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Alan Cox Attacks the European DMCA
forged writes "The Register already reported Alan Cox's involvement against the proposed European Union Copyright Directive before. Today, Alan Cox has issued a wake up call to the Linux community amid concerns that the pending EUCD could stymie open source development.
"The directive, which was approved last year, extends European copyright legislation so that it is even more restrictive than America's controversial Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA)."" If you haven't joined the EFF (or the equivalent in your country) , now might be a good time.
I'm so pissed I don't even know what to say
First post sux0rs
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VA SUCKWARE AGAINST DMCA - fight with guns. Or some shit.
awwyea
Alan Cox. Linux developer extraordinaire. Mr. Cox is the second in command on kernel development, just under the almighty Linus himself. Recently, Mr. Cox was interviewed for a Slashdot article. Hundreds of Slashdotters submitted questions for Mr. Cox. Many pledged their undying devotion in a putrid display of blind respect. Not one question was asked concerning Mr. Cox's origins. And that's a shame. It would have been interesting to see him explain what I've been shown.
As you may know, I have a Natalie Portman poster mounted on the wall behind my computer. I often meditate on the poster as I'm writing, be it stories, Slashdot comments or program code. From time to time, the poster will hypnotize me with scientifically-proven hot young actress mind rays. Once hypnotized, I am able to receive messages from the great spirit guides of my Sioux ancestors. These spirit guides have given me much information about various Linux personalities, the most recent of which is Mr. Alan Cox. Prepare yourselves for the truth.
Alan's story begins in the snowy altitudes of the Himalayas. a group of Americans, led by the eccentric explorer Ignatius Mandrake, had decided to book an expedition to the mountain range. The group of adventurers were really interested in nothing more than snapping a few photographs to take back to their slack-jawed, wide-eyed friends. Bragging rights. Basically, they were the type of people who had to constantly prove how rich they really were because they really weren't rich.
Well, not Ignatius. He was a down-to-earth, rugged fellow. Big as a bear and twice as strong. Within the circles Ignatius travelled in, it was commonly said that he could snap Grizzly Adams like a twig with one hand while using his other hand to skin Ben alive and use its fur to wipe his ass. And so it was, Ignatius was hired to lead the team to their snowy fate.
Several days had passed as the team slowly made way to the top of the mountain. The journey had gone quite smoothly, completely without incident, with the exception of a malfunctioning Nikon F4. The group would pack up and resume their hike at the crack of dawn. Take a few breaks and then setup camp at sunset, clustering their tents together for peace of mind. Ignatius slept in a special, white, thermal sleeping bag, out in the open, several yards away from the others.
Well, the bright, orange tents were a strange sight up in the mountains and, one fateful night, they attracted a very special visitor. Ignatius slept blissfully in isolation, while the rest huddled in pairs in their tents. Nobody heard the monstrosity that was approaching from the depths of the darkness. Not that it would have mattered if they had.
Ignatius awoke to the blood-curdling screams. He watched in amusement as the giant, white ape- like creature tore every single member of the group into small pieces. He couldn't help but to chuckle as one tried to run away, only to have his legs cleanly removed before the remainder of his body was shredded into stringy wet slabs. The only thing that phased Ignatius was the unholy stench of the Yeti.
Once the last adventurer had been eviscerated, Ignatius unzipped his bag. He stood tall and proud and removed his shirt. His nipples protruded from his hairy chest as they stiffened in the cold. He massaged his left nipple as he challenged the Yeti, "come to daddy, bitch."
The ten-foot-tall Yeti roared with anger as it swiftly approached Ignatius. He put his hands on the Yeti's shoulders and eventually caused it to lose balance. The Yeti landed in the snow, with a loud thud that almost sounded like thunder as it's breath was forced from its stinging lungs. Ignatius threw himself upon the vile beast and eventually knocked it unconscious. He netted the Yeti into his sleeping-bag and headed back down the mountain.
Ignatius made a sizeable fortune off of his sale of the Yeti to a circus owner. He used his money to buy a large house-boat and retired to the South Atlantic. The Yeti's life would not be so easy.
The Yeti was subjected to intense ridicule by his fellow circus freaks, who were insanely jealous. The Yeti was not allowed near the other circus animals, due to his nasty habit of trying to eat them (and succeeding). Circus goers consistently avoided the Yeti due to his putrid stench. The Yeti was flung into a pit of despair. His only comfort was a bottle of Jim beam. Unfortunately, the Yeti's liver wasn't as adept at handling alcohol as his human cousins.
One day a new freak was inducted into the circus. An extremely foul-smelling woman who was disgustingly obese due to a gland problem. It was instant love. Two creatures who had never known the tender sweetness of true love fell into each other's arms. The following weeks were filled with romantic, moonlit walks along the beach, carefree romps through daisy-covered plains and tender moments of kissing, petting and de-fleaing.
But the damage had already been done. Bliss had found the Yeti too late and it was no more than two months before he lay on his death bed. In a final act of caring, Bertha gave herself to her love. Her last gift to her beloved.
After the Yeti died, Bertha left the circus. the memories were too painful. And she needed to provide a stable home for her beloved's final gift to her: young Alan Cox.
Unfortunately, Alan inherited the worst of both worlds: his mother's disgusting glandular problem and his father's gagging scent. This made him less than popular with his peers. Young Alan was constantly brutalized by the neighborhood boys and girls.
Of course, Alan turned to drugs, satanism and his computer for solace. He taught himself c programming and would code for days on end. Once exhausted, he would ingest LSD and prance about in farmer's crops, making circles and wild designs during his satanic rituals. He had several mystical visions during these rituals, one of which led him to the human resources department of Microsoft corporation.
Alan began to grow bored with his usual set of designs. This boredom manifested as a haunting vision in which a ghastly demon reprimanded Alan for his lack of originality by inducing chronic flatulence in him and then summoning a match to follow him around. Alan took heed of the omen and decided to try something different.
One night, Alan dropped three hits of purple microdot and stripped naked. He grabbed his equipment and set off for a lush crop down the road. He worked all night on his new design and when he was finished, he was rewarded by the demons who furnished him with a virginal sheep. That was Alan's first sexual encounter.
But his rewards did not end there. Alan's design, which was the code for a most elegant c-compiler made the front pages of computer magazines nation-wide. He was quickly scheduled for a meeting with the president of human resources, Microsoft corporation.
Alan eagerly cleaned himself up for the meeting. He removed the rancid animal tissue from his beard, matted his hair down with Crisco and bathed in a tub full of Brute-33. none of this had any real effect, but Alan felt better and he donned a freshly pressed suit.
Alan walked into the meeting and sat at a large table, surrounded by Microsoft executives, including Bill Gates himself. the Microsoftians had come up with a ceremony to celebrate the new partnership with Alan... they would release a penguin from the window and let it fly to freedom, thus symbolizing an era of grand innovation.
Steve Balmer removed the penguin from its cage and held it to Alan, "with your blessing, we shall release this penguin to its freedom, thus symbolizing a new era of innovation in the computer software industry!"
Alan looked at the penguin and suddenly had a flash of inspiration (a flashback). he took the penguin from Mr. Balmer and bit off its head. The room was aghast. Reporters captured the event on film and the news hit every major newspaper in the world.
Alan was assured he would never work in the software industry again.
The next morning, Linus Torvalds picked up the local newspaper and saw the astonishing photograph and headline. He knew immediately he had found his second in command.
Umm, like, where is this Europe people keep talking about? Is that like near Canada or something?
OK.
Read these sentences slowly as I explain the obvious point that wisked by you and your 12 IQ:
Ask yourself, "Could Alan Cox live in Europe AND work in North Carolina?"
"If he used the internet he could!"
YAY! YOU DID IT!
Your mom will be SOOO PROUD!
Shithead.
thank you to whoever modded this numb nuts back down from +3 informative
... what's that, fuckwad? on millions of desktops now?
'the way of BSD'
go give tux a bj, then bend over and let him give it to you
My karma reached 50 and all I got was this lousy post.
There is no reasonable defense against an idiot with an agenda
:wq
Not that I think the U.S. shouldn't be bashed, and in fact, I agree with lots of the international criticism of U.S. policies. But the fact of the matter is that this sort of insidiousness happens everywhere, so next time some harebrained senator tries to slide through a despicable law in America, don't just snicker and shake your heads at the stupid Americans. Start looking around for the traitors in your own government who would sell you out to the highest bidder. I guarantee you'll find one or two if you look.
I'd like to help fight this EUCD, but I'm too busy keeping my own government out of my private life. Good luck, Europe. Hope you're more successful fighting this than we Americans were with the DMCA.
Goddammit all man, for the last time his name is "Anal Cocks"!
I swear the quality of the trolls around here is going straight to hell.
Make your time! We must launch all zigs.
Fr1st Ps0t!!! HOORAY! I GOT Fr1sT Ps0T! Finally!!!
Here trollie is this close? eval "echo -e `printf "\x066\x055\x063\x06B \x055"`" The confusion is all yours prick.
The May-day riots are about to start here in London, After reading this story I feel like joining - well, you get free McDonalds (happy meal toys are subject to availability - i.e. who evers first behind the counter when the glass breaks:). Everyone says that you should just watch it on TV 'cos they get the best shots and do re-plays and commentary and stuff, but I think you just can't beat being there, with the atmosphere, smell of blood and cheap spray paint.
The best part about this new law is, that people who wouldn't normally waste their time cracking some protection system, will now devote _all_ their time just to make a point. Wow, i feel like smashing stuff "Down with the corporate pigs!!!!!!"
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
Come on, you can do better than that. First, it was an obvious joking allusion to the "*BSD is dying" troll. Second, relative to Linux, BSD is dead...look at user base, development activity, applications, any meaningful metric, and BSD trails Linux. So what I said (IIRC, "I don't want Linux to go the way of BSD") is completely based in fact and reason.
you sound like that idiot in the UK years ago who claimed there was no holocaust. stop hyping shit that isn't true
Fuck you and your neo-Nazi analogy. Read my original post, look up how many innocent people were slaughtered during the Holocaust, think for one fucking second, and then reconsider whether you really want to make that comparison.
you karma is going down because it should.
Easy to say for an AC. I'm posting this with my bonus. Plz ks my ass, thx.
Karma: Good (despite my invention of the Karma: sig)
Awesome story. I always wondered about Anal Cocks's origins.