Is The Fabric of Space-Time Woven With Noise?

Grubert writes: "Some Australian mathematicians have found a way to explain many deep problems in fundamental physics using mathematical models based on noise. (This statement is slightly inaccurate; read the New Scientist article."

Given the justified head-scratching that accompanies any investigation into the origin, age, weight and dimensionality of the universe, and considering that this theory bears on each of these, it's exciting stuff. Could this be the beginning of a breakthrough in our understanding of /everything/?

Comments

New Scientist is a joke

[Binx Bolling]

The whole rag is filled with pseudo-science news. I was interviewed by one of their reporters. They take ordinary science, jazz it up into something star-trekky and unrecognizable, munge their quotes, sensationalize out the wazoo, etc. Maybe in a former life it was a respectable British journal. These days it has sunk as low as the rest of British journalism.

Another Fun Cosmological Link for Fun

[MattW]

Chris Langan, the Long Island bar bouncer with an IQ of 190+, puts forth his "theory of everything" (or, in this case, a summary):

The CTMU

His misuse of the term "Cantor's Set", among other things, is annoying, but it is still an ambitious attempt to explain the universe. Maybe this will tide the bored people over until New Scientist recovers from being slashdotted ;)

Shhhhh.

[Anonymous Coward]

Scientist 1: I think I can describe the fabric of space-time mathematically.

Scientist 2: Can you keep the noise down, I'm trying to study.

Scientist 1: That's just it, man. Noise.

Scientist 2: Be quiet, please.

Universe: LALALALA LAAAAA LA LALALALA LALALALA LALALLALALALALLA LALALALALAAAAAAAALA LALAAA LA!

Statistical Philosophy

[Baldrson]

When Shannon extracted the unit of information from the laws of thermodynamics, he helped people understand that statistical laws are interwoven with the fundamentals of natural philosphy in a way that we sometimes find confusing. There is a good deal of "bit" in "it".

Now next stage has been reached where the core laws of quantum mechanics (the weird ones) have been shown to be theorems of a statistical theory that includes negative probabilities, rather than "laws of nature" per se, in the same way that Shannon's information theory is properly thought of as a domain of statistical philosophy rather than an a priori natural phenomenon.

It is reasonable to suspect that many profound consequent discoveries, such as those reported in this article, are waiting to be unearthed as the depth of weird statistical philosophy sinks in.

Re:Statistical Philosophy

[fperez]

As for the article linked to in "the core laws of quantum mechanics ...":

There's a slim chance of this not being a crackpot's work, but I seriously doubt it. Over the years I've seen a fair share of physics "outside geniuses" who've discovered something which radically transforms our world view and which every scientist before them had missed. Every single one of those has turned out to be a complete crackpot.

Before you turn on the flamethrowers: yes, I'm fully aware that Einstein was a patent office clerk and not a university physicist at the time, but if you read any of his 1905 papers they are solid science from the first word to the last. This is not!

A few tips:

- It's too long (86 pages) and wordy, full of adjectives. Typical of crackpots in love with their own work but with zero experience in actual scientific writing.

- These guys don't know how to use latex properly (everything is in text mode), which basically every working physicist uses to communicate.

- There's way too little math for something that "deep". And what little there is doesn't look promising. I didn't read the whole thing (barely skimmed it) but one "theorem" (Causal Trace Theo, p. 52) is a linear algebra triviality, while their use of "mixed states" is incorrect. In statistical quantum mechanics, a mixed state (more properly referred to as a mixed ensemble) is an ensemble of states which can *not* be expressed as a linear combination of states. This is fundamentally different from simply expressing any pure state as a linear combination of other states, which is nothing but a choice of basis (another linear algebra triviality). Mixed ensembles are precisely what makes statistical quantum physics different from "regular" quantum mechanics of simple systems, and is a topic not covered by most undergraduate quantum mech. books.

As I said earlier, there's a non-vanishing probability that these guys aren't crackpots. If you ask me, it's comparable to that of a cracked eggshell reassembling itself: non-zero in the purest statistical sense, zero for all practical purposes.

Is the fabric of slashdot woven with trolls?

[Gutzalpus]

A new study from this week's New Slashdot Science reveals that not only are trolls inescapable in /. message boards, but that they are actually woven into the "fabric" of slashdot itself, due to unpredictable interactions of certain aspects of the source code.

It is believed that this theory could answer many of the questions of current /. users. Such questions as:

1. Why are there so many useless, garbage posts?
2. Why do people persist in clogging the discussions with pure crap?

These questions become irrelevant and easily answered once it is realized that this sort of behavior is innate to slashdot and cannot be stopped. See newscientist.com for more information on this and other incredible scientific developments. Additionally please see Weekly World News for additional updates.

Infinte Improbabilty Drive

[doomy]

From the HHGTTG,

The principle of generating small amounts of finite improbability
by simply hooking the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 Sub-
Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a strong
Brownian Motion producer (say a nice hot cup of tea) were of
course well understood - and such generators were often used to
break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the
hostess's undergarments leap simultaneously one foot to the left,
in accordance with the Theory of Indeterminacy.

Many respectable physicists said that they weren't going to stand
for this - partly because it was a debasement of science, but
mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties.

Another thing they couldn't stand was the perpetual failure they
encountered in trying to construct a machine which could generate
the infinite improbability field needed to flip a spaceship
across the mind-paralysing distances between the furthest stars,
and in the end they grumpily announced that such a machine was
virtually impossible.

Then, one day, a student who had been left to sweep up the lab
after a particularly unsuccessful party found himself reasoning
this way:

If, he thought to himself, such a machine is a virtual
impossibility, then it must logically be a finite improbability.
So all I have to do in order to make one is to work out exactly
how improbable it is, feed that figure into the finite
improbability generator, give it a fresh cup of really hot tea
... and turn it on!

He did this, and was rather startled to discover that he had
managed to create the long sought after golden Infinite
Improbability generator out of thin air.

It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the
Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched
by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally
realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a
smartass.

--

Off-Topic: Slashdot Celebrity Deathmatch #1

[Green Monkey]

SLASHDOT CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH No. 1: Tux vs. the BSD daemon

Announcer: Good evening and welcome to another exciting round of Slashdot Celebrity Deathmatch. We've got quite an exciting matchup for you tonight. In the left corner is our plucky but not-quite-GPL challenger, the BSD daemon!

(The BSD daemon strikes a pose for the crowd. The crowd cheers.)

Announcer: And in the right corner we have the most electrifying name in open source entertainment... the one, the only, TUX THE PENGUIN!

(Silence)

Announcer: ...but what's this? It seems that Tux isn't even in the ring.

BSD Daemon: There's no one to fight here!

(The crowd gasps)

Announcer: This is highly peculiar. If Tux does not arrive within the next five minutes, he'll have to forfeit the match.

BSD Daemon: And then we'll pour hot grits down his pants!

(Tux finally enters the stadium, running. He's carrying a briefcase and a cell phone.)

Tux: Hi, I just got back from posing for my new Linux Business icon. Sorry I'm late.

BSD Daemon: Hey, what's with that? How come there's no BSD Business icon? LINUX BIAS!

Tux: BSD sucks!

BSD Daemon: No, Linux sucks!

Tux: I said it first! By the way, the color scheme on your Slashdot section is really ugly.

BSD Daemon: When we last met, you were the master and I was the apprentice. Now, the circle is complete. (his pitchfork lights up)

Tux: (strikes martial arts pose) There can be only one!

BSD Daemon: Ha! You don't have a chance against the power of my Naked And Petrified Ray!

Tux: (rolls eyes) I don't even wear clothes. I'm already naked. Tee hee.

BSD Daemon: No, you're wearing that tie.

Tux: (looks down at his tie) Oops, so I am. (He pulls the tie off) Let's get ready to rumble!

BSD Daemon: Can you smell what the daemon's cookin'?

Tux: Na na na na na na. (starts putting mousse on his hair)

BSD Daemon: What the hell are you doing?

(Tux pulls his hair feathers up to form spikes)

Tux: SUPAAAA HAAAADO! (He starts glowing and flies into the air)

Announcer: Wow, it's Super Saiyajin Tux!

Tux: I'll send you to /dev/null! Super Ultimate Reverse Neo Cross Dimension Magical Karma Blast!

(Tux starts charging up a huge karma energy beam)

Announcer: Uh-oh, this could be trouble for the daemon!

BSD Daemon: Take this! (He hurls a huge tarball at Tux and connects. The tar gets all over Tux's feathers, preventing Tux from flying.)

(Tux falls to the mat)

Announcer: Ouch! What a fall!

BSD Daemon: Code freeze! (BSD Daemon throws a ball of ice at Tux and freezes him in place)

Announcer: Oh! It looks like Tux has been frozen by the BSD daemon's Code Freeze spell!

BSD Daemon: I've got you now, penguin!

(Suddenly, the SuSE chameleon runs out of the crowd and jumps into the ring)

Announcer: Here comes the SuSE chameleon! Tag team!

BSD Daemon: Hey! That's cheating!

(The SuSE chameleon flicks his tongue out at the daemon's pitchfork, catches it, and pulls it out of the daemon's hands)

SuSE Chameleon: Gotcha!

BSD Daemon: Arrrgh! All, right, fine, I'll fight you without my pitchfork! All I need is my patented Drunken Daemon Kung Fu. I learned it from a NINJA! He ate pancakes, too.

Crowd: Gasp! He patented it!

(A horde of angry /. readers rushes into the ring and starts beating on the daemon.)

Announcer: What a surprise! An angry mob is attempting to tear the daemon from limb to limb! We certainly don't condone this kind of senseless violence, but I just can't stop thinking about what it will do for our ratings!

(While the BSD daemon is being attacked, the SuSE chameleon puts on the Mandrake magician hat and waves the wand)

Crowd: Plunk your magic twanger, SuSEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

SuSE Chameleon: Release code! (he bops Tux on the head with the wand)

(Tux comes out of stasis and starts charging up his karma blast again)

(Meanwhile, BSD is still being attacked by the /. readers)

BSD Daemon: Look! It's Jon Katz! (points randomlyinto the spectators)

Angry Mob: Let's lynch him! (they run out of the ring and go looking for Katz)

BSD Daemon: C'mon, I'll fight both of you at once.

Tux: Eat my tie! (he fires his wave of karma energy at BSD. BSD gets moderated down to the mat.)

Announcer: Wow! It looks like Tux moderated the daemon all the way down to -3! What a move!

Tux: Suck it down! (TM ION Storm)

Announcer: That's it for today, folks, but stay tuned next week for Mozilla vs. Mecha-Go!Zilla. Don't miss it!

Link to paper

[DGolden]

Here's further information on the this theory. I think it's quite good, myself. Note that New scientist barely scratches the surface of it:

www.physics.adelaide.ed u.au/ASGRG/ACGRG1/papers/cahill.ps

By the way, if one is after wild and wacky theories, as well as pretty damn good ones, you can do worse than check out the pre-print server on xxx.lanl.gov (Uk mirror at xxx.soton.ac.uk) This is one of the oldest sites on the net.