Slashdot Mirror
The Ultimate Cubicle
kimba writes "Scott Adams of Dilbert fame has developed the ultimate cubicle with design company IDEO (the same guys that made the Palm V and the new sexy Cisco IP phones). Lying in a hammock watching boss-cam... shweeeet." Still, nothing beats a wireless laptop on a shaded porch, beverage in hand.
Greetings comrades and welcome to another issue of the Linux Communist Newsletter. Today we are going to talk about Microsoft, a corporation which has comitted heinous crimes against the people: Last year alone Microsoft made $7.7 billion! These crimes must not go unpunished. Just think of all the food and public projects that $7.7 billion could buy. Microsoft exploited the people to make that $7.7 billion. They have stolen from the people so now is the time to take back what is rightfully ours. I call all Linux Communists to arms!
Also, it has come to my attention that many technology companies are coming up with new ideas and patenting them. This thievery must stop. There is no such thing as a new revolutionary idea because any idea that you will ever have came from your environment. And your environment came to be what it is because of the government. And the people own the government, therefore there can be no intellectual property because all property belongs to the people. I suggest that every patent holder be taken out and shot!!
Now for the good news: Linux continues to grow! The capitalists can not stop Linux from spreading. Cuba, China and North Korea are already 99% Linux. And we are beginning to steal some market share in the states and in Europe. But this growth needs to continue. I encourage all loyal members of the Linux Communist party to convince your neighbors to join our group. Let everyone know that users of commercial software are baby murderers becaue that $50 spent on a new game could have fed a baby for a week. If you see someone using Windows, smash their computer.
Now I will answer reader mail:
Juan Gomez from Cuba writes: "Hi Vladamir, I just love your newsletter. I love Linux and Communism too, they are a match made in heaven. But one thing has me distressed: When I go to the government owned free store to get the latest Linux distribution there is no Communist Party membership application inside!! I think many Linux users wish to join the Communist Party but don't want to drive all the way to Stalingrad to pick up the form. Why doesn't the supreme leader bundle communist party apps with every Linux CD??"
Juan, I forwarded your suggestion to Fidel himself, and now every Red Hat CD will come with a Communist Party application, membership card, and arm band!! He thanks you for the suggestion.
Bing Ching Chong from China writes: "I enjoy your writings very very much. With a few more great leaders like you, Linux will finally stop out capitalism. I just want to share one of my experiences with you: One day I was walking home from work when I saw a seven year-old girl on the street with a lemonade pitcher. It was very hot in Bejing that day so I asked the girl for a glass. But she wouldn't give me any! She wanted me to pay for it! So I did what any humanitarian Linux user would do: I pulled the pin out of my hand grenade, shoved it down her pants, and ran, putting her out of her misery! She would probably have grown up to be the next Hitler or Bill Gates."
Good job Bing! Mao thanks you for your heroism.
Gao Gyuk Vyun Yem from Vietnam writes: "I love Linux so much that I have embraced a whole lifestyle of open source. Whenever I see a female walking down the street I DEMAND that she remove all her clothes(even if she isn't very attractive). Because hiding your body behind clothes is CLOSED, and openness leads to productivity which leads to common wealth. And sometimes I even explore the source code of her vagina with my tool. This isn't rape, it's open source. Open everything, in the name of Lenin and Marx!"
Agreed.
Now I will leave you with this to think about: Today the world has hit a new state of decadence. Everywhere you go you see pornagraphic ascii art, goatsex, and even people pouring hot grits down their pants. This is the direct result of Capitalism and closed source software! Windows users are enemies of the state and must be put down before it is too late. I encourage shipping them off to relocation camps where they can be re-educated. We must rid our society of this great evil. For great justice!
Vladamir Von Linuxmovich
and personally I think sitting with an actual person on a shaded porch, beverage in hand(s) is even better.
~jeff
The best. Here is the most interesting cubicle I've seen for the slashdot guy, complete with a mountain dew dispenser!
[AP] --
The ongoing turf war among troll warlords has claimed three more trolls today, said Brigadier General John Big Boote, head of the UN peacekeeping forces on slashdot. "The breakdown in civil order since the introduction of slascode 2.2 has left a power vacuum, and now these trolllords are moving to fill that vacuum" Gen. Boote continued. "This is worse tha Somolia in '93 -- or the Congo in 1996" Gen. Boote said. "Hell, with the exception of Egypt and Lybia, all of Africa is a festering hellhole of AIDS, cannablism and Chineese AK-47s" Boote said.
Among the causualties in the recent chaos was "Stephen King found dead". Authorities cofirmed that this promising up and coming troll was found dead in an alley last Tuesday. "The poor bastard never saw it coming" said coroner John Thomas. "He was gang-raped by a mob of hearless annonymous cowards over in a story about the DMCA" coroner Thomas said. "At first it was the usual beating the dead horse troll, but once that mob got ahold of it, they just posted it to every damn story. That's what is so pernicious in this mimetic warfare being waged across the pages of slashdot these days. Once a troll reaches a certain degree of public recognition, it becomes public property, unlike copyright" said Thomas. Another such casualty of late was the "BSD is dying" troll.
In related news, the "I WILL KICK YOUR ASS" troll has not been seen recently, and is presumed to have been killed in the bomb blast at Patrick "Shithook" Bateman's compound. The notorious trolllord, Cmdr. CYIaBCoX SUYA, leader of the anti-Beowulf-cluster troll resistance claimed responsiblity for the blast. Speaking from his headquarters under the 57th street bridge, Cmdr. SUYA expressed regret that his mentor "I WILL KICK YOUR ASS" may have succumbed in the attempt on the Beowulf cluster stronghold. "But," contiued Cmdr. SUYA, "no price is to high to pay if we can rid slashdot of the scourage of Beowulf cluster trolls."
In political news, the Annoymous Coward ASCII art front stated that it will continued carpet bombing discussion threads until Cmdr. Taco ends ethnic cleansing against trolls and repudiates the lameness filter. Cmdr. Taco was quoted as responding to the news with a long tirade about freedom of speech, but only for people who happen to run their own website. For a full account of the story, see page eight.
What's spooky is how eerily accurate this is. Although you were modded down as a troll, this is just the Imperialist hate monger trying to suppress the People!! YOUR MESSAGE IS GETTING OUT!
All our love,
Egg Troll
C - A language that combines the speed of assembly with the ease of use of assembly.
Here's some spam for ya!
I'm making up this entire...
...block of spam because...
...I'm tired...
...of trying to get around the lameness filter...
...every time I wanna
S
P
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L
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D
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!
!
!
!
Now, the only problem is that it's easiest...
...to just copy-and-paste the same thing again...
...and again...
...and again...
But the lameness filter catches it, so...
I have to waste time doing
T
H
I
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S
H
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Just so I can have fun.
Ah, fuck it, this should get around THAT LAMENESS FILTER.
Second verse, same as the first!
Here's some spam for ya!
I'm making up this entire...
...block of spam because...
...I'm tired...
...of trying to get around the lameness filter...
...every time I wanna
S
P
A
M
S
L
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H
D
O
T
!
!
!
!
Now, the only problem is that it's easiest...
...to just copy-and-paste the same thing again...
...and again...
...and again...
But the lameness filter catches it, so...
I have to waste time doing
T
H
I
S
 
S
H
I
T
Just so I can have fun.
Ah, fuck it, this should get around THAT LAMENESS FILTER.
Second verse, same as the first!
Here's some spam for ya!
I'm making up this entire...
...block of spam because...
...I'm tired...
...of trying to get around the lameness filter...
...every time I wanna
S
P
A
M
S
L
A
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H
D
O
T
!
!
!
!
Now, the only problem is that it's easiest...
...to just copy-and-paste the same thing again...
...and again...
...and again...
But the lameness filter catches it, so...
I have to waste time doing
T
H
I
S
 
S
H
I
T
Just so I can have fun.
Ah, fuck it, this should get around THAT LAMENESS FILTER.
Second verse, same as the first!
its so big and round don't you wanna suck it?
BBBBBB
B B
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B B
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L
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would have a couple 16-year old Japanese girls built in to service me with their cotton-clad pussies.