New Mice from Apple - Without Buttons?

memoryhole writes "According to this story from AppleInsider, Apple is coming out with a new kind of mouse. They will be wireless and optical - and without buttons. Apparently, the mouse responds to squeezing, tapping, and stroking - in what will be a programmable manner, a little like some trackpads." Just so long as it ain't a hockey puck (whoops! I've grabbed the wrong side again) but this sounds pretty sweet.

Comments

Tech support nightmare...

[CComp]

Imagine trying to tell a clueless type to left-rub or right-rub his mouse. Ewww.

And then there's this, from the article: "It's not just another wireless, optical mouse. It's done by Apple, so it's impressive."

You can hear the asskissing from here. Disgusting.

Re:Tech support nightmare...

[jbarnett]

Hi this is tech support may I help you?

Ah yea, looks like you need to change a few settings, please double click on the "My Computer" icon in the upper lef...

Oh your on a Mac, ok ok

Ok Sir I am going to have you stroke your mouse up and down till the Apple menu in the upper left hand corner pops down

Ok, no keep stroking it Sir up and down, the menu will pop down in a minute

Ok, ok great, in this menu about half way down you are going to see a "Control Panel" sub menu, see the menu?

Ok great, if you strok you mouse at an angle and squeeze it tightly this menu will pop up. Yea keep stroking it, but get a tighter grib on it so it doesn't get a way. Yea like that, make sure you squeeze it nice and tight, stroking it with a tight grib?

Ok great, in this menu there is going to be a "Modems" icon in this sub menu. What you need to do here is start rubbing your mouse, yea keep rubbing it, in a circle motion, oh yea like that, squeeze the divit in the middle between your index and middle finger, pitch it tight. Once you have it in a nice tight pitch you need to twist it a little.

Ok, here you will see a list of modems....

I've seen this once before...

[tuffy]

Over at dumbentia. Perhaps life does imitate art.

New Apple devices

[Hard_Code]

Continuing its long tradition of simplifying the user interface, Apple also announced its new screen-less monitor. According to an Apple spokesperson, the moniter is controlled by squinting and grimacing by the user. Apple is betting that people will appreciate the reclaimable desk space. In a move reminiscent of its innovative abandonment of the floppy drive, another rumor afloat is that Apple's next version of the Mac OS will need no input devices whatsoever. Instead the OS will simply percieve psychically what the user wants to do. "We think this is another innovative step forward" said an Apple spokesperson. When questioned on the feasibility of such an OS, the spokesperson offhandedly commented "Well, we determine for the user what they want to do anyway". Analysts are predicting that Apple may be building the road to its own extinction. "In the future, by the mere thought of getting any real work done, Apple users might end up causing the Mac to vanish altogether".

(ok, that last bit was flame bait ;)

cool factor but easy to use?

[DGregory]

Apple is known for having simple and easy to use computers. I'm wondering if these new mice will be easy for newbies to figure out. Like, if you would be aboard the Star Trek ship, and not having watched Star Trek before, would you know how to open one of those sliding doors if it didn't open for you when you walked up to it? Probably not. Hand someone a mouse without obvious buttons, and they won't know what to do with it. With a mechanical mouse (one with buttons that is), you can fiddle around with it, press the buttons, and see if that does anything on the screen.

What I'd like to see would be more like a 3d mouse. You hold it in your hand rather than laying it on a table. I recall seeing something similar for presentations, but looking at the description, it looked like it was more for just button pressing to move the slides rather than for moving a cursor on the screen.

no buttons!

[kenh]

"Apparently, the mouse responds to squeezing, tapping, and stroking"

So does my wife! (She is cordless too!)

A teledildonics breakthrough

[sammy baby]

1 October, 2000
For immediate distribution

Apple, often lauded for having sparked revolutions in the design of the personal computer in the form of its "Macintosh" line, is now poised to ignite a whole new revolution in the field of teledildonics. With the advent of the new "Touchy-Feelie Force Feedback Mouse," Internet pervs all over the world will enjoy a whole new range of virtual tittilation.

The new Touchie-Feelie mouse responds not by clicking buttons, but by manipulating in a provocitive manner: lightly tapping, stroking, and rhythmic squeezing all produce distinct results. A waterproofed version is in the works to enable oral stimulation, and a force-feedback model has already reached the testing phase.

"These new mice are amazing," said Roy Farbengrinkle, a vendor of pornographic software lucky enough to get to beta test the force-feedback model. "They resist just the right amount when stroking digital [expletive deleted]. And the way that it shakes when I use it to [deleted] her in the [deleted] with a [deleted] camshaft [deleted] really [deleted] my [deleted], let me tell you."

Farbengrinkle warned, however, that the mice may not be suitable for every purpose. "The other day I was checking my stocks and I sneezed - I guess the way my hand squeezed the mouse caused me to buy 200 shares of Alcatel. So they're not really all that good for, you know. Business stuff." He then shrugged. "But hey, who really uses their computer for anything but porn, anyway?"

Copyright 2000, Amalgamated Dress