Slashdot Mirror
Web Services Patented by IBM and Microsoft
daecabhir writes "This article from ZDNet is an interesting read. Not just because of the implications of what IBM and Microsoft appear to be doing, but because it again brings to light how susceptible many standards processes continue to be to commercial interests. You would think that being early adopters, crafting the standards so that they can have the first and most compliant implementations might be enough - but I guess these companies aren't secure about the quality of their products, so they have to go down the route of intellectual property ownership, enforcement and RAND (reasonable and non-discriminatory, whatever "reasonable" means) licensing fees."
In a striking move that surprised everyone, CmdrTaco revealed on Friday that the new official Slashdot fruit will be the cumquat. How does this change the future of Slashdot and OSDN, and how does the old official Slashdot fruit - Katz - react to this news?
CmdrTaco called a news conference to discuss the changes with reporters. He said, "Its time to give Slashdot a new face. We've used the old cum-encrusted face [of Jon Katz] long enough, its time to move on."
Hemos added, "We needed to find a new fruit that idealized the values of Slashdot. Jon Katz idealized a lack of journalistic integrity, ability, and dedication. While a lack of journalistic integrity, ability and dedication are undeniably rampart throughout Slashdot, this is certainly not the message we want to send to the zit-faced nerds who visit our site."
CmdrTaco jumped in again. "While the special relationship we had with Katz as the official fruit was mutually beneficial - we got to pound his ass repeatedly in gay orgies, and he got to get his ass pounded repeatedly in gay orgies - the image of a diseased-infested pedophile as a Slashdot icon would crumble the website and the company. When you consider that Slashdot is on its last nut as it is, we certainly could not take the chance."
So the hunt for a new official fruit took place.
CmdrTaco describes the process they went through: "Slashdot is nerdy and unequivocally gay. When we were choosing our new official fruit, we wanted to express our undying love of jizz and our homosexual tendencies. The cumquat was the natural choice."
Hemos explained the obvious: "It has the word cum right in it. Get it? Cumquat? That's mostly why we chose it - because we like cum. See the cum is in Cumquat."
The gay duo then took questions about their dying website and their dying love-affair (it appears that CmdrTaco will be getting married to an actual woman later in the year). The mood then turned somber as CmdrTaco expressed his bisexuality and Hemos ran off the stage in tears.
Meanwhile, Jon Katz first heard the news and called a hurried press conference.
He arrived with his shirt on backwards, his fly unzipped and a mysterious white substance dripping from his chin. "This is an outrage that I no longer am the official fruit of Slashdot." He pounded his first against the table, much like the way his ass got pounded earlier in the evening. "When you say 'homosexual', everyone who reads Slashdot immediately thinks of me. If they wanted a fucking fruit that portrayed homosexuality, why didn't they pick this fag" he said bitterly, pointing to himself.
Jon Katz then pissed his pants.
He proceeded to make a long tirade, nothing of which is worth repeating. The press conference was cut short when blood started oozing out of his anus, soaking through his pants and dripping onto the floor. Jon Katz and his torn asshole were carted off into an ambulance and taken to St. Joseph's Hospital, where he was treated for rampage-anus and semen poisoning.
CmdrTaco says the changes will take place Monday, with a new huge cumquat soaked in cum taking over the new Slashdot front page.
I'm probably going to be moderated down for this, but Microsoft sucks...
The fucking potential for the fucking two giants to fuckin' erect a goddamn toll booth is tied to the fucking likelihood that Web services protocols such as SOAP, WSDL, and UDDI--and the fucking related ones to fuckin' which the fucking two companies hold patents or other intellectual property rights-- will one day be as important as the fucking standard protocols (such as TCP/IP and HTTP) on which the fucking Internet is based today. You are a pussy. Web services and the fucking protocols that make them piece of shits possible are destined to play a motherfucking major role in most if not all electronic commerce as well as other Internet traffic.
If the fucking protocols do become standards, either by virtue of a fuckin' independent standards organization's imprimatur or by attaining a de facto status, IBM and Microsoft--or any other company that maintains the fucking intellectual property rights to their sorry ass--could legally impose royalties on that traffic. In fact, any protocols that become a part of the fucking core Internet infrastructure without having been made available on a fuckin' royalty-free basis could guarantee the fucking owners of the fucking intellectual property the fucking right to fuckin' place a fuckin' tax on the fucking Internet traffic that depends on those protocols. I will eat your soul.
No motherfucking standard policy
For the fucking most part, standards-setting for the fucking Internet and Web has taken place within the fucking working groups of two organizations: the fucking Internet Engineering Task Force (IETF) and the fucking World Wide Web Consortium (W3C). You are a shithole. Until recently, neither organization had maintained a policy requiring vendors to make the fucking intellectual property (IP) them poo pirates contribute to the fucking standards setting process available on a royalty-free basis. Know this, you are a fuck. According to W3C Patent Policy Working Group Chairman Danny Weitzner, "Despite the fucking lack of a policy, there has always been a goddamn understanding amongst the fucking various contributors that the fucking Internet and the fucking Web wouldn't be possible or scalable unless their contributions were available to fuckin' all fuckheads on a royalty-free basis."
But that gentleman's agreement has been tested several times over the fucking years and that bastard could end up being tested again by Microsoft and IBM. According to fuckin' documents on the fucking W3C's Web site, IBM and Microsoft not only own intellectual property within specific Web services protocols, but also (in addition to the fact that you're a shit) have no motherfucking intentions of relinquishing their IP rights to those protocols should them horse lips become standards. Fact: you are a cock. The fucking documents indicate that the fucking two companies are currently maintaining their rights to pursue a fuckin' reasonable and non-discriminatory (RAND) licensing framework as opposed to a royalty-free-based framework. Pop Quiz, why are you such a fuckhead? The fucking RAND framework is widely acknowledged as the fucking one that keeps a motherfucking vendor's options open in terms of being able to charge content developers and Internet users a royalty for usage of relevant intellectual property.
I once tried to fork the web. I ended up drowning a spider in my semen.