Slashdot Mirror
Custom OpenBSD 3.0 with IPFilter From Darren Reed
rjk191 writes: "Darren Reed, the author of IPFilter, has created his own release of OpenBSD which puts IPFilter back in. IPFilter was removed from OpenBSD 3.0 by the OpenBSD team due to license issues. See his newsgroup posting that announces it here." Here's the whole thread for some more information.
On Saturday, May 21, 1997, I fell in love with Hemos at a LUG meeting. I was 24, Hemos was 25, and a couple of days later we moved to Virginia, where we worked as programmers for the OSDN, on a website titled Slashdot.
On Wednesday, July 7, 1997, a little while after we molested our two freinds, JonKatz and Cowboy Neal, I told Hemos to wait on inviting one of JonKatz's gimps over to play, that we needed "to have the most important conversation of our lives."
"CmdrTaco, what is it?" he asked. "What's going on?" "Hemos," I replied, "I don't know how to say this so I'll just say it simply. I need for you to know that I'm gay and I'm coming out."
How did we get from May 21, 1997 to July 7, 1997?
For one thing, it started well before 1997. Hemos and I first met each other in the fall of 1983, when we were attending Lincoln High School in Charleston, our mutual hometown. We were both advanced foreign language students (I was taking Latin, Hemos was taking French) and we shared a tawdry love affair.
Hemos was everything I ever wanted in a gay companion--pretty and smart and sweet and very attentive. We never dated in high school, of course. I was much too shy to ask him out and he was much too traditional to think about doing the asking himself.
We reconnected several years later, when we were both interning for a local gay pride website, I Like my Homosexuals Flaming.com . We corresponded from our respective schools over the fall and winter, then began dating--and making out--that summer. Three years later we married.
Aside from a couple of one time dates, I had never had a boyfriend and I certainly had never made out with anyone--and by the time we started doing so I was already 21. It wasn't like I hadn't had exposure. My best friend, JonKatz, who went to another high school, had a boyfriend, CowboyNeal, and they had sex all the time. It was also the case that Greg was gay--and when he wasn't having sex with CowboyNeal he was having sex with other guys.
JonKatz and CowboyNeal and I had a quirky little relationship. They were emotionally and physically and intellectually attracted to each other; I was emotionally and physically attracted to JonKatz, emotionally and intellectually attracted to CowboyNeal. And, at least as far the emotional/intellectual part was concerned, I think they were attracted back to me.
It didn't work out, of course. CowboyNeal went off to school, JonKatz and I stayed in Pensacola. CowboyNeal found a new boyfriend, as did JonKatz--a whole series of them, in fact, along with a nazi-gimp or two. And at some point along the way, probably after he had broken up with JonKatz and before I got together with Hemos, I pointed out to JonKatz that although I didn't think I was "a homosexual" I was pretty sure that he was the only guy with whom I would ever want to have a physical relationship. When he said, "I can see that, but I think it would just be too incestuous," I said, "OK," and went home and cried for a long time, certain that no one would ever love me if JonKatz couldn't or wouldn't.
It really is the case that at the time I didn't know whether I was gay or straight. I thought I might be gay--certainly it was the case that from the time I was a little kid I had been fascinated with big, muscular men, and that they formed the core of my sexual fantasy life once I reached puberty and began the nightly masturbatory ritual of my adolescence. But I didn't know whether my fantasizing about big, muscular men meant that I was gay--or if it just meant I was really insecure about my own personal appearance and physical prowess. Likewise, if it didn't know whether it precluded my having a physical relationship with a woman. I'd never been with anyone, either male or female, and I really didn't know how I would respond.
I did raise these questions, at least in an abbreviated sense ("I think I have homosexual tendencies..."), with Hemos when we first got serious with one another. He wanted to know whether it meant that I had had sex with men, or wanted to have sex with men, and how JonKatz fit into all of it. I answered, truthfully at the time, that I hadn't had sex with men, that I might have had sex with JonKatz for friendship's sake if he had been interested, but he hadn't been and even if he changed his mind it wouldn't matter becasue I was no longer willing to consider it, and that I really didn't think I wanted to have sex with men. Hemos concluded that it was "probably just a body image thing" and I heaved a huge sigh of relief.
What he didn't ask was, "Do you get hard when you look at men?" The answer to that question, then and now: "Yes." And he didn't ask, "Do you get hard when you look at women?" The answer to that question, then and now: "No." If he'd asked those questions, or if I'd been willing to frame the discussion in those terms, the outcome might have been very different.
As it was, we spent a couple of years "dating steady," going to classes together at the University of West Virginia, eating each others assholes, doing things together, hanging out at his parents house in Pensacola. It was a good time for both of us and we were quite pleased when I landed a job and we set a wedding date.
By the end of our first year of marriage, however, I finally came to the conclusion that I was realio, trulio gay. "Face it, CmdrTaco," I told myself one night after Hemos had gone to bed, "if you weren't gay you wouldn't be fantasizing about men every time you have sex with your gay bitch Hemos after a year of marriage."
It was the first time I ever admitted to myself that I really was gay. Even so, I wasn't done with denial. Even though I had admitted to myself that I was gay, I wasn't willing to deal with the implications. "What's the difference whether I'm straight or gay?" I asked myself. "It's like any other married man. We all look, whether it's at men or women. Whether to be monogamous is something I decide and I love Hemos too much to mess up our relationship."
It took me 10 more years to figure out that I was kidding myself--that in pretending, at least to everyone else, to be something other than what I really was I was killing off my true self. And all the depression and mania and temper tantrums and despair that were characteristic of my adult life had less to do with my (quite thoroughly) traumatic childhood than they did with my denial of self.
It came to a head in the spring of 1993. A colleague at another gay web site headquartered on the West Coast, a man who I'd admired from the time I entered librarianship in 1985, someone who was very much a role model for me, came out to me. He told me that he had left his wife and was getting divorced after more than 20 years of a marriage and being father to an 18 year old son. I realized that if my friend, one of the most dedicated, workaholic, committed people I know, couldn't as a gay man make his marriage work indefinitely, neither could I. And unlike him, I wasn't willing to wait until I was older to figure it out. Waiting, I thought, would be unfair to Hemos, to our gay freinds, and to me.
I spent a couple of weeks moping around, then found a support group of sorts on the Internet, namely the Slashdot Mailing List. I told my story, received supportive e-mail, started corresponding with people I found interesting, and, BOOM, I realized that I just had to come out--that a lot of the illusions I had maintained about myself (that no one else shared my interests, that no other man was likely to find me attractive) were false and there WAS another life to be had.
Shortly afterwards I took Hemos and the kids to Pensacola to be with his parents, then went to New Orleans, for the American Library Association's Annual Conference, where I started coming out to friends and colleagues. I returned to Pensacola a few days later, spending a miserable week pretending nothing had changed. The day before we returned to Virginia, I spent the afternoon with my mother--whom I told and who reacted badly. Even so, she put on her best "no, my dead husband really wasn't an alcoholic and no, my eldest son didn't just tell me he was gay" mask and I was able to defer telling Hemos until a couple of days after we returned to Virginia.
Part 2
The week after I came out to Hemos we took the Type A approach to dealing with our emotional upset:
And that was just the first week.
The rest of the summer was difficult, to say the least. Hemos did not act in a hateful or spiteful fashion but he was quite upset that I was no longer willing to abide by the conventions of our marriage, which included my almost always deferring to his opinion regarding what needed to happen and when. I made it very clear that I no longer considered our marriage viable as a true partnership, even though I cared for him and for JonKatz and CowboyNeal and even though I definitely wanted to continue in a co-parenting relationship with him.
Within a week or so I had moved into the spare bedroom--and I never returned to his bed. A lot of other things occurred during those summer weeks, including having my first male/male sexual encounter, house-sitting for colleagues and in one case entertaining an out of town guest, and, finally, going to visit an e-mail acquaintance--and future boyfriend--a few hours away in South Carolina.
Eventually tensions reached the point that we knew things couldn't continue but we were not quite sure what to do about it. We went to see Hemos's therapist again, who told us that we were--as is often the case with Hemos and me--making things harder than they needed to be. Once he pointed this out, we both went into our "take charge" roles and in short order we had worked out an amicable, informal financial and separation agreement.
Labor Day weekend 1993 I moved out of the house that Hemos and I had bought (our first) six months earlier and into an apartment with another gay man, JonKatz, who needed a roommate to help meet expenses. Despite very significant differences in personality, JonKatz and I quickly became very good friends. It was a case of "he has two big dogs, I have two little kids, surely this is meant to work," and it did, at least for several months.
During that time I was dating the fellow in South Carolina. It was a very up and down relationship. In many ways the relationship was very reassuring, providing an anchor that I wouldn't have had otherwise. Eventually, however, it foundered; he needed things I couldn't or wouldn't provide, I needed things that he couldn't or wouldn't provide. Ironically enough, Hemos was going through exactly the same thing--she quickly found a boyfriend and a relationship developed rapidly before coming to an end over mutual differences, just about the same time my boyfriend and I broke up.
All of that occurred in May and June 1994. At the same time I moved out of the apartment I shared with JonKatz and into one of my own. Shortly thereafter I began seeing CowboyNeal, which culminated in his moving in with me several weeks later (end of July 1994).
Epilogue
On November 5, 1996, Hemos and I finalized the divorce, more than three years after we had separated and more than two years after CowboyNeal and I had gotten together. It was a perfectly amicable and agreeable settlement; the judge, in whose chambers we met to get the divorce decree signed, surprised us by asking us why we were getting divorced. We looked at each other a minute, then I said, "well, I'm gay and I finally figured it out." He seemed to be cool with that, asking how Hemos and I were with it, whether the kids knew and how they were. We told him everything was totally hunky-dory, and it is; he complimented us for dealing with the situation in a mature, civilized fashion.
I'll never regret having married Hemos and anally raping JonKatz and CowboyNeal with him.
Telling my story--and putting these pages together--is my way of trying to pay back all the Slashdot homosexuals who have helped me in my coming out process. If I've helped in yours, I've gone a little bit further toward paying off that debt.
Thanks for listening and feel free to e-mail me if you need to chat.
Best regards...
CmdrTaco
Return to A Coming Out Guide for Gaydads Return to the greatest homosexual page ever Last Updated: October 30, 2001
In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women!-H.Simpson
CD-ROM saga (a funny story)
/dev/wcd0 /cdrom
/dev/wcd0c /cdrom
/dev/wd0s1b: No such file or directory
/dev/we0s1f
/dev/wd0s1f
/dev/wd0s1e
/dev/wd0s1e
/dev/wd0s1b: No such file or directory
:)
:)
:)
./MAKEDEV all
:)
/dev && ./MAKEDEV wd0s1a
:)
;)
/usr and you can't have /usr with a cleaned /dev
/usr mounted?
/etc/fstab
:)
:)
/usr being mounted?
/etc/fstab. Which device. /dev/wd...something?
.. /dev/wd0s1f /usr ufs rw 2 2
/dev/wd0f
/dev/wd0f /usr
:)
:)
/etc
/usr is mapped
/dev/wd0f /usr
/dev/wcd0c /cdrom
/cdrom
/etc/fstab which looks something like this:
/cdrom cd9660 ro,noauto 0 0
/cdrom
9 July 1998
After much delay, for what reason, I don't know, I finally dropped into Quay Computers and bought a CD-ROM. Not a flash one, just an old 24x speed which had a 30 day warranty. A decent deal for NZ$95. I planned to install it that night, but something else came up.
When I got home later that day, I found that the FreeBSD box had rebooted. At first I thought 'power cut'. Then I saw that NT1 was still running. And both used the same UPS. So it wasn't a power problem. There was no reason for the reboot that I could see. So I decided to ignore it and press on with other things. Namely, the CD-ROM.
I switched off the firewall and installed the CD-ROM. When I switched on the machine, the screen filled with Ys. Lots of them. Continuously filling the screen. Line by line. I couldn't figure it out. So I disconnected the drive from the IDE controller. The machine then ran OK. But I couldn't connect from NT1 through the firewall to the Internet. And my DNS was stuffed. What was going on here!
I figured something really serious had gone wrong. Anything from someone hacking into my system and changing something to a power surge blowing some code on the hard drive. I spent 4 hours trying to get it running again. Finally, I sent a message to the FreeBSD Questions mailing list and headed off to bed. Very annoyed!
10 July 1998 - Inspiration
The next day I figured it out during a lull at work (actually, I was staring out the window at the harbour wondering why I wasn't out there riding my bike). Master. Slave. Can't have two masters. DOH.
That night, I got it right. I swapped the little plug thing at the back of the CD-ROM and converted it from a master to a slave. You see, the IDE controller was already looking after the hard drive. Which is normally the master. And the machine booted.
The next step was mounting the drive. Which was a journey in own right.
Mounting the CD-ROM Drive
I received one suggestion about making sure the network cards where both working. They were. So I gave up on the firewall problem and decided to install the CD-ROM.
The FreeBSD site was down and I couldn't search for instructions on how to mount the drive. It's not like Windows where the thing is just there. You actually have to issue commands in order to see the drive.
I rang up Jay, who had a guest, but helped anyway. We found out what device the drive was mapped to. By using the command dmesg, you can see the boot time messages. We found wcd0. He told me to try:
mount -t cd9660
It didn't work. We tried the MAKEDEV command on the device in order to make sure it's there. It still didn't work.
So I tried searching the web. Eventually I found
mount_cd9660
And tried it. It works. I could read the CD-ROM. Yea!
Where's my file system?
After the CD-ROM was mounted and I proved to myself that I could read the contents, I unmounted the drive and rebooted. I placed the drive into the final resting place, dropping a few screws underneath the motherboard in the process. Getting them out was a real pain. I had to shake the box really hard to dislodge them.
I wired everything up, put it all back together again. And rebooted the machine.
Oh. What's that message mean:
swapon:
Automatic Reboot in progress
/dev/rwd0a: clean, 16327 free (183 frags, 2018 blocks, 0.6% fragmentation)
/dev/wd0s1f: No such file or directory
Can't stat
BAD DISK NAME
/dev/wd0s1e: No such file or directory
can't stat
BAD DISK NAM
Automatic file system check failed... help!
Enter pathname of shell or RETURN for sh:
Well. I was annoyed. I couldn't figure out why this was happening now.
Restoring my botched system
I bypassed the firewall and connected to efnet and into #freebsd. Here's the chat session, just for a laugh. I've removed the extraneous stuff and changed other names to protect identity. JunkMale is my nickname, and xyz is the person that offered help.
<JunkMale> Ummm: I just installed a cd-rom, mounted it. did a umount. then rebooted. now I get this: swapon:
<JunkMale> searching the website didnt find me a clue. Any ideas as to what to check/look for?
[21:45] <xyz> JunkMale: I'd say you did a lot more than that.
<JunkMale> reckon?
[21:45] <xyz> JunkMale: 'fess up - before or after you mounted the CD, you did something *else*. What was that?
<JunkMale>
[21:46] <xyz> JunkMale: yep.
<JunkMale> I blame Jay. it's all his fault.
[21:46] <xyz> JunkMale: you screwed the pooch, sir.
<JunkMale> oh. and I didn't even enjoy it.
<JunkMale> so I should ring Jay and tell him it's his fault?
[21:46] <xyz> JunkMale: doing `all' rebuilds all the wd* and sd* targets, and those remove all the *slice* entries by default so that the disk entry list is nice and clean.
<JunkMale> arrrrrrrrrgh.
[21:47] <xyz> JunkMale: you're only supposed to do all once.
<JunkMale> it's all gone.
[21:47] <xyz> JunkMale: try this: cd
[21:47] <xyz> JunkMale: if you're lucky, you can get back. but don't do that again!
<JunkMale> got a lot of file exists, and readonly file system. then "chgrp: not found"
<JunkMale> and yes, I won't be doing that again!
[21:48] <xyz> JunkMale: oh. you're in single user mode aren't you?
<JunkMale> yep.
<JunkMale> o
<JunkMale> i'll reboot
[21:48] <xyz> JunkMale: no
<JunkMale> k
[21:48] <xyz> JunkMale: won't help
[21:49] <xyz> JunkMale: you need to go with a fixit floppy now
[21:49] <xyz> JunkMale: you don't have your commands without
<JunkMale> I think I have one here. jas. I'll try that.
[21:50] <xyz> no, wait.
<JunkMale> k
[21:50] <xyz> what am I saying.
[21:50] <xyz> there's the compat slice
[21:50] <xyz> mount -u /
[21:50] <xyz> (make root read/write, as per the FAQ)
[21:50] <xyz> and now where was your
<JunkMale> where are you getting this from?
<JunkMale> ummm, not sure. i dunno.
<JunkMale> i have only 1 drive.
[21:51] <xyz> JunkMale: section 8.2 of the FAQ. http://www.freebsd.org/FAQ
<JunkMale> k
[21:52] <xyz> JunkMale: look in your fstab
<JunkMale> 8.2 for me is how to add a user
<JunkMale> fstab? (I admit I've only been using unix for three weeks)
<JunkMale> found
[21:54] <xyz> JunkMale: no, it's for dealing with a root password problem and ALSO tells you about single-user mode tricks like you just asked about.
[21:54] <xyz> JunkMale: this is Unix, you have to learn to take your tips wherever you find them because there aren't that many.
[21:54] <xyz> JunkMale: right, now where's
<JunkMale> sorry, but I don't understand the question.
[21:55] <xyz> JunkMale: in your
[21:55] <xyz> JunkMale: hint: it's one of the files you blew away.
<JunkMale> yep. How can I view fstab?
[21:56] <xyz> JunkMale: cat
<JunkMale> sorry
<JunkMale> found a line like this:
<JunkMale>
[21:57] <xyz> JunkMale: good, so now we know that the compat slice (which you should have) is
[21:57] <xyz> JunkMale: mount
<JunkMale> done
[21:58] <xyz> JunkMale: now do the MAKEDEV you previously did again. chgrp and stuff should work
[21:58] * xyz is fading out.
<JunkMale> done.
[21:59] <xyz> zzzz...
[21:59] <xyz> time for bed.
<JunkMale> don't fade yet!
[21:59] <xyz> JunkMale: you are now resurrected. reboot.
<JunkMale> rebooting!
<JunkMale> well, when I hit the USA in 1999, I owe you a crate of beer.
<JunkMale> and when/if you hit New Zealand, you got a place to stay and a tour guide.
[22:00] <XX> xyz: you can go to bed - I'll take over if necessary
<JunkMale> looks much better.
[22:00] <xyz> JunkMale:
<JunkMale> thanks XX.
[22:00] <xyz> XX: Thanks.
[22:01] <XX> xyz: good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite.
[22:01] * xyz goes to bed.
<JunkMale> reboot works. Cheers xyz.
In short, what I did was:
mount -u /
cd
cat fstab # found out where
mount
then I rebooted. And all was well. I had the system back and my CD-ROM worked.
7 August 1998
I've just noticed that I haven't actually indicated how to mount the cdrom. Here's the command I use now:
mount -t cd9660
To unmount the above:
umount
25 October 1998 - quick CD-ROM mounts
There is a shortcut to mounting a CD-ROM. It includes placing a list in
/dev/wcd0c
With such a line, you can mount your cdrom with just the following command:
mount
- The BOFH Troll
read much?
yup
theo the rat and darren reid are both goat fuckers
I have never used either of the two products involved. Indeed the first I have heard of them is this article. as far as I know, pf's name is shorter than ipf's. That makes it more terse, but not necessarily superior. I can't talk about other differences because I'm a gimp.
What the hell would eat a blowfish? Besides the Japanese, and I don't think you can use them as a mascot.
"If he thinks he can hide and run from the United States and our allies, he's sorely mistaken." Bush on bin Laden
Yeah, djb-ware really hacks me off. There is nothing in this world that climbs up my tits faster than svscan (and I have to deal with Microsoft databases for a living). Thankfully, the version 9 of the BIND codebase is considerably cleaner and less security-flaw/bug prone as earlier releases...