The fact that my posts *are* moderated upwards effectively voids your entire argument.
Humor is a matter of opinion. You are more than free to moderate my posts downwards, and others are free to moderate them upwards. You claim that my posts aren't funny--apparently others disagree with you.
If you take a look at the (admittedly scarce) posts that are not Top X lists, they usually are extremely serious posts that sometimes get moderated upwards as well. Perhaps you should have gone further than simply pressing the User Info link and actually read a couple of them.
How you choose to spend your moderation points is your own business. Trying to influence how others spend theirs is censorship.
And lighten up, will ya? Some of us actually need humor to get through the day.
You may not want to hear this....but that island is basically the last screen in the game before the ending. All you have to do is use some obscure skill chip you picked up somewhere (I forget which one), and then Neuromancer comes back and you see the end sequence. Tough break, man:)
God, I feel so...NORMAL writing so many serious posts in a row. Shudder.
Anyway, the book was incredible; just about everyone agrees on that. But the computer game waas kickin' as well.
I spent COUNTLESS hours in front of my good old Apple IIc+ (with the processor overclocked to a P450, of course) making my character plod around the city looking for jacks and better decks. Sure, the dude was bright blue and looked like something out of the original Double Dragon, but it was a hell of a game. Cyberspace just looked COLD, but strangely alluring as well. The first time I accidentally discovered an AI hiding beneath the ICE, I nearly freaked out. The rush as I discovered the node for semi-hidden Copenhagen University and managed to hack inside, getting my hands on softwarez two levels above my current arsenal, almost made me feel like a real cyberspace cowboy. Okay, maybe not that far.:)
It took me about 5 years (taking a three year sabbatical) to actually beat the damn thing, and even then it took some minor help from an online walkthrough. A quality book, a quality game.
My entire school district, which thankfully I graduated from a year ago, used Bess as their net filter. This included at the public library, where I worked for quite some time as a Technical Handyman, for lack of a better term, in the children's computer room.
It was positively the worst net filter I've ever seen--and that's saying something, considering the rather pitiful quality of even the best ones out there. More often than not, all it did was hinder students from finding information for school reports (I've seen everything ranging from abortion topics to the Emancipation Proclimation be blocked by Bess.)
First of all, putting filters on the computers within the high school always seemed a bit silly to me...who is actually going to look at porn in the middle of a large room that is almost constantly filled with students and teachers? It was such a non-issue it became somewhat of a joke among those of us who actually understood the system.
Second, it became SO MUCH of a hinderance that the librarians (because they didn't know how to use the damn thing themselves) actually enlisted my help on more than one occasion to teach the class how to turn Bess off so that they could finish their reports. No one ever said they were the brightest librarians in the world:)
Third, at a public library...well, it's all been covered before. The only new idea I have to add is that in two and a half years of working there, not once did any kid actually come in with the intention to surf the web and find porn. As amazing as this may be to the bureaucrats back in DC, most children do not like going to the library. Therefore, they're only going to be there when they actually have valid work to do. The few kids who actually do enjoy being in libraries are not the ones you have to worry about. That leaves......no one. Again, I had to turn off the damn thing numerous times so that students could actually do their assigned work.
Last night was the final straw. We decided, once and for all, to permanently boycott the local National Amusements multiplex.
When it first opened, three years ago this June, it was beautiful. Brand new, modern, convenient. Special discounts and promotions to advertise the place. The theater was half empty on those hot summer days, and you could buy a ticket at 11 AM and stay to see three or four shows. The ushers couldn't care less whether you were 12 or 21. The place just had a friendly atmosphere.
Gradually, things began to change. The first indication something was wrong was when Showgirls came out later that same summer. Suddenly, there were a few security guards waiting at the entrance to the theater to make sure we had valid tickets and we looked of age.
The security guards never went away.
Over the course of the next two and a half years, the theater employees and management became increasingly paranoid. Security guards barricaded off certain corridors when you walked out of a movie to make sure you didn't try to sneak in to another one. You practically had to fight with some of the more obstinate ones after a while for the right to use the restroom. They started checking everyone's IDs at the box office. I saw them once check a polite old man with a cane to verify that he really did qualify for the senior citizen's discount.
Next, they started making us wait in queues in the theater lobby before we were allowed admittance to the theater. To this day, I've never seen anything like it in any other theater. In a normal theater, they space out the shows to allow enough time for the ushers to clean the theater and for the public to walk straight into their seats after they buy a ticket. But, in National Amusement's greedy wisdom, they space the shows to start about 10 minutes after the last show in that theater ended, so that they can rake in the cash from an additional gate or two. As a result, it's not uncommon to see 600 people waiting in ridiculous serpentine lines in the lobby until 2 minutes before the show is scheduled to begin.
The final straw was last night, when my friends and I were ten minutes late getting into a movie because a security guard insisted on rechecking my ID on the way into the theater after it had already been checked at the box office AND I had been waiting in a queue for the last 45 minutes.
Your post, entitled 10 nice things about a GPS/cellphone in your bra ! is obviously a ripoff of my continuing bad gag entitled, Top X things... (Patent Pending), which has been featured in such quality publications as The Backyard Poster, Playgeek, and Good Postkeeping.
Unless you pull the post, issue a formal retraction, kiss my feet, and declare war on Canada for crimes against Guam, I shall be forced to pursue prompt legal action. My crack (smoking?) law team of Lye, Cheet, and Steel will be in touch shortly.
I know it's been a few days and you've all dearly missed the Top X lists...but real life beckons occasionally!:)
1) Sell it to the Chinese. (Or is that Let the Chinese steal it?)
2) Add a moving "Y" to the bottom of every page. Naaaaaah, no one would EVER be that cheap.
3) Broadcast it to the entire Internet using Shoutcast.
4) Test out their new Virtual Paper Shredder on it.
5) Make Webpaper Airplanes.
6) Compile millions of personal webpages on a comprehensive CD-ROM. The title? "How Web Geeks Waste Their Free Time". (I know, I know. Free Time is a myth.)
1) Makes you totally irritable, annoying, on edge, and generally unpleasant. (So sue me for having a serious one. Get a life, people. It's just a TV show).
2) Gives you the magic power to type at 800 WPM in a language that not even you can understand later.
3) Makes the MicroMachines guy make perfect sense.
4) Makes your boss make perfect sense. Okay, not really.
5) Makes you think you're a good driver. Ha. See "Phones, Cell".
6) Gives you a reason to take insomnia pills at night. Makes you watch such quality 2 AM TV shows as TJ Hooker after the insomnia pills fail miserably.
7) The Gremlin on the wing is not real. The Gremlin on the wing is not real. The Gremlin on the wing is not real.
Looking back over this one, I become aware that a distinct William Shatner theme pervades this Top X list. The truly sad thing is that it wasn't intentional. I'm truly sorry, and I swear it'll never happen again.
2) The Sun rises in the east. Or is that the west? In either case, it makes Java.
3) Bill Gates is a gigantic prick. But hey, so is everyone else in the biz. Go Woz!
4) If you're a high executive at a major corporation, it's a good idea not to write emails with any meaningful content. Ever.
5) OJ did it.
6) Corporate types in the computer biz are like corporate types everywhere else. Cute and cuddly!
7) You will cooperate with the state with the good of the state and for your own survival. Cooperation will be rewarded. Insubordination will be punished. You will be released into society after confessing your crimes. Do you have any heart conditions I should be aware of?
With a celphone in their ear and hand on the wheel, millions of mild-mannered Americans metamorphosized into some of the worst monsters we face in our society today...bad drivers.
And don't tell me that you happen to drive perfectly fine while you're on the phone. Scientific studies have been conducted (more trustworthy than this one, I might add) that have already linked cell phones to a hefty decrease in driving performance--almost rivalling that of alcohol at times.
I know some counties have already banned the use of cellular phones while driving, and I hope the rest of them follow.
A rather good interview...but one thing didn't ring true in my head:
"OK, here's a fairly far-sighted prediction. I think PC games in general are going to move away from being full-screen, and they're going to start being windowed."
Gamers tend to like to immerse themselves in the gaming experience. I somewhat understand his explanation about larger screens becoming the norm, but (for me, at least) one of the most frustrating things is having to play a game in windowed mode. It tends to take away from the atmosphere, making it harder to lose track of yourself and just PTFG (Play The Fucking Game). This is true especially in adventure and role-playing games, where a good game of the genre can make you think you are Tex Murphy, or Sonny Bonds, or the dude from Vault 31...if only for a little while. With your desktop staring back at you around the borders of the game window, this is much harder to do.
You dim the lights in a movie theater when the film starts for a reason.
1) You can be used as a floatation device in case of a water landing.
2) Your ESP powers allow you to fetch lunch without ever leaving your cubicle.
3) You know what they say about guys with big heads, don't you? Big hats.
4) Your head is more round than oblate spheroid, thereby becoming the perfect basketball.
5) You don't have to dress up to look like one of those aliens (Taloks?) from the pilot of Star Trek.
Top X "Digital" Shows on PBS This Fall
on
PBS Goes Digital
·
· Score: 2
1) Digital Sesame Street: Come play with Oscar in his Recycle Bin. Watch hilarity ensue when Elmo fubars the Linux kernel!
2) Digital Red Dwarf: After being frozen in space for three million years, David Lister wakes up to find that Holly's Intel chip has corrupted, leaving it with an IQ of 60.
3) Digital Fawlty Towers: I can't think of anything. Suggestions are welcome. The show rocks, though.
4) Digital Mr. Rogers: "It's a beautiful day in the Network Neighborhood..."
5) Digital Inspector Poirot: Watch the Inspector sniff out security holes in his Windows NT server.
If I remember correctly, one of the early Apple boxes--might be the Apple I, maybe a little bit later--wanted you, as one of the inital installation steps, to actually:
"Lift the box to a height of 18-24 inches and then proceed to drop it to the ground. This will ensure proper setting of some internal components.
Slashdot Mirror
The fact that my posts *are* moderated upwards effectively voids your entire argument.
Humor is a matter of opinion. You are more than free to moderate my posts downwards, and others are free to moderate them upwards. You claim that my posts aren't funny--apparently others disagree with you.
If you take a look at the (admittedly scarce) posts that are not Top X lists, they usually are extremely serious posts that sometimes get moderated upwards as well. Perhaps you should have gone further than simply pressing the User Info link and actually read a couple of them.
How you choose to spend your moderation points is your own business. Trying to influence how others spend theirs is censorship.
And lighten up, will ya? Some of us actually need humor to get through the day.
test
This Top X list marks the debut of the SUBLIST! OHHHHH YEAH, BABY!
1) 20 free hours on AOL!!!!!!!
2) 30 minutes alone in a soundproof room with
A) Bill Gates
B) Kenny G and Yanni
C) The leaders of the Christian Coalition
D) Richard Simmons
3) Backrubs from
A) Jennifer Love-Hewitt
B) BUFFY~!
C) Heather Graham (as Rollergirl, though)
4) The Ability To Understand Women (see: Myths)
5) My very own monogrammed Band-Aids.
6) Why have billions of dollars when you can have...millions?
7) A computer that says "Excellent command or file name!"
You may not want to hear this....but that island is basically the last screen in the game before the ending. All you have to do is use some obscure skill chip you picked up somewhere (I forget which one), and then Neuromancer comes back and you see the end sequence. Tough break, man :)
God, I feel so...NORMAL writing so many serious posts in a row. Shudder.
:)
Anyway, the book was incredible; just about everyone agrees on that. But the computer game waas kickin' as well.
I spent COUNTLESS hours in front of my good old Apple IIc+ (with the processor overclocked to a P450, of course) making my character plod around the city looking for jacks and better decks. Sure, the dude was bright blue and looked like something out of the original Double Dragon, but it was a hell of a game. Cyberspace just looked COLD, but strangely alluring as well. The first time I accidentally discovered an AI hiding beneath the ICE, I nearly freaked out. The rush as I discovered the node for semi-hidden Copenhagen University and managed to hack inside, getting my hands on softwarez two levels above my current arsenal, almost made me feel like a real cyberspace cowboy. Okay, maybe not that far.
It took me about 5 years (taking a three year sabbatical) to actually beat the damn thing, and even then it took some minor help from an online walkthrough. A quality book, a quality game.
If they fuck up the movie, I won't be happy.
My entire school district, which thankfully I graduated from a year ago, used Bess as their net filter. This included at the public library, where I worked for quite some time as a Technical Handyman, for lack of a better term, in the children's computer room.
:)
It was positively the worst net filter I've ever seen--and that's saying something, considering the rather pitiful quality of even the best ones out there. More often than not, all it did was hinder students from finding information for school reports (I've seen everything ranging from abortion topics to the Emancipation Proclimation be blocked by Bess.)
First of all, putting filters on the computers within the high school always seemed a bit silly to me...who is actually going to look at porn in the middle of a large room that is almost constantly filled with students and teachers? It was such a non-issue it became somewhat of a joke among those of us who actually understood the system.
Second, it became SO MUCH of a hinderance that the librarians (because they didn't know how to use the damn thing themselves) actually enlisted my help on more than one occasion to teach the class how to turn Bess off so that they could finish their reports. No one ever said they were the brightest librarians in the world
Third, at a public library...well, it's all been covered before. The only new idea I have to add is that in two and a half years of working there, not once did any kid actually come in with the intention to surf the web and find porn. As amazing as this may be to the bureaucrats back in DC, most children do not like going to the library. Therefore, they're only going to be there when they actually have valid work to do. The few kids who actually do enjoy being in libraries are not the ones you have to worry about. That leaves......no one. Again, I had to turn off the damn thing numerous times so that students could actually do their assigned work.
Filters just suck.
Last night was the final straw. We decided, once and for all, to permanently boycott the local National Amusements multiplex.
When it first opened, three years ago this June, it was beautiful. Brand new, modern, convenient. Special discounts and promotions to advertise the place. The theater was half empty on those hot summer days, and you could buy a ticket at 11 AM and stay to see three or four shows. The ushers couldn't care less whether you were 12 or 21. The place just had a friendly atmosphere.
Gradually, things began to change. The first indication something was wrong was when Showgirls came out later that same summer. Suddenly, there were a few security guards waiting at the entrance to the theater to make sure we had valid tickets and we looked of age.
The security guards never went away.
Over the course of the next two and a half years, the theater employees and management became increasingly paranoid. Security guards barricaded off certain corridors when you walked out of a movie to make sure you didn't try to sneak in to another one. You practically had to fight with some of the more obstinate ones after a while for the right to use the restroom. They started checking everyone's IDs at the box office. I saw them once check a polite old man with a cane to verify that he really did qualify for the senior citizen's discount.
Next, they started making us wait in queues in the theater lobby before we were allowed admittance to the theater. To this day, I've never seen anything like it in any other theater. In a normal theater, they space out the shows to allow enough time for the ushers to clean the theater and for the public to walk straight into their seats after they buy a ticket. But, in National Amusement's greedy wisdom, they space the shows to start about 10 minutes after the last show in that theater ended, so that they can rake in the cash from an additional gate or two. As a result, it's not uncommon to see 600 people waiting in ridiculous serpentine lines in the lobby until 2 minutes before the show is scheduled to begin.
The final straw was last night, when my friends and I were ten minutes late getting into a movie because a security guard insisted on rechecking my ID on the way into the theater after it had already been checked at the box office AND I had been waiting in a queue for the last 45 minutes.
Fuck you, National Amusements.
Cedar Point, by the way, is the best friggin' roller coaster park in the world. Just get up and GO. Well, without further ado...
...and catching it on the way down!
1) The Magnum is the best roller coaster ever made. PERIOD.
2) Why sit in the comfort of your own homes when you can get up and wait in line for hours on end?
3) It's in Ohio. I mean, how cool is that?!?!?!?! No explanation necessary, I should think.
4) The music the new rides play on speakers while you're waiting on line really sucks^H^H^H^H^H rocks.
5) There's NOTHING like puking upside down.
6)
7) RimRod's been there.
8) It's a mass gathering of white trash from around the country.
Whoa, first one in a while that's made it to X = 10+. Party on, Wayne!
/. every 30 seconds.
1) Bomb Shelter
2) Garbage can for AOL 30 Day Trial CDs.
3) Office cot.
4) A nifty hat. Come on, you know you've been tempted!
5) Really expensive paperweight.
6) Something else to spill coffee on.
7) Bulletin board.
8) Dildo.
9) Something else to throw out the window and watch go "kerplunk".
10) A new comfy home for the hamster that runs everything by wheel power.
11) A superfast, top of the line, totally dedicated working environment for reloading
RQ: Who's moderating these posts upward?
If 20 of your comments are moderated upwards, your comments start at 2. If 10 of your comments get moderated downward, then you start at 0.
My numbers may be slightly off, but that's the gist of why no moderation totals appear under some promoted posts.
Some random long ones show up now as well because of the length-promotion-thing Rob implemented last week.
1) Bill Gates' head on a stick.
/. page.
2) Heather Graham, on a stick. Or not on a stick. Pretty much just not gonna happen.
3) The end of Top X lists. Ha. That'll be the day.
4) An Open Sourced version of Windows.
5) A quick-loading
6) A executive/manager/insert-supervisor-title-here that has common sense. Especially where you work. Yes, you!
7) A life.
Dear Anonymous Coward,
Your post, entitled 10 nice things about a GPS/cellphone in your bra ! is obviously a ripoff of my continuing bad gag entitled, Top X things... (Patent Pending), which has been featured in such quality publications as The Backyard Poster, Playgeek, and Good Postkeeping.
Unless you pull the post, issue a formal retraction, kiss my feet, and declare war on Canada for crimes against Guam, I shall be forced to pursue prompt legal action. My crack (smoking?) law team of Lye, Cheet, and Steel will be in touch shortly.
Sincerely,
Rim Rod III, Esquire
What's next, a condom that goes off during increased stress levels?
I know it's been a few days and you've all dearly missed the Top X lists...but real life beckons occasionally! :)
1) Sell it to the Chinese. (Or is that Let the Chinese steal it?)
2) Add a moving "Y" to the bottom of every page. Naaaaaah, no one would EVER be that cheap.
3) Broadcast it to the entire Internet using Shoutcast.
4) Test out their new Virtual Paper Shredder on it.
5) Make Webpaper Airplanes.
6) Compile millions of personal webpages on a comprehensive CD-ROM. The title? "How Web Geeks Waste Their Free Time". (I know, I know. Free Time is a myth.)
7) Slashdot it.
1) Makes you totally irritable, annoying, on edge, and generally unpleasant. (So sue me for having a serious one. Get a life, people. It's just a TV show).
2) Gives you the magic power to type at 800 WPM in a language that not even you can understand later.
3) Makes the MicroMachines guy make perfect sense.
4) Makes your boss make perfect sense. Okay, not really.
5) Makes you think you're a good driver. Ha. See "Phones, Cell".
6) Gives you a reason to take insomnia pills at night. Makes you watch such quality 2 AM TV shows as TJ Hooker after the insomnia pills fail miserably.
7) The Gremlin on the wing is not real. The Gremlin on the wing is not real. The Gremlin on the wing is not real.
Looking back over this one, I become aware that a distinct William Shatner theme pervades this Top X list. The truly sad thing is that it wasn't intentional. I'm truly sorry, and I swear it'll never happen again.
1) Microsoft did, in fact, produce Windows.
2) The Sun rises in the east. Or is that the west? In either case, it makes Java.
3) Bill Gates is a gigantic prick. But hey, so is everyone else in the biz. Go Woz!
4) If you're a high executive at a major corporation, it's a good idea not to write emails with any meaningful content. Ever.
5) OJ did it.
6) Corporate types in the computer biz are like corporate types everywhere else. Cute and cuddly!
7) You will cooperate with the state with the good of the state and for your own survival. Cooperation will be rewarded. Insubordination will be punished. You will be released into society after confessing your crimes. Do you have any heart conditions I should be aware of?
1) Just cybersquat down over there, the doctor will be right with you.
2) Next week in gym class, we'll be doing cybersquat-thrusts.
3) Cybersquatting will be on page 171 on the upcoming edition of the Kama Sutra.
4) You don't know cybersquat, kid!
5) Was that your dog cybersquatting on my lawn earlier? I hope you're planning to clean that up.
6) I don't know. Maybe the universe cybersquatted, maybe God changed his mind...all I know is that we got a second chance.
7) FREE FREE FREE SEX VIDEO OF PAMELA AND TOMMY CYBERSQUATTING!!!
With a celphone in their ear and hand on the wheel, millions of mild-mannered Americans metamorphosized into some of the worst monsters we face in our society today...bad drivers.
And don't tell me that you happen to drive perfectly fine while you're on the phone. Scientific studies have been conducted (more trustworthy than this one, I might add) that have already linked cell phones to a hefty decrease in driving performance--almost rivalling that of alcohol at times.
I know some counties have already banned the use of cellular phones while driving, and I hope the rest of them follow.
A rather good interview...but one thing didn't ring true in my head:
"OK, here's a fairly far-sighted prediction. I think PC games in general are going to move away from being full-screen, and they're going to start being windowed."
Gamers tend to like to immerse themselves in the gaming experience. I somewhat understand his explanation about larger screens becoming the norm, but (for me, at least) one of the most frustrating things is having to play a game in windowed mode. It tends to take away from the atmosphere, making it harder to lose track of yourself and just PTFG (Play The Fucking Game). This is true especially in adventure and role-playing games, where a good game of the genre can make you think you are Tex Murphy, or Sonny Bonds, or the dude from Vault 31...if only for a little while. With your desktop staring back at you around the borders of the game window, this is much harder to do.
You dim the lights in a movie theater when the film starts for a reason.
If the subject is worthy, there shall be a Top X list.
If the comments are juicy, there shall be a Top X list.
If I have free time, there shall be a Top X list.
If it will be funny, there shall be a Top X list.
If people will groan, there shall be a Top X list.
If I can think of at least X things for the topic, there shall be a Top X list.
If you guessed "Yes", you were correct....and there shall be a Top X list.
1) You can be used as a floatation device in case of a water landing.
2) Your ESP powers allow you to fetch lunch without ever leaving your cubicle.
3) You know what they say about guys with big heads, don't you? Big hats.
4) Your head is more round than oblate spheroid, thereby becoming the perfect basketball.
5) You don't have to dress up to look like one of those aliens (Taloks?) from the pilot of Star Trek.
1) Digital Sesame Street: Come play with Oscar in his Recycle Bin. Watch hilarity ensue when Elmo fubars the Linux kernel!
2) Digital Red Dwarf: After being frozen in space for three million years, David Lister wakes up to find that Holly's Intel chip has corrupted, leaving it with an IQ of 60.
3) Digital Fawlty Towers: I can't think of anything. Suggestions are welcome. The show rocks, though.
4) Digital Mr. Rogers: "It's a beautiful day in the Network Neighborhood..."
5) Digital Inspector Poirot: Watch the Inspector sniff out security holes in his Windows NT server.
If I remember correctly, one of the early Apple boxes--might be the Apple I, maybe a little bit later--wanted you, as one of the inital installation steps, to actually:
"Lift the box to a height of 18-24 inches and then proceed to drop it to the ground. This will ensure proper setting of some internal components.
Ah, the good old days.
1) Send the clone to the Bahamas while you go to WORK!!! Your boss will never suspect a thing!
2) Have your clone review your code after you write it, lending another set of eyes on the project. Guaranteed to cut efficiency in half.
3) Send your clone to family functions while you do the cool thing--sitting on IRC.
4) Now you can smell yourself in the mirror.
5) Technically, it's not cheating. It's with yourself.
1) Fight Mini Me on equal footing.
2) Swim around (without showering) in Bill Gates' morning cup of coffee.
3) Freak out your coworkers by being the bug in their program.
4) Get lost under the CAPS LOCK key of an experienced programmer, thereby hiding safely for years on end.
5) Still inside people's keyboards, rewire them permanently from the inside to be in DVORAK mode.
6) Build a gigantic mansion in the vast expanse of land that is Jennifer Love-Hewitt's cleavage.
7) Be a mosquito that torments Tinker Bell at Peter Pan productions.
8) Beat up bacteria and take their lunch money.