Greetings, denizens of the Slashdot. If you have read Slashdot commentary with any attention, you have noticed that certain posts receive moderation points with the qualifier "Funny." You may also have noticed, if have experience with non-Linux OS's, that these posts do not make you smile, laugh, urinate, or any of the more popular responses to things that would normally be considered "Funny." Indeed, the Slashdot has birthed a new linguistic classification; I propose to call it the "Slashdot Joke," for reasons that are hopefully quite apparent.
So! You wish to become a Slashdot Joker? Easier typed than done! But let us endeavor no less assiduously in the face of difficulty.
The first thing you must understand in order to be a Slashdot Joker is that the Slashdot Joke does not make you laugh because it was never intended to be funny. That is correct; what's more, no sense of humor is required to craft a Slashdot Joke. The Slashdot Joke is a purely manipulative phenomenon with a specific desired outcome, in most respects quite similar to deftly used GHB. A Slashdot Joke [GHB] compels a Slashdot Moderator [svelte vixen (or otherwise, but let it be svelte, if you please!)] to give you karma [let you stick your dirty penis wherever you please].
The key to proper manipulation is to know the weaknesses of your target. In this case, your target will be Slashdot Moderators. While you can glean a better understanding of this from even minimal observation, I will clue you in to a few basic rules. Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. Some Trolls would have you believe that all Slashdot Moderators use the Linux; this is a common misconception, as most Slashdot Readers (of which Moderators are a subset) use the Microsoft Windows. However, remember my first statement: Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. We all know the Microsoft Windows is easier to use than the Linux; most nerds like to pretend that they are very intimate with their computers (note that some truly are, but that this practice is frowned upon in most circles). In other words, most Slashdot Moderators will support the dominant Slashdot paradigm, which is that the Linux is the greatest, coolest, hippest, free-est, rockingest, insert-your-fetish-here-est OS in the known universe. They take the Linux very seriously. If you do not know much about the Linux, you should go here. That will give you some understanding of the type of people you are working with.
Nerds are very insecure, by definition. If someone is smart and secure (do not take their word for it, though), they will not be a nerd, no matter how much they know about computers, or how much they like Tolkien. Nerdism is insecurity. Therefore, to the novice Slashdot Joker, stroking Slashdot Moderator egos is crucial. Once you have mastered this basic strategy, you can move on to advanced Slashdot Joking (which I will address later), but for now, pace yourself. There are many mod points to be earned from this tried and true method.
Bearing that in mind, let us discuss Slashdot Joking practically. First of all, it is very important to make your joke so quickly as you possibly can. This is because of the following. Real jokes are often absurd and silly; that is why they make us laugh. On the Slashdot, however, Offtopic posts are treated most unkindly. Since a real (funny) joke would almost never be strictly Ontopic in a Slashdot thread (except for the time when CmdrTaco brilliantly stated that he needed a new rubber for his "Jackbot"), this is the most dangerous aspect of Slashdot Joking. Do not allow your sense of humor to ruin your Slashdot Joke! Slashdot Jokes must pertain directly to the topic at hand. For this reason, the most effective Slashdot Jokes will make direct use of the wording of the actual post being discussed (referencing even the linked article is usually too removed--anyway, the Slashdot Moderators almost never read the articles, so they will know no better). Furthermore, Slashdot Jokes should avoid carrying any additional content, as this new content may be actually funny and subsequently Offtopic.
Since adding content is dangerous, the most reliable option available to the would-be Slashdot Joker is the Pun. Most civilized societies long ago made all but the most subtly wrought puns serious social blunders. In truth, this works to your advantage as a Slashdot Joker in multiple ways. For the idiot Slashdot Moderators who look only at the subject of your pun (and scan it for "Microsoft," "RIAA," or other hot Slashdot Topics), the pun is nothing more than a symbol; they take it as a warming confirmation that they belong to a community because they can recognize this pun as part of the Slashdot paradigm. For the even more idiotic Slashdot Moderators who hubristically think that they are above the fray, your pun will be a clever, recursive in-joke. To manipulate these guys, all you have to do is appear to be somewhat intelligent, and they will fabricate the rest in their fecund imaginations. How quaint, they will smugly think, a pun! Do not be afraid to incorporate programming syntax into your pun, even though your real sense of humor may ache at the thought. Many Slashdot Moderators consider programming to be the most breathtakingly sexy thing possible, and so they aspire to project the image that they consider programming syntax so second nature as being capable of conveying humor. Remember, they will not actually be able to find your Slashdot Joke funny, but they will recognize your syntax and mod you up according to the rules of "Funny."
If you have enjoyed reading this and would like this project to continue, please respond saying so! If you did not like it, and think that I am a bag of shit, that input is also welcome. I can take it! Thank you, and peace be on your house!
Greetings, denizens of the Slashdot. If you have read Slashdot commentary with any attention, you have noticed that certain posts receive moderation points with the qualifier "Funny." You may also have noticed, if have experience with non-Linux OS's, that these posts do not make you smile, laugh, urinate, or any of the more popular responses to things that would normally be considered "Funny." Indeed, the Slashdot has birthed a new linguistic classification; I propose to call it the "Slashdot Joke," for reasons that are hopefully quite apparent.
So! You wish to become a Slashdot Joker? Easier typed than done! But let us endeavor no less assiduously in the face of difficulty.
The first thing you must understand in order to be a Slashdot Joker is that the Slashdot Joke does not make you laugh because it was never intended to be funny. That is correct; what's more, no sense of humor is required to craft a Slashdot Joke. The Slashdot Joke is a purely manipulative phenomenon with a specific desired outcome, in most respects quite similar to deftly used GHB. A Slashdot Joke [GHB] compels a Slashdot Moderator [svelte vixen (or otherwise, but let it be svelte, if you please!)] to give you karma [let you stick your dirty penis wherever you please].
The key to proper manipulation is to know the weaknesses of your target. In this case, your target will be Slashdot Moderators. While you can glean a better understanding of this from even minimal observation, I will clue you in to a few basic rules. Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. Some Trolls would have you believe that all Slashdot Moderators use the Linux; this is a common misconception, as most Slashdot Readers (of which Moderators are a subset) use the Microsoft Windows. However, remember my first statement: Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. We all know the Microsoft Windows is easier to use than the Linux; most nerds like to pretend that they are very intimate with their computers (note that some truly are, but that this practice is frowned upon in most circles). In other words, most Slashdot Moderators will support the dominant Slashdot paradigm, which is that the Linux is the greatest, coolest, hippest, free-est, rockingest, insert-your-fetish-here-est OS in the known universe. They take the Linux very seriously. If you do not know much about the Linux, you should go here. That will give you some understanding of the type of people you are working with.
Nerds are very insecure, by definition. If someone is smart and secure (do not take their word for it, though), they will not be a nerd, no matter how much they know about computers, or how much they like Tolkien. Nerdism is insecurity. Therefore, to the novice Slashdot Joker, stroking Slashdot Moderator egos is crucial. Once you have mastered this basic strategy, you can move on to advanced Slashdot Joking (which I will address later), but for now, pace yourself. There are many mod points to be earned from this tried and true method.
Bearing that in mind, let us discuss Slashdot Joking practically. First of all, it is very important to make your joke so quickly as you possibly can. This is because of the following. Real jokes are often absurd and silly; that is why they make us laugh. On the Slashdot, however, Offtopic posts are treated most unkindly. Since a real (funny) joke would almost never be strictly Ontopic in a Slashdot thread (except for the time when CmdrTaco brilliantly stated that he needed a new rubber for his "Jackbot"), this is the most dangerous aspect of Slashdot Joking. Do not allow your sense of humor to ruin your Slashdot Joke! Slashdot Jokes must pertain directly to the topic at hand. For this reason, the most effective Slashdot Jokes will make direct use of the wording of the actual post being discussed (referencing even the linked article is usually too removed--anyway, the Slashdot Moderators almost never read the articles, so they will know no better). Furthermore, Slashdot Jokes should avoid carrying any additional content, as this new content may be actually funny and subsequently Offtopic.
Since adding content is dangerous, the most reliable option available to the would-be Slashdot Joker is the Pun. Most civilized societies long ago made all but the most subtly wrought puns serious social blunders. In truth, this works to your advantage as a Slashdot Joker in multiple ways. For the idiot Slashdot Moderators who look only at the subject of your pun (and scan it for "Microsoft," "RIAA," or other hot Slashdot Topics), the pun is nothing more than a symbol; they take it as a warming confirmation that they belong to a community because they can recognize this pun as part of the Slashdot paradigm. For the even more idiotic Slashdot Moderators who hubristically think that they are above the fray, your pun will be a clever, recursive in-joke. To manipulate these guys, all you have to do is appear to be somewhat intelligent, and they will fabricate the rest in their fecund imaginations. How quaint, they will smugly think, a pun! Do not be afraid to incorporate programming syntax into your pun, even though your real sense of humor may ache at the thought. Many Slashdot Moderators consider programming to be the most breathtakingly sexy thing possible, and so they aspire to project the image that they consider programming syntax so second nature as being capable of conveying humor. Remember, they will not actually be able to find your Slashdot Joke funny, but they will recognize your syntax and mod you up according to the rules of "Funny."
If you have enjoyed reading this and would like this project to continue, please respond saying so! If you did not like it, and think that I am a bag of shit, that input is also welcome. I can take it! Thank you, and peace be on your house!
The Aspiring Slashdot Joker Part I
on
Inside Intel
·
· Score: -1, Offtopic
Guide to the Slashdot Joke ver.1
Greetings, denizens of the Slashdot. If you have read Slashdot commentary with any attention, you have noticed that certain posts receive moderation points with the qualifier "Funny." You may also have noticed, if have experience with non-Linux OS's, that these posts do make you smile, laugh, urinate, or any of the more popular responses to things that would normally be considered "Funny." Indeed, the Slashdot has birthed a new linguistic classification; I propose to call it the "Slashdot Joke," for reasons that are hopefully quite apparent.
So! You wish to become a Slashdot Joker? Easier typed than done! But let us endeavor no less assiduously in the face of difficulty.
The first thing you must understand in order to be a Slashdot Joker is that the Slashdot Joke does not make you laugh because it was never intended to be funny. That is correct; what's more, no sense of humor is required to craft a Slashdot Joke. The Slashdot Joke is a purely manipulative phenomenon with a specific desired outcome, in most respects quite similar to deftly used GHB. A Slashdot Joke [GHB] compels a Slashdot Moderator [svelte vixen (or otherwise, but let it be svelte, if you please!)] to give you karma [let you stick your dirty penis wherever you please].
The key to proper manipulation is to know the weaknesses of your target. In this case, your target will be Slashdot Moderators. While you can glean a better understanding of this from even minimal observation, I will clue you in to a few basic rules. Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. Some Trolls would have you believe that all Slashdot Moderators use the Linux; this is a common misconception, as most Slashdot Readers (of which Moderators are a subset) use the Microsoft Windows. However, remember my first statement: Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. We all know the Microsoft Windows is easier to use than the Linux; most nerds like to pretend that they are very intimate with their computers (note that some truly are, but that this practice is frowned upon in most circles). In other words, most Slashdot Moderators will support the dominant Slashdot paradigm, which is that the Linux is the greatest, coolest, hippest, free-est, rockingest, insert-your-fetish-here-est OS in the known universe. They take the Linux very seriously. If you do not know much about the Linux, you should go here. That will give you some understanding of the type of people you are working with.
Nerds are very insecure, by definition. If someone is smart and secure (do not take their word for it, though), they will not be a nerd, no matter how much they know about computers, or how much they like Tolkien. Nerdism is insecurity. Therefore, to the novice Slashdot Joker, stroking Slashdot Moderator egos is crucial. Once you have mastered this basic strategy, you can move on to advanced Slashdot Joking (which I will address later), but for now, pace yourself. There are many mod points to be earned from this tried and true method.
Bearing that in mind, let us discuss Slashdot Joking practically. First of all, it is very important to make your joke so quickly as you possibly can. This is because of the following. Real jokes are often absurd and silly; that is why they make us laugh. On the Slashdot, however, Offtopic posts are treated most unkindly. Since a real (funny) joke would almost never be strictly Ontopic in a Slashdot thread (except for the time when CmdrTaco brilliantly stated that he needed a new rubber for his "Jackbot"), this is the most dangerous aspect of Slashdot Joking. Do not allow your sense of humor to ruin your Slashdot Joke! Slashdot Jokes must pertain directly to the topic at hand. For this reason, the most effective Slashdot Jokes will make direct use of the wording of the actual post being discussed (referencing even the linked article is usually too removed--anyway, the Slashdot Moderators almost never read the articles, so they will know no better). Furthermore, Slashdot Jokes should avoid carrying any additional content, as this new content may be actually funny and subsequently Offtopic.
Since adding content is dangerous, the most reliable option available to the would-be Slashdot Joker is the Pun. Most civilized societies long ago made all but the most subtly wrought puns serious social blunders. In truth, this works to your advantage as a Slashdot Joker in multiple ways. For the idiot Slashdot Moderators who look only at the subject of your pun (and scan it for "Microsoft," "RIAA," or other hot Slashdot Topics), the pun is nothing more than a symbol; they take it as a warming confirmation that they belong to a community because they can recognize this pun as part of the Slashdot paradigm. For the even more idiotic Slashdot Moderators who hubristically think that they are above the fray, your pun will be a clever, recursive in-joke. To manipulate these guys, all you have to do is appear to be somewhat intelligent, and they will fabricate the rest in their fecund imaginations. How quaint, they will smugly think, a pun! Do not be afraid to incorporate programming syntax into your pun, even though your real sense of humor may ache at the thought. Many Slashdot Moderators consider programming to be the most breathtakingly sexy thing possible, and so they aspire to project the image that they consider programming syntax so second nature as being capable of conveying humor. Remember, they will not actually be able to find your Slashdot Joke funny, but they will recognize your syntax and mod you up according to the rules of "Funny."
If you have enjoyed reading this and would like this project to continue, please respond saying so! If you did not like it, and think that I am a bag of shit, that input is also welcome. I can take it! Thank you, and peace be on your house!
I move to eradicate the common phrase "curl up with a good book," based on the simple but important fact that nobody ever does this. Curling up while trying to read is uncomfortable and counterproductive.
Now tell me exactly what OSX can do what Linux can't?
..Troll? If nothing else, the aqua interface is far more pleasant for the eye than KDE or Gnome. Not only that, but OS X boasts actual design decisions that differ from what Microsoft has chosen to do. Unfortunately, KDE and Gnome are not in a position to make such a claim.
- Multiple desktops - Real 3 mouse button support - A browser (Konqueror) that respawns all windows from the previous session on log-in (no more temporary bookmarks) - Web/News/Mailserver preinstalled. I *DO MIND* spending hours downloading/installing all this. - and more...
So I guess the bottom line is that you've never actually used OS X. In fact, you even mentioned that your experience was limited to OS9. All that stuff is there, save perhaps for the 3 mouse buttons (even the software, since you can run X on top of the BSD layer).
I'll grant that Linux on Apple laptops isn't quite so unfathomable (although I still don't really see the point)- but this was an iMac.
Because Apple doesn't have a monopoly, and they use their own hardware. If you don't like it, you are free to buy other products- objectively, there's nothing you can get on a Mac that you can't get an equivalent for on a PC. That is; when you buy a Mac, you buy the whole package, operating system and all, and you get a computer that works out of the box, like it's supposed to. Apple doesn't have enough market share to abuse.
I am a sometimes-Linux-user who would very much like to see Linux become something beyond just a geek toy. It's not like I'm kidnapping them and forcing them to develop according to my diabolical whims- just pointing out that they're wasting their time doing something stupid.
There is plenty of free, open software for OS X, and as proprietary operating systems go, OS X quite open to its users. Perhaps there would be even more open source stuff for OS X if people weren't bustling around trying to install Linux on their designer Macs.
Seriously, what's the point of running Linux on a Mac. It's not like you can get Macs without the operating system. Isn't the whole point of Linux that it's an x86 alternative to Windows?
If I could run OS X on my x86 box, Linux would never have even entered the running of my considerations.
This is a waste of developers' time. Why don't you use your time developing something that needs to be done, like a Linux GUI that has unique perks or something like that?
Erm. Here's the thing: cable companies show commercials to make money. Not because they are doing their executive friends at Clearasil a favor, but because they like having a lot of money. This is understandable. If they were unable to get their money from advertising, they would charge the customers more money. Many would pay.
VCRs are inferior in all ways to PVRs; to most, the quality and convenience factors are simply too low with VCRs to allow VCRs to supplant normal TV watching. PVRs are capable of doing that, and when they do, TV will become very different from what you know it to be.
No, but if you systematically avoid watching the commercials and then write letters to the companies that are advertising saying that you never watch commercials, you're doing something wrong. That's what a PVR is like- it's a quantifiable dent in the advertising margins.
In related news, whoever modded down my original post should grow some balls and respond to me with words instead of mod points. I'm glad somebody did something about that.
Whether you like it or not, TV is not a free service. You pay for it, either directly or indirectly; that is, in order for you to have something to watch while you atrophy your motor skills, someone has to bring it to you, and that someone wants to get paid.
Oh? That's not good enough? You don't like that you can't control the scheduling of the programming so that you can skip the ads, thereby avoiding compensating the TV providers the way they deserve to be? This isn't really an issue of fair use, because we all know that the actual money you pay to bring the content into your home does not alone pay for the content. Watching the ads (and the predetermined scheduling is important to the TV providers, as they map their ads according to time and demographic) is part of your payment- fair use does not permit you to skip the part of the payment that you dislike.
Plus, MSFT software seems "solid". Linux software seems flimsy and poorly written... but I'm specifically talking about GUI stuff here. Maybe if the linux people want better adoption and acceptance, they should ditch that POS X11 and make a solid, stable GUI, just like Apple did.
Yeah. Too bad Be got kicked in its corporate balls.
This misses the point. It isn't about extemporaneous interoperability- any file format should (I would hope) be consistent with itself. So long as all government agencies use the same format, it'd suffice. The problem is that it's too late for that, because they already do use the same program; moreover, it's the same one that everyone else uses. And that format is proprietary; until full MS compatibility is attained in the open source world, the US government will remain closed source.
It is quite simple, at least in the most important case. The government is locked into using Microsoft products because they have been using the proprietary.doc format for too long. Open source solutions are nice enough, but they are almost useless if they can't read document archives or, for that matter, new documents sent by outside sources using the most popular format available. A government that crippled itself because of software ideology would be a dysfunctional one, to say the least.
That said, you'd think the government could divert a couple of millions from some other mindless project and fund a real open source project. It's not like.doc is impregnable. Then again, people would probably find fault in that, too. I certainly don't trust the government to develop software for me.
Re:When will the real evolution of RTS arive?
on
HIstory of RTS Games
·
· Score: 1
Ugh. This "observation" has all of the astuteness of a 5-year-old clamoring that music is boring because there are only so many notes.
Players who rank high on the battle.net ladder system are hardly the best people to talk to about high-level play. Some baseball players might look really good in the sandlot, but they aren't capable of professional play; so it is with Starcraft.
The reason why Starcraft is so good- the only reason why it is the best RTS of all time- is because it is unbelievably balanced. That balance allows for a depth of strategy that you don't seem to be able to perceive. You can devise a workable strategy to counter anything. Simply put, if you lose, it's because you were outplayed; you could have won if you had played better.
Re:Yeah, write off a multimillion dolar movie..
on
Collateral Damage
·
· Score: 1
And he notes that the movie uses the pre-9/11 characterization of the government: bumbling and ineffective.
This has changed recently? You must not read/. very often.
Slashdot Mirror
rising from the dead to claim an FP! how glorious!
Well trolled. I applaud you!
but damn, this is as close to ontopic as this will ever get!
Guide to the Slashdot Joke ver .1
Greetings, denizens of the Slashdot. If you have read Slashdot commentary with any attention, you have noticed that certain posts receive moderation points with the qualifier "Funny." You may also have noticed, if have experience with non-Linux OS's, that these posts do not make you smile, laugh, urinate, or any of the more popular responses to things that would normally be considered "Funny." Indeed, the Slashdot has birthed a new linguistic classification; I propose to call it the "Slashdot Joke," for reasons that are hopefully quite apparent.
So! You wish to become a Slashdot Joker? Easier typed than done! But let us endeavor no less assiduously in the face of difficulty.
The first thing you must understand in order to be a Slashdot Joker is that the Slashdot Joke does not make you laugh because it was never intended to be funny. That is correct; what's more, no sense of humor is required to craft a Slashdot Joke. The Slashdot Joke is a purely manipulative phenomenon with a specific desired outcome, in most respects quite similar to deftly used GHB. A Slashdot Joke [GHB] compels a Slashdot Moderator [svelte vixen (or otherwise, but let it be svelte, if you please!)] to give you karma [let you stick your dirty penis wherever you please].
The key to proper manipulation is to know the weaknesses of your target. In this case, your target will be Slashdot Moderators. While you can glean a better understanding of this from even minimal observation, I will clue you in to a few basic rules. Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. Some Trolls would have you believe that all Slashdot Moderators use the Linux; this is a common misconception, as most Slashdot Readers (of which Moderators are a subset) use the Microsoft Windows. However, remember my first statement: Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. We all know the Microsoft Windows is easier to use than the Linux; most nerds like to pretend that they are very intimate with their computers (note that some truly are, but that this practice is frowned upon in most circles). In other words, most Slashdot Moderators will support the dominant Slashdot paradigm, which is that the Linux is the greatest, coolest, hippest, free-est, rockingest, insert-your-fetish-here-est OS in the known universe. They take the Linux very seriously. If you do not know much about the Linux, you should go here. That will give you some understanding of the type of people you are working with.
Nerds are very insecure, by definition. If someone is smart and secure (do not take their word for it, though), they will not be a nerd, no matter how much they know about computers, or how much they like Tolkien. Nerdism is insecurity. Therefore, to the novice Slashdot Joker, stroking Slashdot Moderator egos is crucial. Once you have mastered this basic strategy, you can move on to advanced Slashdot Joking (which I will address later), but for now, pace yourself. There are many mod points to be earned from this tried and true method.
Bearing that in mind, let us discuss Slashdot Joking practically. First of all, it is very important to make your joke so quickly as you possibly can. This is because of the following. Real jokes are often absurd and silly; that is why they make us laugh. On the Slashdot, however, Offtopic posts are treated most unkindly. Since a real (funny) joke would almost never be strictly Ontopic in a Slashdot thread (except for the time when CmdrTaco brilliantly stated that he needed a new rubber for his "Jackbot"), this is the most dangerous aspect of Slashdot Joking. Do not allow your sense of humor to ruin your Slashdot Joke! Slashdot Jokes must pertain directly to the topic at hand. For this reason, the most effective Slashdot Jokes will make direct use of the wording of the actual post being discussed (referencing even the linked article is usually too removed--anyway, the Slashdot Moderators almost never read the articles, so they will know no better). Furthermore, Slashdot Jokes should avoid carrying any additional content, as this new content may be actually funny and subsequently Offtopic.
Since adding content is dangerous, the most reliable option available to the would-be Slashdot Joker is the Pun. Most civilized societies long ago made all but the most subtly wrought puns serious social blunders. In truth, this works to your advantage as a Slashdot Joker in multiple ways. For the idiot Slashdot Moderators who look only at the subject of your pun (and scan it for "Microsoft," "RIAA," or other hot Slashdot Topics), the pun is nothing more than a symbol; they take it as a warming confirmation that they belong to a community because they can recognize this pun as part of the Slashdot paradigm. For the even more idiotic Slashdot Moderators who hubristically think that they are above the fray, your pun will be a clever, recursive in-joke. To manipulate these guys, all you have to do is appear to be somewhat intelligent, and they will fabricate the rest in their fecund imaginations. How quaint, they will smugly think, a pun! Do not be afraid to incorporate programming syntax into your pun, even though your real sense of humor may ache at the thought. Many Slashdot Moderators consider programming to be the most breathtakingly sexy thing possible, and so they aspire to project the image that they consider programming syntax so second nature as being capable of conveying humor. Remember, they will not actually be able to find your Slashdot Joke funny, but they will recognize your syntax and mod you up according to the rules of "Funny."
If you have enjoyed reading this and would like this project to continue, please respond saying so! If you did not like it, and think that I am a bag of shit, that input is also welcome. I can take it! Thank you, and peace be on your house!
I was expecting more than 50 comments in this infernal story. Whatever.
Guide to the Slashdot Joke ver .1
Greetings, denizens of the Slashdot. If you have read Slashdot commentary with any attention, you have noticed that certain posts receive moderation points with the qualifier "Funny." You may also have noticed, if have experience with non-Linux OS's, that these posts do not make you smile, laugh, urinate, or any of the more popular responses to things that would normally be considered "Funny." Indeed, the Slashdot has birthed a new linguistic classification; I propose to call it the "Slashdot Joke," for reasons that are hopefully quite apparent.
So! You wish to become a Slashdot Joker? Easier typed than done! But let us endeavor no less assiduously in the face of difficulty.
The first thing you must understand in order to be a Slashdot Joker is that the Slashdot Joke does not make you laugh because it was never intended to be funny. That is correct; what's more, no sense of humor is required to craft a Slashdot Joke. The Slashdot Joke is a purely manipulative phenomenon with a specific desired outcome, in most respects quite similar to deftly used GHB. A Slashdot Joke [GHB] compels a Slashdot Moderator [svelte vixen (or otherwise, but let it be svelte, if you please!)] to give you karma [let you stick your dirty penis wherever you please].
The key to proper manipulation is to know the weaknesses of your target. In this case, your target will be Slashdot Moderators. While you can glean a better understanding of this from even minimal observation, I will clue you in to a few basic rules. Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. Some Trolls would have you believe that all Slashdot Moderators use the Linux; this is a common misconception, as most Slashdot Readers (of which Moderators are a subset) use the Microsoft Windows. However, remember my first statement: Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. We all know the Microsoft Windows is easier to use than the Linux; most nerds like to pretend that they are very intimate with their computers (note that some truly are, but that this practice is frowned upon in most circles). In other words, most Slashdot Moderators will support the dominant Slashdot paradigm, which is that the Linux is the greatest, coolest, hippest, free-est, rockingest, insert-your-fetish-here-est OS in the known universe. They take the Linux very seriously. If you do not know much about the Linux, you should go here. That will give you some understanding of the type of people you are working with.
Nerds are very insecure, by definition. If someone is smart and secure (do not take their word for it, though), they will not be a nerd, no matter how much they know about computers, or how much they like Tolkien. Nerdism is insecurity. Therefore, to the novice Slashdot Joker, stroking Slashdot Moderator egos is crucial. Once you have mastered this basic strategy, you can move on to advanced Slashdot Joking (which I will address later), but for now, pace yourself. There are many mod points to be earned from this tried and true method.
Bearing that in mind, let us discuss Slashdot Joking practically. First of all, it is very important to make your joke so quickly as you possibly can. This is because of the following. Real jokes are often absurd and silly; that is why they make us laugh. On the Slashdot, however, Offtopic posts are treated most unkindly. Since a real (funny) joke would almost never be strictly Ontopic in a Slashdot thread (except for the time when CmdrTaco brilliantly stated that he needed a new rubber for his "Jackbot"), this is the most dangerous aspect of Slashdot Joking. Do not allow your sense of humor to ruin your Slashdot Joke! Slashdot Jokes must pertain directly to the topic at hand. For this reason, the most effective Slashdot Jokes will make direct use of the wording of the actual post being discussed (referencing even the linked article is usually too removed--anyway, the Slashdot Moderators almost never read the articles, so they will know no better). Furthermore, Slashdot Jokes should avoid carrying any additional content, as this new content may be actually funny and subsequently Offtopic.
Since adding content is dangerous, the most reliable option available to the would-be Slashdot Joker is the Pun. Most civilized societies long ago made all but the most subtly wrought puns serious social blunders. In truth, this works to your advantage as a Slashdot Joker in multiple ways. For the idiot Slashdot Moderators who look only at the subject of your pun (and scan it for "Microsoft," "RIAA," or other hot Slashdot Topics), the pun is nothing more than a symbol; they take it as a warming confirmation that they belong to a community because they can recognize this pun as part of the Slashdot paradigm. For the even more idiotic Slashdot Moderators who hubristically think that they are above the fray, your pun will be a clever, recursive in-joke. To manipulate these guys, all you have to do is appear to be somewhat intelligent, and they will fabricate the rest in their fecund imaginations. How quaint, they will smugly think, a pun! Do not be afraid to incorporate programming syntax into your pun, even though your real sense of humor may ache at the thought. Many Slashdot Moderators consider programming to be the most breathtakingly sexy thing possible, and so they aspire to project the image that they consider programming syntax so second nature as being capable of conveying humor. Remember, they will not actually be able to find your Slashdot Joke funny, but they will recognize your syntax and mod you up according to the rules of "Funny."
If you have enjoyed reading this and would like this project to continue, please respond saying so! If you did not like it, and think that I am a bag of shit, that input is also welcome. I can take it! Thank you, and peace be on your house!
Guide to the Slashdot Joke ver .1
Greetings, denizens of the Slashdot. If you have read Slashdot commentary with any attention, you have noticed that certain posts receive moderation points with the qualifier "Funny." You may also have noticed, if have experience with non-Linux OS's, that these posts do make you smile, laugh, urinate, or any of the more popular responses to things that would normally be considered "Funny." Indeed, the Slashdot has birthed a new linguistic classification; I propose to call it the "Slashdot Joke," for reasons that are hopefully quite apparent.
So! You wish to become a Slashdot Joker? Easier typed than done! But let us endeavor no less assiduously in the face of difficulty.
The first thing you must understand in order to be a Slashdot Joker is that the Slashdot Joke does not make you laugh because it was never intended to be funny. That is correct; what's more, no sense of humor is required to craft a Slashdot Joke. The Slashdot Joke is a purely manipulative phenomenon with a specific desired outcome, in most respects quite similar to deftly used GHB. A Slashdot Joke [GHB] compels a Slashdot Moderator [svelte vixen (or otherwise, but let it be svelte, if you please!)] to give you karma [let you stick your dirty penis wherever you please].
The key to proper manipulation is to know the weaknesses of your target. In this case, your target will be Slashdot Moderators. While you can glean a better understanding of this from even minimal observation, I will clue you in to a few basic rules. Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. Some Trolls would have you believe that all Slashdot Moderators use the Linux; this is a common misconception, as most Slashdot Readers (of which Moderators are a subset) use the Microsoft Windows. However, remember my first statement: Slashdot Moderators are all nerds. We all know the Microsoft Windows is easier to use than the Linux; most nerds like to pretend that they are very intimate with their computers (note that some truly are, but that this practice is frowned upon in most circles). In other words, most Slashdot Moderators will support the dominant Slashdot paradigm, which is that the Linux is the greatest, coolest, hippest, free-est, rockingest, insert-your-fetish-here-est OS in the known universe. They take the Linux very seriously. If you do not know much about the Linux, you should go here. That will give you some understanding of the type of people you are working with.
Nerds are very insecure, by definition. If someone is smart and secure (do not take their word for it, though), they will not be a nerd, no matter how much they know about computers, or how much they like Tolkien. Nerdism is insecurity. Therefore, to the novice Slashdot Joker, stroking Slashdot Moderator egos is crucial. Once you have mastered this basic strategy, you can move on to advanced Slashdot Joking (which I will address later), but for now, pace yourself. There are many mod points to be earned from this tried and true method.
Bearing that in mind, let us discuss Slashdot Joking practically. First of all, it is very important to make your joke so quickly as you possibly can. This is because of the following. Real jokes are often absurd and silly; that is why they make us laugh. On the Slashdot, however, Offtopic posts are treated most unkindly. Since a real (funny) joke would almost never be strictly Ontopic in a Slashdot thread (except for the time when CmdrTaco brilliantly stated that he needed a new rubber for his "Jackbot"), this is the most dangerous aspect of Slashdot Joking. Do not allow your sense of humor to ruin your Slashdot Joke! Slashdot Jokes must pertain directly to the topic at hand. For this reason, the most effective Slashdot Jokes will make direct use of the wording of the actual post being discussed (referencing even the linked article is usually too removed--anyway, the Slashdot Moderators almost never read the articles, so they will know no better). Furthermore, Slashdot Jokes should avoid carrying any additional content, as this new content may be actually funny and subsequently Offtopic.
Since adding content is dangerous, the most reliable option available to the would-be Slashdot Joker is the Pun. Most civilized societies long ago made all but the most subtly wrought puns serious social blunders. In truth, this works to your advantage as a Slashdot Joker in multiple ways. For the idiot Slashdot Moderators who look only at the subject of your pun (and scan it for "Microsoft," "RIAA," or other hot Slashdot Topics), the pun is nothing more than a symbol; they take it as a warming confirmation that they belong to a community because they can recognize this pun as part of the Slashdot paradigm. For the even more idiotic Slashdot Moderators who hubristically think that they are above the fray, your pun will be a clever, recursive in-joke. To manipulate these guys, all you have to do is appear to be somewhat intelligent, and they will fabricate the rest in their fecund imaginations. How quaint, they will smugly think, a pun! Do not be afraid to incorporate programming syntax into your pun, even though your real sense of humor may ache at the thought. Many Slashdot Moderators consider programming to be the most breathtakingly sexy thing possible, and so they aspire to project the image that they consider programming syntax so second nature as being capable of conveying humor. Remember, they will not actually be able to find your Slashdot Joke funny, but they will recognize your syntax and mod you up according to the rules of "Funny."
If you have enjoyed reading this and would like this project to continue, please respond saying so! If you did not like it, and think that I am a bag of shit, that input is also welcome. I can take it! Thank you, and peace be on your house!
I move to eradicate the common phrase "curl up with a good book," based on the simple but important fact that nobody ever does this. Curling up while trying to read is uncomfortable and counterproductive.
Now tell me exactly what OSX can do what Linux can't?
..Troll? If nothing else, the aqua interface is far more pleasant for the eye than KDE or Gnome. Not only that, but OS X boasts actual design decisions that differ from what Microsoft has chosen to do. Unfortunately, KDE and Gnome are not in a position to make such a claim.
- Multiple desktops - Real 3 mouse button support - A browser (Konqueror) that respawns all windows from the previous session on log-in (no more temporary bookmarks) - Web/News/Mailserver preinstalled. I *DO MIND* spending hours downloading/installing all this. - and more...
So I guess the bottom line is that you've never actually used OS X. In fact, you even mentioned that your experience was limited to OS9. All that stuff is there, save perhaps for the 3 mouse buttons (even the software, since you can run X on top of the BSD layer).
I'll grant that Linux on Apple laptops isn't quite so unfathomable (although I still don't really see the point)- but this was an iMac.
..silly AC..! It's the COMPUTER industry, not the MAC industry!
Because Apple doesn't have a monopoly, and they use their own hardware. If you don't like it, you are free to buy other products- objectively, there's nothing you can get on a Mac that you can't get an equivalent for on a PC. That is; when you buy a Mac, you buy the whole package, operating system and all, and you get a computer that works out of the box, like it's supposed to. Apple doesn't have enough market share to abuse.
I am a sometimes-Linux-user who would very much like to see Linux become something beyond just a geek toy. It's not like I'm kidnapping them and forcing them to develop according to my diabolical whims- just pointing out that they're wasting their time doing something stupid.
There is plenty of free, open software for OS X, and as proprietary operating systems go, OS X quite open to its users. Perhaps there would be even more open source stuff for OS X if people weren't bustling around trying to install Linux on their designer Macs.
Seriously, what's the point of running Linux on a Mac. It's not like you can get Macs without the operating system. Isn't the whole point of Linux that it's an x86 alternative to Windows?
If I could run OS X on my x86 box, Linux would never have even entered the running of my considerations.
This is a waste of developers' time. Why don't you use your time developing something that needs to be done, like a Linux GUI that has unique perks or something like that?
Erm. Here's the thing: cable companies show commercials to make money. Not because they are doing their executive friends at Clearasil a favor, but because they like having a lot of money. This is understandable. If they were unable to get their money from advertising, they would charge the customers more money. Many would pay.
VCRs are inferior in all ways to PVRs; to most, the quality and convenience factors are simply too low with VCRs to allow VCRs to supplant normal TV watching. PVRs are capable of doing that, and when they do, TV will become very different from what you know it to be.
No, but if you systematically avoid watching the commercials and then write letters to the companies that are advertising saying that you never watch commercials, you're doing something wrong. That's what a PVR is like- it's a quantifiable dent in the advertising margins.
In related news, whoever modded down my original post should grow some balls and respond to me with words instead of mod points. I'm glad somebody did something about that.
Whether you like it or not, TV is not a free service. You pay for it, either directly or indirectly; that is, in order for you to have something to watch while you atrophy your motor skills, someone has to bring it to you, and that someone wants to get paid.
Oh? That's not good enough? You don't like that you can't control the scheduling of the programming so that you can skip the ads, thereby avoiding compensating the TV providers the way they deserve to be? This isn't really an issue of fair use, because we all know that the actual money you pay to bring the content into your home does not alone pay for the content. Watching the ads (and the predetermined scheduling is important to the TV providers, as they map their ads according to time and demographic) is part of your payment- fair use does not permit you to skip the part of the payment that you dislike.
again? holy shit in an ass!
I figured. And that would be better, I agree. I still think the project was worth linking, though.
Yes. I couldn't agree more. I didn't mean that link to be snide, in case it wasn't clear.
Plus, MSFT software seems "solid". Linux software seems flimsy and poorly written... but I'm specifically talking about GUI stuff here. Maybe if the linux people want better adoption and acceptance, they should ditch that POS X11 and make a solid, stable GUI, just like Apple did.
Yeah. Too bad Be got kicked in its corporate balls.
This misses the point. It isn't about extemporaneous interoperability- any file format should (I would hope) be consistent with itself. So long as all government agencies use the same format, it'd suffice. The problem is that it's too late for that, because they already do use the same program; moreover, it's the same one that everyone else uses. And that format is proprietary; until full MS compatibility is attained in the open source world, the US government will remain closed source.
It is quite simple, at least in the most important case. The government is locked into using Microsoft products because they have been using the proprietary .doc format for too long. Open source solutions are nice enough, but they are almost useless if they can't read document archives or, for that matter, new documents sent by outside sources using the most popular format available. A government that crippled itself because of software ideology would be a dysfunctional one, to say the least.
.doc is impregnable. Then again, people would probably find fault in that, too. I certainly don't trust the government to develop software for me.
That said, you'd think the government could divert a couple of millions from some other mindless project and fund a real open source project. It's not like
Please sir, can I have some more?
Ugh. This "observation" has all of the astuteness of a 5-year-old clamoring that music is boring because there are only so many notes.
Players who rank high on the battle.net ladder system are hardly the best people to talk to about high-level play. Some baseball players might look really good in the sandlot, but they aren't capable of professional play; so it is with Starcraft.
The reason why Starcraft is so good- the only reason why it is the best RTS of all time- is because it is unbelievably balanced. That balance allows for a depth of strategy that you don't seem to be able to perceive. You can devise a workable strategy to counter anything. Simply put, if you lose, it's because you were outplayed; you could have won if you had played better.
And he notes that the movie uses the pre-9/11 characterization of the government: bumbling and ineffective.
/. very often.
This has changed recently? You must not read