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Quickiefest 2000
Feign Ram wrote in to tell us about cool Gnome screen shots for PDAs and mobile phones. An Anonymous Coward wrote in with a webpage devoted to the rules of Shotgun. atomic212 shared the news about Claudia Schiffer's Palm Pilot." JohndaBuddhist wrote in about Eric Idle's tour, where he sings hits from the Monty Python days. I went to this, and it ruled. Dungeon Dweller told us about Search Bastard. jpbelang wrote in about the scientific destruction of a Magic 8-Ball. Scott shared a good article called Deciphering Anime over at Mediajunkies. thegrommit told us about the Star Wars telnet client for Windows. Anonymous Squonk told us about SearchSpell, a typo search database. Another Anonymous Coward wrote in about a Hoverboard at Future Horizons. I'm still waiting for my flux capacitor. Neuroprophet gave us a link to Mike "Head writer of MST3K" Nelson's article for The Philanthropy Roundtable.
As I mentioned in the subject line, I don't like these Quickiefests. Many of you are probably wondering, "Why doesn't Chiasmus_ like these Quickiefests? I think they're a fun way to get a lot of worthless information at once." Fortunately, I have reasons.
1. Without any coherent topic for discussion, the responses tend to be more than 75% trolls.
2. Because of this, moderators get frustrated, because they want to moderate something up, which brings in all the karma whores who post six worthless paragraphs on any given quickie.
3. Any topic which doesn't deserve a coherent discussion doesn't belong on Slashdot anyway.
4. Quickies are usually mind-numbingly stupid, like that "eight ball" thing that's been on the internet for six years.
5. If we're going to have trollfest discussions anyway, can't you at least include links to some Natalie Portman sites?
6. Signal 11 is guaranteed to post at least one rambling message or bad joke for each quickie.
Those are my six reasons that this discussion is worthless and nobody, including me, should post to it.
"Beware he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he deems himself your master."
Ahh, things are always more obvious than they appear. Just the other day, my coworkers and I were talking about the 'mysterious' web site which had the rules of Shotgun. Now we have our guide.
See, for the people in my office, calling Shotgun is a ritual. Most often, it is called in the form of 'Shotgun! I rule!" (similar to the oldie-but-goodie prayer, "God bless this food, amen, eat!" Shotgun is a battle of wits, not just of skill, for many of us are getting older and doing more and more things, and it is sometimes difficult to remember to call Shotgun when leaving the building for a quick lunch trip. Some of us are better than others. I just returned to this company after being away for school. The hunters had separated themselves from the gatherers, but now I've disturbed the mix (nothing trains you for Shotgun quite like college).
Some rules are missing, though. Listed below are a few of the rules that we throw into the mix.
The False Shotgun
This is similar to a false start. The person calls Shotgun without realizing that the group isn't driving anywhere. Punishment can be anything from a slight razzing to a full-blown beating.
Everyone Must Be Together
While not everyone must hear, everyone must be in a group together. That means that while some people are coming up from the bottom floor and the others are coming down from the top floor, you can't call Shotgun.
Best Two Out Of Three
If Shotgun must be decided using Rock/Scissors/Paper, you must win two out of three. It's too easy to get lucky in RSP (despite what some coworkers might think of their RSP skills).
Victory Dance
While not quite a rule of Shotgun, it has become custom to celebrate shortly the victory of Shotgun. This is most often done by throwing both arms in the air while shouting, "I rule!" but can also be represented by finger pointing, cries of "Old man too slow!" or running and jumping.
Anyway, Shotgun is definitely one of the great amateur sports on the planet (and for those with the strictest of definitions of sport, yes, you can get killed playing Shotgun, especially if you throw in the 'everyone must be outside' rule).
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These were not mentioned in the link, and are posted in my car for passenger reference:
The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the
right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more
persons.
Special Cases
These special exceptions to the rules should be considered in the order
presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the
cases beneath it, when applicable.
1. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or
otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is
automatically given Shotgun.
2. If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not
driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
3. In the instance the the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired
prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is
automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
4. In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during
the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss
their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make
appropriate use of the window.
5. In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given
location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated
navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they
decline.
6. In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit
comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award
Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other
passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three
hour trip with him crammed in the back.
The Survival of the Fittest Rule
1. If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival of the
Fittest Rule on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules
are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by
whoever can take it by force.
2. The driver must announce the institution of the Survival of the
Fittest Rule with reasonable warning to all passengers.
This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and
the damage done to the vehicle.
"A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep." --Saul Belloe
Slashdot users drool
A quickie would be best with
Claudia Schiffer
*rimshot*