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Things the Warning Label said Not to Do
PhillC wrote in
to send us an entertaining little site where you can read a
list of things
Warning Labels Say not to do.
Proof positive that stupid people are everywhere.
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I bought a hair trimmer once that said not to use it while sleeping.
What I want to know is just how far that Mach-1 potato gun could shoot a potato..
:-)
IF I built one, aimed it slightly upwards, do ya think I could hit something 20 miles away?
I can't even imagine how hilarious it must have been to see a potato literally disintergrate a watermelon.
I have a regular hairspray powered version, use it 'recreational' use only of course.
But that stuff was way beyond what I'd ever do.
Although for awhile I was trying to figure out a way to speed up loading, never did anything with it though.
am i the only one who was a little disappointed to see their lack of humourous warning labels? i could really only find a few (the pinata one was good though). it seemed to be just a page about their potato gun
:\
:)
i mean it was still okay i guess, but firearms aren't really my thing...i just wanted to see a big list of funny warning labels
you slashdot ppl do read the article before posting it, right?
If you love this stuff. Product liability being what it is, you have to disclaim everything. Which doesn't mean you won't get sued anyay. It's just more grist for the mill. I'll show some restraint and refrain from anecdotes. But I still encourage people to kick a attorney the next time you have a opportunity.
... Remember that fellow? Was it instructions on a book of matches or a box of toothpicks that set him off?
Bogus product liability suits are not in the same league as a negligent homicide.
Hmm... Are *YOU* one of *THEM*?
You know, Q-tips are not supposed to be inserted in the ear. You're supposed to wipe around the rim of the ear lobe, but never, NEVER put it in the ear canal, according to the Q-Tip people. Never mind that it's shaped specifically for roto-rooting your eardrums. That's a coincidence, nothing more.
This is paraphrased. It was seen on some hospital restraints:
"Do not restrain in the event of fire." and "In case of fire, unrestrain patient immediately."
The instruction book for my pager included a warning not to swallow the batteries.
However, if you didn't read that bit, and did swallow the batteries, you could phone the National Battery Ingestion Center for info on what you should do next.
We had a potluck at work. I'm a geek and I don't cook! I hate potlucks.
I had about fifty of those little things that say "Do Not Eat" that come with geek toys. I filled a salad bowl with them and snuck them into the cafeteria. He he he he!
I swear that the warning label on a can of lye is about the most terrifying thing. One thing that it says is "Do not use container to store beverages." But about halfway through it says "Keep can away from face." I don't know what it says after that.
When I was a kid I had a BB gun. The CO2 cartridges said only one thing - "Do not throw in fire." so I did. Now that was cool!
Drugs such as Ambien, a medication for helping you go to sleep, come with labels warning you that the medication may make you sleepy or drowsy.
You forgot "this page left blank intentionaly" and my all time favorite " No animals allowed, except seeing eye dogs"
A friend's husband had a vasectomy. Among the cautions the doctor was required to give of every possible complication was, "This procedure may result in infertility."
What I really want to know is this: Who the hell
is disposing of all their stuff in an open flame?
By this, I mean people who aren't high school age
boys who look at the warning labels, smile, and
yell "Chemical fire time, guys!" -- I assume they
don't heed the warnings anyhow.
You know there has to be some dumbass who dumps
all the cans of Glade that they used in their
double-wide into a big 'ol fire in back and then
tries to make s'mores. We gotta find 'em and pour
some chlorine in that gene pool....
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Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
Guilty as charged---hey, do you have a match?
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Posted by tdibble:
Umm, people who live in rural areas quite often burn their trash. There is no trash collection, and haling every dirty kleenex off to the dump is expensive and time-consuming. Thus, that which can be burned is burned. One needs to know that which can not be burned for that to work, of course.
You forgot "Enlarged to show detail".
Slashdot's first reaction to VMware
Check out http://www.darwinawards.com for info about some people who would be dumb enough to need these labels...
Ooh, a sarcasm detector. Oh, that's a real useful invention.
That is cool.
Pity it's slashdoted, I can't grab the videos.
Guess I'll have to stick to the quarter launcher rail gun. Its much faster.
Alan
It's the smart people they write the labels for. It isn't to warn dumb people about potential dangers, it is to warn smart (and greedy) people that they will not be liable in court. So don't even try to sue them, no matter how you use their product.
Get it?
-Derek
It's refusing connections... anyone have the mellon videos?
"Someone is trying to kill me - he keeps sending me plastic bags, but with the warning about not putting them over my head CROSSED OUT!"
(Alexei Sayle, 1991)
When I was growing up we burned our trash in a major way. We took a Caterpiller (the big one) and created a garbage pit on the farm. It was at Least 15-20 feet deep at the deep end. We put old appliances, furniture, and all of our garbage in there and once every couple of months or so, we'd torch the whole works. That would condense what was in there and we could add to it again.
We also burned huge piles of brush and added tires and used oil to it to burn faster.
This kind of stuff is common among farmers, who are pretty much on their own for disposal of this stuff. In the city you just have to get rid of a couple of bags of garbage a week, but when a farm generates 4 or 5 dumpsters full of brush or other burnable garbage, and it costs a fortune to haul it away, they just torch it.
The Glass is Too Big: My Take on Things
Recently, a large manufacturer of cashew-based products had to issue a recall of a lot of cashew butter. The reason?
They forgot to put on a warning label stating that it was made using cashews and may cause an allergic reaction to those allergic to cashews.
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"'Is not a quine' is not a quine" is a quine.
Quine "quine?
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purley coincidental. No animals were hurt during the making of these pages. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substaintial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. This supersedes all previous notices. No Microsoft products were used during the creation of these pages.
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Warning: Slashdot may contain traces of nuts.
I see it's been slashdoted, I think it was on BluesNews before. I've had it in my bookmarks ever since, I bring it up for friends once in a while. I did like the the equation for calculating the speed, verry well done. The only thing that I wish they had put in is how they put together the release for the compressed air, and just a little more detail about the actual making of it. Looked golden though when I saw it.
matguy
Net. Admin.
matguy(.com)
Yeah, it's really a page about the spud gun. But spud guns are for wimps. Check out the Punkin' Chunkin' contest for the ultimate in vegetable projectiles.
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Oh, no! You have walked into the slavering fangs of a lurking grue!
Seen the potato gun on that site? Woah.
I heard that our bad boy Saddam is working on a giant spud gun to replace his aging scuds.
The labels aren't there for regular people. I suppose they put them there for the extra stupid people who happen to be able to read. Maybe it helps protect them from lawsuits from stupid people. Maybe their lawyers have a sense of humor or are bored so they demand that the labels be placed on the products.
The other was on a kids' magic set, the box of which pictured a child playing with the various pieces. In order to ensure that no one would think they were getting too much of a bargain, the box stated (I swear I am not making this up), "Little boy not included."
Save Maine's economy: write stuff down. All comments are exclusively my own, not my employer.
Along the fireworks theme -
I help some friends put on a couple of fireworks shows each year. This is a small, but professionally produced show. Several of the folks who work there are California licenced pyrotechnicians. The fireworks come from a variety of sources, mostly China. One year, the Canadian-made shells had a warning label which read:
"Danger. Explosive. Do not light."
I was driving and saw this 18 wheeled flatbed truck carrying an HUGE(larger than the truck) storage tank of some sort, and printed in large letters -- "Read Instructions Before Installing"
"Where is my mind?"