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Talk to the Man Who Wants to Oversee Microsoft

Posted by Roblimo on from the we-almost-put-this-in-the-humor-department dept.

Imagine "campaigning" for a job that doesn't exist, may never exist, and is sure to be full of heartburn for anyone who takes it on. Stephen Satchell is a self-declared candidate for the three-person committee the Feds might appoint to ensure Microsoft's future good behavior. Satch is certainly qualified; he's been online nearly forever, he's worked with computer operating systems darn near as long as computers have had operating systems, and he's certainly not afraid to speak his mind. But even the best-qualified job candidates need to be interviewed before they are chosen, and Satch has consented to have Slashdot readers conduct the initial interview in this hiring process. One question per interviewer, please. We'll email him 10 of the highest-moderated questions, and post his answers next week.

5 of 314 comments (clear)

  1. page widening post! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    I'm here once again to widen the page! -klerck

    <a href=Hi,.I'm.the.page.widenere.man!.I'm.here.to.wi den.the.pages.of.slashdot.for.this.one.post.at.a.p ositive.score!.I.hope.you.all.enjoy.reading.my.pag e.widening.post.as.much.as.I.enjoyed.writing.it!.N ow.I.will.proceed.to.have.sex.with.a.horse.and.sho ve.the.goatse.cx.guy's.ass.right.up.my.own.ass!.Ch eers.folks!.For.years.now,.the.common.American.pen is.bird.has.been.a.staple.of.every.American's.dail y.diet..Whether.it.be.penis.bird.sandwiches,.fried .penis.bird,.or.perhaps.penis.bird.under.glass.for .the.rich,.we.all.have.penis.bird.at.least.once.a. day..Many.Americans.have.no.clue.how.the.penis.bir d.became.so.important.in.the.pyramid.of.a.balanced .diet,.so.in.this.article.I.will.attempt.to.explai n.its.history.and.why.it.is.so.useful..In.the.earl y.1870s,.Francis.Zefran.became.the.first.penis.bir d.breeder.in.North.America..He.started.his.famous. Penis.Bird.Ranch.in.Canton,.OH..At.the.time,.not.m uch.was.known.of.the.penis.bird's.nutritional.valu e,.but.the.Penis.Bird.Ranch.changed.all.of.that..N ot.only.did.Francis.Zefran.raise.penis.birds.to.se ll.their.colorful.plumes.a.VERY.lucrative.business ,.he.also.set.up.the.world's.first.research.lab.de dicated.solely.to.the.study.of.the.penis.bird.The. lab.found.many.interesting.things..First,.it.was.d iscovered.that.thepenis.bird.was.actually.semisent ient..Second,.the.scientists.found.that.the.meat.o f.the.penis.bird.was.high.in.protein,.vitamin.A,.v itamin.B,.and.calcium,.while.low.in.fat,.cholestor ol,.and.sodium..Never.before.had.such.a.nutritious .meal.been.had.without.supplement.or.fortification ..The.scientists.of.the.lab.recommended.immediatel y.that.the.penis.bird.become.a.part.of.every.Ameri can's.daily.diet..When.the.news.of.the.penis.bird' s.usefulness.reached.president.Rutherford.B..Hayes ,.he.was.absolutely.ecstatic..You.see,.President.H ayes.owed.a.number.of.favors.to.Francis.Zefran.bec ause.as.I.said.earlier,.the.penis.bird.plume.trade .was.an.extremely.lucrative.business.and.Mr..Zefra n.was.important.in.getting.RBH.elected.through.a.n umber.of.monetary.gifts..President.Hayes.immediate ly.asked.Congress.to.pass.what.we.all.know.today.a s.the.Hayes/Zefran.Penis.Bird.Consumption.Act..The .act.did.a.number.of.things.to.make.the.penis.bird .a.daily.meal,.most.important.of.which.was.the.req uirement.that.for.every.four.people.in.a.household ,.one.penis.bird.must.consumed.every.day..Another. thing.the.act.did.was.create.an.artificial.monopol y.for.Francis.Zefran's.Penis.Bird.Industries..The. act.stated.that.the.only.supplier.of.penis.bird.me at.in.the.US.would.be.PBI..As.one.would.imagine,.t his.quickly.made.Francis.Zefran.into.the.richest.m an.in.the.world..He.was.soon.a.multibillionaire.qu adrillionaire.with.today's.inflation..Never.before .had.a.single.man.seen.such.wealth..Many.challenge s.were.made.to.the.Hayes/Zefran.Penis.Bird.Consump tion.Act,.and.several.even.made.it.the.Supreme.Cou rt..It.was.argued.that.the.act.was.unconstitutiona l.and.went.against.liberty.itself,.but.once.the.de tractors.tasted.delicious.penis.bird.meat.for.the. first.time,.they.immediately.dropped.their.cases.a nd.followed.the.law.to.the.letter..We.all.know.tod ay.that.penis.bird.is.the.most.delicious.meat.man. has.ever.known,.but.at.that.time,.the.only.meats.p eople.ate.were.pork.and.beef..In.the.early.1970s,. though,.challenges.to.the.act.began.again..Many.ar gued.that.the.monopoly.given.to.Penis.Bird.Industr ies.by.the.act.was.in.all.ways.unamerican..The.Sup reme.Court.finally.agreed,.and.in.1974,.Section.II .of.the.act.was.struck.down..This.in.effect.opened .the.market.to.competition.for.all..Today,.Penis.B ird.Industries.is.almost.no.more..Today.we.have.th e.market.leader.Penis.Bird.Meat.International.faci ng.against.Penissoft,.a.recent.startup..Where.will .the.future.lead.the.penis.bird.market?.Only.time. will.tell.us,.but.one.thing.is.certain:.penis.bird s.are.here.to.stay!></A>

  2. How do you plan to not throw out the baby by Hairy_Potter · · Score: 0, Troll
    with the bathwater? While there is not debate about the henious anti-trust violations that MicroSoft has committed, there is also no doubt about the many benefits that Microsoft has brought to personal computing. The modern multimedia computer is a result of Microsoft setting and enforcing multimedia standards. The proliferation of Windows apps is mostly due to the ease of creating them in Microsoft's Visual Basic. The commonality of the WIMP (Windows, Icons and Microsoft Pointer) interface have allowed Joe and Jane Sixpack, as well as Grandma Sixpack onto the internet and brought computing to the masses.

    Please, while a vocal minority of underwashed "geeks" with poor social skills may be clamoring for a return to the "Dark Ages" of the command line where a freakish ability to memorize long arcana was the primary talent needed for computer administration, the masses of America, the Joe Sixpacks, the MCSE's, and the VB developers want you to remember just who it was that brough a GUI to America.

  3. fa! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    A real visionary! A captain of the bureaucracy! A robber baron of paper pushers!

  4. Re:MICROSOFT IS GAY by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    Score: -1 Offtopic??? This being Slashdot, you'd think it would have Score: +5 Insightful.

  5. Why are manhole covers round? by Heywood+Jablonski · · Score: 0, Troll

    Hey, if he doesn't know all the possible answers to this one, MS is gonna eat him alive!