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Pyramid Shaped Keyboard
Lordkolya wrote in to tell us about a pyramid shaped keyboard. It's supposed to be ergonomic, but it sure is ugly. I still need to try one of the Kinesis keyboards out. It's time for me to change keyboards again. I dunno if I can learn a new chording keyboard. I've tried a few one handed boards and had bad luck. Maybe I'm not destined to learn any more chords then E-A-D.
I just heard some sad news on talk radio - Horror/Sci Fi writer Stephen King was found dead in his Maine home this morning. There weren't any more details. I'm sure everyone in the Slashdot community will miss him - even if you didn't enjoy his work, there's no denying his contributions to popular culture. Truly an American icon
damn, I swear I thought mods on slashdot were smarter than this
And they let those fucking sand niggers ride space mountain with diapers on their heads. What the fuck is this nation coming to?
stuupid asss fuxstix, fuuck this stuuupid assss site this is a waste of my time cuz u all allready know it. down with slashdot.
Not to mention the fact that this guy has been predicting that Stephen King will die at 54, AND HE JUST TURNED 54 3 DAYS AGO!!! How did he know??? This is really spooky, guys.
I just heard some sad news on talk radio - Horror/Sci Fi writer Stephen King was found dead in his Maine home this morning. There weren't any more details. I'm sure everyone in the Slashdot community will miss him - even if you didn't enjoy his work, there's no denying his contributions to popular culture. Truly an American icon.
How to give a Blow Job
:)
... time. :)
;)
:) A bit of ice will add texture and change the temperature of the mouth. enjoy!
(thing) by adoxograph (print) ? Mon May 15 2000 at 23:12:35 UTC
1 C!
OK, so, I looked, I searched, I strained. Nope. Lots of discussion on the subject, but nothing that actually discusses how to do it. We've been very lazy noders. Now, it's not that I consider myself so proficient that I want to tell folks how I do it. Nor is it because I need votes. Instead, it's because I would have liked to know what the hell I was doing my first time, and well, this kind of research is fun. Admittedly, I'm a woman, I have no penis, and I'm doing this off of, well, what I've been told.(end requisite disclaimers) With that in mind I give you
How to give a Blow Job
"You know how to Whistle, don't you...."
References: (because sometimes you can learn a thing or two from booksThese are just a few of the many references.)
203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed
How to be a Great Lover
Sex tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man
Attitude, please:
I don't care where I heard it from, everyone said that the best way to please a man in this respect is to embark with the right attitude. Want to give him pleasure in an oral fashion. Pay attention. His penis had better be your friend if you're doing this. Indeed, if you don't want to do this, Why are you?
Basic Techniques:
They tend to fall into three categories:
Mouth Only -This is a good place to start if he isn't fully erect. Put his entire penis in your mouth while you suck and lick. Don't start moving your mouth up and down until he's at least partially erect. Another mouth technique is to repeatedly suck in his not-yet-but-soon-to-be erect penis and then follow with a swallowing motion, allowing for his entire penis to be in your mouth. Just because it isn't fully erect yet doesn't mean it doesn't feel good, you know?
Mouth and Tongue - Lick the whole tip, and use your tongue to lick up and down the sides. This will help get his erection slick enough to slide into your mouth easily. Make sure you cover your teeth with your lips, and glide the head of his penis into your mouth. At this point you can use your tongue to lick the sensitive spot underneath the ridge of the head. One book suggested that the lick you use here should be like the kind of lick you would take of your favorite ice cream. From here you can proceed down the shaft as far as you can go. Don't worry if it isn't all the way - your mouth isn't necessarily as deep as his cock is long. Relax your jaw and neck as much as possible, and remember to breathe, through your nose if you can. This will help to minimize the possibility of gagging. When you pull your mouth back, pull it up the entire length right over the ridge of the tip, or even take it out of your mouth for a second- this is another opportunity to breathe. Then go on back for more. Try to avoid jerky, abrupt movements - and a glass of water nearby is handy. Keeping your tongue in motion is a good idea as well. You have it conveniently located, you might as well play with it. As for suction, you aren't going to be able to really suck his entire length- you just aren't built that way. You can suck on the head though, and a particularly interesting question can be asking him to suck on your finger as strongly as he would like you to suck on his head. Adjust your sucking accordingly.
Mouth and Hands - Hands can be remarkably useful - they add variety, they can play with other parts, and they can make up for whatever you can't take into your mouth. One hand at the base of the penis, with the thumb and forefinger circling the shaft can not only help keep him erect and in position, but can keep the foreskin out of your way if he happens to be uncircumcised. With the other hand make the same ring with the thumb and forefinger, but use this one against your lips to follow the movement of your mouth up and down. (I've seen this called the Seal and the Ring) You can also coordinate a mouth stroke with a hand stroke as if giving him a hand job. But the hands (or mouth) need not stay there! As long as one is paying attention to his penis, feel free to use the other to explore his thighs, stomach, balls, ass, perineum (that spot between the scrotum and the anus) and whatever else you can reach. Watch out though, when playing with his balls, be gentle. You can be more firm if and when he requests it. You can even take one (or if your mouth is big enough, both) of his testicles in your mouth instead of simply licking or stroking them (referred to as Tea Bagging I'll never look at my Earl Grey the same way.) . Your hand can be particularly useful if you find yourself about to gag - let your hand do the work and give yourself time to recover before going back down.
Putting it all together:
Those basic techniques are excellent to build on, and are really all you need to give a good blow job, provided you've both entered into it with the right attitude and you're paying attention to what he does and doesn't like. (Stop being shy and talk to each other! You're putting your mouth on his penis, and he's putting his penis near your teeth. You obviously trust each other somewhat.) Don't be afraid to pause the action to give him a chance to cool off. Delaying orgasm is not a bad thing. When you approach his climax, his testicles will tighten up against his body. Don't be afraid to go a little faster or harder here, just don't get sloppy. Then comes the moment of your big decision:
spit or swallow?
I don't care what you've been told, gentlemen, not everyone can swallow. Some people, yes, can and choose not to, but that can be based on a variety of things and you should be happy you are being favored with a blow job to begin with. It has nothing to do with you if your semen isn't swallowed. It's just a choice. As for people who do (or want to) a couple things to remember are
You are swallowing bodily fluid. Please, please, please be careful. Make sure your partner is clean and healthy, and by this I mean tested for HIV. Not something you want to worry about at that moment.
What he puts into his body - food, cigarettes, coffee, alcohol, whathaveyou may affect the taste. If you're concerned about the taste, swallow it in one gulp, that way it'll pass your taste buds quickly. And please, for his sake, don't look disgusted by it.
And if you're curious, from what I've read the average ejaculate has about 6 calories.
If you choose not to:
If you want to finish with your hand, go ahead. I'm not doing instructions on hand jobs here. Someone else will have to node that. I've read that some guys really like to watch themselves come and this may be a better choice for you if that's his preference. He can see it all and not do any work.
If you want to finish in your mouth, don't make a huge show of spitting it out. Make smooth exit to the bathroom or have a tissue handy that you can unobtrusively spit into.
Advanced techniques: I'll write some of these up elsewhere in the name of saving space.
the upright citizen
Hummers
tinglers
hot and cold blow jobs
69
Finishing the Job:
When is a good job finished? I don't know. That depends on you. It could be when he's done, it could be when he's reciprocated, it could be when you both collapse into unconsciousness four days from now. It could be simply a kiss after his orgasm, or cleaning him up, or what have you. Here's Adoxograph's Philosophy on Sex: If some nice person is going to be nice enough that they will take off their clothes with you and let you play naked with them, you might as well make sure you both have fun. Of course, with imagination you can expand on this immeasurably. I hope you do. Please feel free to add any other techniques that have been missed. I hope someone finds this helpful...
(idea) by r00k123 (print) ? Fri Jun 29 2001 at 20:40:25 UTC
1 C!
Adoxograph's writeup above is excellent. It gives nearly every piece of advice needed to give a quality Blow Job.
Nearly.
There is one suggestion, however, that I feel is good enough to warrant placing it below such a quality write-up.
For your next Blow Job, switch positions a bit. Rather than kneeling between your partner's knees, lay on your back. Have your guy kneel with his knees on either side of your chest, place his hands about a foot above each shoulder, and enter your mouth from above you.
This change can turn a decent Blow Job into an amazing experience
Why?
Control In this position, your man has near complete control over the act. This really makes a huge difference. It lets him control speed and depth, allowing him to get the exact amount and type of stimulation he wants, when he wants it. Also, in this position, the receiver can easily close his eyes and imagine intercourse, a nice plus if you're abstaining or menstruating or whatever.
Stimulation With your man entering your mouth from an angle that lines him up with your mouth, it becomes much easier for you to take more of him in at a time. In the standard kneeling-between-the-knees approach, my girlfriend can take about three and a half to four inches in her mouth. In this position, she can take more like five. This difference is huge in terms of total stimulation. Plus, penetrating deeper feels good from a mental standpoint as well--guys instinctively like this.
Comfort This position is quite a bit more comfortable for the Blow Job giver. As the receiver controls all the movement, the giver simply has to concentrate on giving the best stimulation with the mouth, tongue, lips, etc. In the standard position, my girlfriend often complained of a strained neck and/or jaw. This position eliminates those problems. I no longer have to worry about taking extended periods of time to ejaculate. Also, as I mentioned earlier, in this position, the giver can take more of the receiver into their mouth, and do so comfortably: the angle makes it easier for her to relax her throat and is a more comfortable angle to enter it (which is, of course, how to take in as much as possible).
One last nice touch is to place your hands on his hips or rear and pull him into you with each thrust. This will let you show him how deep he can go, as well as gives him the impression that you want him in you. These are good things.
So anyway, go try this move. No...I mean it...go now. DO IT. Trust me, you're gonna like it.
Have fun kids.
(idea) by weasello (print) ? Tue Sep 18 2001 at 14:14:05 UTC
Those are both great writeups but there was still one point left to be made.
To add texture, enhance pleasure, and finally to simulate the penis touching the cervix, let the penis gently slide along the roof of the mouth or hit the top pallet in general.
When my girlfriend started this it doubled the pleasure and halved the
Credit for this idea goes to Jane Magazine or some-such publication for women. I don't know which, I'm not the one that read it.
Another Tip that might help some people is the use of crushed or pea-shaped ice. The mouth and penis will usually stabalize temperatures and some sensation may be lost; especially if all of the above tips are not employed.
Your mom licked my penis last night... from top to bottom
This is the perfect size and shape to keep my ass sphincter stretched out for the big, burly gay bikers that like to fist my ass day and night.
I swear before almighty God that I hope we kill tens of thousands of those raghead bastards. I only pray that napalm and air-fuel bombs are used so that they burn alive. If there is some collateral damage, so be it. I say kill them all and let God sort it out.