Thank you for raising the issue. Speaking as both a reformed SW dope AND the holder of an MFA in painting, I am absolutely certain that the Cremaster series is far, far away the worst of the two. At least 1/3 of the SW series is interesting.
Yeah, go ahead and make fun of him again for the whole inventing the internet thing or whatever, but it's pretty clear that he's comfortable around technology.
Star Wars has always been good for two things: (1) providing employment to midgets & dwarves and (2) showcasing an array of severed limbs (more blood = better film, too, it would seem). A solid and equal mix of midgets and gore is the key to a satisfying adventure in a galaxy far, far away. Allow me to demonstrate.
EPISODE 1 only featured one good severing as I recall (Darth Maul), but it was misplaced. In an alternate universe, the Frog Man gets it, too, squirting slimy fluids in slow motion for at least five minutes of the film. The fans of that universe are happy fans. Jedi Master Ponytail's end in OUR universe, however, is probably the ONLY gore moment in this film with any weight. Plus, unless you consider children in the same pool as midgets-- and I don't-- Episode 1 was sorely lacking in real non-CG midgets aside from the Willow cameo. A severed CHILD might have put this film back on track, but alas...
EPISODE 2 had at least 1 severed limb obviously, but no real gore. And the midgets were few and far between. Some rock solid beheadings, but of the rated-G variety. Okay, well, yeah, Klieg's (sp?) sporting a cool stump (too broke to afford a robo peg leg, apparently). And Momma Vader's pretty busted up. Yeah, and I suppose the beheading of Jango is okay, but the beheading of 3PO as fodder for comedic levity is lame. Above all, however, the midget vacuum is obvious & tragic.
EPISODE 3 has at least two confirmed severed limbs. That's a good sign. The midget factor remains to be seen, however. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Jack Pervis. You're my only hope.
EPISODE 4: bloody cantina limb, 3PO loses a limb, Chewie (in a roundabout way) threatens to rip out limbs, Ben gets cut in half, we get not one but TWO smoldering skeletons (still waiting on the inevitable post-autopsy Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru playset, by the way)... plus, this picture is swarming with employment opportunities for the height-challenged to don weird-ass constumes. PLUS Han says "hell." DING, DING! Sounds like a classic!
EPISODE 5: Bloody clawing, belly-slicing, de-limbing of wampa (in slow motion!), beheading (in slow motion!), excellent loss of a hand shortly after a series of metal crates to the spine & head, 3PO gets his head and ALL of his limbs severed... Han says "hell" again and MEANS it... and best of all, we get to see midgets aplenty as nightmarish Mickey Rooney-type pig people. PLUS we get a swearing robot (F-U2?). Rock on! DING, DING! Another winner!
EPISODE 6: Their heart was in the right place, but squirrel people are nowhere near as cool as pig people, no matter how many you try to throw at us. The midget factor is so out of control and out of whack in relation to the level of gore here that it has warped the scale. It fact, there's no gore at all, really, beyond a laser-fried hand and some head scabs. Don't CHOKE him, Leia! For our sake, stab him repeatedly with one of those dime-a-dozen vibroaxes, why don't ya? The gate smash and lost limb are very rated-G, too. No, thank you.
Peter Jackson was wise to study these films beforehand and use the gore/midget equation I've outlined here to his advantage.
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Thank you for raising the issue. Speaking as both a reformed SW dope AND the holder of an MFA in painting, I am absolutely certain that the Cremaster series is far, far away the worst of the two. At least 1/3 of the SW series is interesting.
Yeah, go ahead and make fun of him again for the whole inventing the internet thing or whatever, but it's pretty clear that he's comfortable around technology.
Star Wars has always been good for two things: (1) providing employment to midgets & dwarves and (2) showcasing an array of severed limbs (more blood = better film, too, it would seem). A solid and equal mix of midgets and gore is the key to a satisfying adventure in a galaxy far, far away. Allow me to demonstrate.
EPISODE 1 only featured one good severing as I recall (Darth Maul), but it was misplaced. In an alternate universe, the Frog Man gets it, too, squirting slimy fluids in slow motion for at least five minutes of the film. The fans of that universe are happy fans. Jedi Master Ponytail's end in OUR universe, however, is probably the ONLY gore moment in this film with any weight. Plus, unless you consider children in the same pool as midgets-- and I don't-- Episode 1 was sorely lacking in real non-CG midgets aside from the Willow cameo. A severed CHILD might have put this film back on track, but alas...
EPISODE 2 had at least 1 severed limb obviously, but no real gore. And the midgets were few and far between. Some rock solid beheadings, but of the rated-G variety. Okay, well, yeah, Klieg's (sp?) sporting a cool stump (too broke to afford a robo peg leg, apparently). And Momma Vader's pretty busted up. Yeah, and I suppose the beheading of Jango is okay, but the beheading of 3PO as fodder for comedic levity is lame. Above all, however, the midget vacuum is obvious & tragic.
EPISODE 3 has at least two confirmed severed limbs. That's a good sign. The midget factor remains to be seen, however. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Jack Pervis. You're my only hope.
EPISODE 4: bloody cantina limb, 3PO loses a limb, Chewie (in a roundabout way) threatens to rip out limbs, Ben gets cut in half, we get not one but TWO smoldering skeletons (still waiting on the inevitable post-autopsy Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru playset, by the way)... plus, this picture is swarming with employment opportunities for the height-challenged to don weird-ass constumes. PLUS Han says "hell." DING, DING! Sounds like a classic!
EPISODE 5: Bloody clawing, belly-slicing, de-limbing of wampa (in slow motion!), beheading (in slow motion!), excellent loss of a hand shortly after a series of metal crates to the spine & head, 3PO gets his head and ALL of his limbs severed... Han says "hell" again and MEANS it... and best of all, we get to see midgets aplenty as nightmarish Mickey Rooney-type pig people. PLUS we get a swearing robot (F-U2?). Rock on! DING, DING! Another winner!
EPISODE 6: Their heart was in the right place, but squirrel people are nowhere near as cool as pig people, no matter how many you try to throw at us. The midget factor is so out of control and out of whack in relation to the level of gore here that it has warped the scale. It fact, there's no gore at all, really, beyond a laser-fried hand and some head scabs. Don't CHOKE him, Leia! For our sake, stab him repeatedly with one of those dime-a-dozen vibroaxes, why don't ya? The gate smash and lost limb are very rated-G, too. No, thank you.
Peter Jackson was wise to study these films beforehand and use the gore/midget equation I've outlined here to his advantage.