Slashdot Mirror
Jet Lag: 2 Reviews Of "The One"
These last few years have been good for lovers of martial arts movies, until recently a fringe cinematic genre, and for a new generation of stars like Jet Li. But The One (even the title is a ripoff from The Matrix) will bore even die-hard teen lovers of the form. It's slow, dull and humorless. Maybe it's time for this era to end. Jackie Chan does it a lot better, and with a lot more personality. John Wayne did the square-jaw resolute look a lot better. Li just looks ticked off all the time.
In this movie, the exotic and surprising spirituality of The Matrix is reduced to much incomprehensible gibberish about parallel universes --- the "multiverse" and the efforts of parallel figures -- in this case the two Jet Li's -- to seize control of all the different dimensions and become God of us all. Even the good Jet Li, who plays an LA County Sheriff and family man who is just doing his job and hanging around with his muscle-head buddies, and wants no part of this multi-universe politicking, doesn't exactly exude warmth. The bad Jet Li -- a monster from the parallel dimensions who transports himself through dimensions killing off competitors and look-alikes and agents from Galactic Central -- just glowers a bit more. Watching these Jet Li's square off in a noisy environment of Delta-force clad LAPD officers blasting away in their dark suits and racing unsuccessfully back and forth, traveling via Star Trek-ish time transporters, it's not only impossible to tell the good and bad guy apart at times, but pretty soon, you won't even care.
There are some nice special effects in this movie, and a super sound track that runs from jazz to hip hop to rock and rap, but there is absolutely no plot at all, and 90 percent of the battle scenes seem to take place in parking garages and sewers. They aren't nearly good enough to overcome this Jet Lag. I suppose this is all meant to be dark, but the primary impressions are just "low-budget" and "dull."
Review #2 from the second victim: chrisd
I really like Jet Li and I like science fiction, so *poof* -- a SF movie with Jet Li? A sure winner, right? Well, no. Now, I should point out that I don't expect Fellini from a Jet Li movie. I don't expect good writing, acting, casting, costumes, or even dialogue. I do expect a few things from a good fight movie, mostly good fighting, handy camera work and good lighting, and in an SF movie decent effects.
Unfortunately, "The One" disappoints. If you've seen the trailer or commercial (my way of saying spoiler warning ), there are some very cool things going on here: Jet Li kicking Jet Li's ass, Jet Li whapping people with Harleys, Jet Li flying through the air, walking the walls, jumping tenements in a single bound ... There is a lot of cool stuff going on. I assure you that must be the case, the problem is, they didn't do a good job of letting us see much of it. I don't know what specifically was wrong with the camera or editing work, but it just made you want to crane your head around to see what might actually be happening. Camerawork was one of the great things about "The Matrix." You could see and appreciate what was happening.
As Jon noted, the plot isn't really worth talking about, as there isn't much of one, and ieven that is very familiar. It's lsomething ike this: There are a bunch of universes, see, and so the bad Jet Li has traveled through 123 of the 125 universes killing the other versions of himself, becoming more powerful with every kill. As the parallel Jet Lis are killed, the Jet Lis who survive get more powerful, as the total Jet Liness is spread around into fewer Jet Lis. And so bad Jet Li, now very powerful, must kill good Jet Li (in our universe) to gain ultimate power. (Something Jamie calls the Law of Conservation of Jetliosity) Sound familiar? It should. It has been the plot of a number of science fiction franchises. In a scene near the end Jet Li even says "There can only be one of us."
But really, who cares about the story? This is a fight movie, after all. It should be judged accordingly. Can you picture watching a Jackie Chan movie and saying "gosh, this is really nothing like Sense and Sensibility"? Of course you wouldn't.
But you would want to see Jackie flipping ladders around while downing tequila shots and beating up neo-nazis. And Jackie delivers partly because you can see what he is doing. Jet Li is there, he's working, but the camera work stinks so you can't appreciate what he or his pals in Special Effects are doing. It's too bad -- "The one" could have been a lot more dumb, silly fun.
In short, if you really like Jet Li, go see it, but try to sneak in. One thing you can say about it is that it doesn't suck as much as "Romeo Must Die" did. (which isn't saying much, I know) and the effects when you can see them are kind of fun.
But The One (even the title is a ripoff from The Matrix)....
Um, don't you mean Highlander?
Why are you reviewing movies for a geek site if you can't even draw parallels correctly? (no pun intended...oh wait)
Crouching Matrix, Hidden Plotline?
Sounds like that sums it up perfectly.
Have you read the moderator guidelines? Well, have you, PUNK? (and I want a Karma: Gnarly option)
I now know which one wins. When the unstoppable force that is a ./ reader's love for The Matrix meets the immovable object that is a ./ reader's hatred for John Katz, it looks like the unstoppable force gets thwarted.
YES! A 2 liner from a guy with goatse.cx listed as his home page totally dissing John Katz gets modded up to 4 (at the time of this post, I bet he's going for 5)! And here's the kicker - it's insightful! I'll bet this one will even pass on M2. Take a hint folks - we want Katz gone!
SIG: HUP
Sounds like you don't know that you can actually turn katz off in the user preferences. I'm not kidding.
I have cmdrtaco turned off, and soon to add katz to that list.
Jet Li will jump in the air, flip three times, dodge an oncoming car, push off a wall, and kick you in the face 5 times before you hit the ground.
Jackie Chan will jump in the air, flip three times, dodge an oncoming car, push off a wall, and slap you in the face 5 times WITH A LARGE TROUT before you hit the ground.
I rest my case.
the votes are in
the polls are closed
the ballots have been counted...
__worst movie ever__
The Matrix would have been a harder sell.
----------
Producer: Who are you and what do you want?
Watchowskis: Uh, we want your help in making a film called "The Matrix."
Producer: I'm listening.
Watchowskis: It's sort of a Kung Fu film with Film Noir and Science Fiction elements. We've got, Uh Keanu Reeves-
Producer: Does he know kung fu?
Watchowskis: Uh no. We've also got Laurence Fishburne-
Producer: Does he know kung fu?
Watchowskis: Uh no. We've got Carrie Anne Moss-
Producer: Does he know kung fu?
Watchowskis: She's a she, and no. We've also got Hugo Weaving-
Producer: Does he know kung fu?
Watchowskis: No, but he's acted as a drag queen once.
Producer: So this is a kung fu film where none of the actors actually KNOW kung fu?
Watchowskis: Well, when you put it that way, yeah. But we'll teach them.
Producer: So what's the story? (giggles) Sorry, I always do that for some reason.
Watchowskis: It's about a guy who finds out his world is an illusion created by machines that have enslaved the human race. He journeys through the virtual world fighting computer programs with kung fu and in the end he gets killed and comes back to life and turns out to be Jesus Christ.
Producer: (pauses) And how much money do you want?
Watchowskis: Well, it's a co-production, but from you we'd need about... Forty million dollars.
Producer: (presses button on desk) Security!
(Several thugs come in and crack some Watchowski heads.)
---------
That's what it would be like to try to sell "The Matrix" to a film industry that wouldn't know Jet Li if he kicked it in the face. You say "Yeun Wo Ping and they think you're describing fried chicken. Compare that to trying to sell "The One" AFTER the Matrix has been a huge success...
---------
Jerk: Hi, I've got this great idea for a film!
Producer: I'm listening.
Jerk: It's a kung fu film, like the Matrix, but with a storyline that's sort of like Sliders meeting Highlander. The actors playing the hero and the villain both know Kung Fu - in fact, they're both Jet Li so it makes casting a lot easier. He's done some films over here already, and he's got a name that's like Bruce Lee!
Producer: So basically we just take elements that have already proven themselves to be successful film material here in the west and slap it together?
Jerk: Exactly.
Producer: Great idea! (presses button on desk) Security!
(Several thugs come in and crack the jerk's head, allowing the producer to write and direct the film himself.)
----------
This is no better than what the Watchowski's did. They stole things that they KNEW would blow people away in the west because most of us haven't seen anything like it. They stole a lot of things and it slapped them together in a way that, when you step back and look at it, is absolutely horrific.
But it was difficult to sell those things. It was taking something relatively unproven to producers and audiences in the west, and if it had failed then it might have killed the genre over here.
The One, on the other hand, gets to ride the wave. Western audiences and producers who doubted the chances of the Matrix making it are suddenly eager to hop on the band wagon. Let's remember that Jet Li is only about a hundred times the martial artist that any of the cast of the Matrix are, and that is a big selling point when you're trying to get producers to buy in.
Matrix would have been much, much harder to get support for.