Voices From The Hellmouth Revisited: Part Two

Here are more selections from the flood of comments that followed Jon Katz' series about Voices from the Hellmouth. See Part One to see the words which started this outpouring.

"I was picked on in high school. I actually snapped at one point, I was sent home for standing up in the middle of class and screaming at some jocks who were throwing paper footballs at me. Summed up I told them to f-off and die, they told me it was I who would die. I stopped and looked around and realized the silliness of it all and proceeded to laugh. They thought I was laughing at the threat of death. I was sent to the office and held for about an hour, didn't stop laughing the whole time, they finally sent me home for the day. On my way home, during lunch hour, the jocks actually hit me with their car (5 mph) and proceeded to whup me. One small problem with their plan, my parents in one of their "let's boost his self esteem plans," enrolled me in AIKIDO when I was in 6th grade. I was able to hold them off until the police came and hauled them away, assault with a deadly weapon (car). No one touched me ever again, I was actually praised for being able to hold my own."---R. (Original Comment #1)

"Actually, one reason my wife and I are willing to spend a painful amount of money on private schools is exactly because the good ones ARE far more egalitarian than the public schools. For instance, uniforms aren't to enforce conformity but to eliminate differences so the students can all relate to one another as equals. Making equality happen is a big deal in private schools, and completely ignored in public schools.

Part of this has to do with school size, too: it's just impossible to avoid the formation of poisonous cliques in a large school. What do we really expect to happen socially when we put 3000 people in a high school?" "To use sports as an example: Even those interested in sports or other activities haven't a chance unless they're pro material, the talent pool is just too big to allow players of average (or even above average!) skill on the teams, so we wind up with sports teams comprised of the same extreme physical specimanes that dominate college and professional sports. I would bet that there is a direct correlation between these sorts of incidents and school size. A smaller school creates a much better sense of belonging than the big impersonal windowless buildings in which we warehouse high schoolers today. If we continue to force adolescents into huge, impersonal overcrowded schools, Littletons will sadly become more common."---D. (Original Comment #2)

"Yeah, sure blame the parents, someone's got to be crucified, it's the American way. If these kids were as smart as the reports, they kept the stuff hidden till the last minute, after that, why bother hiding it. Probably explains the stuff left out in the homes. They had planned this for a year, probably had caches of stuff hidden all over waiting for the big day. I had my stash in the house when I was a kid, there was no way anyone would have found it without using dogs or metal detectors. Even then, they'd have to unscrew panels and take things apart to get to my hiding places. I could have kept guns, even rifles, hidden in the air ducts in the house. It's a good thing these two were smarter, it sounds like they were on the way to building Fuel-Air Explosives, those pack more punch than pipebombs. The SWAT team found propane tanks in the school, if they had worked, they would have made the school look like OKC. The unrelenting stress placed on them slowly made them go insane, the most deadly killers are made this way. Their peers are the ones who bear most of the blame for this." ---S. (Original Comment #3)

"Far from being idyllic, happy communities, high schools (including the one in question) are hellish social pressure cookers. High school society is strictly regimented into rigid hierarchies; at the top there are the athletes, the cheerleaders and the kids with rich parents; the alpha primates. At the very bottom of the food chain are those who do not fit in. The enviroment is a closed system; there is only one hierarchy, and nowhere to run. And failure to conform is relentlessly punished, not by the indifferent authorities but by the system itself. Systematic physical bullying goes on on a scale sometimes reminiscent of the English public school tradition of "fagging". The whole system is sadistically elegant; if latter-day Dante was writing an updated Inferno, he could scarcely find a better model than the social structures of the high school."

"This system evolved to serve a purpose; by ruthlessly punishing difference, rewarding conformity and reinforcing an immutable status quo, it creates the preconditions of a modern industrial society; a population of predictable, conditioned worker/consumer drones, people who accept their place in the great machine of society and don't make trouble. The relatively small number of murders and suicides is well within the margin of acceptable loss."

"Meanwhile, when the jocks and popular kids grow up, they take their places as leader-caste of society; and while most of them are, by then, relatively decent individuals, they do not see that there is a problem. Hence, when a bunch of black-clad angst puppies massacre some jocks and popular kids , the solution is obvious; sue the video-game companies, restrict the Internet, and ban aspects of outsider subcultures, such as black clothing. And so, the invisible hand increases the pressure even further."---A.C.B. (Original Comment #4)

"It's pretty sad, to fit in society today you have to be a shallow dumbass who is basically a clone of whoever happens to be the most popular kid in school. I can see why they did it, I don't think they should've, but I understand. Everyday we get this shit, people hate us because we don't conform, we are curious and intuitive. And we actually keep an open mind about things. And games and the Internet are the only thing keeping us from killing everyone. Games relieve our stress, and talking to other people helps because we can express ourselves and find people who are actually like us, and we aren't stereotyped for anything. We need to come together and give the government, the media, and the system a big fuck you." ---R. (Original Comment #5)

"I had the fortune (or the misfortune) of being on both sides of the social fence at different times in my schooling. I remember very clearly back in 6th grade when we had a new student come to our school. She happened to be very fat, and most of the kids (including myself) teased her incessantly. Well, after about half a year, she changed school districts; and I remember distinctly the gym teacher asking her if she's going to miss my elementary school, and she got up and looked at all of us, and said she's happy she's leaving because everyone had made her miserable at our school. The thing was, until that moment, I had never realized that she even had feelings or could be hurt. I was so wrapped up in doing what all the other kids were doing that I never realized exactly what I was doing."

"In high school, it was a somewhat opposite situation. Although I was never taunted or overtly ostracized, I was never part of the "in crowd" and, needless to say, never got invited to many parties. I was lucky enough though because I was in a large high school and I was able to find some close friends that I could identify with, and fortunately, I never really gave a damn what other people thought of me, so I never really felt left out. But I can certainly understand how one could easily feel that way. My point is that many kids in high school probably do the things they do because they don't realize what they're doing, or who they're hurting. It's only after they've been forced into seeing things from a different perspective that they understand what they've done. Some people never learn, but I think most people eventually learn and become decent people."

"Unfortunately I think the social situation in schools is largely ignored, probably mostly because it's a difficult problem and one that is not easily addressed (and we're a society that likes easy answers, not right ones). Whatever the cause of the massacre turns out to be, I'm sure we'll never know, because it won't be something the media can package in a nice ten minute time slot and add a cute teaser too. I think the best things we can do as adults is to make kids aware of each other, as people, regardless of which side of the fence they're on. After all these years, I still feel guilty about the girl in 6th grade that we taunted. I wish her well, and hope that she was able to get past the taunting without becoming too embittered (she was already fairly bitter at 12.)" ---Doug (Original Comment #6)

"High school isn't CRAP! Nothing I did there has helped me now. I have seen so many oppressed by what school thinks is right and wrong. Sometimes I myself feel like going back and beating the hell out of the principal at my brother's high school just because of the stupid crap they do to nonconformists. The new youth of America are not sheep! I can't see why anyone would miss high school. College yeah, high school to hell with it."---M. (Original Comment #7)

"For what it's worth to the many kids out there who are in the geek crowd, standing outside what's considered 'normal.' "I was exactly that in high school. The dangerous nerd who knew about eight times as much as the people around me. I was hacking out the oldies while my peers were looking for the cheapest beer they could smuggle. I wasn't the one with the best looking girlfriend or the hordes of adoring followers. I was different in every imaginable way. Well, I didn't bother assimilating. I didn't bother going mainstream and talking about my feelings or any of the New Age Warm Fuzzy stuff. I stuck to who I was, and even played it up a bit. Where am I now? Well, nearly a decade later, I'm the youngest senior exectuive at the healthcare company I work at. I make ridiculous amounts of money doing what I love: technology. In fact, I would say I probably make about three times what those high school peers of mine now make. All of the jocks, all of the "in" crowd hit their peak. They peaked too early, and they're now tired, old souls in life. Me? What was once called "weird" in hallway whispers is now written as "innovative" on performance reviews. What was once called "nerdy" is now "fast track to success". You may have to endure some awful things in the near future as the mainstream culture plays moral masturbation to make everyone feel better. Take the anger and the resentment you feel and direct it toward the goal I found: to beat every single naysayer and insulter, to take their world and not destroy it, but own it. The path in the real world awaits you if you can fuel your motivation with every insult you've ever received."---J.H.K. (Original Comment #8)

"God, I hated high school. I got the shit beat out of me several times. Not even one date because I was "different" and a "nerd". Small school, just 300 students. It was worse because of that, because I didn't even have one friend to talk to. The cliques, the jocks and their bimbos. Shit, what a piss poor way to spend 4 years. I ended up going to a community college instead of an university, because an university required one more year in that hell hole (grade 13, can you believe it?) Pisses me off even now, and that was 20 years ago."---Y. (Original Comment #9)

"I hated high school. High school, the act of getting up every fucking morning to walk through hallways of laughing happy people, to get shoved around by people I didn't even know, to get called names for the way I dressed, spoke. I had friends, very close friends, but we were a tight group because of the oppression and crap that got thrown at us every day. I remember getting slammed into lockers every day for two years, over and over, for being a little different. I remember teachers, especially the cokehead that stared down girl's shirts, simply turning away, knowing what was going on, but not caring. In my high school, you got kicked out for throwing a punch, so defending yourself from physical aggression lead to suspension. I don't support what the kids in Colorado did, I think it's repugnant, but I understand how they were driven to what they did. The parents, guidance counselors and administrators don't have the balls or intelligence, or compassion to prevent this sort of thing from happening. Unless people, that is, teenagers in our schools, somehow start treating each other like valuable human beings, instead of social doormats, this sort of slaughter is going to continue as more of the discontent snap. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be what is happening. It seems that, so predictably, there is yet another backlash against the geeks, freaks, nonconformists and kids who don't fit in. "Be normal" they will tell you, over and over, "try to get along", failing to realize that it's not you, but the savages that are stepping on you that are not being well behaved. To all that read this that are still stuck in high school: good luck with the next few years, my heart goes out to you. It should get better afterwards, it might not seem like it now, but there will be time after school when you can look back and think "How did I survive that?"---J.O. (Original Comment #10)

'Don't let people tell you that teasing is just "kid's stuff", either. Unpopular kids in school are often the helpless targets of truly sadistic and evil people and acts who make us feel like our lives are threatened. One friend had someone a full foot taller than him pick him up by the throat in front of an administrator with little consequence. Another encountered some schoolmates in a park at night, said hello to them by name, only to find himself attacked by a piece of pipe, have his arm broken and his bicycle stolen. The offenders got probation when he turned them in, and afterwards he daily felt his life in danger coming to the same school with these kids. One of my worst tormentors during high school, who spit on us daily and threw rocks and chewing tobacco in an attempt to start a fight, is now in jail. A few months after I graduated, he and his brother decided it would be fun to go out with baseball bats and find some homeless people to beat up. All in a good, white upper-middle class town. This is the type of people that outcasts are forced to deal with every day of their lives for years, and we're surprised when they lash out in revenge?"---A.C. (Original Comment #10)

"I agree that adolescence is a difficult, awkward, confusing time for most anybody. Wanting to fit in, wondering if anybody really likes you. It's harder for those who are on the bottom of the food chain, who feel like they're on the outside looking in. But to add the pressure of a witch hunt, on the slimmest of pretexts, that targets kids who are "different" in appearance, abilities, or social skills is just too much. To all you kids out there, I just want to say: hang on, it does get better. I know, easy to say, and doesn't help you much now. I have been through hell. I am so old that the harassment wasn't even computer-related (small joke). I didn't look right. I wasn't rich or popular or athletic. I wasn't a drama queen or a student government type. I didn't have to put up with physical abuse like some of you, but I was definitely harassed for being different. And lived to tell the story. Five years after high school, many of our classmates will have bumped into real life. The one or two who still think they're all it, you will find amusing. College, if you go, is a chance to re-invent yourself, where nobody knows what you're "supposed" to be like. For right now, cherish your friends. Follow your dreams. Do stuff that makes you feel good, like biking or swimming or getting that high score in your favorite computer game or learning to play a musical instrument. If you're smart, don't act dumb. If you're not the college type, that's cool too, but do something you like, something you're good at, not something you hate just because you think there might be lots of money in it. And you don't have to take any bull about the way you look or dress, or the games you like to play. Don't knock yourself out trying to be popular. It's not worth it. And remember, hate is not the way to go. If you hate people, they won, because you become like their mirror, and they control you. So hang on for dear life, and it will get better."---K.