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Canadian Researchers Create Supernova In-lab
Erebus42 writes "Canada has done something neat. Apparently researchers at the University of British Columbia have created supernova in their ISAC (Isotope Seperator and Accelerator), transmuting sodium 21 into magnesium 22. Spiffy."
In a parallel breakthrough sure to rock the physics world to its very foundations, Tsar has created a mini black hole in his ISAC (Incredibly Stinky, Ancient Cubicle), causing light to bend uniformly around a point approximately six inches above his desk. The feat was accomplished by using a sample of very pure silicon-based substance called "glass", which was ground and shaped to form what is, in effect, a solid "lens".
Ultraviolet light generated by an ionized gas was then used to excite a flourescent coating on the interior of a nearby cylinder, creating visible light which was reflected by the surface of a technical document placed precisely in its path. The light was then directed through the "lens" to produce the light-bending effect commonly seen only around supermassive objects such as black holes and galactic superclusters.
Tsar's next ambitious project is to create a miniature expanding multiverse by blowing up several balloons for a staff New Year's party, the expense of which will likely be covered by the piles of grant money expected due to the unqualified success of the LENS experiment.
Disclaimer: I'm all all for the advancement of science, but why do we have to use hyperbole to make it seem interesting, or valuable? Maybe if everyone stopped claiming to have created supernovae or black holes or the core of a star or the moment of creation, we could get to a point where dull, devoted, brilliant researchers who didn't minor in drama can still get funding for their worthy efforts. (This is not a plug—I'm not a researcher, and I'm vastly overpaid as it is.)
Why, here in Canada, we've not only created a supernova but in fact a whole 'mirror universe'. Although virtually identical to the US in most ways, in this 'twin world' the dollar is almost worthless, the politics are leftish, measurements are conducted in a rather strange "metric" system, the minority language is French rather than Spanish, and people manifest love for their nation by violently asserting a profound lack of patriotism.
As near as I can tell, the real universe split from its when the war of independence failed to happen, although it could also have something to do with the invention of poutine.
Interestingly, since prime-time television programming has apparently not yet been invented in this timeline, this alternate universe is almost completely dependent upon its mate for non-drama, non-Prince-Edward-Island-themed broadcasts. Thus, while the existence of a 'shadow -universe' may come as a shock to all of you in out there in the real one, citizens of this other realm have known about your universe for quite some time. They've been watching you! They don't wear goatees, but they all seem to wear mustaches! Avoid replacement by your evil twin: Destroy Canada today!
- undoware.ca