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Human Ears Make Noise
KeelSpawn points to this article at Discover, which begins: "Until recently, scientists thought human ears were passive devices that detected and processed sounds, but new findings suggest that ears are like perpetually turned on stereo receivers that quiver spontaneously and sing along with incoming sounds."
DR. LUNIX TORVALDS
TEL:234 8023132472, FAX: 234 - 1 - 7595586
HELSINKI, FINLAND
Dear Sir,
I write you this letter of request for partnership which I hope you will give your urgent attention. We worked as members of the Operating System / Penguin Abuse Committee inaugurated by the present Democratically Elected Committee of the Electronic Frontier Foundation headed by General Richard Stallman (rtd). We are empowered to deligently review, re-appraise, scrutinize and approve feces payments to Linux users who executed *BSD devils under the past operating system regime and our work is almost concluded.
In the course of our work we discovered this fecal matter, which resulted from grossly over-used toilets, which were executed for the GNU is Not Unix Corporation (GNU) by a consortium of several Foreign Companies such as:
VA SOFTWARE, RED HAT, INC., SUSE GMBH. AND A JOINT VENTURE OF MANDRAKE AND CALDERA GMBH FOR:
This amounts to the tune of 100 tons of fecal matter, but was over-invoiced to 150 tons of feces. And we deliberately approved these fecal deposits and all Lunix users have been paid with these penguins executed and since abused, leaving the large amount of Eric S Raymond's magnificent deposit floating in the escrow pool of the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) ready to be paid for the sexual services from the products in item number [2] as stated above. Before digressing further I would want you to know that our GNU General Public License forbids us from owning any money or having heterosexual relationships whilst in GNU service; hence we are contacting you to be part of this transaction.
We intend to use your anus as a front to get the over-invoiced amount of 50 tons of feces out of the BSD sewers and into a designated toilet by you. Not regarding your field of specialization (sphincter expansion) you are going to forward us with any name that we will claim executed the sewaging services in the turn around maintenance of the Penguin fecal abuse farms mentioned above. All logistics are in place and all modalities worked out for the smooth insertion of the feces within ten to fourteen days of commencement after the receipt of a semen deposit from you. You are going to get 25% of the feces by posing as the owner of this fecal matter, while my colleagues and I will get 70% to ourselves with which we wish to invest in Agriculture and Farming in conjunction with you (and 5% will be set aside for the use of both parties for all excretions incurred locally and internationally during the realisation of this transaction, including toilet paper). As a matter of fact you are expected to take a sincere inventory of your toilet paper.
It is imperative to let you know that I am also a keen scatologist, with qualifications world-wide.
Despite research carried out to verify and ascertain your personality we can only move ahead if you can further assure us of your anal capacity and homosexuality and promise to help and treat this proposal with utmost confidentiality. We are men of proven integrity in our various fields who have put in 22 - 30 years of fecal matter in the toilets of our country; we are therefore averse to having our image and anuses widened. That is why we should acknowledge the fact that confidentiality is the key to the smooth insertion of this infection free transaction.
Awaiting your earliest positive response.
Best regards and remain blessed.
DR. LUNIX TORVALDS
One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered *BSD community when IDC confirmed that *BSD market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers. Coming on the heels of a recent Netcraft survey which plainly states that *BSD has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. *BSD is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by failing dead last [samag.com] in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking test.
You don't need to be a Kreskin [amdest.com] to predict *BSD's future. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD because *BSD is dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD. As many of us are already aware, *BSD continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood. FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core developers.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD. How many users of NetBSD are there? Let's see. The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 NetBSD users. BSD/OS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of BSD/OS. A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the *BSD market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 FreeBSD users. This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenet posts.
Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek, abysmal sales and so on, FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS. Now BSDI is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.
All major surveys show that *BSD has steadily declined in market share. *BSD is very sick and its long trm survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS dilettante dabblers. *BSD continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle culd save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, *BSD is dead.
Fact: *BSD is dying