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Episode II Gets Rave Review

Astin writes: "Dark Horizons has obtained a copy of what it believes is the script for Attack of the Clones, and has posted a review. Apparently they got this one right, with epic battles, lots of action, and that sense of adventure that was missing from Episode I. Canoe.ca is also carrying a synopsis from the site."

21 of 272 comments (clear)

  1. Re:I don't think so. by Llywelyn · · Score: 4, Funny

    I thought this too, then I thought to myself self:

    "Self, who am I fooling? I would go see it if it was titled `Episode II: Jar Jar's Revenge'"

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  2. Its not the battles, it's not the action... by xxSOUL_EATERxx · · Score: 5, Funny
    What made STAR WARS a great film is that it was a synthesis of all the aspects of moviemaking, not only special effects space battles, but polt, acting, a great script, and even the details like music (try to imagine STAR WARS witout that glorious theme!), and even the credits: think about the famous screen crawl at the start of the film.

    But the heart and soul of STAR WARS is undeniably the characters: rakish Han Solo the rogue with a heart of gold, trading insults with spunky Princess Leia, so beautiful and so brave; gung-ho Luke Skywalker, the hero right out of Joseph Campbell, who manages to be annoying and inspiring at the same time; even characters like R2-D2 and Chewbacca, who don't have a coherent line in the script, are developed as recognizable personalities! A cast straight out of Shakespeare or Dickens is what makes Lucas' film an immortal classic.

    Don't get me wrong, Space battles and lightsaber duels are great, but let's hope Lucas is able to inject some life into the two-dimensional caricatures who pranced around onscreen during Episode I (name three differences between Obi-Wan and Kwi-Gon-Jinn's personalities, or for that matter, between Obi-Wan and Queen Amidiala), otherwise those of us for whom the STAR WARS flame burns bright in our hearts may be in for another ho-hum prequel.

  3. Leaked Episode III Script. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Jar Jar: me go eat some donuts and talk to the Jedi.

    (Zwoosh!)

    Jedi: oops, sorry there. Shouldn't walk behind me with your neck exposed when Im swinging around my light saber.

    Oh yes, this *will* be in the script. {/me Pounces fist to palm}
  4. Re:I don't think so. by nzhavok · · Score: 4, Funny

    Lets start a fund to hire Jango Fett to assasinate Jar Jar, it's the only way.

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    He who defends everything, defends nothing. -- Fredrick The Great
  5. Re:I don't think so. by mgv · · Score: 5, Funny

    I thought it would show Jar-Jar's progress towards enlightenment and progression to a Jedi Knight himself. Similar to that which we saw with Luke Skywalker starting as a simple farm hand ....

    I can see it now, by episode 3 a master in his own right, wielding a light sabre and slicing those from the dark side into pieces (To the cutting victory cries such as "yousa going to be twosa")

    Michael

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    There is no cryptographic solution to the problem where the intended receiver and the attacker are the same entity.
  6. Re:Jar Jar - Unfortunately Not Dead by hughk · · Score: 3, Funny
    Hey you should take a visit over to this side an interactive story version of Episode 3.

    In one hilarious finale, Anakin dies, Jar Jar Binks becomes a new Sith apprentice as "Darth Jar Jar". Jar-Jar having something to do with the dark-side would explain a lot!!!!

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    See my journal, I write things there
  7. Re:All I have to say... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
    You should have mentioned Natalie Portman. She's actually in the movie, so it might have been considered on-topic.

    Who knows... maybe at the end of the trilogy, she'll be naked and petrif^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H frozen in carbonite.

  8. Post predictions for this story by karmma · · Score: 5, Funny

    14 posts about Natalie Portman (petrified or otherwise)

    23 posts calling for the death of Jar Jar

    18 posts wondering if CG was done on Linux boxen, and if not, why not

    12 posts arguing whether or not Boba Fett is the coolest Star Wars character of all time

    Written the way Yoda speaks, 9 posts there will be

    6 links to fan fic that are remarkably similar to the plot in the affore-mentioned script

  9. Re:I don't think so. by yobbo · · Score: 2, Funny

    or "Episode II: Revenge on Jar Jar"

  10. JarJar binks. Groan. by Alsee · · Score: 4, Funny

    Ok, JarJar's going to be a main character again. May as well put the 'nSync footage back in. Expand it even. Write Briteny Spears into the script. Perhaps even petrify her. And what the heck, why not re-unite Menudo and give them a role too.

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    - - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.
  11. Re:The preview... by jgerman · · Score: 3, Funny

    Wow, that's odd, let's think about it. Anakin is a teenager, Amildala is a teenager they fall in love. HOLY SHIT you're right, how dare he make a movie about two teenagers falling in love when he's telling the story about how two teenagers fell in love which eventually results in Episodes 4,5, and 6. It would be SO much more satisfying if Amidala just has Luke and Leia with no explanation.

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    I'm the big fish in the big pond bitch.
  12. Re:Jar Jar - Unfortunately Not Dead by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Buttercup: Ugh! Can't anyone get that right?

    Blossom: It's Powerpuff!

    Bubbles: No "D"!

    Your line, Mr. Luthor...

    :-)

  13. Re:"Mystery" Trailer by Score0,+Overrated · · Score: 3, Funny

    There was genuine sincerity in his voice,

    Ewan McGregor? He's that actor bloke isn't he?

  14. Stupid assassins by Internet+Stranger · · Score: 3, Funny

    ""Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman) and the animated character Jar Jar Binks are both members of the Senate, representing their respective planets, while Obi Wan (Ewan McGregor) and the now-adolescent Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) have been off training and becoming involved in a variety of adventures.

    Anakin and Obi Wan are called upon to act as bodyguards for Amidala after she is the subject of a foiled assassination.""

    Stupid Assassins, they never aim for the right one.

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    ------------- I didn't know she was your sister I swear!
  15. Re:Not so fast by jandrese · · Score: 3, Funny

    I always figued that all of the Stormtroopers were cloned from the same guy. Unfortunatly the Empire choose a severly retarded guy to clone, who was a terrible shot to boot.

    Remember in episode 4 where Obi-Wan talks about how the blaster marks are "too precise" for sand people, they had to be imperial stormtroopers? Either Sand People don't believe in actually pointing their blasters at anything, or Obi-Wan was making an ironic observation about all of the blaster marks spread all across the landscape (off frame :)

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    I read the internet for the articles.
  16. Re:"Mystery" Trailer by Sebastopol · · Score: 2, Funny

    There was genuine sincerity in his voice, not the usual Hollywood bullshit.

    Um, that's called "acting". ;-) Seriously, who in their right mind is going to pan a potential cash cow?! I'm sure the stars from "Big Mommas House" and "Dude, Where's my Car?" were all pitching raves before their respective releases.

    Ewan and the rest of the cast stand to make in the 10^7 US$ range off this one, especially if they help pump up the public with good tidings that the script will be better than EpisodeI, even if it truly isn't.

    Good or bad, you won't be making any money off this movie, but lots of people will be getting very, very rich off your dollar. To me, this reaffirms the message to hollywood that as a society, we're OK with their bad movies. But if you like movies like this, than I guess it is a good thing.

    However, I recently noticed that my local Tower Video rental store has all three "Porky's" movies, but not a single Otto Preminger film. I consider that a bad thing.

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  17. Re:Not so fast by Geek+In+Training · · Score: 3, Funny

    It's also a bad name because it's way too cacophonic.

    You know, you're right. I think based on all the StarWars FanBoy talk I've seen since 1983, they should have called this one

    Star Wars Episode II - Boba Fett is the awesomest ever!!!!

    :P

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  18. Amazing by NiftyNews · · Score: 4, Funny

    A Star Wars fan site is psyched about an upcoming Star Wars movie?

    Color me amazed.

  19. Re:I HAVE READ THE SCRIPT AND CONCUR by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    If you want a copy of the script email, mmanor@optonline.net

    I could really use a good script. Could you send it to me please?

    george_lucas@lucasarts.com

  20. The most amazing thing I saw in the plot synopsis by alumshubby · · Score: 3, Funny

    Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman) and the animated character Jar Jar Binks are both members of the Senate, representing their respective planets, while... [emphasis mine]

    I thought Jar Jar was fine for comic relief, but I can't buy him as an Imperial Senator. But then, I've found Bill Clinton and George W. Bush to be a succession of entertaining US Presidents, so anything's possible.

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    "How many light bulbs does it take to change a person?" --BMcC-->
  21. Just get rid of Jar Jar! by Morocco+Mole · · Score: 2, Funny

    And make it painful... --Richard