Time Canada Shows New iMac

Kira-Baka writes "Okay, Time Canada screwed up big time. They have pictures of the new iMac which will be released tomorrow during the Mac World Expo keynote on their front page. it is likely that they will be getting a letter soon so though..." I'll be posting a full report on the keynote and other MacWorld goodness tomorrow as it happens. Time Canada seems a bit slow, but in short, think little pod of iMac with superdrive and flat panel screen. Update: 01/07 13:22 GMT by T : Several readers have pointed out that the story can (for now) still be found mirrored here, though it's been pulled from the Time site.

Comments

Will anyone explain to me...

[gvonk]

Who the gay guy is in that picture? No, not Steve Jobs, the other one...

Looks strange but cool...

[stressky]

The new imac looks a bit strage...But still cool.

Funny thing is that they say in the article that Steve should bundle a windows emulator with the imac. Though it's not a bad idea, I think a better idea would be for Apple to port windows to the mac. Emulation is too slow. they would have to do it themselves tho and not allow Microsoft to do it, or they'd find themselves ousted by the big M.

Best solution, IMHO : Apple creates a new underlying virtual machine operating system to allow for apple-ported windows (AWE, or Apple Windows Environment) and os X to run concurrently.

Unfortunately, you just can't do without windows these days...

oinn

[veggiefish]

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Great! A lamp with a monitor!

[AdamJ]

Just what I always wanted. . .

mounting a monitor on top

[ahde]

is a worse mouse design than the original iMac

R.I.P. WIPO Troll

[Anonymous Coward]

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ By J. Wipo Troll, Esq., $Revision: 1.16 $

[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as Taco-snotting, or simply snotting. Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help before it is too late. ed.]

Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself CmdrTaco?

You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert CmdrTaco Malda, owner of the popular technology website slashdot.org. Actually, its not a very popular site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies, and other societal rejects and outcasts. Its also home to one of the worlds largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous Slashdot crew.

Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnt, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyones guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youre a potential candidate.

This time, he found you. Lucky you.

Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?

CmdrTacos code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thats right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdots parent corporation, VA Software. Mr. Maldas Commander is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldas own lubed-up right hand. His Taco bells are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his Taco sauce is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to ring his Taco bells or taste his gourmet Taco sauce.

I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as Taco-snotting and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a circle-snot.

Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is Taco-snotting?

Taco-snotting is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacos face, dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, Taco-snotting.

And if thats not bad enough

A circle-snot is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel, and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum spooging their jizz-snot all over each others faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyre covered head to toe with their own and each others man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.

To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each others spunk and whip each others pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.

Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?

Hopefully, but I wouldnt count on it.

To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the Willing to Snot checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and hes probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Theres no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so its probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacos sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to Willing to Snot. Maybe hell ignore you. Probably not.

I cant stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?

If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, he might leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).

Have you ever been Taco-snotted?

Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some gourmet Tacos, but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his Commander out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.

CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, Open Sauce man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass with his monolithic kernel; his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their network stack in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about all those Censorware freaks out to get him.

That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?

After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Im just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had a lot of built-up spunk in their wads I couldve easily been drowned!

Thats horrible. Does Taco-snotting have anything to do with CmdrTacos special taco?

No, thats a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership about this vile practice (emphasis added):

You may be wondering what CmdrTacos special taco is. You will be wishing that you hadnt been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his special taco, CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his Commander), puts his special taco sauce on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacos jizz?

After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacos nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victims ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatse.cx guy. Dont let it be you!

Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert CmdrTaco Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.

Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.

Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Hes also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile.

Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnt involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doest mean hes any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called juicy-douching with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boys urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boys chained, naked bodies. If hes in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.

Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arent enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goats anus. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goats small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.

Are you getting hard writing this?

Why, yes. :) Join me in a WIPO-snot?

No, thanks. Im already CmdrTacos boi toi.

________________________________________

• The URL of this document is <http://slashdot.org/journal.pl? op=display &uid=267426 &id=2346>
• Previous revisions are publicly available at <http://slashdot.org/journal.pl? op=list &uid=308209>

$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.16 2001/12/28 21:20:03 wipo Exp $

Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all hes done to make Slashdot a better place.

iCARAMBA

[tcc]

iSCR3W3D JOBS!
*** Jobs sets mode: +b Timecanada #applefriends
Jobs kicked Timecanada (I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I@(*#&@(*&#(#@# )

And only here on slashdot, I give you an exclusive...

Jobs's Immediate reaction while seeing the Time Article
Mirror Here

Re:Um...it looks like....the cube.

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh goody, here we go again. Just another overpriced Mac, gay-designer-packaged and soon to be available in Tangerine.

The MacMoonies will be wetting themselves, though. They tend to fall hard for packaging and baubles; Steve always manages to run TheBig Con. And colors - don't forgt all the pretty colors.

I'm sure they're just perfect for "producing" that latest mix tape, or a digital video of all your tattoos that nobody wants to watch. It will also look perfect plopped on every desktop on CastroSt.

Will it get Apple beyond 7% market share? Nope.

i did too

[Anonymous Coward]

i am still smiling. just like how i do when staring at a bulging cock through some levis. mmm

Apple computers are useless now

[brett720]

I used to keep an apple around for photoshop and illustrator...but there is no longer a reason. Everything that runs on apple runs on PC as well or better. A MAC is no easier to use, and crashes just as much as a PC. And things like DVD burning and mp3 players and all that apple crap are available for PC. Time to toss the rotten fruit in the garbage people. Give me a good reason to have a MAC!?!

Fancy Doorstops

[brett720]

Its a shame that people are buying MACs just cause they look neato!! Save a few hundred dollars and buy a PC that can do everything a MAC can do and more!

Static X

[Anonymous Coward]

Your ass smells like rose
Your shit is like choclate cake
Hand me a line,
Really hand it to me,
Hand me a line!

Re:Um...it looks like....the cube.

[Com2Kid]

"like the old iMac because, as a piece of furniture, it gives any room a modern, happy-go-lucky feel that makes me smile. "

My Full Tower Made Outa Steel Damn Nearly Fucking Bullet Proof Can Support Over 200LBs case makes ME smile.

Its beige.

I like beige.

Beige and grey.

Anything else should get you SHOT. Dead. And then beaten.

With a cat.

And then burned.

Without the cat.

(nothing against cats, I love cats, wouldn't want to ever harm a cat even if the cat did own an imac, but damnit, people with colored computers. . . . Unless they made the case themselves of course, then _THAT_ is cool. :) )

Re:lots of post regarding Apple

[brett720]

The edsel was innovative, so was betamax...look what happened with both of them. Hope Apple enjoys that 3% market share while it lasts a few more months. Nite nite Apple...neat case designs and a new interface for BSD operating system wont keep you alive. Talk about rip off...they couldnt even write thier own OS!!!

Re:Screwing Up? No, that's Journalism

[The_Messenger]

Insulting an AC -- who, in fact, is no more anonymous than you, "cygnus" -- for his AC status is an automatic contest disqualification. YHL, HAND. And please, use some profanity in your reply to this post, in order to emphasize your point. I can't wait.

Re:$1800 Canadian or US dollars?

[Anonymous Coward]

LOL, that's funny -- I mean, aren't all iMacs entry-level? You're probably an expert AOL user who drives a race-custom Neon.

desktop pc for 1.299 bucks?

[super-flex-o-matic]

guys he must be joking.
what the hell is the target-audience for this piece-o-crap ? the forbes 500 ?