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New Star Trek Series Rumours
HashCode writes "The Star Trek franchise is about to take a warp speed trip down memory lane ... Star Trek: Birth of the Federation. It looks like its going to become a reality. " Free Advice to paramount trek producers: Go to farm. Find horse. Kill it. Beat it until fists hurt.
A related story from
Adam Juda confirms that Voyager will land in 2001.
Star Trek: Linux
My personal favorite, one that paramount apparently did not follow up on is as follows:
[ This was apparently pitched to paramount, who turned it down (I guess it had too much potential)]
The basic premise is a show based in the Star Trek Universe, set in the time period AFTER the fall of the Federation. And Everything has gone to HELL. (let your imagination run wild)
Enter one Star Ship, which has some how been a stasis for up to 500 to 1000 years - so that the Star Trek federation is a faint memory at best.
the goal is to rebuild what was lost, and which everyone now believes to be a fairy tale.
They do have superior technology, but they are all ALONE. If they blow it, that is it.
We as the audience, know what was lost, along with the Star ship crew. but no one else does.
This has potential. Too bad paramount threw it away.
Let me guess...
Captains Log, Stardate May 2001: Following seven years of dim-witted new age sentimentality, our crew is exhausted. The power crystals have run out, the incense is getting stale, and the spirit guides seem to be out of whack [memo to Chakotay, run a level 3 diagnostic on the spirit guides]. Torres can't keep the bullshit compensators running for more than five minutes at a time, and Paris' smarmy "I love the 20th century" schtick is wearing thin with even the dullest executives at Paramount.
There also seems to be a curious shortage of wormholes, Borg pods, energy readings, warp fields, or anything else interesting enough to merit further episodes. After seven years in the Delta quadrant, we can confirm our worst fears: Space is really fucking boring.
Neelix finally died from his own food poisoning, and we ejected him out the photon torpedo tubes into a primitive planet. The inhabitants are now suing us for flagrant violation of the Prime Directive, reckless endangerment, illegal dumping, and unlicensed disposal of toxic waste. Tuvok is heading up our defense, though we may have to plea bargain it down. There's no denying that Neelix, dead or alive, was toxic waste.
Seven of Nine has received several offers from other ships in the area. Apparently our "Borgorific" crewman was all that saved our ship from premature self-destruction, although I'd like to think that the mature, articulate and charming captain had something to do with it...
[Memo to self: put that buxom bitch in the brig. New standing order: no one with bigger tits than me is allowed on this ship!]
One of our crew, I believe his name is Harry Kim, though I admit I can barely remember him. Some officers are so... forgettable. Anyway, this guy Harry said that we might be able to extend the mission by dropping a "monkey wrench" [memo to self: Throw that bastard Paris and his damn 20th century idioms in the brig with the Borg] into the main deflector. He thinks that the disaster and suspense would be good for a few more episodes, at least. Frankly, I don't see how any monkey could save us now, unless we get a few more of them typing out our scripts. Sooner or later, they're bound to come up with a "Hamlet"- or at least a "Welcome Back Kotter"-quality episode. If only we had sixty-three more years before getting back to the Alpha-quadrant. Goddamn that Quantum Slipstream Drive. Goddamn it to hell....
The Delta Flyer is in the repair shop, and "Joe," an eight-legged slug beast (and mechanic) said, "Whoever put these stupid dials and switches in your 24th century space hot rod was an idiot. This'll take at least two weeks to set right." Briefly, we on the Voyager hoped this would grant a repreive from the producers' axe, but alas, the Delta Flyer, like so many other Voyager props, proved to be entirely disposable.
[memo to Tuvok: don't pay that alien anything. Goddamn invertebrate labor. Memo to self: next time find a humanoid repairman. There's plenty of them here in the Delta quadrant, 70 years at maximum warp from Earth. Plenty of humanoids...]
We've committed ourselves to running at maximum warp for as long as possible. The end of Voyager may be inevitable, but those producers aren't nearly as intelligent as those sentient smart bombs we outwitted. Hell, they put us on the air, didn't they? It seems that no matter how hard we try, we can't just push a little button and make the ending a happy one. Our situation is desperate, we must think of a way... any way... to survive...
On a lighter note, the EMH is up and running, and is giving the crew liberal doses of methamphetamines, to cheer them up after wasting seven years of their careers talking about verterons, antineutrinos, and species 8472.
[memo to Chakotay: that lizard spirit thingy is talking to me again, what's up with that? memo the the EMH: Screw the methamphetamines. Scoth, on the rocks. Make it a double....]
End of log.
- The galaxy is so full of space-time anomalies that you cannot really describe them as anomalous.
- The galaxy is full of beings that are somehow exempt from the laws of physics.
- The galaxy is full of beings that have evolved to eat starships. (One wonders what their ancestors ate.)
- The galaxy is full of beings that have evolved to seduce starship captains.
- The galaxy is full of intelligent species that are just like humans, except for strange growths on their heads and one dimensional personalities.
- The galaxy is full of bad fashion designers.
- The galaxy is remarkably devoid of life forms not mentioned above, such as plants and (especially) non-intelligent animals.
But Star Fleet is ready to take it on:--
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
Right now, Star Trek is at pretty much its lowest point since the 70s, when there was no series at all. The last movie was a disappointment, both critically and commercially, Voyager ratings are a pale shadow of what they were in early seasons (they're stable compared to last year, but that's only because they really can't go down very much more). Hell, today came the news that Kate Mulgrew's fan club has shut down. Granted this seems to be for personal reasons on the part of the founders, but the symbolism is profound. The fan club of the actress who plays the captain on a Star Trek show- noted for the dedication of its fans- is no longer. Pathetic.
Birth of the Federation sounds to me like an unbelievably stupid idea. Anybody who knows about Star Trek already has a pretty good idea of what happened back then. And frankly, we don't really care. Brannon Braga has never been noted for his dedication to consistency within the Star Trek universe, so now he's going to bring in a time-travel guy so he can fuck things up. We all know what this is going to mean- more weird-ass vortexes, more mindless fights, more anomalies-of-the-week, and probably more women in catsuits. The Baywatch-ization of Star Trek will be complete. But hell, even if they want more of an action focus, the Special Forces concept would be cooler than this.
I think it's time for Paramount to realize what alot of other people already have: the time has long since come for Braga and Berman to move on. The franchise needs a break. Finish Voyager, then just let it sit for a bit. Then call in some fresh blood, or some veteran blood that knows what it's doing. Ronald D. Moore's recent articles on Fandom show that he is a man who understands the franchise's problems and he has a pretty good idea how to fix them. He is one of the key people responsible for one of Star Trek's few recent successes, the final season of Deep Space Nine, which was brilliantly done. Moore would be the perfect candidate to resurrect Star Trek.
Obviously I haven't seen Birth of the Federation so I can't make any final judgments. But I'm definitely not optimistic. Having a Star Trek series cancelled in its first season would be a huge embarrasment and the biggest insult yet to a franchise that's already been largely stripped of its dignity. But having it die might be the only way to save it in the long run.
Interesting reading different people's comments. I especially love the ones that start: "They broke what made Star Trek great. What I really loved was..." The basic flaw in that line of reasoning is: a) most of you have no idea what it was about Star Trek that made it work for you, or you'd be writing your own series and b) what made it work for you is almost certainly the one thing that someone else hated.
e heads crowd happy.
Personally, I think it just doesn't matter. The basic problem that Star Trek has isn't acting or writing or special effects or evil execs. It's us.
The fans are really quite blood-thirsty at times, and that has to be difficult to deal with. Not in terms of ego, or hurt feelings, but in terms of audience. When the most vocal part of your audience decries everything you do, you can't assess what you should do.
This is why the series that succede in the fans eyes are always the new upstarts. They have no expectations, so the fans judge them, pretty much, at face value (as examples: Babylon 5, Farscape, X-Files). What Star Trek needs is to back off and wait a few years, but the franchise can't afford that, so they'll plow forward with what the focus groups tell them is hated least, and we'll get the blandest possible thing with a lot of things blowing up, and just enough skin to keep the football-aint-on-yet, channel-surfing, what-the-hell-is-this-shit-with-the-fucked-up-for
They could try being truely daring, and do something that will piss off half of the fans and galvenize the rest into advocates who will pull in the next generation of fans, but that won't fly with the shareholders.
In the end, Trek is dead because fans and studios can't work together. It's both of us that did it, but we'll keep pointing fingers until the last show spits up blood. Of course, then we'll just say: look what you did....
Jenette: Yes, that was the press release from six months ago when it was first annonced that Star Trek: Voyager was comming to an end. Who could have predicted the fan reaction, and outpouring of support. As yet, Paramount has not changed its mind on ending the series, but here at Multi-Mega Theater in Burbank California, a public simulcast of the finale has just finished airing, and folks are just starting to get out. Let's go chat with a few.
[pause while she manuevers over to a teenager with reddish hair poking out from under his Klingon skull-cap]
Jenette: Well young man, what did you think of the conclusion of Star Trek: Voyager?
[The boy looks a bit dazed as he slowly realizes that he's been asked a question]
Kid#1: Uh... woah. I really didn't expect the 328 product placements for modern products in a futuristic series.
Jenette: You counted?
Kid#1: [Starting to get his bearrings] Oh yeah, I got it all here on my padd [waves Palm VII] Some of the highlights were: Bill Gates making a personal appeal to the public to block the breakup of Microsoft (they snuck that in with Data's cameo when he's doing research on historical precidents for the Drakh Plague, er Borg Virus); 22 different sodas and 32 beers lined up in a long, slow pan during the holodeck sequence; 15
Jenette: Thanks, son. And you, miss? What did you think?
[A late teens, college girl walks up, wiping away a tear]
Girl#1: I... I can't believe it. I always knew that the captain and Chakotay had a thing going on, but I didn't think you could hide being pregnant that well. And, wow, for the little guy to be accepted into Star Fleet as soon as they returned, that was just... like... wow.
Jenette: [Looking a bit perplexed] Ok... thanks. Um, you sir! What did... Oh! Mr Nimoy, I didn't even know you were here. What did you think of the final episode of the third Star Trek series?
Nimoy: Actually, it's either the fourth or the fifth, depending on whether or not you count the animated series, but either way, I just want to say that any remaining chance that I would be willing to reprise my, now famous role as Mr. Spock, was just jettisoned with Voyager's trash.
Jenette: You mean you didn't like it?
Nimoy: No, my contract as director of Star Trek IV: Whales in Space restricts me from saying that, but I can say that Vulcans, as I understand them, have never had a propensity for walking around noting how everything has this or that historical connection to a 21st century web-site. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Gene had never envisioned a Vulcan easing the tension of Pan-Far by visiting www.hot-nekkid-chicks.com
Jenette: Well, there you have it. Mixed reviews, but clearly a Star Trek episode that will be talked about for years to come. Back to you, Harve.
Indeed. As much as I liked seeing the resident Borgess bounce around in her skin tight uniform, I'd have to say that It's About Time for the crew of the U.S.S. Politically Correct to get permanent shore leave. I'm not opposed to a series about the beginnings of the federation. I'm just curious if the guy in the off-color uniform will die and the ship's captain will wear a girdle. Just for christs sake don't make the captain a gay black female shaman.
OOG NEVER LIKE STAR TREK, BUT IF OOG DID LIKE IT AT ONE POINT HE COULDNT TELL ANYMORE!!! STUPID COMPANIES KEEP TRY MILK STAR TREK FOR ALL IT WORTH, WITHOUT FOCUSING ON QUALITY OR WHAT MADE IT POPULAR AND GREAT!!! NEXT GENERATION WAS TOLERABLE, BUT CRAP LIKE DEEP SPACE NINE AND VOYAGER WASTE OF TIME!!! ALL THOSE SHOWS RUIN ANY NAME STAR TREK HAD AND JUST SIMPLY TO MAKE QUICK BUCK WITHOUT ANYTHING ORIGINAL!!! ORIGINAL SERIES WAS BEST, JUST WATCH OLD EPISODES INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME WITH THIS!!! STAR TREK SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DIE WITH DIGNITY, NOT LIVE ON IN BASTARDIZED FORM!!! OOG BREAK HEAD!!!
OOG THE OPEN SOURCE CAVEMAN!!! OOG BREAK HEAD WITH OPEN SOURCE CD!!!