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The Assembly In Review
codetalker writes: "Assembly 2001 ended on August 6th and it seems that the demo scene hasn't died yet. Head on over to their ftp and download the latest marvels from Helsinki's massive annual programming and digital art/music competition.
Wired also has a couple articles on the subject here(1), here(2) and here(3)."
hey has anyone tried this? i want to do it but im afriad my mom would notice the missing spagetti
Please moderate this down with a suitable downmod.
Thank you,
CmdrTaco
malda@slashdot.org
...and unlike your mother.
Dude, you're missing Estella Warren!
Funny, as a MS programmer, I find going in hungover works out a lot better than going in drunk. All checkins from this particular coder are going to be tinged with the aftereffects of a bottle of Washington red.
;-)
Besides, we sip Johnny Walker, not Jack D.
Posting anon so as to keep my job...
too bad Max Payne is total crap
it is fun in the beginning but gets old
quckly, and those "dream" levels make me want to puke
Someone with too many mod points.
Christ, proof that moderation is broken.
good one wanna be geek. YUO LEET
definitely worth being posted on slashdot. but even if "they" see it, they'll withhold it for spite
FYI, LHA still very much in use, however not so common in those Wintel-boxes you see everywhere. It's again the matter of different platforms: when owners of other (inferior) systems want to see cool intros from other platforms they just need to see it prerecorded.. :(
This story:
h _s upercomputer_dc_1.html
/. anymore.
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010809/tc/tec
Has been out for all most *four* hours. The story talks about how Linux is going to be used as the OS for the *biggest* *cluster* *of* *super* *computers* *in* *history*
It is the greatest news I have heard in months and it "matters" if you ask me. The Super computer(s) will be funded by the National Science Foundation(NSF) and it is reported that the super computer(s) will be able to calculate in one second, what it would take a hand calculator ten millions years to calculate. In addition the total disk space will be enough to hold all most one and a half million full-length novels.
In other words, the Linux OS is going to be used for the largest computing grid in the history of the world.
This story has been availavle on Yahoo!(TM) LinuxToday, Newsforge etc for hours. I submitted the story 2 hours ago and nothing...
I used to read slashdot for the news and told myself I could ignore the mindless trolling and moronic comments, now I realize the news service is garbage and I have no reason to read
Looks like it is newsforge or LinuxToday for me
:-)
This story: http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010809/tc/tech_s upercomputer_dc_1.html
Has been out for all most *four* hours. The story talks about how Linux is going to be used as the OS for the *biggest* *cluster* *of* *super* *computers* *in* *history*
It is the greatest news I have heard in months and it "matters" if you ask me. The Super computer(s) will be funded by the National Science Foundation(NSF) and it is reported that the super computer(s) will be able to calculate in one second, what it would take a hand calculator ten millions years to calculate. In addition the total disk space will be enough to hold all most one and a half million full-length novels.
In other words, the Linux OS is going to be used for the largest computing grid in the history of the world.
This story has been availavle on Yahoo!(TM) LinuxToday, Newsforge etc for hours. I submitted the story 2 hours ago and nothing...
I used to read slashdot for the news and told myself I could ignore the mindless trolling and moronic comments, now I realize the news service is garbage and I have no reason to read /. anymore.
Looks like it is newsforge or LinuxToday for me :-)
fp?
Maybe one of them can create a schmancy #D demo to teach you HTML, you whipper-snapper!
http://www.holymac.com
Idiot. In a world where money means nothing, only alcohol will have value. Buy all the whiskey and vodka you can right now...
Soothing and peaceful. Is this what geeks do instead of taking a real vacation? http://www.holymac.com/
haha, your connection must suck big nigger dick! I'm downloading it at a steady 450 KBPS! HAHAHA!
That slashdot's moderator interface doesn't bother to validate HTML handed to it. Just how did that mangled HREF make it through, given the ">" in the text?
goatsex!
Judas Priest fucking rocks but yeah it's too bad Halford turned out to be a buttslammer. There always was a little gayness in the leather he'd wear. But the new Priest with 'Ripper' Owens singing is a lot harder and meaner than classic JP. You can pick up the latest CD (well it's not that new anymore) called Jugulator for under $15 new or probably $7.99 at your local used place.
Here's what I'm listening to right now..
Judas Priest - Some Heads are Gonna Roll
You can look to the left and
Look to the right
But you will live in danger tonite
When the enemy comes he will
Never be heard
He'll blow your mind and not say a word
Blinding lights--flashing colors
Sleepless nights
If the man with the power
Can't keep it under control
Some heads are gonna roll
Some heads are gonna roll
Some heads are gonna roll
Some heads are gonna roll
The power-mad freaks who are
Ruling the earth
Will show how little they think you're worth
With animal lust they'll
Devour your life
And slice your word to bits like a knife
One last day burning hell fire
You're blown away
If the man with the power
Can't keep it under control
Some heads are gonna roll
Some heads are gonna roll
Some heads are gonna roll
Some heads are gonna roll
Know what it's like
When you're taken for granted
There goes your life
It's so underhanded
If the man with the power
Can't keep it under control
Some heads are gonna roll
Some heads are gonna roll
Some heads are gonna roll
Some heads are gonna roll
OHHHH YEAH! Mod me harder!
In all honesty, this story was a snoozer. Like 5 guys care. Next to today's other, more exciting stories, this one really gives Slashdot a bad name. Please post something more interesting next time.
The other day I found an amusing and informative text file on some BBS or other, explaining how to make a lifelike, artificial vagina "out of common household products." Hey, I thought, I've tried that. (Bet you have, too. Be honest.) I was intrigued. The guy who wrote it calls his device Porta-Pussy. It involves a mailing tube, a string, and a balloon. Basically, you lower the balloon into the tube, stretch the neck of the balloon to overlap the outer edge of the tube, then use the string to stretch the balloon down the length of the tube. He suggests taping the tube to the edge of a table, kneeling down and licking it for a while, then standing up and fucking it.
I just tried fucking it. It wasn't bad. I decided not to try the advanced applications, though, which include sticking a dildo up your ass and drinking the cum as it leaks out of the tube. Another time, maybe. But I did admire his imaginative design; simple to make, reasonable facsimile, easy cleanup (throw away the balloon). His description made fun reading, too; "How I Spell Relief." I encourage others to download his file (called IWACK1.ZIP).
So, in a spirit of sharing, here's my technique. It doesn't look as authentic as his, and it takes more preparation, but I think it feels MUCH closer to the real thing. Close your eyes and the PseudoCunt (this name just occurred to me; snappy, huh?) feels just EXACTLY like a warm, wet, tight pussy. You think I'm kidding, right? Nope. Read on, if you're so inclined.
CONTENTS:
1- Registration
2- Materials & Ingredients
3- Construction
4- How to Use
5- Hints & Techniques
6- Troubleshooting
7- Why I Created PseudoCunt
REGISTRATION:
Ha, ha. Get it? It's software. Real soft. If you figure out who I am, send me some money. PseudoCunt is not shareware, by the way. It's recommended for use alone.
MATERIALS & INGREDIENTS:
* Cylindrical container (see below)
* Large pot (3-4 quart capacity)
* Butter or margarine (2-3 tablespoons)
* Vegetable oil (just a drop or two)
* Saran Wrap or equivalent
* Spaghetti or fettucini (lots; two boxes)
* Sturdy rubber band
* Several big, firm sofa cushions (optional)
* Your favorite masturbation fantasies in magazine, video, gif, or virtual form
CONSTRUCTION:
1- Find a suitable container. This is the tough part. The best one I've found is an overlarge Mason-type jar (about 11" tall), though these are hard to find. Second choice would be a length of PVC pipe sealed at one end, or a mailing tube, but it should be at least five inches in diameter. A half-gallon cardboard milk carton might work, with clever modifications.
2- In a large pot, bring two or three quarts of water to full boil. Add a tablespoon of vegetable oil and a pinch of salt. Boil spaghetti to aldente texture (about 8 minutes). Any pasta will do, but I find spaghetti and fettucini most satisfactory.
3- Drain spaghetti, but do not rinse. Mix in A FEW DROPS of vegetable oil (be CAREFUL not to use too much; use just enough to keep the spaghetti from sticking together) and stir well. Set aside in colander until cool enough to handle.
4- While spaghetti is cooling, melt some butter (not much; about 1/3 of one of those little butter pats you get with toast in a diner is enough). Don't let it boil; 15-30 seconds in the microwave should do it.
5- Stuff spaghetti into the container described in Step 1. Really pack it in tightly; as tight as you can cram it in. This is crucial to success. I use wooden cooking implements to tamp it down. When the jar is about 3/4 full, bore a hole down the center with something long and moderately thin (I use the long handle of a wooden stirring spoon) and continue packing spaghetti around it, up the brim. Remember to pack tightly; spaghetti will compress a lot more than you'd think.
6- At this point, remove the rod or dowel or whatever, and pour a SMALL amount of melted butter down into the little hole to lubricate it. (By the way, I've found that butter or margarine feels much more like the creamy inside of an aroused cunt than any kind of oil; and I've tried quite a few). Stick your finger in and work the lubrication down into the little hole. Feels interesting, doesn't it? Close your eyes and probe, slowly; does that feel just EXACTLY like a wet pussy hole, or what?
7- Now, use something wider and slightly tapered to widen the mouth of the surrogate vagina (I use the neck of a wine or beer bottle). Do this gently, and don't widen it to your full dick diameter; you want it to be nice and tight.
8- Cut a generous length of Saran Wrap and stretch it tightly over the mouth of the jar. Fasten it tightly with the rubber band. Now punch a hole in the Saran Wrap in the obvious place. (Use a pencil, or a spoon handle, not a knife; a sharp cut will make the Saran Wrap tear.)
HOW TO USE:
1- Pile two or more big, thick sofa cushions on top of each other. Make an identical pile next to the first, leaving a 12-inch space between the two piles.
2- In the space between the cushions, spread a towel (or newspaper) on the floor. If properly constructed, your PseudoCunt should not make a mess unless you really get carried away, but it's a good idea to protect against this possibility.
3- Position the PseudoCunt jar on the floor between the two cushion piles.
4- Lie across the cushion piles, chest on one, thighs on the other, dick dangling in the space between. Now, gaze lovingly at whatever fantasy object you prefer, tease the head of your dick against the warm, slick mouth and begin fucking.
HINTS AND TECHNIQUES:
* Before you get started, check with your finger to make sure your PseudoCunt has cooled to the proper temperature. You don't want to burn yourself. Optimum temperature should be obvious if you're a reasonably sexually active person. Push your finger in as deeply as you can; the bottom of the jar may be too hot even though the mouth is a nice, warm, cuntlike temperature.
* The PseudoCunt is not recommended for quickies. Choose a time when you're absolutely certain you'll be alone and undisturbed. PseudoCunt takes some time to prepare, and a fair amount of what's called in cinema and theater circles 'suspension of disbelief.' It can't be fully enjoyed if you're worried about your wife or girlfriend walking in and finding you fucking a jar of spaghetti.
* Size of the container is important. Make sure it is at least two inches deeper than your dick is long, and wide enough so that your dick is surrounded by a generous cushion of pseudo cuntflesh. You don't want to bang up against the hard sides or bottom of the thing at a crucial moment.
* Shape of the container is important, too. I like the jumbo jar configuration because the "shoulders" of the jar where the neck narrows help to keep the spaghetti in place when you withdraw on the out-strokes.
* Don't use too much butter. A very small amount should suffice. Remember that your own secretions will increase the lubricating effect. It's not generally recognized that grease and oils actually DE-sensitize erectile tissue. A thin coat of oil on your dick is like wearing a condom. I find that the absolutely perfect effect is achieved by adding just a *tiny* amount of butter, then slathering saliva all over my dick just before first penetration. The combination of butter, saliva and natural lubrication that leaks from your dick feels closer to authentic vagina arousal than any oil I've ever tried.
* Make adequate preparations. Arrange your favorite magazines on the floor in front of you, or display a particularly fascinating GIF, or make sure the VCR is cued up and the remote is handy. One of the real joys of using PseudoCunt is that it leaves both hands free to work the VCR remote or languidly browse through magazines, savoring the tight cunt sucking wetly at your dick with each slight movement of your hips. With careful preparation it's a damned comfortable position, and you can just lie there for as long as you please, indulging as many fantasies as your self-control will allow.
* For best results, fuck slowly and gently on first penetration. This allows the PseudoCunt hole to adjust to the proper diameter.
* Don't ram your dick in to the bottom at first. Go slowly, and try to restrain yourself as long as possible, fucking a just a little deeper at a time. Each time you stroke a little deeper, the PseudoCunt is a little tighter, and incrementally warmer. The sensation is fabulous if prolonged. I like to keep the last inch or so unpenetrated until I'm just at the point of cumming, then grunt and howl and plunge to the bottom and blast my sperm into the tight warmth deep down inside.
* Sound effects, if authentic, can really heighten the effect. Porn videos just don't do it for me. Too contrived. I have a few audio tapes that do, though, and once in a while I'll put on the headphones while fucking my Pseudocunt. One is a tape I made by concealing the microphone in the headboard of the bed before fucking my wife doggy-style (you should consider trying this; it's incredibly arousing to hear the rutting grunts and screams of a woman you know). The rest are recordings of phone-sex conversations with two former girlfriends -- one in particular, whose panting and gasping and whimpering as she masturbates is truly phenomenal.
* Shed all inhibitions. Admit to yourself that, while this may seem truly bizarre behavior, it feels incredibly good. Get hedonistic. Get totally naked. Or wear leather, or panties and a bra, or clothespins on your scrotum, whatever makes your dick throb and ooze.
TROUBLESHOOTING
If you experience problems with your PseudoCunt, the fault most likely lies in your choice of materials, or lack of attention to proper construction techniques.
Commonly experienced problems usually have simple solutions:
Too hot for comfort
If too hot, allow to cool at room temperature. Don't get impatient and put it in the freezer, or outside in a snowbank. If it cools unevenly, you're in for a very unpleasant surprise.
Not warm enough
If too cool, place jar in a pan of water on the stove and simmer for at least 30 minutes. To spread heat more evenly, make sure the water covers at least 2/3 of the jar, and place a wire rack beneath the jar to raise it off the bottom of the pan. If a glass jar is used, you can heat it in a microwave oven for a minute or so. [This procedure is not recommended if using a waxed cardboard milk carton.]
These heating techniques, by the way, are handy for repeated use of your PseudoCunt between washings, unless you're too squeamish for sloppy seconds.
It's also occurred to me that a hair dryer might be a quick alternative, but I haven't tried this. I'm not sure I could maintain a hardon or a straight face kneeling there naked and blow-drying a jar of spaghetti.
Bits of greasy spaghetti cling to your dick on withdrawal
This is normal. While the problem cannot be eliminated entirely, the effect can be minimized by several means:
1- Make sure spaghetti is packed in VERY tightly.
2- Use a high-shouldered jar (see above) to help keep the spaghetti in place on the out strokes.
3- Make sure hole in Saran Wrap is not too large. Punch, do not cut, this hole to prevent tearing.
PseudoCunt makes distracting slurping noises
You used too much butter, or oil, or both. Or you've gang- banged your PseudoCunt one too many times and you need to clean it out and start over again at Step 2.
Of course, if you want to fantasize about oral sex, this could be regarded as a design feature rather than a problem.
Greasy stains on sofa cushions
My wife responds to greasy stains on upholstery by immediately dumping a big pile of talcum powder on the spill, letting it sit for a while, vacuuming it off later, then calling in a professional furniture cleaner to finish the job. I try to avoid stains by making sure the Saran Wrap is tightly secured with the rubber band, and by spreading a towel over the leading edge of the sofa cushion pile. I'd rather not have to explain PseudoCunt stains to my wife.
Fetid stench
Throw away the spaghetti and wash the damn thing. Unless mold and bacteria growth play an essential role in your sexual fantasies, repeated use of the PseudoCunt is not recommended beyond, say, 24 hours. Refrigerate after use.
WHY I CREATED PSEUDOCUNT
No, I'm not a social outcast or a phobic recluse. I have a normal sex life (pretty fabulous, actually) so I should explain why I continued to experiment with masturbation techniques in adulthood, long after abandoning the clumsy remedies most teens invent to draw off excess spunk. One reason is simply that I'm a very sensuous person with a vivid imagination. I've found that I can occasionally attain amazing heights of sexual arousal when I masturbate. At the risk of sounding immodest, I've induced some of the best orgasms I've ever had. Another reason is that I am aware of absolutely no physical or psychological reasons not to masturbate, and can't help wondering if the world might not be a better place if more people did. Whether they use fists or balloons or spaghetti.
Finally, it provides a fabulous way to indulge certain sexual fantasies that just can't be shared no matter how skilled and understanding one's lover may be. Know what I mean? If you're inclined to give this thing a try, I hope it enhances your own secret fantasies as much as it does mine. If you have a technique of your own, write it up and post it for others to share. If you find the whole concept disgusting, why did you read this far?
Nope it happened to me too. Wonder what article the editors decided to yank. Probably someone with conclusive proof that CmdrTaco is the goatse.cx guy or something.
When you're that rich I suppose you can afford plenty of jock cock. Ten bucks says her rectum is wrapped around a muscular guy's dick as we speak.
Too bad Angela is about to fall off that list for being so damn skanky. Still, I'd lick her muff like a cat at a saucer of creme if I could.
She used to be higher, but she's just too damned popular now. I've got no problem with the skankiness :)
See a-subject!
Look at the original photo (it should not be hard to find), before it was softened-up in photoshop. Natalie is very ugly. The geek-obsession with her is quite disturbing.
Jon I'm glad you found my post helpful. Perhaps you could, after much experimentation, create a file called Artificial Fourteen Year Old Boy's Rectum? I'm sure many Slashdot readers would enjoy it. God knows it would be better than any of the other shit you've excreted on this waste of code.
Slow down cowboy!
Slashdot requires you to wait 2 minutes between each submission of comments.pl in order to allow everyone to have a fair chance to post.
It's been 1 minute since your last submission!
I've got something that will leak out of her twat when I'm done with her. Too bad her tits look like a couple of gumdrops on an ironing board.
On a side note, you know what sucks? When you post a particularly juicy troll and forget to hit that Post Anonymously button. Should I do that in the future, I hearby give you the rights to put my balls on a kitchen counter and whack them enthusiastically with a rubber mallet. Actually, if someone wouldn't mind, I think I'd kinda enjoy that now....Mmmm....then poop on me. Hey! I'd be just like Jon Katz!!
I wonder how many shitty offtopic trolls I can make before Cowboy Neal's homo filter blocks me. I bet Cowboy Neal is a very lonely person, so I won't troll him like I do Hemos, who loves it when I fist him long and deep. Hemos and I first met in the mens room of a gay bar. I was in the last stall wearing a black leather Nazi uniform. I kept my arm greased up to the elbow and I was calling myself the Tower of Power. The rest is history! Hi Hemos! I love you!!
It is something, but it's still nothing big.
Like your cock.
Damn lameness filter