The Times' Crystal Ball, Set To 2010

Lotek writes: "The NYT is running a cool 'Special section' from the NYT magazine [free reg. req. tl] this weekend showing off stuff they say we will be using in 2010. They discuss stuff like digital books, Nanotech anti-heart attack prevention, and regeneration. Way cool stuff." The article lists a total of 32 items, and talks about the current state-of-the art as well as potential applications. Pretty cool, but 10 years seems awfully optimistic for some of them.

Comments

Re:The transportation song & dance ...

[Sebbo]

Theres a distinct parallel with this and an OS choice. exists primarily to empower the user.

Well, one notable difference is that when Windows crashes, you don't die. I hope you realize that your favorite toy is the leading non-disease cause of death for Americans. (check out the really cool & flexible database search I got that link from, btw)

I'm kinda OT here--you were complaining about George Jetson cars, not car alternatives, but the attitude that a personal four-seat internal combustion vehicle is a fundamental human right is beginning to get to me. Have you been downtown in a major city lately? I live near Boston, and Car Culture is killing the pleasure of being outdoors in my city. The noise, the stink, the endless loops of oppressive asphalt are choking any sort of pleasure in walking around in public places. And it's not like the motorists are happy either--they're stuck in frustrating jams because a car is not a good tool for getting around a city

Some other tangential points:

The Times bit about the personal-bubble rails is telling (see, I did have something to say about the actual article!). God forbid that you should actually have to associate with your fellow human beings on your way to work! Perhaps we can refine the technology further and have the rails run inside of buildings as well. Then you'd never have to leave your cube at all--what bliss!

It's fascinating when people get outraged over the price of gas--after all, everyone knows what it should cost, right? Gas should cost what it did when I first got my driver's license. If the price rises much above that, someone must be cheating.

"The Makeup that changes your identity"

[wowbagger]

One of the stories linked from the article is about tanning compounds:

Hadley and his research colleagues engineered a synthetic molecule that is a thousand times more powerful than M.S.H., and in 1984 Hadley thought it was ready for trials on humans. So he injected himself with it one afternoon. Three weeks later he looked in his bathroom mirror, and staring back at him was this other Hadley with, yes, beach-ready brown skin. Unfortunately, this other Hadley was also 10 pounds lighter and had a very un-beach-ready case of priapism -- the dread perpetual erection.

Lesse: a drug that

Makes you look better

makes you lose weight

Keeps you "up"

Sounds good, ship it!

Enough of this "someday" crap

[babbage]

IT'S THE YEAR 2000 GODDAMMIT! I WANT MY FLYING CAR!

Now look. It's the middle of June 2000. Still no flying cars. Six months ago my last car died & I had to get a new one -- a plain old Neon. That's fine, I guess, but really upsets my years long plan here, namely to get a flying fuckin car in the year 2000. GODDAMMIT!

Alright, mister dee-troit automotive aeronautical engineers. You've got exactly five and a half months to ship me out something with wings and a great big fuckin rocket strapped on to the back, and if I can't spend new year's eve flying from here to Paris like Charles Frickin Lindbergh then I'm gonna take my plain old black bomber and I'm gonna slam it into your shiny corner office in Dearborn instead -- GOT IT?

Right!

Uh...hello?

[Vanders]

"I want a wristwatch that brings the world to me," he says. "With Internet access and a cell telephone. It would have my credit- and cash-card numbers installed inside too, so I wouldn't have to carry money and would only press a 'pay' button to buy things.

Ooookaay. Anyone else see the problem with this? How many times have you lost a watch, or had one stolen? And given that even using a WAP phone is a pain in the butt, what use would internet access on a watch be? How the hell are you gonna conduct a conversation with someone on a watch? What about power?

It's like this throughout most of the articles. It seems that they've just taken everyday stuff, and either minaturised it and/or added AI too it, without putting any real thought into it. Heard it all before, NYT.

Awooga! Bored Sunday supplement writers!

[mattbee]

The Sunday Times do this all the friggin' time-- whenever they're really stuck for ideas for their colour supplement, somebody goes `Hey, we haven't done one of those House Of The Future articles for a good few weeks now!'. Arrggghh-- and they get paid for doing it, too!

You'd think these sorts of wanky journalistic daydreams might have moved on from the 50s, but oh noooooo: they get some artists in to draw some cheesy pictures of happy smiling housewives watching a robot octopus prepare dinner while another one files her toenails (very progressive :-) ). The children are inanely grinning at the pleasure they're receiving from being taught at home by a robo-tutor and (here's the science bit-- concentrate) the dad is teleworking over the internet having 200-way video conferencing with everybody in his office now that every home in the whole world has been fitted with free 1,000Gb Ethernet. Obviously nobody's imagination stretches to the fact that if daddy had all this technology at his disposal he'd be downloading porn and spending 24hrs a day attached to a catharter and drip feed, and his dick stuck in a robo-masturbator machine for uninterrupted pleasure.

Okay, so journalists all over the world, stop this House of the Future nonsense. It's not big, it's not clever and it won't impress your mates.

Looking at the Titles...

[hypergeek]

I'm a bit skeptical about these things...

For example:

• The Teddy Bear That Knows Your Name - What purpose would this serve? Maybe useful as a witness to murder trials..

  Judge: "Who killed Mr. Jones?"
  
  Teddy Bear (Eyes Light Up With Murderous Glee): "BOB!"

• The Lawn that Never Needs Mowing - I think they have this at stadiums already... it's called 'astroturf'... it's also useful for promoting your company's "Freedom to Imitate^H^H^H^H^H^H^HInnovate".

• The Makeup that Changes Your Identity - Isn't that what makeup is for... to change your identity to that of a slightly-less-ugly version of yourself?

• The Car That Won't Crash - Does it run Linux, or BSD?

• The Jet that Sees The Runway - Already does... so do all the passengers as they scream loudly in a futile attempt to wake the pilot up.

• The Train You're Never Late For - Why not just invent the "Person Who's Never Late For a Train". Making trains is hard... making people is a lot more fun!

• The Mind that Moves Objects - My mind already does that... first, it commands my hand to move, which in turn can manipulate almost any object!

• The Mall Where Every Price is Negotiable - It's called a "Bazaar". We've had those since ancient times, and they still exist in some form in many third-world countries. It's a sobering thought to realize that the ancients and the third world are 10 years more advanced than we are!

• The Weatherman Who Is Always Right - "Smoggy Tuesday, with a chance of Acid Rain".. Honestly now, by 2010 who will actually go outside in the first place? Better to invent domed cities so weather forecasts are irrelevant!

• The Scanner That Will Run Your Kitchen - Dammit! I'll run my own kitchen, thank-you-very-much! None of this "Man vs. Machine" struggle in my house!

• The Tongue With Perfect Taste - I've already got one, and it tells me that the three highest forms of food in the Universe are Beef Fried Rice, Lemon Chicken, and Frosted Lucky Charms (They're Magically Delicious!)

• The Gun That Won't Kill Anybody - Does it squirt water when you squeeze the trigger?

• The Detective that Every Jury Believes - Come on! Juries will believe anything. If you're ever on trial by jury, just remember that your life hangs in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!

• The Surveillance Camera That Picks Out the Bad Guys - Okay... I'm guessing that the one with the ski mask and the pistol who's holding up the cashier... might be the one you're looking for. I doubt that any machines we're likely to produce any time soon will come close to predicting human behavior as accurately as a properly trained human. Mentats, anyone?

• The Suit That Makes You Feel As Good as Prozac - What a useless invention! Call me back when you invent the Shorts and T-shirt that make me feel as good as Prozac! Of course, whenever a tight pair of shorts and t-shirt are on a hot member of the female species nearby, I do feel as good as Prozac! Anyway, what's this suit do that Prozac doesn't? (Besides keeping you from being stark raving naked)

• The Daytrader That Puts Your Mind At Ease - So, basically one who's not likely to go crazy and shoot up a nearby trading office, right?

• The Code That Can't Be Broken - I've got one right here:

  asdfjasdfhalvbbdnlfkhghfdsklgjhasdkrjw;ls40985u394 shafkjh4w5jh3q2w4oiuw4oiusdf8-0uear543u!

  Nobody's ever gonna extract any useful message out of that one, not you, not me, not its intended recipient! Beat that, Future!

• The Only Book You'll Ever Need to Read - I nominate Dune.

• The Document That Can't Be Forged - Puh-leeze... the Babylonians had that... they used a protective clay envelope around the original cuneiform tablet, with an identical copy original message written and sealed in duplicate on the front of the envelope. If the clay envelope were broken, the document was no good.

• The Genetic Report Card That Will Tell You If Your Embryo Will Get Prostate Cancer - Not too many embryos get prostate cancer... usually it's middle-aged men.

• The Bathroom Where You Can Give Yourself a Daily Brain Scan - Just remember to press the button marked "Scan", NOT the one marked "Flush"!

• The Severed Limb That Regrows Itself - I'd rather have the body that regrows its severed limbs...

• The Coach Who Will Put You In the Zone - Of course, by this time the Official World Sport will be Quake XIV...

• The Watch That Is Your Lifeline to the World - Ever lost a watch? How 'bout losing the "Watch That Is Your Lifeline to the World"? Not a pretty thought, is it?

• The Phone That Puts New York in Montana - Who in their right mind would want to do that?!

• The Dead Celebrity Who Comes Back to Life - Elvis?

• The Blind Date Who Is Your Destiny - Or at least, so says the mutual friend who sets the two of you up on the date in the first place!

• The Company Where Everybody's a Temp - You mean that they'll still have Microsoft in 10 years?!

• The Elevator You Never Have to Wait For - Suuuure... next thing you know they'll invent one that you never have to wait for and gets you some exercise while you're in it!

  (Hint: they're called "Stairs".)

• The French Fry That Will Save Your Life - by giving your worst enemy a fatal heart attack?

• The Doctor That Floats in Your Bloodstream - Aren't those called "white blood cells"?

• The Genius Who Sticks Around Forever - Like the talking celebrity heads-in-a-jar on Futurama?