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Lucasfilm Explains Lack Of TPM DVD
DanteKy writes "Hollywood.com has another article on the release of the VHS release of The Phantom Menace. Also, Lynne Hale, a spokeswoman for Lucasfilm 'explains' why there is no DVD just yet. The article also mentions that in some Asian locations, TPM will be released on VCD. I know it isn't DVD, but at least it is a start." I'm still waiting for Episodes IV, V and VI on DVD, as well. I'm beginning to wonder if we're going to have to wait until they're all finished before we see them at all.
a hidden room deep within the labyrinth of lucasfilm...
lucasfilm stooge #1: the star wars fans will continue to gain support in the marketing division...
lucasfilm stooge #2: the marketing division will no longer be of any concern to us. i've just received word that mr. lucas has dissolved the department permanently. the last remnants of the old lucasfilm have been swept away!
lucasfilm stooge #1: what?! that's impossible! how will lucas maintain a presence in retail outlets?
lucasfilm stooge #2: mr. lucas himself now has direct control over the retail outlets. fear will keep the merchants in line. fear of this studio!
lucasfilm stooge #1: and what of the open source pirates? if they've obtained illegal copies of tpm, it is possible, however unlikely that they may find a distributor... and exploit it!
open source man: the copies you refer to will soon be back in our hands!
homosexual lucasfilm stooge: any attack against this studio would be a useless gesture, no matter what illegal copies they've obtained! this studio is now the ultimate power in hollywood! i suggest we use it!
open source man: don't be too proud of this merchandising terror you've constructed! the ability to addict children to film merchandising is insignificant next to the alluring power of natalie portman!
homosexual lucasfilm stooge: don't try to frighten us with your lustful heterosexual ways, open source man! your sad devotion to that young actress has not helped you conjure up the illegal tpm copies, nor given you clairvoyance enough to find....
open source man holds up a picture of natalie portman to the homosexual stooge.
open source man: i find your lack of heterosexuality disturbing!
lucasfilm stooge #2: enough of this! open source, release him! this bickering is pointless! now open source man will provide us with the pirate sites! we will then crush the hackers with one swift stroke!
thank you.
the fat-time online serial!! feel the power of this force!!
You don't understand.
This is not just any movie. This is Star Wars, Episode I we're talking about here.
It's an icon, a legend, an unreachable goal. It's the thing that's been on the minds of movie geeks everywhere since 1983. Who cares about whether it was a crappy movie? That's hardly relevant - after all, by that same measuring stick, the original trilogy was just about as crappy! That's not the issue at all! The issue is that Star Wars is a cultural icon. It's important. It's news for nerds; it's stuff that matters. It should be on DVD; we should be able to watch every scene from five different angles in a dozen different languages, whether we like it or not.
(About me: I do not, at the present time, own a DVD player of any kind. I'm not a "real" Star Wars nut by any stretch of the definition. I rather enjoyed TPM - except for Jar Jar - and watched it twice. I just really like to rant.)
To the editors: your English is as bad as your Perl. Please go back to grade school.
George Lucas is working hard on Episode II: Jar Jar's Revenge. He's taking extra special care this time to make sure an otherwise cool movie would be ruined by one annoying computer generated character that he can sell toys of to little kids.
In the mean time, Lucasfilms is working on the special DVD release to be released with Generation Pi DVD players. It will feature a special THX(TM) Anti-Gungan Feature that will allow you to eliminate Jar Jar entirely from Episode 1 each time you watch it on your Home DVD Generation Pi with DIVX Enhanced Features Player. To do this you have to insert a five dollar bill each time you watch the film, or else Jar Jar returns to annoy you.
So go easy on Lucas, okay? He's only trying to make a buck.
"You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you're dreaming or awake?"
"You spoony bard!" -Tellah