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Linux On a Used Cash Register
codewolf writes: "Looking at this site, it seems that if someone has enough time on their hands, they can get Linux to run on just about anything. Looks like this guy got Red Hat Linux running on an Ultimate Techonologies Corporation cash register. This is a great hack if you ask me."
Linux Buttsex HOWTO
by Anal Cocks
Version 1.0.1, 2nd June 1998
Introduction
This HOWTO explains how to perform Buttsex in the Linux Operating System w/Enterprise Resources (LOSER). This HOWTO assumes basic knowledge of general Linux operation.
Preparation
Most basically, all Linux Buttsex requires is a machine running the Linux Operating System, a penis (also referred to as a "cock" or "dick"), and a willing friend. However, you benefit greatly, especially when starting out, if you posess standard Buttsex tools.
Standard Buttsex Tools
Lubricant - Slippery stuff you smear on your johnson and your friend's manpussy, to ease the transition into Buttsex mode. Vaseline will do in a pinch, but water-based lubricants such as KY Jelly and Astroglide are preferable.
Contraception - Protective barrier between your schlong and the inside of your friend's love canal. Breeders use them to prevent pregnancy, but we queer nancies usually use them to protect ourselves from the deadly AIDS virus. While some enterprising faggots have made do with plastic wrap or masking tape, there is no substitute for a latex condom. Most all condoms will do, as long as they aren't the "extra-thin" type. Some condoms are labelled as beiong superior for Buttsex, but are not necessary.
Step One -- Prepare the Anus
This step is especially important if your friend has never taken a willie in the ass before. Prepare his anus for the width and girth of your manhood with the "finger" command. It is used like so:
% finger
Begin with your index or middle finger, and then both middle AND index fingers, at the same time. Ten to fifteen minutes should do. If you wish, you may felate him or suck his balls, while you're fingering him.
Step Two -- Entry
Here the fun starts. Have your friend lay prone on the bed, or even better, get down "on all fours". Optionally, place a couple pillows beneath him to make him more comfortable. Now position yourself behind him, and spread his asscheeks. Apply lubricant, generously, to both your sexrod, and his pit of pleasure. It is advisable to stick your fingers partially inside in his anus, to make sure that the entire edge of the entry is covered.
Your penis must be fully erect in order to make a sucessful entry. If you are not already "hard as a rock", you may rub your penis in his asscrack, while tweaking his nipples (or stroking his cock), and saying intimidating things, such as "I am going to make you squeal like a pig, boy. Squeal, like a pig!".
When your sexstick is sufficiently engorged with blood, it is time to begin entry. Place the head of your cock firmly against his brown anal starfish. Begin applying firm pressure forwards, optionally using your hand to guide your dick on a true course into sodomy. Your friend is most likely moaning in agony or yelping, and you may either ignore this, or in a snide tone, say "You like that, bitch?".
When your penis is in, move on to the next step.
Step Three -- Hardcore Assramming
This is fairly simple. Move your dick around in his ass, towards and then back, at varying speeds. If for some reason your dick pops out, put in back in, undaunted. Continue pumping and thrusting until you feel you are ready to move on to Step Four.
Step Four -- Orgasm
When ready to blow your load, use this command:
% stdout > ass
This redirects your standard output stream into your friend's pink tunnel of shit. Enter the command, then with one final thrust, placing the entire length of your cock inside his body. Your penis will then eject about a quart of sticky white semen, accompanied by tremendous pleasure.
Step Five -- Cleanup
If you wore a condom, cleanup is simple. Remove the condom and toss it out your window. Then sop up any other jizz, anal juice, excrement, or lubricant with Brawny(R) brand paper towels.
If you did not wear a condom, your friend will have a steady drip of cum out of his ass for the next few hours. Tell him to "buck up" and stuff some toilet paper in his underwear.
Afterward
Congratulations! You are now a l337 LUN1X 4$$r4mm3r, just like Linux Toreballs and his gay minions! Celebrate by masturbating to the sensual gay erotica found at http://www.goatse.cx/
.
Classic 1 HIT ME IN THE SHITTER BABY, UGH HUH
Classic 2 Oh yeah, in the shitter some more, in the shitter.
Classic 3 More Ass stretchin goodness.
Female Goater My pussy is too small for this melon.
Goatse Grandpas - GRANPA GOAT S3X0R5
Son of a Goat - Holy fucking son of a goat. Kinda looks like Tako from behind, but to be sure I'd have to ask CowGryl Kneel
1 Oh, pardon me sir, would you happen to have any ANAL LUBE?
2 UNGH FART, pssssbt, ungh, tweeep, squeaaaaaak ungh
3 PFFFFFFFFFFT AHH pffft
4 FOOOOOOOOOOOOF blud dribble dribble
Prime Number Shitting Goatse SE THE Prym3 number flow like the river SHIT
Goatse Returns! Fuck yeah, the goat man is a coming back to Trollaxor
Goatsex goatsex GOATSEX Goat Sex animal sex bestiality
Of all the animal sex in the world, the one that suffers the most abuse from modern sexual habits is the large barnyard, otherwise known as the animalsex Our animals were intended by nature to function as a smoothly flowing sex systems, in order to promptly flush digestive wastes from the body.
The large barnyard is one of the four main elimination systems of the world. In Chinese medicine all the internal sex are paired. The large barnyard is paired with the zoo. Your puppy (dog/horse) is made up of four main sections:
(1) ascending, (2) transverse, (3) descending sex & the (4) sigmoid. It's total length is approximately 5 to 5 1/2 feet and it ends at the anus where feces eliminated from the body. The small pony's length is approx. 26 ft. long. They are called large and small not because of their length but because of their width & diameter.
goatkoran
thinking that a 14 incher sucked...
Blearf. Blearf, I say.
First Code Wolfy Post !
Bad slashdotter! Someone spank him!
Move faster
Dude, you took a shower before getting on Slashdot in the morning? What's wrong with you!
click here to jump!!!1!