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Review: The Mummy Returns
It takes perhaps the greatest of the ancient civilizations, puts it through the odd prism of highly-sophisticated computer rendering imagery, and leaves us with hordes of dog-headed warriors and humming munchkins racing across vast deserts to collide with an equal number of digitally rendered warriors of God.
This approach to animation seems to hold that the more figures you can replicate and move, the cooler the movie. So this film turns out to be an ancient myth Disneyfied to the max, The Mummy meets an infanticized Indiana Jones, all set in Pirates Of The Caribbean, with a few odd touches from The Wizard of Oz thrown in for good measure. There's one scene taken brazenly from Jurassic Park.
The black-and-white Old Hollywood versions of this story are 10 times creepier.
If you are, say, nine years old, this is a fun way to spend 125 minutes -- although Hollywood execs would do well to ponder the reality that Baldur's Gate II and Everquest are far more imaginative and skillfully done.
Adventurer Rick O'Connel (Brendan Fraser) survived the The Mummy and returns to the desert with his horny, fearless anthropologist wife Evelyn/Nefertiti (Rachel Weisz). A new twist on the Indiana Jones-style lone adventurer loner is that they also have a precocious kid, who gets snatched, abused and tortured repeatedly while his parents are groping one another. In the U.S., these people would get turned in, arrested, and end up on Dateline sobbing to some reporter.
Rick O'Connel has a wise-ass response to everything, even the vast forces of the underworld rising up to destroy the planet, but he is not fit to hold Indiana Jones' whip. As in the first movie, Arnold Vosloo has the bad luck to play Imhotep, the evil ancient bald warlord who simply will not die graciously, and whose presence is invariably signaled by the prescence of some whining and carnivorous beetles.
But character, motivation and plot are all kind of besides the point. the star of this movie is the occasionally-arresting animation which roars onto the screen in the opening scene with a lot of energy, then peters out, to return sporadically throughout. The action, though, never stops. If the ghosts of ancient Egypt hover over this old tale, so does the spirit of Jackie Chan. The slam-bang-crash feel of the movie even offers a high-speed chase involving a London doubledecker bus and some vengeful mummies loosed from the British Museum.
Here's a case where computer animation becomes the be-all and end-all for lazy filmmakers. In the Star Wars films, George Lucas makes lavish use of computer- generated characters and scenes, but they never overwhelm the intriguing characters at the center of the saga. He uses animation to imagine worlds, not replace story-telling and acting. Good use of animation, it turns out, requires discipline, and the people who made this movie didn't have any.
In The Mummy Returns, Sommers brings snakes, roaches, scorpions, cannibalistic beetles, tidal waves, screaming munchkins, holy warriors, evil clouds and hordes of soldiers from Hell roaring out of the ground, then scurrying back in. Our heroes are pursued by a stunning assortment of evildoers, many carrying machine-guns, some supernatural, many wearing badly-designed fezzes and robes, all repeatedly uttering annoying gutteral grunts and chants like "No-nak-a-MON!", none of which are translated or make any particular sense.
There really is no plot one could safely describe, other than adventurer/explorers-dig-up-ancient-stuff-better-left-alone-and-mess-with-it, unleashing apocalyptic forces they can neither understand nor control. Generally, the armies of the Underworld are unleashed to destroy the earth (yet again), although it isn't clear why they ever went away. Our guys are scrambling to stop them, mostly by retaining control of an ancient bracelet that's gotten locked onto the wrist of the kid. You'd think the gods of the Underworld could off one dunder-headed family without too much trouble, but the superhuman creatures from hell, while they have astounding powers, are just incompetent, and can reliably be blown to bits by a shogtun blast or a bullet from a .38. At the end, Armageddon of a sort does come, in the form of collapsing pillars and giant holes that open up on the ground (more Indiana Jones).
Out of nowhere in the middle of this movie, two Egyptian warrior-babes, a re-incarnated Nefertiti and Anck-Su Namum (Patricia Velasquez) launch into a series of utterly-out-of-place kick boxing, knife-wielding duels. In both The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, death is illusory, to say the least; characters die and return to life so often it's impossible to keep track. In this film, resurrection is just a chant away. But not to worry: there's no reason to keep track of anything.
There are only two good reasons to see this movie:
One is the truly astonishing appearance of The Rock as the Scorpion King, reportedly paid more than $5 million for this two or three-minute gig.
The other is that the many trailers crammed in promise more interesting things to come later in the summer -- Jurassic Park III, Pearl Harbor, Shreck, Final Fantasy and Spielberg's AI .
As much of a stinker as The Mummy Returns, the trailers offer hope.
I went to go see this movie last night, and I absolutely enjoyed it. While it certainly wasn't as good as the first, it does a damn good job of living up to, and surpassing sequel expectations. I will agree it was a bit heavy on the effects, but it was still a really good movie.
The black-and-white Old Hollywood versions of this story are 10 times creepier.
That's nice. The first "Mummy" and "Mummy Returns" weren't meant to be horror movies in the sense that "Frankenstein" is a horror movie, or the black and white "Mummy" is a horror movie. It's meant to be an action adventure movie with a bit of light-hearted comedy thrown in here and there.
If you are, say, nine years old, this is a fun way to spend 125 minutes -- although Hollywood execs would do well to ponder the reality that Baldur's Gate II and Everquest are far more imaginative and skillfully done.
Guess what? I'm 22, and I had a fun time. Plus, comparing a movie to computer games in the sense of which is more entertaining isn't right. They're two completely different mediums with opposing levels of interactivity. Each serves its purpose on the entertainment scale in a different way.
Adventurer Rick O'Connel (Brendan Fraser) survived the The Mummy and returns to the desert with his horny, fearless anthropologist wife Evelyn/Nefertiti (Rachel Weisz). A new twist on the Indiana Jones-style lone adventurer loner is that they also have a precocious kid, who gets snatched, abused and tortured repeatedly while his parents are groping one another. In the U.S., these people would get turned in, arrested, and end up on Dateline sobbing to some reporter.
Excessive tenderness, yes. Horny? Come on. Did you even watch the movie? You're over-analyzing the minor parts of the movie, and trying to criticize it for what it's not. (Other than kidnapping, I don't recall a single scene where Alex was tortured or abused. Stop making stuff up.)
Rick O'Connel has a wise-ass response to everything, even the vast forces of the underworld rising up to destroy the planet, but he is not fit to hold Indiana Jones' whip.
It's called HUMOR. That IS something people like to put in movies these days.
Here's a case where computer animation becomes the be-all and end-all for lazy filmmakers. In the Star Wars films, George Lucas makes lavish use of computer- generated characters and scenes, but they never overwhelm the intriguing characters at the center of the saga. He uses animation to imagine worlds, not replace story-telling and acting. Good use of animation, it turns out, requires discipline, and the people who made this movie didn't have any.
As I said earlier, yes, this film was heavy on the effects. However, other posters have already pointed out the flaw in this argument with 'Phantom Menace'.
There really is no plot one could safely describe, other than adventurer/explorers-dig-up-ancient-stuff-better-
Um, that IS a plot. Adding to the fact that the adventurer/explorers now have to find a way to undo what they have done, and save a few people in the process? Hello?
Generally, the armies of the Underworld are unleashed to destroy the earth (yet again), although it isn't clear why they ever went away.
Because they were defeated the first time around, genius! This is even *explained* in the narration at the beginning of the movie!
Out of nowhere in the middle of this movie, two Egyptian warrior-babes, a re-incarnated Nefertiti and Anck-Su Namum (Patricia Velasquez) launch into a series of utterly-out-of-place kick boxing, knife-wielding duels.
Again, you say "out of nowhere", but these scenes are explained REPEATEDLY throughout the story. Both women have been reincarnated from the past. One of the fights is a flashback, the other is in the current setting. Wake up, Jon.
death is illusory, to say the least; characters die and return to life so often it's impossible to keep track.
Are you trying to keep track of every soldier from both armies? There aren't that many main characters, dude.
Your review sounds like you missed the first half hour of the movie. It also takes on the tone that you went into the movie expecting to not be impressed, and had such a closed mind that even seeing the movie wouldn't change your mind.
Both "Mummy" and "Mummy Returns" didn't take themselves seriously. Why are you?
-- Give him Head? Be a Beacon?
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George Lucas makes lavish use of computer- generated characters and scenes, but they never overwhelm the intriguing characters at the center of the saga. He uses animation to imagine worlds, not replace story-telling and acting.
Meesa thinka you missed his last movie.
Mr. Katz really embarrases me in this review - he completely gives away his ignorance and isolation in his take on the movie.
The Mummy and The Mummy Returns are movies that celebrate and honour the Camp of serial action movies, and in retrospect the Pulp novels of the 20's -40's that inspired those movies.
The plot was thin and predictable? Yes, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. Acting/lines hackneyed and sterotypical? Yes, THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE! Has Mr. Katz *ever* read any Pulp? Has he *ever* seen any original flash gordon?
To complain as he does, I would imagine that Mr. Katz would complain that Impressionist paintings are too out of focus to be good, and that the music of Charels Ives and Arnold Schoenberg are horribly unharmonic.
Movies in this genre, such as the Indy Series, Big Trouble in Little China, The Rocketeer, have varying amounts of camp vs. seriousness, homage vs. originality, etc. But to my mind, none has captured the glorious, make-no-excuses pulp action that The Mummy series has shown so far. If you do not like it, it is your taste, not the fault of a truly successful (as far as intent) movie.
Jeez, Mr. Katz, what next? Will you denouce Lichtenstein for just blowing up frames of comic strips? Eschew Monty Python as juvinile because you do not understand satire? The First step of a review (and the duty of a reviewer) is to understand the genre and intent of the artist. To be misinformed or ignorant makes your review and article completely devoid of information and worth.
-=C
It wasn't meant to scare you, it wasn't meant to run chills down your spine. This movie never took itself too seriously.
As for the Jurassic Park homage, you should have looked a little closer. There were also scenes from Star Wars, Dr. Strangelove, E.T., and Titanic. There was even a brief scene where Rick wore a fedora for god's sake! This was just meant to be a fun movie. Saying things like "The black and whites of old hollywood were much scarier" just proves how much you did not get this movie.
I advise watching it again, and be willing to laugh this time. You'll enjoy it a whole lot more
---- El diablo esta en mis pantalones! Mire, mire!
AP Wire Report -
Unnamed sources within the White House have revealed that Jon Katz has no understanding of the concept of irony.
Sources also indicated that Katz's forthcoming stories will detail why South Park is disgusting, and that Tom Green's sarcasm is simply not appropriate in public discourse.
Janeane Garofalo declined to comment. The MST3K Group of Independant States is expected to hold a press conference Monday morning. Denis Leary's comments were not printable in this family weblog.
-carl
. We've got computers, we're tapping phone lines, you know that ain't allowed - Talking Heads, "Life During Wartime"
It's called "play", Jon. I spend a great deal of time dealing with "deep" subjects and tough technical issues (surprise, you're not alone!), and my mind needs to take a vacation sometimes. For two hours, The Mummy Returns asked nothing from me: no moral questions, no grand themes -- hell, no plot, either! ;) Just some silly in-jokes, OK (but not great) CGI, a couple of cute babes, and a good doses of bad history. My eldest daughter is studying to be an Egyptologist; my wife has work on digs in the Yucatan -- and both of them loved this flick.
You take everything far too seriously, Jon, and you're going to hurt yourself doing that. That's why more and more people tune you out -- you're painful to listen to these days. I know, I've been there -- and I ended up bitter and burned out, before coming back to center again.
You'll find it much easier to cope with the complexities when you let your brain take a vacation every once and a while... you might find your mind refreshed after letting it rest.
--
Scott Robert Ladd
Master of Complexity
Destroyer of Order and Chaos
All about me