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'Flight Speed' of Cattle Determines Tastiness

Posted by michael on from the laden-or-unladen dept.

mge writes "Despite all the nasty things people say about us, Australians are still at work breeding a tastier (and cheaper) cow for you... Beef Researchers at (where else but ?) the Beef Cooperative Research Centre, Australia have found that a) a cows temperament correlates with its taste, b) this is inheritable, and c) the temperament can be measured by its "flight speed". "Flight Speed" is the time it takes the animal to cover 1.6m after release from a weight crush, into an open pen. There's pictures and an explanation (PDF Sorry - Google version Google version in HTML) of how flight speed is measured at the BreedPlan site."

25 comments

  1. April Fools by GMontag451 · · Score: 2

    You know, the editors might try to think up some jokes that are actually funny once in a while.

    1. Re:April Fools by GMontag451 · · Score: 0, Troll

      Hey wow! I got my first fp! And I wasn't even trying. Too bad I wasted it on something relevant.

    2. Re:April Fools by Jetboy01 · · Score: 1

      As homer simpson once said to himself: "Great Homer, the smartest thing you'll ever say and no-one was around to hear it"

    3. Re:April Fools by ZenJabba1 · · Score: 1

      the sad thing is that this is true. Us Australia's are totally crazy about making beef taste better

      --
      `find / -name "*your_base*" -exec chown us:us {} \;`
    4. Re:April Fools by TheGreenLantern · · Score: 2

      Sadly, Slashdot used up it's ration of Funny somewhere around December of 2000, and is not scheduled to receive another shipment until sometime Q4 2003. Until then, please enjoy this collection of Leonard Nimoy poetry readings, circa 1978.

      --

      It hurts when I pee.
  2. Whow, finally a measurement for tastyness ! by software_non_olet · · Score: 2, Funny

    The faster food runs away the better is it's taste - or the more difficult is is to proove the opposite.

    Hyopothesis: Easter hare tastes better than St. Claus. Anybody here to confirm that?

    1. Re:Whow, finally a measurement for tastyness ! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Hmmm... Santa Claus would taste better in his sleigh with some reindeer orbiting the earth at 50X the speed of light to deliver presents.

    2. Re:Whow, finally a measurement for tastyness ! by Dancin_Santa · · Score: 1

      Ms. Claus has no complaints. ;-)

      Dancin Santa

    3. Re:Whow, finally a measurement for tastyness ! by HerringFlavoredFowl · · Score: 2

      Rabbit vs. Tastes Like Chicken

      I would go for Rabbit ...

      --
      TastesLikeHerringFlavoredChicken
  3. Bovine Aviation? by AnalogBoy · · Score: 3, Funny

    The flight speed of a bovine unit would have to be exceptionally high. Higher indeed than Porcine Aviation, due to the higher weight and less areodynamic body. Then of course is the problem of no wings. But that's trivial.

    Okay. Two cow-related posts in 2 days. Ton's of geeks going around saying moo. The gateway thing. And lets not even get started on the Hindu thing. WHATS THE DEAL WITH COWS?!

    [moo]

    1. Re:Bovine Aviation? by TheAlmightyQ · · Score: 2, Funny

      When determining the air speed velocity of unladen cattle, you have to ask if they're African or European?

      Who are you and where'd you get the coconuts?

      --
      I hope you're not pretending to be evil while secretly being good. That would be dishonest.
    2. Re:Bovine Aviation? by mooman · · Score: 1

      Somebody call me?

      moo.

      --
      In the Portland, Ore area and like card games? Check out: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/portlandgames/
    3. Re:Bovine Aviation? by AnalogBoy · · Score: 2

      cute page. :)

      .oO(moo.)

  4. With jokes by Treeluvinhippy · · Score: 1

    like these I wonder if weight will be added to This

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    >
  5. flight speed by PD · · Score: 2, Funny

    Would that be a European or African cow?

    --
    If tits were wings it'd be flying around.
    1. Re:flight speed by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I don't know. Arrrrrggg.....

  6. This is obviously a followup to... by 3waygeek · · Score: 1

    the Russo-Japanese bovine terminal velocity experiments of1991.

  7. Flight Speed After Weight Crush for Humans by 4of12 · · Score: 2

    I've heard there's a similar phenomena that affects human beings.

    That is, drivers going through construction zones with heavy traffic congestion and low speed limits tend to "slingshot" out at the end. They put the pedal to the metal and tend to exceed the speed limit even a bit more than usual after enduring these "cattle chutes".

    Moo.

    --
    "Provided by the management for your protection."
  8. /. servers possessed by Michael+McIntyre · · Score: 1

    by the spirit of Gary Larson. Nonsensical jokes about cows begin to be posted. Soon the chickens will become restless all snakes will appear the same.

    It is the curse of Madam C!

    Seriously, you have a year to come up with this stuff. Try and do better.

  9. Old News by Verne · · Score: 1

    Anyone else notice the pdf is dated april 2001?

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    There are only two things in this world that smell like fish. And one of them's fish...
  10. A Joke? Apparently not. by Cletus+the+yokel · · Score: 1

    For those who dared read the article, it does not appear to be an April Fool's joke (then again, I'm not an expert in the field, so maybe I'm missing something here). I think maybe the "weight crush" just sounds like like an obvious AFJ. So you've all been counter-fooled by a real story!

    --
    Wanted: One witty yet thought provoking .sig - Apply here.
  11. gnagna by skilef · · Score: 1

    Fetch me an anti-gravity cow and I'll be a happy man..
    Not possible? Anti-gravity has been discovered just five minutes ago by me, mmkay?
    oops, posted this on the 2nd of april.. Sorry folks!

    --

    You do not exist. Go away.
  12. yeah, by jrs+1 · · Score: 1

    and PIGS MIGHT FLY

    (do you get it? do you? do you see the joke? are you seeing the joke that i've made? the joke. you see it? do you see what i've said?)

    --
    free (as in mp3s) electronic music
    1. Re:yeah, by TheAlmightyQ · · Score: 1

      No.

      --
      I hope you're not pretending to be evil while secretly being good. That would be dishonest.
  13. Fast Food by beta21 · · Score: 1

    Brings a whole new meaning to the word fast food!