Finding Humor in Trademarks(tm)?

psycona asks: "I was staring at the back of a Schick razor package and saw the words SmartDesign(tm). Now if that isn't one of the most idiotic appropriations of the English language I've ever seen. Which got me to thinking. I'm pretty sure there are web sites out there that list stuff like this, but what are your favourite marketroid phrases? I'm talking about any (tm)-ed or (r)-ed word that shouldn't be, or phrases like 'Designed For Humans!' As a proud cynic and self-professed guardian of plain (or at least good) English, I'd find it amusing to know what else was out there." Well, I think I'll beat a few folks to the punch and nominate the whole "... for Dummies" line of books. I'm sure many of you have several others.

Comments

Silly Trademarks

[Chris Hiner]

Or making up a word, then using it like:
Cheer cleans better...
"That's because only Cheer has Liquifiber{tm}."

And only Microsoft has Windows Northern Telecom.

Cambridge Technology Partners

[PD]

gave all their employees orange yo-yo's that said

We're in the TORRID ZONE!

Re:Moronic slugout

[jms]

The best title in the entire series has to be The Complete Idiot's Guide To Enhancing Self-Esteem.

A couple jump to mind...

[sharkey]

"Drivers Wanted." - Volkswagon. It's been years since they've been looking, and they still haven't found any, at least judging by the people in the commercials.

"Software for the Agile Business" - Microsoft. 'Nuff said.

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A common misconception

[JabberWokky]

Although the trademark symbol is placed so that it looks like White Wolf publishers have trademarked such common words as 'Vampire' and 'Mage' (The is above and to the right of the word 'Vampire' on the cover, for instance), the actual trademarks listed on their web site are: "White Wolf, Vampire: The Masquerade, Vampire: The Dark Ages, World of Darkness, Aberrant and Mage: The Ascension are registered trademarks of White Wolf Publishing, Inc."

However, if you really like making sure you are in explicit control of your works, you slap the following into every one of your books:

© 1990-2001 White Wolf Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction without the written permission of the publisher is expressly forbidden, except for the purposes of reviews, and blank character sheets, which may be reproduced for personal use only. White Wolf, Vampire: The Masquerade, Vampire: The Dark Ages, World of Darkness, Aberrant and Mage: The Ascension are registered trademarks of White Wolf Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. Trinity, Werewolf: The Apocalypse, Wraith: The Oblivion, Changeling: The Dreaming, Kindred of the East, Werewolf: The Wild West, Trinity: Battleground, Wraith: The Great War, Guide to the Technocracy, Technocracy Progenitors, Technocracy Iteration X, Technocracy New World Order, Technocracy Void Engineers, Technocracy Syndicate, Technomancers Toybox, Isle of the Mighty, Digital Web 2.0, Year of the Reckoning, Hunter: The Reckoning, Mage: The Sorcerers Crusade, Mind's Eye Theatre, Mind's Eye Theatre Journal, Dark Kingdom of Jade, Ends of Empire, A World of Darkness Second Edition, Mummy Second Edition, Mummy: The Resurrection, Clanbook Cappadocian, Clanbook Nosferatu, Clanbook Toreador, Clanbook Brujah, Clanbook Gangrel, Clanbook Salubri, Clanbook Baali, Clanbook Ventrue, Clanbook Tremere, Clanbook Assamite, Clanbook Ravnos, Clanbook Setite, Clanbook Malkavian, Clanbook Lasombra, Clanbook Tzimisce, Guide to the Camarilla, Guide to the Sabbat, World of Darkness: Gypsies, Year of Revelations and all other publications by White Wolf are trademarks of White Wolf Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. All characters, names, places and text herein are copyrighted by White Wolf Publishing, Inc.

And just in case the tables turn, slap on an extra: "The mention of or reference to any company or product in these pages is not a challenge to the trademark or copyright concerned."

And then, since you're publishing teen-killing RPGs (remember D&D during the 80s?), you add: "These products use the supernatural for settings, characters and themes. All mystical and supernatural elements are fiction and intended for entertainment purposes only. Reader discretion is advised."

That *whole* thing is in each book published! Talk about covering all your bases.

--
Evan

Re:Here's one I saw today

[Borg#9]

How about "Build on NT Technology". Doesn't that mean "Built on New Technology Technology"?

more mcdonalds..

[mrzaph0d]

from this page, all these are trademarks of mcdonalds:

Gospelfest

McBaby

McBacon

McBurger

McBus

McCafe

MCDirect Shares

McDouble

McDrive

McFamily

McFranchise

McHero

McKroket

McMaco

McNifica

McOz

Teriyaki McBurger

Vegi Mac

at one time i know they had McLobster listed, but i couldn't find it anymore.

Re:more mcdonalds..

[dubl-u]

Mc*® is a registered trademark of McDonalds®.

This is basically true. A local restaurant decided that they would call themselves McSushi. Before they even opened, the McLawyers sent them a "cease and desist" letter. They are now called We Be Sushi. True to their name, they serve perfectly adequate sushi at a great price.

Re:more mcdonalds..

[po_boy]

I'll have a McBaby with cheese extra value meal with a coke, please.

Re:more mcdonalds..

[Llanfairpwllgwyngyll]

But note the obvious missing one.... McJob!

Re:Here's one I saw today

[Mr. Slippery]

That last link led to a page of 99.44% pure BS! That's rare stuff.

Indeed. Notice the use of the words "proactive", "proactively", and even (I've never seen this one before...dictionary.com denies any knowledge of it) "proactivity". Four varients in one short page. I think that I shall go and proactively retch, lest the concentrated marketroid speak poison my bloodstream.

Tom Swiss | the infamous tms | http://www.infamous.net/

Moronic slugout

[babbage]

Ok, which is worse:

• The (original?) "$foo For Dummies" series?
• The (emulating?) "$bar For Idiots" series?

Which would ya rather be -- condescended to, or insulted? Now you have a choice!

Slashdo........

[Webmoth]

News for Nerds. Stuff that matters.

Oh, wait. There's no (tm) or ® after that.

This is news? This matters?

McOz

[Xenex]

'McOz' in in use.

In Australia there IS a McDonald's hamburger called the McOz. It's highlight is a slice of beetroot.

It was out 'for a limited time' a few years back, and was supposedly so successful that they replaced the McFeast with it.

So, yeah, the McOz exists, and you have to come to Australia to get one ;)

(The thing is at the moment in Australia McDonalds have a a 'limited time' burger called 'Burgermeister'. The ad features a very bad German accent; supposedly the burger is German. The meat on the burger is aledgedly pork. There is even a website here. Why not McGerman?)

GE

[cybermage]

I have a friend who worked for GE. He told me that many of the employees, upon hearing the 'We Bring Good Things To Life' slogan immediately though of Dr. Frankenstein and his monster.

Sadly, this story is a mnemonic virus. Every time I've seen/heard the slogan since, Frankenstein's monster pops into my head. I wonder if any other slogans/trademarks have been hijacked this way.

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Here's one I saw today

[rjamestaylor]

University of Phoenix: You can do this

Though the ads sell the idea of differentiation via higher education, the slogan cuts to the least common denominator.

Here's some great links:

• Translated slogan mistakes
• Slogans Exposed!
• Real Slogan, different contexts
• Excellent real-life example - scroll to bottom

I got these links from Google, which seems to be slogan-less.
--

ByteBlaster(tm)

[DeeKayWon]

Altera, maker of FPGA chips, calls their parallel cable used to interface with the programmer "ByteBlaster". With a name like that, you'd think that it's at least somewhat special, but where I work, we don't buy any - we roll our own using a 25-pin parallel connector, a 10-pin ribbon cable and a 74AC244 octal tri-state buffer/line driver. That's all it is.

University of Alberta's slogan

[Echo|Fox]

... is truly laugh worthy.
"Making it happen"
Seems innocious enough, right? Now here's the kicker. The CompSci department adjusts it slightly: "Making IT happen..." as in IT ... as in Information Technology ... as in ...groan. Make it stop. I'm sure someone thought it was very clever and all but it's just too cute for its own good.

Got one

[Brainboy]

Smile(tm) - McDonalds

By the way First Post
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