It also doesn't spread very effectively compared to something like the flu.

    3. Re:Is this potentially a "real" legal definition? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Yeah yeah - Not like an actual zombie apocalypse is actually going to happen, but how would you tell the difference from you average dumb American consumerist ham planet anyway?

    4. Re:Is this potentially a "real" legal definition? by alvinrod · · Score: 2

      Zika may not be responsible for the microcephaly cases in Brazil. Colombia is reporting no occurrences or indications of problems despite a large number of pregnant women being diagnosed with the Zika virus. I don't know if it's a relief that Zika may not be as bad as feared or if we should be more worried that we don't know what was responsible for the problems in Brazil.

      I don't think we have enough data on the Zika virus yet to fully understand what's going on or if it's just one particular strain that is causing these problems.

    5. Re:Is this potentially a "real" legal definition? by Shadow+of+Eternity · · Score: 1

      The thing about a zombie apocalypse is that it's exhaustive. If you're prepared for zombies you're prepared for basically anything shy of an extinction level event.

      --
      A bullet may have your name on it but splash damage is addressed "To whom it may concern."
    6. Re:Is this potentially a "real" legal definition? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Ah, you beat me to it.
      As you said, a zombie apocalypse is a very exhaustive scenario that covers SO MANY topics.

      Some of these topics being:
      viral protection
      defensive bases
      preserve and recover as many people and important documents and items as possible.
      screening.
      proper offensive strikes
      working on a cure while all of the above is happening.

      God forbid it is a proper zombie apocalypse, then it becomes:
      pray for forgiveness.
      get raped by Satan anyway. I typo'd Santa there. That'd be worse!

      Works similarly with alien threats since they'd likely use chemical or biological warfare if they are interested in keeping the planet and society around solely for research.
      Any alien that doesn't would already wipe us out by the time the UN even came to an agreement.

      But equally, it works in general with any sort of massively infectious disease outbreaks.
      There are many viral strains out there that are just a few mutations away from being seriously deadly and a real threat to humanity.
      Luckily, the pressures to push them there are rarer.
      The constant abuse of anti-biotics has given us so many resistant bacteria, let us hope anti-virals stay less abused.

  3. Cows by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    Moo says the neck biting cows. Reanimate into zombie cows.

    MOO MOO

    1. Re:Cows by Darinbob · · Score: 1

      http://comicvine.gamespot.com/...

  4. What about the Spanish inquisition? by rednip · · Score: 4, Funny

    Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

    --
    The force that blew the Big Bang continues to accelerate.
    1. Re:What about the Spanish inquisition? by PolygamousRanchKid+ · · Score: 1

      Actually, the Spanish Inquisition and an IT Data Center would be a nice fit. There are plenty of "racks" to tie people to!

      Although, there might be shortage of "comfy chairs" . . .

      --
      Schroedinger's Brexit: The UK is both in and out of the EU at the same time!
  5. See! Some people DO read ToS/EULAs by BitwiseX · · Score: 2
    I once put the following into a ToS on our branded Internet Explorer CDs for a dialup ISP I worked at:

    By accepting this agreement you agree to pay $1,000,000 US Dollars. Please submit payment in full immediately. If you read this, please email me at and let me know you actually read this. You are one in a million.

    Never saw a dollar nor an email. :(

    1. Re:See! Some people DO read ToS/EULAs by SeaFox · · Score: 2

      By accepting this agreement you agree to pay $1,000,000 US Dollars. Please submit payment in full immediately. If you read this, please email me at and let me know you actually read this. You are one in a million.

      Never saw a dollar nor an email. :(

      Maybe they were smart enough to realize emailing you to tell you they saw that line would identify them for action for failure to pay.

    2. Re:See! Some people DO read ToS/EULAs by Darinbob · · Score: 1

      Only if they also accepted the agreement.

    3. Re:See! Some people DO read ToS/EULAs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      And had an e-mail account. They might need a web browser to access it though.

  6. Heh Heh by rmdingler · · Score: 3, Interesting
    This smells like the kind of thing you might leave behind if you were departing Amazon, perhaps not on the best of terms.

    It's also possible the employee responsible for the Zombie Inclusion was so bored to tears writing these terms of service he decided to include a gaffe just to see if anyone noticed.

    --
    Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

    Ernest Hemingway

    1. Re:Heh Heh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      This

      My bet is he was told his manager would read the resulting document, but he knew that wasn't true, and so put the easter egg in to prove a point (Namely that NO ONE vets these things, not even the lawyers).

    2. Re:Heh Heh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why would anyone notice? Who actually reads these things?

    3. Re:Heh Heh by mjwx · · Score: 1

      This smells like the kind of thing you might leave behind if you were departing Amazon, perhaps not on the best of terms.

      It's also possible the employee responsible for the Zombie Inclusion was so bored to tears writing these terms of service he decided to include a gaffe just to see if anyone noticed.

      This.

      I've had to write policies and procedures that were so mind numbingly boring that I knew no-one would ever read (like Acceptable Use Agreements), so I've snuck in things like "and failure to take note of these restrictions will result in the user being fed to lions". I've only been caught out once and that was 10 months after I'd finished working there (the boss had a sense of humour about it though).

      --
      Calling someone a "hater" only means you can not rationally rebut their argument.
    4. Re:Heh Heh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      No, it sounds like something ridiculous they put in there to drum up free publicity.

      And it's working.

      I guess some people are amused, but I think it's just stupid.

    5. Re:Heh Heh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It can also be the kind of thing that gets put in, to check if it was proof-read properly.

      It's crazy enough that a proof reader should catch it, but not actually detrimental.

  7. What's up with lawyers lately? by drew_kime · · Score: 3, Insightful

    First the guy from NewEgg with the best response to a patent troll ever, now this. It's almost like they're becoming ... human.

    --
    Nope, no sig
    1. Re:What's up with lawyers lately? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      "It's almost like they're becoming ... human."

      About as likely as the Zombie Apocalypse.

    2. Re:What's up with lawyers lately? by halivar · · Score: 1

      I thought the Turing Test was discredited as a proper test of sentience? They could still just be clever Eliza programs now.

    3. Re:What's up with lawyers lately? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It's been a while since I studied philosophy, but I thought Turing proposed it as something to be used in lieu of a "proper" test of sentience?

    4. Re:What's up with lawyers lately? by Nidi62 · · Score: 1

      It's almost like they're becoming ... human.

      I'm more inclined to believe that the dead are rising from the grave and devouring the living than I am that lawyers are beginning to act human.

      --
      The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
  8. How typical of non-zombie humans by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

    #ZombieUnlivesMatter

  9. Maybe it's for zombie processes? by mamono · · Score: 1

    Does it also cover the world being overrun be daemons?

  10. joshua by Joe_Dragon · · Score: 1

    I want to play that system.

  11. Legally speaking, this would be... by mark-t · · Score: 4, Informative

    ... covered under "force majeure".

    Which generally nullifies any contract anyways, at least for the duration of the incident.

    --
    File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
    1. Re: Legally speaking, this would be... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      But the "restriction" is about use of the software for life/safety critical systems... it's really just a disclaimer saying they are not in the business of charging exorbitant amounts for the effort (and premiums) required to be comfortable with legal liability for such use.

      So lifting that "restriction" in the case of zombie apocalypse is actually very dumb, because if humans win then what's left of Amazon would be game for trolls to sue for damages.

      If they wanted to be cool, they'd reserve the right to refuse service to zombies. Register for an Amazon account? Name? Birthday? Male or female? Human or zombie?

  12. Lawyers with a sense of humor?!? by evolutionary · · Score: 1

    "We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor that we are aware of" - Timmy Lee Jones, Men in Black

    --
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Einstein
    1. Re:Lawyers with a sense of humor?!? by roger10-4 · · Score: 1

      Not that it really matters, but it's Tommy Lee Jones....

    2. Re:Lawyers with a sense of humor?!? by Hognoxious · · Score: 1

      On a site with tomithy as an editor? Of course it doesn't matter.

      What matters is having a link to Forbes.

      --
      Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
  13. I jest fed my catz by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    dow. it's just ad.

  14. If by DaMattster · · Score: 1

    the zombie apocalypse should happen, the last thing I am going to give a shit about is AWS terms of service. But this is funny.

  15. Encouraging bad behavior by T.E.D. · · Score: 1

    My big worry is that this will induce someone to actually start off a zombie apocalypse, simply because they'd rather deal with the zombies than with Amazon's lawyers.

    1. Re:Encouraging bad behavior by NEDHead · · Score: 1

      Trump won 35% of the votes in NH. I would judge that the Zombies are already among us.

    2. Re:Encouraging bad behavior by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      What I don't get is how the fuck someone dumb enough to want to vote for Trump actually managed to pull their head out of their arse and work out how to get to a polling station.

    3. Re:Encouraging bad behavior by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      That's zombie behaviour, didn't you see the movie(s). It's enought for a zombie to sense a living being and all zombies zoom in to that location.

  16. Enough Zombies by bobbutts · · Score: 1, Interesting

    Seriously, this adult obsession with zombies is just sad and lame. While I'm complaining I'd like to never ever see or hear about another comic book movie again too. Thanks

    1. Re:Enough Zombies by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Your anger about what other people like is sadder and lamer.

  17. A contradiction by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    ... zombie firefight ...

    Zombies with guns; I think that's a contradiction in terms. Now simulating invasion/infection I can understand, although I think the maths is rather simple. With SARS and ebola epidemics providing valuable lessons, the worst case scenario for a zombie apocalypse is more likely to be Contagion (2011) than World War Z (2013). The latter movie also relied on the infection manifesting in a few minutes, rather than the 12 hours required in the former movie.

  18. Van Halen and Brown M&M's ? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I remember hearing a story that while doing their large arena shows Van Halen putt a funny clause in their contracts that under no circumstances were brown M&M's to be served in their rooms.

    They couldn't care less about Brown M&M's; It was just a very smart way of determining if all parties had properly read the contract. Didnt stop them from trashing the place the one time they found some. Rock n Roll..... http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/vanhalen.asp

    1. Re:Van Halen and Brown M&M's ? by T.E.D. · · Score: 1

      Well...technically the place was in breach of contract already.

  19. Lawyers by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    They may not approve, but that's why there's a severability clause in all these things. Not to give you the ability to sever the limbs of a zombie if not otherwise provided for.

  20. Don't be silly! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Lawyers don't exist.

  21. Re:In a war setting the US GOV can take what it ne by Dahamma · · Score: 2

    You are assuming the US Government outlasts Amazon...

  22. Not even lawyers are reading TOSes anymore! by UweEmmrich-Kießling · · Score: 1

    Not even lawyers are reading TOSes anymore!

  23. Zombies or Outbreaks? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The thing is we do have real Zombie outbreaks, they're just not acknowledged as such. We label such people "dementia patients", "CJD", and the behavior near end-of-life comes pretty close to what fictional zombies would be like.

  24. Re:In a war setting the US GOV can take what it ne by Big+Hairy+Ian · · Score: 1

    One boring day I decided to read the T&C of a computer game I'd just bought. I was a little surprised discover a section describing how the software was not licensed for running nuclear power stations. Given that the game was Zork I think this was probably a very good idea.

    --

    Build a Man a Fire, and He'll Be Warm for a Day. Set a Man on Fire, and He'll Be Warm for the Rest of His Life.

  25. Re:In a war setting the US GOV can take what it ne by Gumbercules!! · · Score: 1

    Ahh Zork. A game where reading the T&C and playing the game was basically the same thing...

  26. Oblig Forbes link by dstyle5 · · Score: 1

    Here you go: http://www.forbes.com/sites/er...

    1. Re:Oblig Forbes link by JazzLad · · Score: 1

      +1 Made Me Actually Laugh Out Loud. Sorry, no mod points today.

      --
      "If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear." - Every fascist, ever