Almost a year to the day after 911, our company was considering layoffs and the rummer mill was running at full speed. My direct boss had been laid off a month before and I was handed off to a manager in another state but he never made contact with me. I went to my mail box to check for my pay stub. Seeing that there was one in everyone's box but mine, I started to get a little nervous about my job. I about sprinted to HR and asked where my stub was but when I walked into the room everyone's eyes popped open and jaws dropped, the director turned bright red and shot up like she was a spring, pointed at me with an accusing finger and speaking with a warbling voice, "Wh-wh-wh-what are YOU doing here!?"
I could feel my sphincter pucker slightly as I slowly came to realize that her question and the lack of a pay stub was somehow related. I answered in the most articulate and professional way possible by stammering out a reply that sounded like it was coming from my five year old when caught with her hand in the cookies right before dinner, "Huh?".
"Stay right there!" I was ordered but after spending a month 10 years earlier in Iraq lighting up towers and communication buildings with lasers for A-6 medium bombers, and then shooting our way out back to a Seahawks, I knew when to duck and run! I made it to my desk in 20 seconds and dumped all my contacts, my Rolodex and miscellaneous office products into a paper box, used my pen knife to open the PC case, yanked the HD out and shoved the old one that the Tech guy forgot six months earlier (he told me the leave it there, he would come by and pick it up tomorrow...) to take with him when he swapped them out and ran for the door.
I dumped the box and went back to the building, my badge still worked so I went to the Tech guy and told him about the PC not booting up, he grabbed another Ghosted HD and did the swap in five minutes leaving no trace of my reallocation of data to my car. Email was web based and so I logged in and ran a search for my bosses emails. "Shit!", I blurted as I found his email dated two weeks earlier in my junk box outlining my severance package and deadline for its acceptance.
Stealing a quick look at the calendar, I saw that the last day was today, so I got up and made my way down to HR once more. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I walked in again and smiled, "Hello!, I guess I need to ask about signing up for my severance package."
I got 26 weeks full pay, yes, even the extra two weeks I worked were added, and a full year of unemployment. I sent emails to all of my contacts and stole about 2/3ds away from my old company a year later after the non-compete agreement ran out. Getting booted was the best thing to happen and I lounged for almost a year with my kids.
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Almost a year to the day after 911, our company was considering layoffs and the rummer mill was running at full speed. My direct boss had been laid off a month before and I was handed off to a manager in another state but he never made contact with me. I went to my mail box to check for my pay stub. Seeing that there was one in everyone's box but mine, I started to get a little nervous about my job. I about sprinted to HR and asked where my stub was but when I walked into the room everyone's eyes popped open and jaws dropped, the director turned bright red and shot up like she was a spring, pointed at me with an accusing finger and speaking with a warbling voice, "Wh-wh-wh-what are YOU doing here!?" I could feel my sphincter pucker slightly as I slowly came to realize that her question and the lack of a pay stub was somehow related. I answered in the most articulate and professional way possible by stammering out a reply that sounded like it was coming from my five year old when caught with her hand in the cookies right before dinner, "Huh?". "Stay right there!" I was ordered but after spending a month 10 years earlier in Iraq lighting up towers and communication buildings with lasers for A-6 medium bombers, and then shooting our way out back to a Seahawks, I knew when to duck and run! I made it to my desk in 20 seconds and dumped all my contacts, my Rolodex and miscellaneous office products into a paper box, used my pen knife to open the PC case, yanked the HD out and shoved the old one that the Tech guy forgot six months earlier (he told me the leave it there, he would come by and pick it up tomorrow...) to take with him when he swapped them out and ran for the door. I dumped the box and went back to the building, my badge still worked so I went to the Tech guy and told him about the PC not booting up, he grabbed another Ghosted HD and did the swap in five minutes leaving no trace of my reallocation of data to my car. Email was web based and so I logged in and ran a search for my bosses emails. "Shit!", I blurted as I found his email dated two weeks earlier in my junk box outlining my severance package and deadline for its acceptance. Stealing a quick look at the calendar, I saw that the last day was today, so I got up and made my way down to HR once more. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I walked in again and smiled, "Hello!, I guess I need to ask about signing up for my severance package." I got 26 weeks full pay, yes, even the extra two weeks I worked were added, and a full year of unemployment. I sent emails to all of my contacts and stole about 2/3ds away from my old company a year later after the non-compete agreement ran out. Getting booted was the best thing to happen and I lounged for almost a year with my kids.