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Internet Spring Cleaning
We've had an important notice, that simply had to be passed on; for those who've seen it before, revel in your old-sk00l style:
It's that time again! As many of you know, each year the Internet must be
shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning
process, which eliminates dead e-mail and inactive ftp, www and gopher
sites, allows for a better-working and faster Internet.
This year, the cleaning process will take place from 23:59 pm (GMT) on
March 31st until 00:01 a.m. (GMT) on April 2nd. During that 24-hour period,
five powerful Internet-crawling robots situated around the world will
search the Internet and delete any data that they find.
In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do
the following:
1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their Internet
connections.
2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from the Internet.
3. Disconnect all disks and hard drives from any connections to the
Internet.
4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in any way.
We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some Internet users,
and we apologize. However, we are certain that any inconveniences will be
more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the
Internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam. We
thank you for your cooperation.
How come they can't do this at a more convenient time? Like between 2 and 3 am Sunday morning?
Mark Edwards
Proof of Sanity forged upon request
FROM: sysop@internic.org
Internet Cleaning
DO NOT CONNECT TO THE INTERNET FROM MARCH 31st 23:59 pm (GMT) UNTIL 12:01
am (GMT) APRIL 2nd.
*** Attention ***
It's that time again! As many of you know, each year the Internet must be
shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning
process, which eliminates dead email and inactive ftp, www and gopher
sites, allows for a better-working and faster Internet.
This year, the cleaning process will take place from 23:59 pm (GMT) on
March 31st until 00:01 am (GMT) on April 2nd. During that 24-hour period,
five powerful Internet-crawling robots situated around the world will
search the Internet and delete any data that they find.
In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do
the following:
1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their Internet
connections.
2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from the Internet.
3. Disconnect all disks and hardrives from any connections to the
Internet.
4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in any wy.
We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some Internet users,
and we apologize. However, we are certain that any inconveniences will be
more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the
Internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam. We
thank you for your cooperation.
Fu Ling Yu
Interconnected Network Maintenance Staff
Main Branch, Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Sysops and others: Since the last Internet cleaning, the number of
Internet users has grown dramatically. Please assist us in alerting the
public of the upcoming Internet cleaning by posting this message where
your users will be able to read it. Please pass this message on to other
sysops and Internet users as well. Thank you.
--
I remember when I first saw this one in the early nineties, and it's a gem even to this day.
I dug up an old copy and sent it along to the mailing list of an IRC channel I go to, making it clear in the email that it was a joke.
I just popped into the channel, and got a "Hey, how come you're not offline for the Internet cleaning?", so I replied "Um, I have a packet filter set up, I'm not affected".
Needless to say, the channel cleared out, they are leaving in droves.
Compaq Australia has taken out full-page advertisments in the broadsheet papers proclaiming their brilliant new "Echrg" software, that allows your computer to run off power downloaded from the Internet if mains power or the battery goes flat. Simple, effective, and sure to suck in those morons who discuss how their Internet-time business strategy will actively synergise their customer relationship management . . .
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
--Andy Finkel (J. Klass?)
Remember to physically unplug your computers from the network, since we are doing line maintenance that could cause your computer to explode. In fact, it's best if you wrap your computer in blankets so that if the worst should happen you won't be injured.
I find all the comments flaming Hemos very annoying. What would you have done in his place? It is practically impossible to write an april's fools story and not get flamed.
... but many people didn't and they got a lot of angry e-mail as a result. The same thing would have happened here if Hemos had not made it clear that it's a joke.
If he had pretended that there was a _real_ "internet cleaning day", many gullible sysadmins would have fallen for it and they would have gotten very angry. Already, a few people will fall for it just because written in english, and he will get flamed for that too.
Remember last year when User Friendly and Segfault pretended to have been threatened by Microsoft? That was a very well orchestrated joke and I thought it was hilarious
And the other alternative? No jokes at all. Hurrah, more flame.
As always, it's a good idea to calm down and take some deep breaths before posting something insulting. I'm sure receiving hundreds of flames is not at all pleasant; and in this case, I don't think there is good reason.
sorry people -- I couldn't resist.
I found the following at the web site of Americans For Banning Source Code. This is some pretty scary stuff.
If you are an honest, hard-working, tax-paying, God-fearing American you should be very afraid - a new plague is threatening our children, threatening ourselves, and threatening the moral foundations on which our great nation has been built. Far more dangerous than atheism, communism, or even liberalism, this plague threatens to destroy all that is holy and sacred in this great land. It threatens to tear America apart at the seams, to cause widespread chaos and panic, and to leave America firmly in the grasp of Sodomites and Satanists. This gruesome plague is none other than the benignly named "Source Code". Americans For Banning Source Code (AFBSC) is attempting to stop the spread of this plague, and we desperately need your help before all is lost.
Source Code was originally developed by University "Ivory Tower" intellectuals in the 1950s as a secret language for communication between Communists, Free Masons, and Homosexuals. It has been used since as a tool of the Zionist Media Elite to control the general Christian, patriotic, population of this great nation. With the use of Source Code, good Americans have fallen victim to the nefarious plans of the Satan-worshiping Illuminati and the anti-American New World Order.
Source Code has appeared in and produced both homosexual and bestiality pornography. Source Code has lead to the disappearance of the factory job, the decline of real wages, and the destruction of the family. Source Code has been accused of leaking nuclear secrets to the Chinese, spying on American businesses for the French, and causing the fire at the Branch Davidians compound in Waco, Texas.
Source Code is a known pedophile and has lured innocent children away from the safety of their God-fearing homes and into its evil clutches. Source Code is a key component of the liberal Jewish media, and helps the dissemination of their leftist propaganda - promoting Zionist, pro United Nations, pro Welfare State views. Source Code has caused both the increase in gasoline prices and laws requiring mandatory use of seat belts. Source code is responsible for the volcano eruption in Japan, the earthquakes in Turkey, and the increased popularity of soccer.
Source Code is a know atheist, pacifist, and anarchist, and has been an outspoken critic of the NRA.
Source Code has been shown to cause cancer, and even worse, painful hemorrhoids. Source Code supports the tree-hugging, granola eating freaks at Green Peace, and the sick animal lovers at PETA, in their pathetic attempt to keep us from paving over parks and eating meat. Source Code is the reason your wife no longer loves you. Source Code is the reason your daughter is a promiscuous whore and your son is a drug-addicted queer.
Source Code has performed over 80% of the annual abortions in America, and is responsible for 75% of police officers killed in the line of duty. Source Code increased the amount of immigration to the United States, filling our streets with dirty, smelly foreigners scheming to take your job and rape your wife. Source Code promoted the black guy at work to a position above yours. Source Code defended Bill Clinton, and secretly ensured his acquittal during the impeachment trial. Source Code wants to put mandatory trigger locks on your guns, and is the reason you can no longer carry your AK-47 to the supermarket.
Source Code causes 9 out of 10 fatal automobile accidents, and 95% of airline disasters. Source Code is the leading cause of male pattern baldness, erectile difficulty, premature ejaculation, and impotence. Hopefully, by now, you agree with AFBSC that Source Code presents the greatest danger facing our society today, and that we must do whatever it takes to stop it. Proceed as follows:
1:Call your Congressman, Senators, and Governor and insist that something be done about Source Code.
2:Organize a bunch of your friends, get blindingly drunk, and form a militia - in anticipation of the day you will need to stand up to Source Code for the sake of us all.
3:Print copies of this flyer, and distribute them at weddings, funerals, graduations, etc. to ensure that the general public is informed of this grave threat.
4:Put on your white hood, stand at a busy intersection, and shout "down with Source Code" for hours on end. Then place a burning cross in Source Code's front yard.
5:Finally, rent a Natalie Portman flick, cook up some hit grits, and poor them down your pants.