Bert Is Evil

It's been coming in all day. Bert and Bin Laden. Lindqvist.com has the best explanation, I think. Even FOX is reporting on it now. Bert is unstoppable.

Comments

This makes a twisted sort of sense

[ckd]

Here's the "logic":

• Jerry Falwell says that gays "helped this happen."
• Bert and Ernie have been living together for how many years? Haven't you ever been a little bit suspicious about them?

Obviously this explains the whole thing.

Re:This makes a twisted sort of sense

[taniwha]

Were these two imstruments of clever manipulators ?

geez - they're puppets - of course they are instruments of clever manipulators ....

Re:My favorite part...

[sharkey]

Maybe they aren't allowed to say "life-partner" on PBS.

Osama bin Bert

[zpengo]

It's a widely known fact in the intelligence community that Sesame Street has been a form of communication between al-Qaeda leaders and the various semi-independent cells around the world. Through sometimes cryptic phrases and symbols, unintelligible to outsiders, they have broadcast messages to all the world that can only be truly understood by a few. Some examples:

• "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me."
• "Seven! Seven jumping jackrabbits! Ah, ah, ah!"
• "I am Captain Vegetable, with my carrots, and my celery."
  

The difficult that the intelligence community has had in tracking down members of these terrorists cells is partially due to the fact that these messages are broadcast worldwide, and also because the suspected terrorists are a bunch of little kids.

Next Thing....

[Peridriga]

Next thing ya know "All your base are belong to us" are gonna show up in pro-American celebrations in Afgan after we crush them :-)

Re:Next Thing....

[tswinzig]

There must be some geek somewhere loading bombs onto these planes. For the love of god, please paint "All your base are belong to us" on one of these suckers, and send us a picture!

Confirms my theory

[poemofatic]

..that Osama was merely a puppet, while Bert was the true Mastermind. No wonder Condi is worried that Osama's speeches contain secret messages.

You blew his cover!

[wiredog]

The CIA finally gets someone close to bin Laden and you slashdotty bastards blow his cover! Now the taliban is probably gonna put him through a shredder! What'll we tell Ernie?

I wonder what Big Bird is up to?

Afghan TV Guide

[Anonymous Coward]

AFGHAN TV GUIDE

MONDAYS:

8:00 -"Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"

TUESDAYS:

8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Stench is Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The DarndestThings"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"

WEDNESDAYS:

8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "When Northern Alliance Attack"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"

THURSDAYS:

8:00 - "Matimallahoasillalama Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "CBS Evening News with Dan Rather"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and
Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"

FRIDAYS:

8:00 - "Bob Patterson (Must Have His Hand Cut Off)"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Everybody Loves Anthrax"
9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"
10:00 -"No-witness News"

Al Qaeda threat assessment

[nobodyman]

Guess the FBI can cross out "Photoshop Skills" from their Al Qaeda dossier.

In Other news...

[neema]

Osama bin Laden reportedly vows to destroy America for the attacks it launched against Afghanistan. His evil partner Bert was quick to add "Oh, and we're going to blow up that fucking rubber ducky too."

Dubya bin Laden

[slickwillie]

Looks like we now know what happened to Ernie. He rigged the election in Florida, and is now occupying the White House.

Re:The next thing, translated

[warpeightbot]

Al your Queda are belong to us.

No, no, no.

Al your Qaeda are belong to U.S.

Get it right. :)

Re:Bert is simply...

[Leven Valera]

I think Bert has been deep undercover with Agent Ernie for about a decade now. We think he's gone native.

Please Support The Muppets

[TheMonkeyDepartment]

In this time of crisis, we need to be very careful not to show hatred or violence to other Muppets. Just because Bert wants to destroy humanity, that doesn't mean all the Muppets do. In fact, the majority of Muppets are peace-loving citizens.

I know you've all read the news stories by now. Someone shouted "Dirty Muppet!" and threw a bottle at Grover as he was crossing the street.
Ernie is under 24-hour protection at an undisclosed location. And in the most perverse story of all, someone tried to force-bathe Oscar the Grouch.

I hope you'll all attend the rally on Sesame Street later on this week, to show support for the Muppets. Remember: we are trying to destroy Bert, not all the Muppets.

Bert's last communication was a videotaped rant, calling on all "Muppets, puppets, marionettes and animated characters" to rise up and destroy civilization. He was last seen with cast members of Today's Special and The Great Space Coaster, asking for their support.

Nukes back on the table?

[imadork]

You think Afghanistan is in trouble now?
Just wait until the U.S congress finds out that they've violated copyrights!
They're doomed now!