Rambus Announces World's Fastest Revenue Generating Technology and Unveils HUGE Set of Brass Ones
Multi-Level Industry AnalRape Technology Capable of Extortion Revenue Transfer Rate of $1.6 Billion per Second
Santa Clara, CA - September 30, 2000 - Rambus Inc. (Nasdaq: RMBS), the leading provider of high bandwidth lawsuit-generating bogons, today unveiled its new multi-level AnalRape technology at the end of a 3-day executive offsite beerfest. The Legal AnalRape Torture (LART) technology enables Cease & Desist transfer rates of 1.6 Lawsuit Announcements per second (Laps), twice Rambus' current AnalProbe technology and four times the fastest demonstrated Digital Convergence devices.
In 1992, Rambus increased the rate of conventional legal larceny tenfold by locking the billable clock rate of their lawyers to 120hours/wk and then increased the clock rate by a factor of five the next year by transferring a gram of crack to each cube per clock cycle. The Rambus AnalProbe Engine (RAPE) accomplishes the transfer of two grams per clock cycle and is commonly referred to as double donged reaming (DDR) technology. Today, Rambus has again pioneered high-speed extortion and larceny with its breakthrough multi-level LART technology. LART combines the patented double donged reaming (DDR) technology along with multi-level ethical breaches to transfer four grams per clock cycle in order to achieve unprecedented commodity C&D rates of 1.6 Laps.
"Toshiba has gotten LART from Rambus and we are to deliver insane amounts of crack to them or else," said Yasuo Morimoto, president and CEO, Toshiba Corporation Semiconductor Company. "Toshiba is the leading technology supplier to the consumer and communications memory markets and we shouldn't have to take this shit. Unfortunately Rambus' huge pair of brass balls make me feel warm & squishy."
"Our development team has produced test business models that have proven the technology is stable and producible and we are now ready to fuck with partners and plant this fabulous technology right in their nuts," said Dave Mooring, President of Rambus Inc during . "Rambus' objective is to stifle innovations that will kill the semiconductor and systems industries. Once our objective has been reached we will have a monopoly in place that Bill Gates would envy. We are pleased to continue our role in screwing the industry in memory and chip connections technologies."
When asked for further comment Mooring cackled, "I'm gonna be rich! RICH! You hear me you bastards?! I got the 3l337 business model. I know Lawyer Kung-Fu. I wi11 0wn y3w!" and then proceeded to pass out face-down in a pool of his own vomit.
I recall similar info about the JEDEC membership terms. Yet, if there was in fact a contract which bound participating JEDEC members to forgo patent and technology protection then why has no one challenged RAMBUS' patent claim? Especially the JEDEC members?
If RAMBUS willfully entered into a contract, either written or verbal, which specified those terms and they reneged on the contract, then I would assume that there is legal standing to prosecute them for Patent fraud or somesuch.
If I sign a contract saying I will not patent something, then go ahead and apply for a patent anyway and manage to get the patent approved... What are the terms which render a patent invalid other than 'prior art'? I thought the 'prior art' thing was before the approval anyway.. once a patent is granted can it be taken away?
My head hurts now. Either way I still think we should hunt down the people in RAMBUS who are responsible for this corporate greed and lack of business ethics and have them anally raped by an angry Armenian War-Goat.
Bzzzzt. Play again later.
If merely being a provider of information, regardless of how that info gets utilized, can make you an accessory to crime then we better hurry up and start closing down libraries, burn any science or math book, and kiss our freedoms and intellectual progress goodbye. Oh, and sell your Yahoo stock while we're at it.:)
To put it in a way that might strike a little closer to home for us/.'ers:
The BUGTRAQ mailing list provides information about security holes, exploits, weaknesses and, in many cases, a step-by-step guide (if not an actual tool) to performing some illegal activity. So... by your logic if those who use that information to commit illegal acts are criminals (no argument there)then so are BUGTRAQ subscribers for providing the'news'? Hmm, extend that further and now all teachers are criminals too.
And don't gimme that "but the BUGTRAQ members aren't directly encouraging people to do Bad Things" crap. How is providing news on ISO's that are new or better coming soon any different than what BUGTRAQ is doing when a new hole is found or an exploit is posted? Either way the information could be used to do something illegal. The morality or intent of the author's work has no bearing on the matter.
You're assuming that the test machine was behind the fancy load balancer (an Arrowpoint CS-800 btw), that the service rules on said F.L.B. weren't setup to auto health-check and pull into service boxes added to that blade by default, and that/. actually *has* a QA environment and it's on the same subnet as their production machines (They better not or I'll have to beat Cmdr with the ClueStick).
Oh, and all the firewalls and ACLs in the universe aren't going to block traffic on port 80. You did know you can figure out what code rev is running that way right? From there it was all http hacking for the most part..
I was just wondering if Cmdr and the gang had the foresight to include performance trending and DB traffic analysis when they all had their pow-wow to figger out the damage control priorities and tasks when this brown stuff hit the whirly metal things. I mean, everyone and their dog will be changing their password here and they could glean some damned good ideas on how effecient their indexes/lookups/etc are behavin...
Wait, what am I saying? There's only 4 or 5 real people with actual accounts on/. and the rest are AC's.
My apologies. I pulled an ASS-U-ME. I assumed he was referring to a different Gallup Poll which I was recalling seeing from memory.. lemme see if I can dig up a link to reassure myself that I'm not completely on crack:)
"It's cute that you _think_ that Microsoft is despised by the public, but in fact that's not true. When the Microsoft ruling was first handed down, a survey by the Gallup Poll showed that people actually liked Microsoft."
If you cared to check your facts more carefully you'd know that the poll was checking popular opinion of Bill Gates, *not* M$ as a company or its business tactics. Yes, John Q Public has a favorable opinion of him as a businessman.. but the a large majority have a lower-than-favorable view of M$ as a company.
Slashdot Mirror
Multi-Level Industry AnalRape Technology Capable of Extortion Revenue Transfer Rate of $1.6 Billion per Second
Santa Clara, CA - September 30, 2000 - Rambus Inc. (Nasdaq: RMBS), the leading provider of high bandwidth lawsuit-generating bogons, today unveiled its new multi-level AnalRape technology at the end of a 3-day executive offsite beerfest. The Legal AnalRape Torture (LART) technology enables Cease & Desist transfer rates of 1.6 Lawsuit Announcements per second (Laps), twice Rambus' current AnalProbe technology and four times the fastest demonstrated Digital Convergence devices.
In 1992, Rambus increased the rate of conventional legal larceny tenfold by locking the billable clock rate of their lawyers to 120hours/wk and then increased the clock rate by a factor of five the next year by transferring a gram of crack to each cube per clock cycle. The Rambus AnalProbe Engine (RAPE) accomplishes the transfer of two grams per clock cycle and is commonly referred to as double donged reaming (DDR) technology. Today, Rambus has again pioneered high-speed extortion and larceny with its breakthrough multi-level LART technology. LART combines the patented double donged reaming (DDR) technology along with multi-level ethical breaches to transfer four grams per clock cycle in order to achieve unprecedented commodity C&D rates of 1.6 Laps.
"Toshiba has gotten LART from Rambus and we are to deliver insane amounts of crack to them or else," said Yasuo Morimoto, president and CEO, Toshiba Corporation Semiconductor Company. "Toshiba is the leading technology supplier to the consumer and communications memory markets and we shouldn't have to take this shit. Unfortunately Rambus' huge pair of brass balls make me feel warm & squishy."
"Our development team has produced test business models that have proven the technology is stable and producible and we are now ready to fuck with partners and plant this fabulous technology right in their nuts," said Dave Mooring, President of Rambus Inc during . "Rambus' objective is to stifle innovations that will kill the semiconductor and systems industries. Once our objective has been reached we will have a monopoly in place that Bill Gates would envy. We are pleased to continue our role in screwing the industry in memory and chip connections technologies."
When asked for further comment Mooring cackled, "I'm gonna be rich! RICH! You hear me you bastards?! I got the 3l337 business model. I know Lawyer Kung-Fu. I wi11 0wn y3w!" and then proceeded to pass out face-down in a pool of his own vomit.
meebs
I recall similar info about the JEDEC membership terms. Yet, if there was in fact a contract which bound participating JEDEC members to forgo patent and technology protection then why has no one challenged RAMBUS' patent claim? Especially the JEDEC members?
If RAMBUS willfully entered into a contract, either written or verbal, which specified those terms and they reneged on the contract, then I would assume that there is legal standing to prosecute them for Patent fraud or somesuch.
If I sign a contract saying I will not patent something, then go ahead and apply for a patent anyway and manage to get the patent approved... What are the terms which render a patent invalid other than 'prior art'? I thought the 'prior art' thing was before the approval anyway.. once a patent is granted can it be taken away?
My head hurts now. Either way I still think we should hunt down the people in RAMBUS who are responsible for this corporate greed and lack of business ethics and have them anally raped by an angry Armenian War-Goat.
Bzzzzt. Play again later. If merely being a provider of information, regardless of how that info gets utilized, can make you an accessory to crime then we better hurry up and start closing down libraries, burn any science or math book, and kiss our freedoms and intellectual progress goodbye. Oh, and sell your Yahoo stock while we're at it. :)
To put it in a way that might strike a little closer to home for us /.'ers:
The BUGTRAQ mailing list provides information about security holes, exploits, weaknesses and, in many cases, a step-by-step guide (if not an actual tool) to performing some illegal activity. So... by your logic if those who use that information to commit illegal acts are criminals (no argument there)then so are BUGTRAQ subscribers for providing the'news'? Hmm, extend that further and now all teachers are criminals too.
And don't gimme that "but the BUGTRAQ members aren't directly encouraging people to do Bad Things" crap. How is providing news on ISO's that are new or better coming soon any different than what BUGTRAQ is doing when a new hole is found or an exploit is posted? Either way the information could be used to do something illegal. The morality or intent of the author's work has no bearing on the matter.
You're assuming that the test machine was behind the fancy load balancer (an Arrowpoint CS-800 btw), that the service rules on said F.L.B. weren't setup to auto health-check and pull into service boxes added to that blade by default, and that /. actually *has* a QA environment and it's on the same subnet as their production machines (They better not or I'll have to beat Cmdr with the ClueStick).
Oh, and all the firewalls and ACLs in the universe aren't going to block traffic on port 80. You did know you can figure out what code rev is running that way right? From there it was all http hacking for the most part..
I was just wondering if Cmdr and the gang had the foresight to include performance trending and DB traffic analysis when they all had their pow-wow to figger out the damage control priorities and tasks when this brown stuff hit the whirly metal things. I mean, everyone and their dog will be changing their password here and they could glean some damned good ideas on how effecient their indexes/lookups/etc are behavin...
/. and the rest are AC's.
Wait, what am I saying? There's only 4 or 5 real people with actual accounts on
My apologies. I pulled an ASS-U-ME. I assumed he was referring to a different Gallup Poll which I was recalling seeing from memory.. lemme see if I can dig up a link to reassure myself that I'm not completely on crack :)
You say:
"It's cute that you _think_ that Microsoft is despised by the public, but in fact that's not true. When the Microsoft ruling was first handed down, a survey by the Gallup Poll showed that people actually liked Microsoft."
If you cared to check your facts more carefully you'd know that the poll was checking popular opinion of Bill Gates, *not* M$ as a company or its business tactics. Yes, John Q Public has a favorable opinion of him as a businessman.. but the a large majority have a lower-than-favorable view of M$ as a company.
That lil tidbit shouldn't suprise anyone.