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Tiqit Handheld PC
ParisTG sent us: "Tiqit Computers unveiled the eightythree, basically a handheld PC (as in IBM compatible). It will even boot Linux. Comes with 128-256MB RAM, 266-300MHz, 640x480 18bit screen, and a 10GB hard drive. The brochure with images (pdf) is online."
In the late thirteenth century minor principalities in Lithuania were united under Duke Vytenis, the son of Liutaurus. He assumed the title of Grand Duke of Lithuania and ordered his three wives to strip and be pleasured by hill-goats while he and his courtiers watched.
He was succeeded by his brother Gediminas (1316-1341), whose proclivities ran more to thigh-length boots and defeating the invading forces of the Hanseatic League. In 1337 he broke the siege of Tallinn and slew the leader of a band of Swedish mercenaries, Sten Olafsson, who was dressed in thick metal corslets, falsies, and an auburn wig.
His son Jaunutis (1341-1345) vainly tried to prevent the incursions of Danish privateers under their ferocious commander Stig "Dorothea" Hendriksson of Bornholm, who held the Baltic Sea record of forty-eight goats, eleven sheep, three Holstein cattle, two mares, two stallions, and a reindeer named Frederik in the course of one night while fogbound off Danzig.
Under Algirdas (1345-1377) and his brother Kestutis (1345-1382) Lithuania was overwhelmed by travelling pedlars of greased offal tubes, claiming they could outnumber the heathen Slavs and the newly-arised dynasty of Kyyvan Rus in this way.
With the accession of Jagiello and his marriage to Queen Jadwiga of Poland, Lithuania reached its peak, and all over Europe and the Near East lovers reached for their Lithuanian ticklers at moments of intense emotional involvement.
I'm not so much impressed by the handheld PC but by the sheer size of those new Slashdot ads...
OMG!
And then the buffalo wings fell to the ground as little Jimmy rushed to type in his very first post to a topic he didn't even bother to read. The buffalo wing, covered in red hot sauce, stained his shirt, his pants, his foot, and his carpet... all that mess just for a stupid post that's sure to be modded down as offtopic.
/. submission.
Needless to say, Jimmy quickly picks up the buffalo wing, looks at it, shrugs, and starts chewing on the damn fowl, carpet fibers, toe jam, and dust mites in all.
As for his shirt, pants and carpet, little Jimmy, after clicking on that "submit" button, rushes to the bathroom to get a bucket of water and a cloth. He carries the heavy bucket of h2o back to his computer seat and starts wiping away the residues. Unbeknownst to him, he had accidentally clicked the "preview" button instead of the "submit" button.
Seconds followed by minutes pass by with his stupid "I posted first" reply just sitting there, idling like George W Bush's mind. Finally when Jimmy has done wiping and licking the stains from his almost-dupont carpet, he looks up and WHAM! realizes the failure of his
Reacting to his pure instincts, little Jimmy lifts up his right hand in an effort to get to that mouse... as if he still had a fat chance of getting to that elusive first post.
But of course, as luck would have it, in his moment of near triumph, Jimmy accidentally hits the bucket with his right hand and knocks the water on to his precious computer case.
Electricity and sparks flow. Jimmy gets fried like a piece of buffalo wing and dies a horrible death, convulsing for one full minute before his limp body falls over backwards into his chair and that poster of Bea Arthur.
Moral of the story: Don't ever read an offtopic article till you're blue in the face, because there are a few more hundreds just sitting there for you. Look at the time you've just wasted out of your miserable life!
eTrade SUCKS