06:00 Alarm goes off, Michael slaps the sleep button.
10:00 Michael finally wakes up and starts making breakfast: 16 Reese's peanut butter cups, 1 gal. 2% milk, "Big Grab" Fritos, four cold hot dogs, and coffee.
10:45 Time for email! Michael opens Outlook Express 6 (*gasp* Michael uses Windows!? Yes, the truth hurts, folks.) 30 emails from known trolls bitching about moderation bugs and abuses, 20 additional emails from trolls incognito regarding Slashdot censhorship, and 5 emails from legitimate Slashdot readers regarding bug fixes and code patches.
11:15 Lunchtime! Michael has a triple-decker balogna sandwich and Nacho Cheesier! Doritos. Washes it down with Nestle Quik! Strawberry milk. Finishes it off with a healthy swig of Pepto-Bismol and a few Tums.
11:45 Michael opens Emacs and starts coding in Perl: SLASH has a lot of bugs to fix, thanks to Taco. Michael silently curses Taco under his breath. Feels underappreciated, overworked, underpaid-- oh wait, Open Source software unemploys programmers. Michael wants to bitch but knows he can't.
12:10 Calls ex-girlfriend, cries into phone for 10 minutes before realizing she'd hung up on him seven minutes ago. Questions his manhood. His manhood does not respond. Sad little knob, it's gone neglected for years.
12:30 Shower time! Heads down to the local truckstop, grabs a ticket for a restroom, and hopes the door locks. In the middle of his shower he is accosted by the janitor (again). He supposes the door didn't lock. Screams go unheard and the janitor walks away satisfied. Michael cries in the corner of the shower stall for a a while before running home, still crying.
13:00 Back in front of his Pentium II system running Linux, Michael masturbates while thinking of being raped by the truckstop's janitor in the shower. Though terrified at the time, Michael feels exhilerated by it in general. Michael fingers his asshole to bring himself to orgasm.
13:01 Conference call with Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda, ESR, and Michael. How do we silence the trolls? Michael suggests deleting comments and accounts regularly. ESR and Taco, however, know this would be bad for business-- they own stock in the company! Michael is frustrated and hangs up on the call.
13:30 Time for more food. Even though Michael eats enough for three geeks, he has a rare disorder that increases his metabolism. Michael is 6'2" but only weighs 120lbs. Michael is eating pickles, celery wih peanut butter, cold baked sweet potatoes, and dog food. Michael is too hungry not to eat whatever is in sight.
14:00 Returning to Pico, Michael begins working on tweaks to the moderation system, purposefully coding "features" so the likes of Mighty-Troll, Trollaxor, and the Turd Report will be silenced for being funny and creative. Michael can almost see their emails, bitching about being banned.
15:45 Michael begins getting itchy. The rash is coming back, so Michael strips out of his clothes and sits naked. Nearby plants in his condo wilt and die, milk curdles, and Linx begins core-dumping. Michael is ashamed. He cries as Linux reboots and wishes the rash would leave his pale, skinny, feminine body.
16:30 Michael declares "quittin' time" now as he's had a very stressful day. He needs some time alone so he works on the holocaust project. Thousands of Jews laugh at him for having naively fallen for the greatest lie in all of history.
17:45 Michael gets the mail. New Playgirl. Next few hours blown.
21:00 Raw, chafed, and sore, Michael passes out on the couch naked after a marathon session with the new Playgirl.
23:50 In a zombie-like trance, Michael stumbles off to bed and falls back asleep, preparing to do it all again tomorrow.
06:00 Alarm goes off, Michael slaps the sleep button.
10:00 Michael finally wakes up and starts making breakfast: 16 Reese's peanut butter cups, 1 gal. 2% milk, "Big Grab" Fritos, four cold hot dogs, and coffee.
10:45 Time for email! Michael opens Outlook Express 6 (*gasp* Michael uses Windows!? Yes, the truth hurts, folks.) 30 emails from known trolls bitching about moderation bugs and abuses, 20 additional emails from trolls incognito regarding Slashdot censhorship, and 5 emails from legitimate Slashdot readers regarding bug fixes and code patches.
11:15 Lunchtime! Michael has a triple-decker balogna sandwich and Nacho Cheesier! Doritos. Washes it down with Nestle Quik! Strawberry milk. Finishes it off with a healthy swig of Pepto-Bismol and a few Tums.
11:45 Michael opens Emacs and starts coding in Perl: SLASH has a lot of bugs to fix, thanks to Taco. Michael silently curses Taco under his breath. Feels underappreciated, overworked, underpaid-- oh wait, Open Source software unemploys programmers. Michael wants to bitch but knows he can't.
12:10 Calls ex-girlfriend, cries into phone for 10 minutes before realizing she'd hung up on him seven minutes ago. Questions his manhood. His manhood does not respond. Sad little knob, it's gone neglected for years.
12:30 Shower time! Heads down to the local truckstop, grabs a ticket for a restroom, and hopes the door locks. In the middle of his shower he is accosted by the janitor (again). He supposes the door didn't lock. Screams go unheard and the janitor walks away satisfied. Michael cries in the corner of the shower stall for a a while before running home, still crying.
13:00 Back in front of his Pentium II system running Linux, Michael masturbates while thinking of being raped by the truckstop's janitor in the shower. Though terrified at the time, Michael feels exhilerated by it in general. Michael fingers his asshole to bring himself to orgasm.
13:01 Conference call with Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda, ESR, and Michael. How do we silence the trolls? Michael suggests deleting comments and accounts regularly. ESR and Taco, however, know this would be bad for business-- they own stock in the company! Michael is frustrated and hangs up on the call.
13:30 Time for more food. Even though Michael eats enough for three geeks, he has a rare disorder that increases his metabolism. Michael is 6'2" but only weighs 120lbs. Michael is eating pickles, celery wih peanut butter, cold baked sweet potatoes, and dog food. Michael is too hungry not to eat whatever is in sight.
14:00 Returning to Pico, Michael begins working on tweaks to the moderation system, purposefully coding "features" so the likes of Mighty-Troll, Trollaxor, and the Turd Report will be silenced for being funny and creative. Michael can almost see their emails, bitching about being banned.
15:45 Michael begins getting itchy. The rash is coming back, so Michael strips out of his clothes and sits naked. Nearby plants in his condo wilt and die, milk curdles, and Linx begins core-dumping. Michael is ashamed. He cries as Linux reboots and wishes the rash would leave his pale, skinny, feminine body.
16:30 Michael declares "quittin' time" now as he's had a very stressful day. He needs some time alone so he works on the holocaust project. Thousands of Jews laugh at him for having naively fallen for the greatest lie in all of history.
17:45 Michael gets the mail. New Playgirl. Next few hours blown.
21:00 Raw, chafed, and sore, Michael passes out on the couch naked after a marathon session with the new Playgirl.
23:50 In a zombie-like trance, Michael stumbles off to bed and falls back asleep, preparing to do it all again tomorrow.
Slashdot Mirror
A Day in the Life of Michael Sims
06:00
Alarm goes off, Michael slaps the sleep button.
10:00
Michael finally wakes up and starts making breakfast: 16 Reese's peanut butter cups, 1 gal. 2% milk, "Big Grab" Fritos, four cold hot dogs, and coffee.
10:45
Time for email! Michael opens Outlook Express 6 (*gasp* Michael uses Windows!? Yes, the truth hurts, folks.) 30 emails from known trolls bitching about moderation bugs and abuses, 20 additional emails from trolls incognito regarding Slashdot censhorship, and 5 emails from legitimate Slashdot readers regarding bug fixes and code patches.
11:15
Lunchtime! Michael has a triple-decker balogna sandwich and Nacho Cheesier! Doritos. Washes it down with Nestle Quik! Strawberry milk. Finishes it off with a healthy swig of Pepto-Bismol and a few Tums.
11:45
Michael opens Emacs and starts coding in Perl: SLASH has a lot of bugs to fix, thanks to Taco. Michael silently curses Taco under his breath. Feels underappreciated, overworked, underpaid-- oh wait, Open Source software unemploys programmers. Michael wants to bitch but knows he can't.
11:47
Quits Emacs, opens Pico. Can't handle that "complex shit" anymore.
12:10
Calls ex-girlfriend, cries into phone for 10 minutes before realizing she'd hung up on him seven minutes ago. Questions his manhood. His manhood does not respond. Sad little knob, it's gone neglected for years.
12:30
Shower time! Heads down to the local truckstop, grabs a ticket for a restroom, and hopes the door locks. In the middle of his shower he is accosted by the janitor (again). He supposes the door didn't lock. Screams go unheard and the janitor walks away satisfied. Michael cries in the corner of the shower stall for a a while before running home, still crying.
13:00
Back in front of his Pentium II system running Linux, Michael masturbates while thinking of being raped by the truckstop's janitor in the shower. Though terrified at the time, Michael feels exhilerated by it in general. Michael fingers his asshole to bring himself to orgasm.
13:01
Conference call with Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda, ESR, and Michael. How do we silence the trolls? Michael suggests deleting comments and accounts regularly. ESR and Taco, however, know this would be bad for business-- they own stock in the company! Michael is frustrated and hangs up on the call.
13:30
Time for more food. Even though Michael eats enough for three geeks, he has a rare disorder that increases his metabolism. Michael is 6'2" but only weighs 120lbs. Michael is eating pickles, celery wih peanut butter, cold baked sweet potatoes, and dog food. Michael is too hungry not to eat whatever is in sight.
14:00
Returning to Pico, Michael begins working on tweaks to the moderation system, purposefully coding "features" so the likes of Mighty-Troll, Trollaxor, and the Turd Report will be silenced for being funny and creative. Michael can almost see their emails, bitching about being banned.
15:45
Michael begins getting itchy. The rash is coming back, so Michael strips out of his clothes and sits naked. Nearby plants in his condo wilt and die, milk curdles, and Linx begins core-dumping. Michael is ashamed. He cries as Linux reboots and wishes the rash would leave his pale, skinny, feminine body.
16:30
Michael declares "quittin' time" now as he's had a very stressful day. He needs some time alone so he works on the holocaust project. Thousands of Jews laugh at him for having naively fallen for the greatest lie in all of history.
17:45
Michael gets the mail. New Playgirl. Next few hours blown.
21:00
Raw, chafed, and sore, Michael passes out on the couch naked after a marathon session with the new Playgirl.
23:50
In a zombie-like trance, Michael stumbles off to bed and falls back asleep, preparing to do it all again tomorrow.
A Day in the Life of Michael Sims
06:00
Alarm goes off, Michael slaps the sleep button.
10:00
Michael finally wakes up and starts making breakfast: 16 Reese's peanut butter cups, 1 gal. 2% milk, "Big Grab" Fritos, four cold hot dogs, and coffee.
10:45
Time for email! Michael opens Outlook Express 6 (*gasp* Michael uses Windows!? Yes, the truth hurts, folks.) 30 emails from known trolls bitching about moderation bugs and abuses, 20 additional emails from trolls incognito regarding Slashdot censhorship, and 5 emails from legitimate Slashdot readers regarding bug fixes and code patches.
11:15
Lunchtime! Michael has a triple-decker balogna sandwich and Nacho Cheesier! Doritos. Washes it down with Nestle Quik! Strawberry milk. Finishes it off with a healthy swig of Pepto-Bismol and a few Tums.
11:45
Michael opens Emacs and starts coding in Perl: SLASH has a lot of bugs to fix, thanks to Taco. Michael silently curses Taco under his breath. Feels underappreciated, overworked, underpaid-- oh wait, Open Source software unemploys programmers. Michael wants to bitch but knows he can't.
11:47
Quits Emacs, opens Pico. Can't handle that "complex shit" anymore.
12:10
Calls ex-girlfriend, cries into phone for 10 minutes before realizing she'd hung up on him seven minutes ago. Questions his manhood. His manhood does not respond. Sad little knob, it's gone neglected for years.
12:30
Shower time! Heads down to the local truckstop, grabs a ticket for a restroom, and hopes the door locks. In the middle of his shower he is accosted by the janitor (again). He supposes the door didn't lock. Screams go unheard and the janitor walks away satisfied. Michael cries in the corner of the shower stall for a a while before running home, still crying.
13:00
Back in front of his Pentium II system running Linux, Michael masturbates while thinking of being raped by the truckstop's janitor in the shower. Though terrified at the time, Michael feels exhilerated by it in general. Michael fingers his asshole to bring himself to orgasm.
13:01
Conference call with Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda, ESR, and Michael. How do we silence the trolls? Michael suggests deleting comments and accounts regularly. ESR and Taco, however, know this would be bad for business-- they own stock in the company! Michael is frustrated and hangs up on the call.
13:30
Time for more food. Even though Michael eats enough for three geeks, he has a rare disorder that increases his metabolism. Michael is 6'2" but only weighs 120lbs. Michael is eating pickles, celery wih peanut butter, cold baked sweet potatoes, and dog food. Michael is too hungry not to eat whatever is in sight.
14:00
Returning to Pico, Michael begins working on tweaks to the moderation system, purposefully coding "features" so the likes of Mighty-Troll, Trollaxor, and the Turd Report will be silenced for being funny and creative. Michael can almost see their emails, bitching about being banned.
15:45
Michael begins getting itchy. The rash is coming back, so Michael strips out of his clothes and sits naked. Nearby plants in his condo wilt and die, milk curdles, and Linx begins core-dumping. Michael is ashamed. He cries as Linux reboots and wishes the rash would leave his pale, skinny, feminine body.
16:30
Michael declares "quittin' time" now as he's had a very stressful day. He needs some time alone so he works on the holocaust project. Thousands of Jews laugh at him for having naively fallen for the greatest lie in all of history.
17:45
Michael gets the mail. New Playgirl. Next few hours blown.
21:00
Raw, chafed, and sore, Michael passes out on the couch naked after a marathon session with the new Playgirl.
23:50
In a zombie-like trance, Michael stumbles off to bed and falls back asleep, preparing to do it all again tomorrow.