[sincerest apologies to Edgar Alan Poe, who will be turning in his grave and the unrecognised author of this gem (not me that's for sure)]
Once upon a weeknight dreary, while I coded, weak and bleary, Over many a quaint and curious system of my SeQueL calls, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of typing, gentle rapping, tapping through my cube's grey wall "Tis some worker still," I muttered "typing in this office floor -- Only this, and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bright December, And each product, documented cast it's shadow on the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow; -- vainly I had sought to borrow From my work surcease of sorrow -- sorrow using 'net Explorer -- For the slow and ponderous creature whom Bill Gates has named Explorer -- In PCs for evermore.
And the dull and muted creaking of the gentle sounds of typing Thrilled me -- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the ranting of my mind, I stood still chanting "'Tis some worker typing emails on their PC through the wall -- Some late worker coding softly in their cube just through the wall; -- This it is, and nothing more."
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, "Sir," called I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you sat typing, And so faintly came your tapping, tapping through my cube's grey wall, That I scarce was sure I heard you -- here I stood and looked next door; -- Darkness there and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Explore!" This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Explore!" -- Merely this, and nothing more.
Sinking back in my cube turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon I heard again a tapping somewhat louder than before. "Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my neighbour's keyboard; Let me see, then, what the threat is, here behind my office wall -- Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-- 'Tis a person, and nothing more!"
Slowly here I pushed my chair back, as my hard drive seeked a new track, Up there popped an MS agent appearing in an icon form, Not a cancel button had he; nor a way to kill or maim he; But with bubble speech just like a cartoon, perched above my web explorer; Perched upon a window showing off a page of witty speech galore -- Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this paperclip sat beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, Fixed it's gaze and stared intently, through my soul it tried to bore, "Though thou merely animation, thou" I said "are a creation, In PCs across the nation, upgrade free from Redmond's door -- Tell me what thy process name is, thou art here, pray tell, wherefore?" Quoth the speakers "Nevermore."
Much I marvelled this "assistant" was to closing quite resistant, Though it's purpose little useful -- giving hints unask-ed for; Nothing farther then he uttered -- not a pixel then he fluttered -- Till I scarcely more than muttered "Others have yet crashed before -- On the morrow _he_ will leave me, as the rest have crashed before." Then the thing said "Nevermore."
Then, methought, the screen grew denser, blanked out by an unseen censor Blacking out the non-work emails sitting in my outbox drawer. "Gates," I cried, "thy spawn hath lent thee -- by these programs thou hath sent me Millions -- upon millions of the dollars over which we all do fork; For this vile and odious creature you have conjured with explorer; From my speakers "Nevermore."
"Icon!" said I, "thing of evil! -- process still if code or devil! -- Whether patched remotely or by other means installed, Pixelled beast art undaunted by my clicking -- still you taunt me -- Which foul beast hath built thy sources -- tell me truly I implore -- Is there -- _is_ there yet a way to kill you? -- tell me -- TELL ME, I implore!" Quoth the Icon "Nevermore".
"Icon!" said I, "thing of evil!" -- process still if code or devil! -- By that network spans between us -- by the protocols galore -- Tell this soul with caffiened terror if, without a system error, there is yet a way to exit from this process I abhor -- can I kill the evil icon of this process I abhor? Quoth the Icon "Nevermore".
"Be that word our sign of parting, paperclip!" I shrieked, upstarting -- "I shall pull the plug and then you shall appear no more! Leave my system yet unbroken and take thy visage, evil token! Go with no more words a-spoken -- thou invoke no evil lore! Take thy clip from off my screen, and take thy code from off my core!" Quoth the Icon "Nevermore".
And the icon, never quitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the glowing screen of phosphor just above my net Explorer; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the cursor o'er him streaming throws a shadow on Explorer; And my work into that shadow that lies over my explorer Shall be lifted -- nevermore!
Slashdot Mirror
[sincerest apologies to Edgar Alan Poe,
who will be turning in his grave and
the unrecognised author of this gem (not me that's for sure)]
Once upon a weeknight dreary,
while I coded, weak and bleary,
Over many a quaint and curious system
of my SeQueL calls,
While I nodded, nearly napping,
suddenly there came a tapping,
As of typing, gentle rapping,
tapping through my cube's grey wall
"Tis some worker still," I muttered
"typing in this office floor --
Only this, and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remember
it was in the bright December,
And each product, documented
cast it's shadow on the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;
-- vainly I had sought to borrow
From my work surcease of sorrow
-- sorrow using 'net Explorer --
For the slow and ponderous creature
whom Bill Gates has named Explorer --
In PCs for evermore.
And the dull and muted creaking
of the gentle sounds of typing
Thrilled me -- filled me with fantastic
terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the ranting
of my mind, I stood still chanting
"'Tis some worker typing emails
on their PC through the wall --
Some late worker coding softly
in their cube just through the wall; --
This it is, and nothing more."
Presently my soul grew stronger;
hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," called I, "or Madam,
truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping,
and so gently you sat typing,
And so faintly came your tapping,
tapping through my cube's grey wall,
That I scarce was sure I heard you
-- here I stood and looked next door; --
Darkness there and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering,
long I stood there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams
no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken,
and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken
was the whispered word, "Explore!"
This I whispered, and an echo
murmured back the word, "Explore!" --
Merely this, and nothing more.
Sinking back in my cube turning,
all my soul within me burning,
Soon I heard again a tapping
somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something
at my neighbour's keyboard;
Let me see, then, what the threat is,
here behind my office wall --
Let my heart be still a moment
and this mystery explore;--
'Tis a person, and nothing more!"
Slowly here I pushed my chair back,
as my hard drive seeked a new track,
Up there popped an MS agent
appearing in an icon form,
Not a cancel button had he;
nor a way to kill or maim he;
But with bubble speech just like a cartoon,
perched above my web explorer;
Perched upon a window showing off a page
of witty speech galore --
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this paperclip sat beguiling
my sad fancy into smiling,
Fixed it's gaze and stared intently,
through my soul it tried to bore,
"Though thou merely animation,
thou" I said "are a creation,
In PCs across the nation,
upgrade free from Redmond's door --
Tell me what thy process name is,
thou art here, pray tell, wherefore?"
Quoth the speakers "Nevermore."
Much I marvelled this "assistant"
was to closing quite resistant,
Though it's purpose little useful
-- giving hints unask-ed for;
Nothing farther then he uttered
-- not a pixel then he fluttered --
Till I scarcely more than muttered
"Others have yet crashed before --
On the morrow _he_ will leave me,
as the rest have crashed before."
Then the thing said "Nevermore."
Then, methought, the screen grew denser,
blanked out by an unseen censor
Blacking out the non-work emails
sitting in my outbox drawer.
"Gates," I cried, "thy spawn hath lent thee
-- by these programs thou hath sent me
Millions -- upon millions of the dollars
over which we all do fork;
For this vile and odious creature
you have conjured with explorer;
From my speakers "Nevermore."
"Icon!" said I, "thing of evil!
-- process still if code or devil! --
Whether patched remotely
or by other means installed,
Pixelled beast art undaunted
by my clicking -- still you taunt me --
Which foul beast hath built thy sources
-- tell me truly I implore --
Is there -- _is_ there yet a way to kill you?
-- tell me -- TELL ME, I implore!"
Quoth the Icon "Nevermore".
"Icon!" said I, "thing of evil!"
-- process still if code or devil! --
By that network spans between us
-- by the protocols galore --
Tell this soul with caffiened terror
if, without a system error,
there is yet a way to exit
from this process I abhor --
can I kill the evil icon
of this process I abhor?
Quoth the Icon "Nevermore".
"Be that word our sign of parting,
paperclip!" I shrieked, upstarting --
"I shall pull the plug and then
you shall appear no more!
Leave my system yet unbroken
and take thy visage, evil token!
Go with no more words a-spoken
-- thou invoke no evil lore!
Take thy clip from off my screen,
and take thy code from off my core!"
Quoth the Icon "Nevermore".
And the icon, never quitting,
still is sitting, still is sitting
On the glowing screen of phosphor
just above my net Explorer;
And his eyes have all the seeming
of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the cursor o'er him streaming
throws a shadow on Explorer;
And my work into that shadow
that lies over my explorer
Shall be lifted -- nevermore!