Slashdot Mirror

Check out http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ for a scientific plan for getting her interested in sex again and, just as importantly, getting your marriage to a point where you can talk about fitness, your weight, and any other problems that affect either one of you without it becoming an emotional minefield. Frankly most marriage counseling is not scientifically based and has a dismal track record. The MB approach has been tracked literally for decades and people who have followed it have seen great results.

I do not know how to adequately handle the division of shared digital assets during a divorce, but I do know of a very effective, scientific, engineering-based approach to preventing divorce in the first place by building a good marriage:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

However, this approach advocates an interdependent lifestyle involving complete transparency and honesty. There are many who will say that that can't be done or won't work, but then, they rarely have the kind of success seen by this program.

Sure, man can love a robot, no problem. Just have to build a robot that can do these things.

I agree with a few others here that your job is not the necessarily the reason your Wife has decided to leave you.

Ask yourself this:

Did you concisely show her AFFECTION? i.e. go out of your way to hold her hand in public and in front of her family and friends?

Did you have 'DATE NIGHTS'?
Did you show 'family commitment' by spending time with your family?

Did you focus much of your time working about just the "providing" part of your roll as a husband?

If any of these things get a YES for an answer, YOU have left your wife in need.
I will grant you, you may not have known any better and tried your best to make her happy, but I think you are suffering from a lack of skill in the marriage department.

Please take a look at two websites to get help if you want a chance to save your marriage.

1. www.marriagebuilders.com
2. www.survivingbetrayal.com (it's a site about affairs, but also to get help about why your wife is leaving you)

Here are some books to take a look at as well:

His Needs and Her Needs by Dr. Harley.

Here is a link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_ne eds.html

Best value for $20 you will ever get!

I appreciate your kind words. And I would say I'd have agreed with you for part of my life. But the fact is that Christians have a higher divorce rate than non-Christains

And my Christian mother also had an affair. So did the two youth pastors at my church growing up: one male, one female, two marriages (with children) destroyed. And yes, they were _real_ Christians... great knowledge of the Bible, love and fear of God, personal relationship with Christ, and anything else you care.

But believe me: affairs and marriage failures are _not_ a religious issue. There's nothing at all wrong with the Christian moral code, or the relationship with Christ, but it is _not_ going to do anything to protect you from temptation or give you strength to resist it. Really. I'm sorry to say it but there's just no evidence to indicate it does.

All the best to you and her. I hope you manage to beat the odds.

I wish you luck in your life, and I hate to break this to you: but a personal relationship with Christ isn't going to do anything to prevent an affair. In fact Christians are more likely to divorce than non-Christians.

My father was agnostic, and my mother a Christian. She has, all my life, to this very day, told me in detail about her personal relationship with Christ. The church I grew up in emphasized the personal relationship. In any case, she was the one who had an affair.

Anyways, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with the Christian values themselves, but being a Christian, no matter how personal that is to you, is not a defense against anything. It's more like a promise to work harder to maintain the higher standard.

You will be tempted, as will your partner. Again, I wish you luck.

Oh, by the way, I went through a "purging" of porn around my 17th year, around the same time that I tried building my most personal relationship with Christ. But after a few years I realized that it wasn't really working so I started learning about myself instead.

I view porn these days. And I treated my wife with nothing but love and respect. And we had a great sex life. She still agrees with these statements. She didn't look at porn. But she ended up having the affairs.

It's a lot more complicated than anyone cares to admit.

Cheers.

It's unclear from the original post whether this happened before or after he got married. My interpretation was that it happened while he was married. If so, I find it hard to imagine he doesn't owe her an apology for the lying, deception, and doubtlessly her confusion and hurt while it was going on.

As a victim of infidelity, I can assure you that even if one doesn't know exactly what happened, there is a strong sense of trouble and hurt. The loss of trust is the hardest thing to recover. Complete honesty is the only way out in the long term.

Some of the more successful marriage counselors seem to agree with this.

I think he should talk to a professional counselor. They could certainly guide him better than the slashdot populous. But this is not the kind of thing that can be neatly swept under the carpet.

Cheers.

Forgiveness is a subject that comes up quite a bit in [worms]. [Worms] are common, and the [worm author] usually wants to be forgiven. But the [cracked box] is usually reluctant to forgive, particularly if the [worm author] hasn't learned anything from the ordeal.

But if forgiveness is difficult, forgetting can be downright impossible for many [administrators]. How can people be expected to forget some of the most painful experiences of their lives?

I approach the subject of forgiveness from the perspective of someone (me) who believes in forgiveness, but also believes that [worms] should be fair. Since, in many cases, forgiveness is unfair, what should be done? As you will see in my responses to the three letters I've chosen, I support just compensation for some [worm attacks], so I don't always recommend forgiveness. It should be an encouragement to those of you who have been feeling guilty about being unable to forgive and forget. But, at the same time, it should also encourage [worm authors], because the compensation I propose will earn you a terrific reward, and it won't hurt at all.

Courtesy:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa .html