Hey all... Time for me to post my $0.02 worth, on this whole subject. I have been in the "online romance" situation before, on one occasion, and I have a pile of thoughts. So...
First things first: It CAN work. It is possible to have an online romance that is successful. For about 18 months, once, I had that type of relationship, and, though the distance has a tendency to get in the way, it can also be a wonderful way of becoming close to another person. However...
The difficulty with online romance is that it is entirely a fantasy world: the romance occurs somewhere that exists only in the minds of the two people. The transition from that fantasy to the real world (where, when things are bothering you, or upsetting you, you CAN'T simply terminate the connection or hang up the phone), is the genuinely diffiuclt part of the relationship. If both people are well prepared for that transition, and are okay with that transition in themselves, it can go smoothly. However, having experience, and having seen friends go through the experience, I have noticed that a lot of people aren't willing to experience the transition from fantasy to reality; many people go online to escape their real worlds, and the bridging of that fantasy into their real world is too much. This was, in many ways, the cause of the end of my online relationship (which, by the time it ended, was incredibly real)... unfortunately, in hindsight, she was the closest person to the equal partner in my life that I've ever met. The other caveat I have about online relationships is that they WILL test a person; they will require a level of honesty and openness that a lot of people aren't ready for. When all two people have are words, there's a lot of things that you can't get away with in an online relationship that you could in a RW relationship. You can't go watch a movie together, and not talk for 3 hours when you're angry; you either talk, and deal with it, or you don't. You have to be willing to deal with the things that get in the way of your relationship in a relatively productive manner; otherwise, the relationship disappears far too easily.
Anyways, there're my thoughts for today... This has been a good way to procrastinate...
Slashdot Mirror
Hey all... Time for me to post my $0.02 worth, on this whole subject. I have been in the "online romance" situation before, on one occasion, and I have a pile of thoughts. So...
First things first: It CAN work. It is possible to have an online romance that is successful. For about 18 months, once, I had that type of relationship, and, though the distance has a tendency to get in the way, it can also be a wonderful way of becoming close to another person.
However...
The difficulty with online romance is that it is entirely a fantasy world: the romance occurs somewhere that exists only in the minds of the two people. The transition from that fantasy to the real world (where, when things are bothering you, or upsetting you, you CAN'T simply terminate the connection or hang up the phone), is the genuinely diffiuclt part of the relationship. If both people are well prepared for that transition, and are okay with that transition in themselves, it can go smoothly. However, having experience, and having seen friends go through the experience, I have noticed that a lot of people aren't willing to experience the transition from fantasy to reality; many people go online to escape their real worlds, and the bridging of that fantasy into their real world is too much. This was, in many ways, the cause of the end of my online relationship (which, by the time it ended, was incredibly real)... unfortunately, in hindsight, she was the closest person to the equal partner in my life that I've ever met.
The other caveat I have about online relationships is that they WILL test a person; they will require a level of honesty and openness that a lot of people aren't ready for. When all two people have are words, there's a lot of things that you can't get away with in an online relationship that you could in a RW relationship. You can't go watch a movie together, and not talk for 3 hours when you're angry; you either talk, and deal with it, or you don't. You have to be willing to deal with the things that get in the way of your relationship in a relatively productive manner; otherwise, the relationship disappears far too easily.
Anyways, there're my thoughts for today... This has been a good way to procrastinate...
Mike