I tried to buy some bondage porn yesterday at the local bookshop. I've been trying to spice up the marriage ya know? But when I went to pick it up, everyone near me pulled cameras out and took my photograph. From like a half dozen angles! It's worse, when you go and pay you have to interact with another human being who asks for your ID, not only checks your age, but writes down your Social Security number and photocopies your driver's license next to the BDSM porn you just bought. He puts it all into a Big Black Book behind the counter. The next time, when I went into the bookstore with my 5 year old daughter, I had a sales clerk come up to me with a copy of Whips and Chains Monthly. I tried going to a different store, but they already knew me because the first bookstore had given them a copy of The Big Black Book. I left the store with my hat pulled over my face. Unfortunately it was too late and now I receive subscription adds to Bondage Babes at my house constantly.
I think there must be some kind of multinational corporation conspiracy thing going on with retailers in cahoots with the publishers in order to track me. Scary Stuff.
Slashdot Mirror
Security Conscious Translation:
I tried to buy some bondage porn yesterday at the local bookshop. I've been trying to spice up the marriage ya know? But when I went to pick it up, everyone near me pulled cameras out and took my photograph. From like a half dozen angles! It's worse, when you go and pay you have to interact with another human being who asks for your ID, not only checks your age, but writes down your Social Security number and photocopies your driver's license next to the BDSM porn you just bought. He puts it all into a Big Black Book behind the counter. The next time, when I went into the bookstore with my 5 year old daughter, I had a sales clerk come up to me with a copy of Whips and Chains Monthly. I tried going to a different store, but they already knew me because the first bookstore had given them a copy of The Big Black Book. I left the store with my hat pulled over my face. Unfortunately it was too late and now I receive subscription adds to Bondage Babes at my house constantly.
I think there must be some kind of multinational corporation conspiracy thing going on with retailers in cahoots with the publishers in order to track me. Scary Stuff.
End Translation