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nourish it with his non-lactating, hairy man-boobs.

Once you master those tricks, then you can get 16 weeks, too. Until then, quit your fucking whining.

As that's the only trick that matters post-birth, perhaps you can quit your fucking discrimination: Men have all of the necessary physical attributes required to lactate and nourish a baby.

E.g. the second hit on Google (after the unsurprising wikipedia page): http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/misc-articles/milkmen-fathers-who-breastfeed/

Now, about those 16 weeks..

My kid had the cord wrap around his neck. A home birth would have killed him.

I'm not anti-western medicine by any means but I think this evidence is worth looking into.

My kid had the cord wrap around his neck. A home birth would have killed him.

I'm not anti-western medicine by any means but I think this evidence is worth looking into.

yet another reason not to have the rest of my children in a hospital.

In that case you should look into unassisted childbirth. Apparently everything you know about childbirth is wrong and these people have the pictures and videos to prove it.

If you want the job done right...
do it yourself!

But then, both my kids were born AT HOME with a midwife.

Did you know that there are people who a step (or two, or three...) past that?

Tales from the nipple!

Right now I'm just compelled to say....I hate you Milkman Dan.

This is only hippy-ish ancedotal evidence, but supposedly yes, they can, and there are supposedly historical accounts of it from before the hormone junk and the "Fab Five".

Milkmen: Fathers Who Breastfeed

So if you are a man, take heart in the wholesome knowledge that your nipples, puny as they are, actually can achieve their natural purpose. Although you'll just never be as good at is as women. Pity. I'm sure you're weeping.