I called Alanis. It was pretty crazy shit man. It was like Agent Smith in Reloaded. I touched the receiver to my ear, and then there was this pop, hissing and electrical discharge, and then, I was Alanis.
So then I was sitting there, and I started playing with my breasts, and with my pussy. And I was really getting into it, there was a mirror on the ceiling and everything. I found a dildo on a nearby nightstand and lubricated it, and inserted it deep into my vagina. I felt it fill me, penetrate me, violate me, deep. I threw my head back, a slight moan escaping me. Then... the phone rang. Fuck.
So then I picked up the phone in the throes of sexual excitement, all pissed off and bothered. But then I heard the electrical discharge, I was becoming, yet again. Suddenly I found myself on the other end of the phone, as the person who had called. I could only listen as I finished the words, "Call 1-800-CALL-ATT!!! It's free for you and cheap for them!!!!"
So then I was like, WTF, I'm Carrot Top. But luckily there was a hot chick there like there always is in his commercials. So I was like, hey baby. And she was like, WTF you freak, just finish the fucking commercial. But I was like, want to see if the carpet matches the drapes? Shortly thereafter, we were having sex. I had her bent over a parkbench, thrusting my cock deep into her pussy, it was dampening more and more, her grip on the bench tightening. Like a dream, I heard the words, "Get away from me you Eight Legged Freaks!!!"
I looked up, my vision blurred. I saw before me David Arquette. He saw the girl and was like, cool!!! He wanted in, I said whatever. So he whipped it out and let her blow him as I did her doggy style. And it was pretty cool. Then David was like, this will be cool!!! And he took out his cell phone and dialed me with 1-800-CALL-ATT. So my cellphone was ringing, and I answered it. Yet another pop, hiss, discharge, and looking back at me was none other than Carrot Top. Looking down, I saw the brunette, fellating me gently. Cool indeed!!!
Then Carrot Top was like, check this out!!! So then he dialed me on his cellphone using 1-800-CALL-ATT, and I answered, and then pop, hiss, discharge, I was Carrot Top once more!!!!!!!! So then the chick was getting all horny over all the money being saved, and she was like, do me!!!!!! So I gave her the phone and told her to ring me up with 1-800-CALL-ATT. And she dialed, and I answered, and then I was her, doubly penetrated, as Carrot Top and David Arquette came, deep inside of me, from both ends.
Well actually, that kind of sucked.
1-800-CALL-ATT!!!! It's free for you and cheap for them!!!!
Looking deep into his eyes, I feel a connection between us, our souls intertwined. He blushes slightly, looking up at me like a lost child. I slowly open my blouse, exposing to him my supple, milky white breasts. He looks at them with a sense of wonder. He seems somewhat intimidated, unsure of this new direction I have taken. I take his fins, placing them on my breasts. He caresses them gently. I know that he will be mine.
Short, yet confident. His short black feathers. His elongated beak. His innate love of the smell of fish. And his undying devotion to Linux.
I lay slowly, sliding off my skirt, massaging my clit slowly. The smell of old tuna permeates the air. Trying to control himself, to maintain composure, but he cannot. He lunges at me with a determined tenacity, orally pleasuring me with every inch of his ample beak.
My legs twitching excitedly, I can take no more. I let out a slight moan. Faster and faster, more and more. My clitoris and my vagina being stimulated further and further as his long beak continues to penetrate my soul. I shiver, I sweat, I come, fully and completely.
He looks up at me with those beady eyes. I recover slightly, reaching over to the nightstand, taking the nearby nine inch strapon. He eyes the strapon with a look that seems to ask, "is that for me?" I nod yes, a smile forming on our faces.
The penguin bends over, exposing himself, wanting me. The strapon in place, I take him from behind, slowly at first, them reaming him deep and hard. He shakes in ecstacy, letting out a series of loud shrieks. As I look out the windows of the apartment, I see the snow falling gently to the ground, on the nearby apple trees. I know that I can be anything. And as I hold him, closer, I know that I have found my true love. I know that he will be mine.
I looked deep into her eyes, they in turn, looked deep back into me. A connection formed, my eyes lowering, gazing at her long strands of jet black hair. Her supple, milky white breasts, with perfectly shaped areola. Her firm stomach, smooth, shaped, warm, giving way to her curved hips. Her neatly trimmed pubic hair. Her long, veiny cock.
It looked back at me, as if it was a part of my soul, a part of myself. I looked back at her, a expression that seemed to ask, "Is that for me?" She nodded yes.
The penis began transforming, becoming. Black stripes appeared along the length of its shaft. It was becoming one of the sandworms from the movie Beetlejuice. It let out a guttural scream, shaking me to the very core of my soul.
I was scared. I felt my vagina dampen slightly, I was shaking in fear. But she reached out, her fingertips along my face, letting me know that there was nothing to fear.
I knew what had to be done.
I knelt down, calming myself, the sandworm screaming angrily. Then, gently, yet firmly, I took the worm in my mouth.
Sucking gently, I heard its anger subside. It began whimpering softly, then giggling. It was content. I continued to fellate the worm, feeling it reverting, becoming.
Once again, it was the long, veiny, beautiful cock. Its code cracked, its problem solved, a simple matter of fellatio. A beautiful solution to a mathematical problem, a proof of the reality of ourselves. QED
I went to a LOTR premiere. There was a hot chick there. I started up a conversation, she took me into a private booth. We made out, I felt her boobs. I gazed into her eyes. She caressed my face. Then, darkness. She stole my eyes, I felt myself lost, alone, disoriented. I fell to the ground, she threw me back out into the line. I wandered along, I saw a deaf man sitting on the corner. I asked him how much, he told me to look at his fingers. He wanted 9, I talked him down to 6. Then he got mad I guess but I assume I talked him down to one. So then I had my eyes but they didn't work anymore. They were defective!!! So I shot the guy in the head, but I think I missed, but oh well. Then I talked to the girl again, she said I passed the test. So I felt her boobs again. Then the movie started, it was ok. But let's face it, LOTR sucks.
I was with a girl once, her name was Kathryn, she liked to play Everquest. She was on one day, we started talking. She had an idea. The pay-for-play system of Everquest and other MMORPGs sparked an interest in her, she had an epiphany. She decided to take this payment system to a realm in which she was more comfortable: the sex industry.
Kathryn set up a pay-as-you-go system for her prostitution down at the local massage parlor. She had customers pay for services, ramping up the cost as the session continued. She always started slow, with a little oral here and there, moving on, turning it up, usually finishing in reverse cowgirl.
Of course she had her fair share of customers who just wanted a quick wank to avoid paying too much. Several prematurely ejaculated on her. But for the most part, no one wanted to be seen as a cheap bastard; in fact, they wanted to last as long as possible.
How does this tie in to MMORPGs? Well the companies are the prostitutes. And the players are the johns. And the companies are whining about the effort it is to maintain the system, just as prostitutes complain when the get a rash downstairs, or they develop soreness or lockjaw. But above all, never forget: the prostitutes are making a living. The companies are making money off MMORPGs. So, I say, ignore their complaining, they're just whining.
Does an electric car have feelings? Like guys talk about their normal cars, and they give them feminine names, and they caress them, and care for them. But would people still feel the same if it is an electric car without the same sound? Or is the electric machine somehow less important than the mechanical machine?
Now let us make another supposition. Suppose that cyborgs become a reality. Well what if you got your genitals replaced cybernetically so you had a mechanical penis. Then would you do your electric car? Because she would probably get lonely all sitting there. I mean think about, there she is, all alone, wanting you, calling you, looking into your eyes.
Where would you put it? They don't have cigarette lighters in a lot of cars now, probably not in the AC jack. And would caressing her headlights have the same effect on her as it does on a human girl?
These questions are important. They mean something.
I remember once I was looking at a girl across the hall, her supple breasts jiggling softly in her tank top, her pink skirt defining the curve of her bottom. I felt a stiffening in my jeans, I shifted in my seat. I unzipped my pants. Looking down I saw that I was not myself. I possessed a mechanical penis. It looked something like a piston, two long rods with a oscillatin bulbous head.
I looked up at her, she saw me, I looked away, embarassed. But she slid of her skirt slowly, smiling. She had a mechanical vagina, sparkling gently, warm, inviting.
We interfaced, our eyes locked, those sweet, innocent, brown eyes. We melded, we became one, one consciousness, one mind, one being. We were one. We were whole.
Slashdot Mirror
I called Alanis. It was pretty crazy shit man. It was like Agent Smith in Reloaded. I touched the receiver to my ear, and then there was this pop, hissing and electrical discharge, and then, I was Alanis.
So then I was sitting there, and I started playing with my breasts, and with my pussy. And I was really getting into it, there was a mirror on the ceiling and everything. I found a dildo on a nearby nightstand and lubricated it, and inserted it deep into my vagina. I felt it fill me, penetrate me, violate me, deep. I threw my head back, a slight moan escaping me. Then... the phone rang. Fuck.
So then I picked up the phone in the throes of sexual excitement, all pissed off and bothered. But then I heard the electrical discharge, I was becoming, yet again. Suddenly I found myself on the other end of the phone, as the person who had called. I could only listen as I finished the words, "Call 1-800-CALL-ATT!!! It's free for you and cheap for them!!!!"
So then I was like, WTF, I'm Carrot Top. But luckily there was a hot chick there like there always is in his commercials. So I was like, hey baby. And she was like, WTF you freak, just finish the fucking commercial. But I was like, want to see if the carpet matches the drapes? Shortly thereafter, we were having sex. I had her bent over a parkbench, thrusting my cock deep into her pussy, it was dampening more and more, her grip on the bench tightening. Like a dream, I heard the words, "Get away from me you Eight Legged Freaks!!!"
I looked up, my vision blurred. I saw before me David Arquette. He saw the girl and was like, cool!!! He wanted in, I said whatever. So he whipped it out and let her blow him as I did her doggy style. And it was pretty cool. Then David was like, this will be cool!!! And he took out his cell phone and dialed me with 1-800-CALL-ATT. So my cellphone was ringing, and I answered it. Yet another pop, hiss, discharge, and looking back at me was none other than Carrot Top. Looking down, I saw the brunette, fellating me gently. Cool indeed!!!
Then Carrot Top was like, check this out!!! So then he dialed me on his cellphone using 1-800-CALL-ATT, and I answered, and then pop, hiss, discharge, I was Carrot Top once more!!!!!!!! So then the chick was getting all horny over all the money being saved, and she was like, do me!!!!!! So I gave her the phone and told her to ring me up with 1-800-CALL-ATT. And she dialed, and I answered, and then I was her, doubly penetrated, as Carrot Top and David Arquette came, deep inside of me, from both ends.
Well actually, that kind of sucked.
1-800-CALL-ATT!!!! It's free for you and cheap for them!!!!
Looking deep into his eyes, I feel a connection between us, our souls intertwined. He blushes slightly, looking up at me like a lost child. I slowly open my blouse, exposing to him my supple, milky white breasts. He looks at them with a sense of wonder. He seems somewhat intimidated, unsure of this new direction I have taken. I take his fins, placing them on my breasts. He caresses them gently. I know that he will be mine.
Short, yet confident. His short black feathers. His elongated beak. His innate love of the smell of fish. And his undying devotion to Linux.
I lay slowly, sliding off my skirt, massaging my clit slowly. The smell of old tuna permeates the air. Trying to control himself, to maintain composure, but he cannot. He lunges at me with a determined tenacity, orally pleasuring me with every inch of his ample beak.
My legs twitching excitedly, I can take no more. I let out a slight moan. Faster and faster, more and more. My clitoris and my vagina being stimulated further and further as his long beak continues to penetrate my soul. I shiver, I sweat, I come, fully and completely.
He looks up at me with those beady eyes. I recover slightly, reaching over to the nightstand, taking the nearby nine inch strapon. He eyes the strapon with a look that seems to ask, "is that for me?" I nod yes, a smile forming on our faces.
The penguin bends over, exposing himself, wanting me. The strapon in place, I take him from behind, slowly at first, them reaming him deep and hard. He shakes in ecstacy, letting out a series of loud shrieks. As I look out the windows of the apartment, I see the snow falling gently to the ground, on the nearby apple trees. I know that I can be anything. And as I hold him, closer, I know that I have found my true love. I know that he will be mine.
I looked deep into her eyes, they in turn, looked deep back into me. A connection formed, my eyes lowering, gazing at her long strands of jet black hair. Her supple, milky white breasts, with perfectly shaped areola. Her firm stomach, smooth, shaped, warm, giving way to her curved hips. Her neatly trimmed pubic hair. Her long, veiny cock.
It looked back at me, as if it was a part of my soul, a part of myself. I looked back at her, a expression that seemed to ask, "Is that for me?" She nodded yes.
The penis began transforming, becoming. Black stripes appeared along the length of its shaft. It was becoming one of the sandworms from the movie Beetlejuice. It let out a guttural scream, shaking me to the very core of my soul.
I was scared. I felt my vagina dampen slightly, I was shaking in fear. But she reached out, her fingertips along my face, letting me know that there was nothing to fear.
I knew what had to be done.
I knelt down, calming myself, the sandworm screaming angrily. Then, gently, yet firmly, I took the worm in my mouth.
Sucking gently, I heard its anger subside. It began whimpering softly, then giggling. It was content. I continued to fellate the worm, feeling it reverting, becoming.
Once again, it was the long, veiny, beautiful cock. Its code cracked, its problem solved, a simple matter of fellatio. A beautiful solution to a mathematical problem, a proof of the reality of ourselves. QED
I went to a LOTR premiere. There was a hot chick there. I started up a conversation, she took me into a private booth. We made out, I felt her boobs. I gazed into her eyes. She caressed my face. Then, darkness. She stole my eyes, I felt myself lost, alone, disoriented. I fell to the ground, she threw me back out into the line. I wandered along, I saw a deaf man sitting on the corner. I asked him how much, he told me to look at his fingers. He wanted 9, I talked him down to 6. Then he got mad I guess but I assume I talked him down to one. So then I had my eyes but they didn't work anymore. They were defective!!! So I shot the guy in the head, but I think I missed, but oh well. Then I talked to the girl again, she said I passed the test. So I felt her boobs again. Then the movie started, it was ok. But let's face it, LOTR sucks.
I was with a girl once, her name was Kathryn, she liked to play Everquest. She was on one day, we started talking. She had an idea. The pay-for-play system of Everquest and other MMORPGs sparked an interest in her, she had an epiphany. She decided to take this payment system to a realm in which she was more comfortable: the sex industry.
Kathryn set up a pay-as-you-go system for her prostitution down at the local massage parlor. She had customers pay for services, ramping up the cost as the session continued. She always started slow, with a little oral here and there, moving on, turning it up, usually finishing in reverse cowgirl.
Of course she had her fair share of customers who just wanted a quick wank to avoid paying too much. Several prematurely ejaculated on her. But for the most part, no one wanted to be seen as a cheap bastard; in fact, they wanted to last as long as possible.
How does this tie in to MMORPGs? Well the companies are the prostitutes. And the players are the johns. And the companies are whining about the effort it is to maintain the system, just as prostitutes complain when the get a rash downstairs, or they develop soreness or lockjaw. But above all, never forget: the prostitutes are making a living. The companies are making money off MMORPGs. So, I say, ignore their complaining, they're just whining.
Does an electric car have feelings? Like guys talk about their normal cars, and they give them feminine names, and they caress them, and care for them. But would people still feel the same if it is an electric car without the same sound? Or is the electric machine somehow less important than the mechanical machine? Now let us make another supposition. Suppose that cyborgs become a reality. Well what if you got your genitals replaced cybernetically so you had a mechanical penis. Then would you do your electric car? Because she would probably get lonely all sitting there. I mean think about, there she is, all alone, wanting you, calling you, looking into your eyes. Where would you put it? They don't have cigarette lighters in a lot of cars now, probably not in the AC jack. And would caressing her headlights have the same effect on her as it does on a human girl? These questions are important. They mean something. I remember once I was looking at a girl across the hall, her supple breasts jiggling softly in her tank top, her pink skirt defining the curve of her bottom. I felt a stiffening in my jeans, I shifted in my seat. I unzipped my pants. Looking down I saw that I was not myself. I possessed a mechanical penis. It looked something like a piston, two long rods with a oscillatin bulbous head. I looked up at her, she saw me, I looked away, embarassed. But she slid of her skirt slowly, smiling. She had a mechanical vagina, sparkling gently, warm, inviting. We interfaced, our eyes locked, those sweet, innocent, brown eyes. We melded, we became one, one consciousness, one mind, one being. We were one. We were whole.