Slashdot Mirror
On the (Im)possibility of Obfuscating Programs
sl956 writes: "We all know that anybody using the words 'tamper resistant' to describe a software-based solution is incompetent at best. But some of the big players in the DRM field are believing in software-only protection schemes (see Cloakware, Hitachi, IBM or Intel). A mostly unnoticed paper presented to CRYPTO'01 (Santa Barbara, CA, August 19-23, 2001, LNCS vol.2139) *proved* the impossibility of efficiently obfuscating programs. It is the mathematical proof of the impossibility of a software-only DRM system on an untrusted client such as a PC. There are also a lot of interesting theoretical side-effects. You can read the html abstract here, or the postcript full paper here." The paper is from last year, but that doesn't make its conclusion less interesting. (Of course, even hardware isn't always all that secure, either.)
Sorry to have to post this Anonymously instead of using my regular account, but as you will see my problem is pretty embarrassing. I first met "Jenny" when I was out windsurfing one Saturday. No, she wasn't lying on the beach "catching rays", she was out on the waves like me! Jenny is as much of a windsurfing fanantic as I am, and she likes nothing better than to spend a whole day out flyin' over the water. I talked to her that afternoon, and asked her out. After a few dates, I began seriously falling for her. She has blonde hair, green eyes, a cute sprinkle of freckles across the bridge of her nose, and a great bod! Jenny is smart, funny, genuinely kindhearted (she even likes my cooking! :-p), and a great windsurfer. When I'm with her, I feel smarter, funnier, and I want to be kind to everybody. And I know this sounds corny, but we do have real conversations about things that matter to us - I can't tell you how precious that is in a relationship. I'm really insanely happy, except for one problem.
:-/). Sorry to put you all on the spot like this, but I really don't know what to do. I've been obsessing so much over Jenny's anus that I'm starting to become distracted at work. If this one thing is so much of a problem for me, should I just break up with her? Or should I try to come to terms with the anus? Please help! Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! -G.F.
The problem is she has this bulging, distended anus. I don't know if all her ex-boyfriends used to do anal sex with her, or if it was just one guy with a really big dick, or if she was into "fisting", or what (I haven't yet gotten up the nerve to ask). I barely even noticed any of my ex-girfreinds' assholes (God, that sounds so weird), but with Jenny, it's like a bulging knob a couple of inches across. I mean, it's not as if she has incontinence problems or anything, but it's really disconcerting to see this gaping, caulifowered bunghole staring out at me whenever we're showering together and she bends over to pick up the shampoo (and forget about making love "doggy style"
OMG BIG PENIS ATE MY SOUP
http://unix.rulez.org/~calver/pictures/afrodot.jpg
MY NAME IS MARK AND I LIKE GRITS AND HOBBITS !!