Slashdot Mirror
Slashback: Agenda, Reproduction, Aesthetics
I can't be dead -- I still have batteries! Bill Kendrick writes: "Just when you thought the first Linux-based PDA was dead and gone, someone announces a compatible version, the STVR3 from Softfield Technologies (who actually did the hardware design for the original AgendaVR3). Only $105 for the 8MB, and $135 for a new 16MB version. Not bad if you want a bash prompt in your pocket, and can't afford the $500 for a Zaurus!"
De gustibus non est disputandum. An Anonymous Coward writes: "Mosfet has posted a reply to Bart Decrem's interview regarding Bart's comments on KDE and its looks. Mosfet explains how KDE has a very elegant system for users and developers using the flexibility of C++ and Qt, which creates a more consistent look and feel. He makes many good points that developers and users often disregard when considering desktop environments and their toolkits. Good read, expecially for those who participate in the 'Desktop Wars.'"
Borrowed at gunpoint, but spent much more freely. blankmange writes: "CNet is carrying a followup to a story that was posted here not too long ago. The State of California apparently ordered too many licenses for Oracle's database software: 'A top official in California Gov. Gray Davis' administration has resigned in a growing controversy over a $95 million software contract with Oracle. Barry Keene, director of the state's Department of General Services, quit after a highly critical state audit said the contract--awarded without competitive bids and for software that is little used--could cost taxpayers $41 million.' Sounds like there may be more resignations and a further investigation."
I wish Gary Trudeau would run a few strips skewering these presumptuous bureaucrat wastrels, prodigal even by the standards of the public trough.
Welcome to my secret underground lair. ceswiedler writes: "Salon is running a story that Sen. Hollings' new Online Personal Privacy Act 'would place a congressional stamp of approval on precisely the kinds of practices that purveyors of spyware are eager to engage in.' The writer is particularly concered with the 'nonsensitive' information clause, which is 'a huge gaping loophole' for companies like KaZaA and Brilliant Digital."
Science greatly ups my odds of reproducing. Transcendent writes: "I just recently read an article at SpaceDaily about how there are three women due to give birth to clones. Italian Professor, Severino Antinori, told reporters that two of the women were from the former Soviet Rebublic, and one from an Islamic country. They're keeping specific details from the public, but it's still a huge shake to an ever-changing legal, scientific, and moral society."
A bedtime story for very, very bad children. tulare writes: "Microsoft is hosting Bill Gates' written testimony online. At 42,000 words, it's not neccessarily light reading, but to their credit, it is nicely indexed. Probably a must-read." Also good for European insomniacs to start boring through.
Lobby your library. Lots of readers inquired where they could find copies of The Computer and the Skateboard . Filmmaker Paul David writes: "DVD copies of this movie will be ready to ship in mid-may. The Cinema Guild website will be e-commerce ready by June 1. If you would like to order a copy before June 1, The Cinema Guild will take your order over the phone: (800) 723-5522 or (212) 685-6242. dvds for home use are $59.95. vhs copies (for home use) are available for $79.95."
First, we need to define trolling. This is harder than it sounds, because everyone has their own definition of a troll, or better, their own definition of a "good troll". I am going to use multiple definitions to create a very broad ideal of the term "troll". Any post that meets ONE of the definitions below is considered a troll
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a) A message widely regarded as an annoyance
b) A message which insults the editors with no regard to merit
c) A message which flames another user for their view(s)
d) Any message which is designed to enrage the standard slashdot user
For the purposes of this post, a "good troll" is one that spawns many angry responses. There are other sides of trolling, such as crapflooding, which do not generate any responses (usually). These sorts of trolls are out of the scope of this article.
There are 6 dimensions of a good troll: annoyance, arguability, subtlety, topicality, logicality, and permeance. By NO means should a good troll use only one dimension; although some dimensions are inherently contradictory, using as many as possible will result in a good troll.
Annoyance
This is the all-star of the troll spectrum. Racial comments, page widening/lengthing, misinformation, deragatory comments, etc. all are considered an annoyance. But be careful! The common pitfall is the "annoyance" is used to frequently and too loudly. Subtlety is a necessity if you are going to use this with any sort of success (read more about this below). Here are some examples of good and bad annoyances:
Bad: You stupid fucking nigger, I'm going to kick your faggot ass if I ever see you, you shitface cocksucking animal. (This will be modded down immediately, and will probably not be responded to. This message will largely be ignored, thus limiting the troll affect).
Posting factual inaccuracies is great when combined with annoyance; the Slashdots will fall over themselves correcting your every move.
Good: Its posts like these that question the education system of America. If you were paying any attention at school, you would know that the South won the Civil War because of their views no slavery. It was Abraham Lincoln's last stand at Gettysburg that caused Slavery to go away.
Making references to your education as proof that you are right is excellent, especially when, in your troll, you make it obvious that you don't have any.
Bad: I studied this topic in great depth when writing my PhD thesis at MIT. As it turns out, the limiting factor of sorting function with completely randomized data
Good: Oh, I took a class about this at the DeVry Institute. According to the reseptionist [notice intentionally bad spelling], the integral of e^x^2 is e^x, so its got to be right!.
Arguability
Posts such as, "You fucking faggot, I'm going to kill you" has no element of arguability. You want to post a view in an inflammatory way that will incite a great argument. There is a right way, and a wrong way to doing this. Usually, if you are outright cursing at the poster or editor, its the wrong way.
Examples
Bad: You worthless piece of horseshit. Your views are wrong, jackass!
Good: This study [post link to mostly irrelevant and off-topic study] indicates there is a strong correlation between deviance and Linux users.
Drawing illogical conclusions based on incorrect statements is a great way to instate a nerd riot. Example:
Good: When ESR said that Windows is losing clientelle, he used intentionally bad grammar, which is inherent proof that his ideals are flawed.
Permeance
Question: If a troll posts a troll and no one reads it, is it still a troll? Answer: No.
A troll can only have so much longevity. I call this principle permeance. Permeance is judged by the number of people who will see and read a post, and, to a lesser extent, respond to it. Good formatting, grammar, and spelling all contribute to a post's permeance, but the real factor is content.
Most of you spend a lot of time reading at -1, presumably, so you will know that a fair amount of racist and anti-semetic comments are posted. Most Slashdot users will not see these, because they are at -1. klerck's PLP and PWP are ultimately a failure because few see them.
To maximize permeance, you have to: 1) Sound like you now what you are talking about, 2) Sound like you have a stake in your point of view (maening you care about what you think), and 3) Express it without homophobia, any sort of racism and discrimination. You will see that trolls at 1, and even 2, use this principle. You will see that trolls at 0, and -1, do not use this principle. This brings us to:
First Fundamental Theorem of Trolling: Anonymous Cowards, by definition, rarely succeed in posting a good troll...
Second Fundamental Theorem of Trolling: If an AC succeeds in a good troll, it would even be better if it were posted at 1, or 2 by default.
Subtlety
Certain posts SCREAM "This is a troll. Please ignore it." These are not successful trolls.
As a troll, your every urge is to scream, "YOU FUCKING FAGGOT. HOW CAN YOU THINK THE WAY YOU DO" to the Slashbot homos. Resist this at every cost. You need to diplomatically insult them. Its hard, I know, but it will result in success.
GOOD PHRASES
"You should know by now that
"Haven't you learned anything from [event]."
"What a stereotypical view."
"Was this post sarcastic?"
"I can't believe the level of ignorance of that point of view."
Topicality
This is a no-brainer and therefore I'm not going to spend much time discussing it. Why do you think "BSD is Dying" trolls rarely get responses when they are posted under one of Jon Katz's articles/
Logicality
Did I make that word up? Probably. But its principle is still important: use every logical fallacy that you know of when writing trolls. Jump to illogical conclusions. Misquote or misrepresent parent's posts when responding. Make references to studies, linking them to a 404 not found page. You get the idea. This one isn't hard to introduce, but its wildly successful in getting Slashcock responses
They steal medical care, housing, public education, leeching off the system without contributing a damn thing. The illegal aliens have turned whole sections of once beautiful cities into stinking open sewers of crime and filth. You can drive through some California cities and think you were in some third world stink pot. If California expelled the illegals, it could return to its former glory.
If nothing can be done to remove the illegal aliens, California is destined to become America's largest slum.
Here's one of my favorite WW2 jokes
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: He got his gas bill.
This post is dedicated to Hitler. May his ideas of anti-semitism and a brutal tolitarian regime live on.
HEIL HITLER!
Download this week's MP3 broadcast.. Be informed!
It is made of ASS and POO.