Posted by
ryuzaki0
on from the i-don't-wanna-be-a-candidate dept.
cmuncey writes "Salon has two articles about those perennial geek favorites, the Darwin Awards. This includes an interview with "Darwin" and their current favorites from the winners and nominees. (The official site is here.) Any nominations that they have missed? "
The guy who tried to get a first post and tripped over the cables connecting his monitor and knocked himself out when the monitor fell on him, and then he, uh, became impotent due to a bizarre cat-related event straight afterwards.
That's what I am. This horrible, senseless celebration of death shouldn't be allowed.
There. I've said it, so no-one else needs to. So let's get on with the business of laughing at morons.
My own personal favourite will always be actor Jon Erik Hexum (sp?), who shot himself in the head with a blank, cunningly forgetting that blanks are lethal up to a few metres. He was starring in some godawful series about models and spies at the time; the title escapes me but I still wake up screaming when the dialogue haunts my dreams.
However, as a way to go I reckon autoerotic asphyxiation has yet to be beaten (so to speak). What better way to be remembered than with your eyes bulging, and your tongue and your dick hanging out?
I realise that the post is probably a troll. With that in mind, I'm still going to reply.:)
Do you think being blind to that which God has created and set in motion is faith? To deny the existance of evolution and natural selection is to deny one of the most grand parts of God's creation. If anyone has been misled, it is you; for you have thrown out those things that are clearly evidenced in the world that God created. God wants you to have faith, but God certainly does not want one to dismiss what they can see and feel. Do you not believe that God is capable of creating a system where the most desirable traits are passed on and emphasised, and the least desirable are phased out?
It is my belief that this particular Anonymous Coward is a member of the Kansas Board of Education.:)
o/~ So tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699! o/~
As the Salon story may mention, the JATO Impala urban legend is the all time most popular (and most submitted) Darwin Award story. There is a great, if long, story here by someone who claims to have started the story. I have rarely laughed so hard.
Darwin awards going downhill
by
Frank+Sullivan
·
· Score: 5
I just got the awards in my mail this morning, and couldn't believe it... the first runner-up is *still alive*!!! Worse, his genitalia are still intact, and he might still breed (he only blew his face off with the blasting cap in his mouth). That, my friends, is unworthy of a Darwin Award.
Way back when they first started, nominees actually had to die in order to be considered. A few years later, they added the "honorable mention" category for those who merely maimed themselves. But this year, they seem to be handing out full nominations for mere stupidity... i saw nominations this year that involved no bodily harm whatsoever! (like the guy who tried to steal the letters from the board for his mug shots)
I really hope the Darwin Awards staff will reconsider their methodology and return to their previous high standards, lest they become another Golden Globe, or worse yet, America's Funniest Home Videos.
--- 120 chars is barely sufficient
-- Hand me that airplane glue and I'll tell you another story.
Try the REAL Darwin List!
by
Tackhead
·
· Score: 5
If you enjoyed the site referenced in the Salon article, try the real McCoy. The Cult of Father Darwin Mailing List has been around for a good many years, and we love a good culling.
Clueless twits with the "FAQs are for pussies" gene need not apply. Before signing on, for the love of Uncle Chuck, please read The CoFD FAQ.
(On second thought, don't bother. We love flaming helminthic parasites who can't read FAQs into smoldering piles of ash...)
I can assure you that, unlike www.darwinawards.com , the CoFD has never, and will never pull any punches when it comes to "sensitive" deaths. Hell, we had a fsckin' field day over the "don't wear a seatbelt and let your chauffeur drive drunk" gene (ex-Princess Die), the "trees are your friends" gene (Sonny Bono, $DEADKENNEDY), and the "Hey, I can fly in this fog" gene ($DEADKENNEDY, closely related to "Hey, I can drive" gene posessed by yet another $DEADKENNEDY).
For Y2K, I personally celebrated by laughing heartily at news footage of some dumb bloke in California standing up on a light pole and reaching up to grab a couple of nearby wires for support. Presumably, he had the "electrical safety is for pussies" gene. Darwin be Praised, he fell down and went boom (actually, "zzap-thud" was more like it) shortly afterwards. Verily, I could almost hear the Voice of Darwin echoing in the Y2K crowd. YOU. Yes, YOU, on the streetlight. Outa the gene pool. NOW.
For any who object - I quote the final lines of the CoFD FAQ:
"Finally? There is no finally, for Evolution, under the guiding hand of the Father continues ever on; you can but stave off the inevitable for a few decades, but eventually your time will come and you will die.
It is up to you to determine if your genetic line will be found Worthy, or whether you will become a statistic in some journalist's copysheet and a scorned entry in this list.
Slashdot Mirror
The guy who tried to get a first post and tripped over the cables connecting his monitor and knocked himself out when the monitor fell on him, and then he, uh, became impotent due to a bizarre cat-related event straight afterwards.
That's what I am. This horrible, senseless celebration of death shouldn't be allowed.
There. I've said it, so no-one else needs to. So let's get on with the business of laughing at morons.
My own personal favourite will always be actor Jon Erik Hexum (sp?), who shot himself in the head with a blank, cunningly forgetting that blanks are lethal up to a few metres. He was starring in some godawful series about models and spies at the time; the title escapes me but I still wake up screaming when the dialogue haunts my dreams.
However, as a way to go I reckon autoerotic asphyxiation has yet to be beaten (so to speak). What better way to be remembered than with your eyes bulging, and your tongue and your dick hanging out?
Do you think being blind to that which God has created and set in motion is faith? To deny the existance of evolution and natural selection is to deny one of the most grand parts of God's creation. If anyone has been misled, it is you; for you have thrown out those things that are clearly evidenced in the world that God created. God wants you to have faith, but God certainly does not want one to dismiss what they can see and feel. Do you not believe that God is capable of creating a system where the most desirable traits are passed on and emphasised, and the least desirable are phased out?
It is my belief that this particular Anonymous Coward is a member of the Kansas Board of Education. :)
o/~ So tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699! o/~
--
Intelligence is definitely a recessive trait.
As the Salon story may mention, the JATO Impala urban legend is the all time most popular (and most submitted) Darwin Award story. There is a great, if long, story here by someone who claims to have started the story. I have rarely laughed so hard.
I just got the awards in my mail this morning, and couldn't believe it... the first runner-up is *still alive*!!! Worse, his genitalia are still intact, and he might still breed (he only blew his face off with the blasting cap in his mouth). That, my friends, is unworthy of a Darwin Award.
Way back when they first started, nominees actually had to die in order to be considered. A few years later, they added the "honorable mention" category for those who merely maimed themselves. But this year, they seem to be handing out full nominations for mere stupidity... i saw nominations this year that involved no bodily harm whatsoever! (like the guy who tried to steal the letters from the board for his mug shots)
I really hope the Darwin Awards staff will reconsider their methodology and return to their previous high standards, lest they become another Golden Globe, or worse yet, America's Funniest Home Videos.
---
120
chars is barely sufficient
Hand me that airplane glue and I'll tell you another story.
Clueless twits with the "FAQs are for pussies" gene need not apply. Before signing on, for the love of Uncle Chuck, please read The CoFD FAQ.
(On second thought, don't bother. We love flaming helminthic parasites who can't read FAQs into smoldering piles of ash...)
I can assure you that, unlike www.darwinawards.com , the CoFD has never, and will never pull any punches when it comes to "sensitive" deaths. Hell, we had a fsckin' field day over the "don't wear a seatbelt and let your chauffeur drive drunk" gene (ex-Princess Die), the "trees are your friends" gene (Sonny Bono, $DEADKENNEDY), and the "Hey, I can fly in this fog" gene ($DEADKENNEDY, closely related to "Hey, I can drive" gene posessed by yet another $DEADKENNEDY).
For Y2K, I personally celebrated by laughing heartily at news footage of some dumb bloke in California standing up on a light pole and reaching up to grab a couple of nearby wires for support. Presumably, he had the "electrical safety is for pussies" gene. Darwin be Praised, he fell down and went boom (actually, "zzap-thud" was more like it) shortly afterwards. Verily, I could almost hear the Voice of Darwin echoing in the Y2K crowd. YOU. Yes, YOU, on the streetlight. Outa the gene pool. NOW.
For any who object - I quote the final lines of the CoFD FAQ: